Chapter 49. Poetry

It's like poetry— it rhymes.

George Lucas

For a suspended moment, I forgot all about the righteous anger. I forgot about the deep wound his lack of faith in me had