Disclaimer: Twilight is (still) not mine.

AN: I'm baaack! So, I hope you all had an excellent weekend. :D I had a pretty great time at my cottage, even though it wasn't the best weather, it was nice to see the family. :) And thanks to everyone who wished me a good time at the cottage. :) And, thanks to all of my reviewers!!! I now have over a hundred reviews, all thanks to you guys!! :D You're fantastic, that's all I can say. Oh, wait, I can also say this: Here's chapter thirteen!! Read on!


So it was true. She did. The half-fearful hopes that had been simmering in the back of my mind for days had been proved right. And I was ecstatic.

For a moment, I forgot everything that I'd known before - how this could never work, obviously - and was lost in a dizzy spin of fantasies. For a moment, completely blocking out my rational mind, I envisioned a future where I would stay in the earth, and I could still be with Bella, of course she wouldn't mind that I was a ghost.

My 1918 double was, surprisingly, not as blown away as I was. It made sense, really, if I looked at it clinically. I'd been a bit more cocky then, and also had no reason, like I did now, to think that she wouldn't love me. So when it was confirmed, I was happy, certainly, but not terribly surprised.

I, however, was still blown away. How could she ever have fallen in love with someone like me? And then the horrible reality came crashing down on me. She didn't love me. She loved him. It made sense. We weren't the same person, not really, and he, uncomplicated, cheerful, and human, was the one she loved.

A moment ago, before I'd realized this, and after she'd made her confession, I would have thrilled at the fact that he was leaning in again, because this time I would be able to savour it, knowing it was real, she loved us. But now, I tried to push the image out of my mind, because it wasn't me, wasn't me she loved. It was him. Not me, him.

I tried to push the image away, but was startled when it actually worked, fading rapidly from my view, until it was gone altogether, and I couldn't get it back.

But I didn't have long to puzzle over this, because right then I realized exactly what happens when a spirit is set free. All my death, I'd felt trapped, like I was in a giant room, with no way to get out. I had imagined that, when it happened, when I was set free, it would be as if a door would appear, and I would finally be able to pass through.

The reality wasn't like that at all. It was as if giant walls had disappeared, but they hadn't only been containing me, they had been keeping at bay a powerful force, a vacuum, almost, powerfully pulling at me, each second that I stayed on earth a colossal effort.

And I would have to keep fighting for a moment, because just then I heard a thud in the room at the end of the hall, signifying that Bella was back. And even though she didn't love me, she still deserved an apology, and a word of thanks, for, even though I might not want to go, she had given me my freedom.


As soon as I appeared in Bella's room, it was clear I was just about the last thing she'd been expecting to see. However, I didn't have time right then to answer the question of why?, because, as soon as she saw me, she started - of all things - apologizing.

"Edward, I'm so sorry, I-" She was sorry? I have to admit, I was a little bit angry, and I hoped it didn't frighten her. What had I done to this girl to make her think that she still had something to be sorry for?

I asked her. "What could you possibly have to be sorry for, Bella?"

She seemed puzzled by my question, as if the answer should have been obvious. "I -I messed up, Edward, again! I know you gave up on me, but I still wanted to help you, and I got a chance, and I screwed it up, and I'm so sorry, and I promise next time I'll be better and please, just give me another chance." She actually believed that this was her fault? Still? That I was ignoring her because I thought she'd screwed up? I still didn't get her logic, but I couldn't doubt the fact that she actually believed what she was saying, because of the moisture in her eyes, dangerously close to spilling over. There were many things that Bella was good at, but acting wasn't really one of them.

"I don't. . . understand, Isabella. Another chance at what? What do you have to be sorry for? You did nothing wrong. You did everything right." And she had. Perfectly. So perfectly, she'd foiled my careful plans, and this would be the last time she saw me.

"Another chance at saving you!!" she exclaimed, as if this should be very, very obvious. "At getting you to war, away from Chicago! At helping you!" So she was still onto that. Then. . . had she thought that, by falling in love with him, she was ruining her chances of going to war? It made sense, I guessed. But I'd told her, that wasn't the right plan!

"I told you, Bella, that's not right. We got it wrong. The plan was wrong. That wasn't what I needed."

Suddenly, it was her turn to be angry, although why, I couldn't fathom. "Edward, I know what you said. But I also know you were lying!! You only said that because I was screwing up so much, and you wanted to be rid of me!" That was how she had construed my earlier words? How could she ever think that I wanted to be rid of her?

If she hadn't realized this yet, though, that getting rid of her was the last thing I wanted, that it was in fact, the opposite, I didn't want to alert her to it. It would surely only cost her unnecessary grief. No doubt her habit of blaming everything upon herself would make her believe that she was somehow to be blamed for my unrequited love, or something else equally ridiculous. So I simply answered, "No."

"No what?" she shot back, still somewhat on the defensive. "No, you weren't lying?"

"No, I didn't say that because you were screwing up. You were doing beautifully, Bella." this, at least, was completely true. She had been doing wonderfully, even if we were operating with the wrong idea. "But we did get the plan wrong."

"We did? But we were so sure . . . that you were supposed to survive!" she protested.

I shook my head, and then turned to look out the window. I was afraid that if I looked at her face any longer, I wouldn't be able to keep the confession from bubbling out of me. I answered her question. "But I wasn't. I'm still supposed to die, still am going to die in. . ." I shot a glance at the calendar on her wall to confirm the timing. It was the second last week of August now, " little over a month. But there was something that I was supposed to do before I died."

"Then let me help you do it!" she insisted.

How eager she was, how enthusiastic and willing to help. This would be one of the things I would miss most. "Don't you see, Bella? You already have."

"What? No, I haven't done anything!"

"You have." I assured her. How could she still not understand? "Think. You heard what it was less than an hour ago." Her expression showed no flash of comprehension, so I was forced to continue. "Before I met you, I never knew anyone who I cared for in a different way than my mother and father. Never even really someone unrelated to me whom I cared for in a platonic sense. And, even though I loved my parents, there were things I was willing to give them up for. I never had anyone I wouldn't give up for those things. Never, Isabella, did I ever experience love. Not even for a day, a week. And then I met you. That's what I was missing, why I couldn't cross over. I had never found love, in any way. But you helped me find it. And now, I can leave."

Her eyes widened, her face registering only shock. "You can leave?" She repeated, as if the words seemed foreign to her.

"Yes. I knew it the minute you told me. I just thought I should come back and say goodbye, explain things. Goodbye, Isabella. And, from the bottom of my heart, thank you." I had done it, had made it through that whole conversation without letting on that it wasn't just him, Edward, it was me too.

I finally stopped fighting, allowing the unbeatable force that had been pulling at me the entire time to take me. To my surprise, though, it didn't happen all at once, it was a gradual drifting, and erasing from this earth. And, as I slowly faded from the place that, in the past weeks, I had realized I didn't want to leave, I spoke the words I'd been so wanting to say. Surely, I was too far gone for her to hear my whispered "I love you.", but it was probably better that way.


AN: Well, there you go. Just for a change, we get some Edward being really angsty. Oh wait, what? That's not a change, you say? That's actually been what it was for the past, like, four chapters? Sorry. :) It changes soon, I promise. I'm working on fourteen right now, and I must say, I quite like that one, and I hope you guys will too. :D So now, you know what to do: Rrrrrrrrrrrreview! :D

Thanks for reading! (and reviewing, hint, hint)

-SkySong