Chapter 15: Family Funerals...
A/N: Trigger warnings about death and grief. If you feel this would affect you badly, I would advise you to skip to Chapter 17 (if it's up).
October, 2031:
It was a sombre day in the Institute. Over the last few weeks, the families had been dealing with a truth none of them wanted. Jordan, who was only the second youngest of the inhabitants, had been killed. Everyone was dealing with the death slightly differently. Izzy was clinging onto objects that reminded her of her lost son; Simon desperately tried to console his wife, and could often be found staring off into the distance, in shock; Cecily threw herself into her training, using her grief and anger to fuel her aggression. The most affected by the death, however, seemed to be Will. He blamed himself for Jordan's death, despite the repeated assurances of his family. As such, he became more reclusive, closing himself off in his room for hours on end. Clary and Jace barely saw their son for the weeks after Jordan's death, and when they did, Will was a shell of himself: his eyes, which had been bright and hopeful, were bloodshot from tears and restless nights and dull, as if the teenage Herondale's spirit had been sucked out of him. He always wore a gaunt expression and was permanently looking at the ground. To say that the other inhabitants of the Institute were worried would be an understatement. When anyone had tried to get through to him, Will had been introverted and shut off. In his mind, Jordan's death was his fault and the grief is his punishment, so he should have no help in dealing with it.
That day in October, most of the Institute's inhabitants were standing in the entrance hall, dressed in their funeral whites. Charlie and Cecily had been able to coax Will out of his room for the funeral, and the trio was standing with Clary and Jace. Cecily was holding Will's hand, both to support him, as well as so she could deal with her own grief, at least slightly. They were waiting on the carriages that would take them to the Silent City, as well as the two Lovelace parents who hadn't emerged yet. Surprisingly, it was Simon who was holding the time up, as he seemed to be in this state of denial over what happened. As the carriage's arrival time approached, Clary headed up the stairs to help Izzy get Simon downstairs. Clary's assistance seemed to be the needed catalyst as the three adults came down the stairs into the entrance hall, just as the carriages from the Silent City rolled up to the Institute's entrance. The Shadowhunters all entered the carriages which then drove to the Silent City. The Shadowhunters were silent for the whole trip. They reached the Silent City and entered. Will was struck by a memory from what felt like a lifetime ago, when he and Jordan became parabatai.
May, 2028:
Will and Jordan were standing inside the Silent City. They were both incredibly nervous, as today was the day of their parabatai ceremony. It had taken a while for Will to get Jordan to agree. He had been trying to persuade the younger Lovelace from when Jordan had gotten his first rune. Of course, the two were best friends and were definitely suitable to be each other's parabatai. Jordan's hesitation was more due to the ceremony, with the whole 'engulfed in fire' thing. Will finally convinced Jordan with Simon's help. Simon told his son about his own ascension. This, alongside a remark from Jace about how the fire in the ceremony was the same fire that ran through every Shadowhunter's veins, finally convinced Jordan to agree to become Will's parabatai. So, that was how they found themselves surrounded by the Silent Brothers, preparing for the ceremony that would bind them for the rest of their lives. Both Will's and Jordan's parents and sisters were alongside the two boys, there to support them and watch the ceremony. When the two sons were called forwards, they shared a quick hug with their parents before stepping forwards into the circles of flame for the ceremony. Both Jordan and Will recited their oaths, and drew the runes. Before either of them completely realised it, the two boys were bound as parabatai. On the way back to the Institute, Jordan and Will discussed what they would get up to as parabatai. However, it didn't work as expected, with Will falling ill within the week. Of course, this was passed onto Jordan who never left his parabatai's side.
October, 2031:
After this memory had flashed through Will's head, he realised that he was lagging slightly behind the rest of the group, and quickly caught up. They entered the room where the funeral was being held. The funeral pyre was set up, and Jordan's body lay beside it. The eyes were wrapped in white silk, as was Shadowhunter custom. Maryse and Robert were already in the room, as was Alec. When the Shadowhunters from the Institute entered, the other Lightwoods immediately stepped forwards. Alec hugged Izzy comfortingly, as did Maryse and Robert. The Lightwoods didn't often show emotion towards each other, but they all knew what the death of a child did to the family members. Meanwhile, seeing her brother's dead body caused Cecily to tear up. She gripped Will's hand tighter, and the Herondale turned to the Lovelace. Realising what was happening inside Cecily's head, Will put a comforting arm around Cecily's waist. Cecily leant her head on the Herondale's shoulder, trying to hide her face so she could cry. In addition to the original show of emotion, which had been the most 'Will' Will had been for weeks, Will spoke the first words that any other Shadowhunter had heard him say since Jordan's death.
"I'm so sorry." Will whispered to Cecily; The Lovelace shook her head, and looked up at the Herondale.
"Will, you need to stop blaming yourself." Cecily remarked. "It is not your fault. I need you to be yourself again. We've all lost Jordan, we don't want to lose you too."
"It's not about Jordan;" Will assured Cecily. "I know I've been distant for the last few weeks, and I wanted to say sorry for that. I just didn't want you guys to see me like⦠like this."
Cecily looked at the Herondale, trying to be brave for her boyfriend.
"You don't have to be afraid around me." Cecily assured the Herondale, who was able to muster a smile. "I will love you, no matter what."
The two stayed together, comforting each other. On one of the Silent Brother's instruction, Simon stepped forwards. It was customary for the family of the dead to say a few words before the body was burnt. As Izzy was currently being comforted by Maryse, Simon decided to speak first.
"My son was definitely a character." Simon started. "He always loved his family, more so than anybody humanly could. He inspired trust in his friends, and made sure that it was deserved, such as when he saved his friends from a horde of demons."
Simon then retold a story from a few weeks after Jordan had received his first rune.
October, 2026:
It was a brisk day in New York. Will, Cecily, and Charlie were all on patrol. However, Jordan was told to stay in the Institute, due to some adverse side effects of his new runes. Charlie was on patrol, learning the basics, before she got her runes. The trio on patrol were near Times Square when they noticed something out of the ordinary. Charlie spotted a few demons slither into an alleyway off the square. The three Shadowhunters jumped into the square and ran over to the alleyway. However, as soon as the three entered the alleyway, they realised that the problem was far greater than one or two demons. There was a whole horde in the alleyway, and the three children were quickly cornered. Cecily and Will stood in front of Charlie, protecting the younger girl from the demons. As they fought off the demons, their enemies seemed to grow in number. Eventually, Will and Cecily were tired out and a demon loomed over the trio of Shadowhunters. However, just as it was about to kill its prey, it burst into ash.
Standing where the demon had once been was Jordan, looking sickly but full of rage. As soon as he had swung the blade and killed the demon, Jordan dropped the blade and nearly collapsed himself. If it weren't for his sister catching him, he would have fallen to the ground. He had used up his lessened energy due to the side effects to save the three other children.
October, 2031:
"My son was always looking out for his friends. He was a son, a brother, and a fantastic Shadowhunter." Simon concluded his eulogy. "Pulvis et umbra sumus."
There was a murmured repeat of 'pulvis et umbra sumus' from around the room.
Is there anybody else who would like to say something? One of the Silent Brothers asked the congregation of mourners. Will took a deep breath and stepped forwards.
"May I say something?" Will asked, directing it towards the Lovelace parents. Simon nodded and smiled appreciatively.
"Of course you can, Will." Simon assured the Herondale. "Jordan saw you as a brother, after all."
Will nodded in thanks, and stepped forwards, turning to face the other Shadowhunters. He took a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket.
"Jordan was my parabatai for three years." Will started. "However, we've known each other, well, since before I can remember. I'd like to think that we were brothers, long before we were parabatai. I always stood up for Jordan, and he always did the same for me. No matter when or why one of us needed the other, we always tried to be there for each other. Of course, as you guys know, I wasn't particularly good when it came to the training assessments."
April, 2020:
It was the early evening in New York, when there were four letters delivered. A Clave representative had visited a few weeks previously to administer an assessment for the two Herondale children and two Lovelace children. The letters contained a notice from the Clave on whether the children had passed or failed the training assessment. All the children opened the envelopes simultaneously and read their results. Whilst Jordan, Cecily, and Charlie were elated when they read their results, Will quickly exited the lounge. The rest of the Shadowhunters heard him climb the stairs, and his door closed loudly. The Herondale parents shared an understanding glance: Will didn't deal with failure or rejection well. However, whilst they were silently contemplating what to do, Jordan had made a decision and headed up the stairs. When he came to Will's bedroom door, he tried to open it. However, there was a weight against it. Jordan knocked.
"Go away!" Will ordered from the other side of the door.
"It's Jordan, not your parents, or sister." Jordan stated. "I just want to talk. If you don't want to be seen, then I'll stand out here."
There was no sound from inside the room. Jordan sat and leant against the door.
"You know, these training assessments don't make you any less of a Shadowhunter." Jordan told Will through the door. "A failure just means you need to do a few extra classes. Plus, you were sick during the assessment, so you weren't your usual self."
Jordan began to hear movement inside Will's bedroom.
"I'm tired of failing though." Will confessed, though he hadn't opened the door yet.
"Well, failure is a part of life, as my dad says. You are a fantastic Shadowhunter, Will. Sure, you might not pass all your tests, but that doesn't mean you're any worse as a Shadowhunter." Jordan assured his best friend. "That will show when the time comes."
This finally caused Will to open the door. His cheeks were stained with some tears. Jordan offered a comforting hug to the Herondale, who kindly accepted it.
October, 2031:
"Jordan was there for me, for Charlie, and for Cecily," Will eulogised. "through every success and every failure. He showed all of us what it meant to be a Shadowhunter, and who we should all aspire to be. Ave atque Vale, Jordan Lovelace, Hail and Farewell. Pulvis et umbra Sumus."
Once again, the assembled mourners repeated the Latin saying. After Will's eulogy, he stepped back to Cecily and tightly clasped her hand once again. When Cecily looked at Will, the Herondale's eyes were glistening with tears. There was nobody else present who wanted to say a few words, mostly due to the emotions that made them speechless. Jordan's corpse was moved to the pyre. As the pyre was lit, Cecily, who had been keeping a brave face the entire day for her parents and for Will, finally lost control of all her bottled-up emotions and began to sob. Hearing this, Will hugged her into his chest, so she could have some privacy, and so that she didn't have to look at the scene in front of them. Internally, Cecily was thankful and she clung onto Will, afraid that she might lose him as well in an instant.
Later, the families walked back to the Institute. As soon as they entered, Izzy ran to her and Simon's shared bedroom, with her husband following to console her. Will was struck by a quote from 'Brushstrokes of a Gadfly', a book he had 'borrowed' from Jocelyn and Luke: 'grief is the price we pay for love'. It was a few hours later that the Institute received a phone call. Clary answered the phone, as the Lovelace parents were elsewhere, along with Jace, who was insisting on helping to console his sister. Maryse and Robert had to attend other matters, whilst Magnus and Alec had received a call from Max, about some other issue.
"Hello?" Clary greeted the person who was phoning.
"Clary!" Jocelyn replied. Clary's mum sounded worried, so this made Clary's own worry spike.
"What's happened?" Clary asked, ready to deal with whatever problem had Jocelyn so worried
"It's Amatis. She's gone." Jocelyn sounded on the edge of tears. In the background, Clary could hear Luke shouting, probably on the phone to Maia or another pack member.
"Gone? What do you mean, gone?" Clary queried.
"She didn't come down for dinner, so I went to check and her window was open and she was gone." Jocelyn explained to her daughter. "Clary, she left a note."
The tone of Jocelyn's voice, as well as the context caused Clary to shudder.
"I'll get everyone here to help find her." Clary assured her mum before hanging up. They had to find Amatis, and quickly, before she did something drastic.
A/N: Please remember to review. Also, a lot of this chapter was based off my personal experiences with grief. When I was 11, my best friend died (from illness, not murder). Ever since, I've been dealing with grief and even depression, and I've exhibited all the different behaviours that the characters showed (Shock, anger, depression, etc.) Now, this chapter was pretty dark, and the next is going to be on darker themes as well, so if suicide affects you, I'd advise you to skip the next chapter when it's up. There won't be too much in the plot development department, don't worry. I just felt I needed to get these words on a page and to represent my emotions somehow. Thankfully, the chapter after the next (Chapter 17) will be lighter and happier, I promise. As always,
Keep on Reading
-ToAC
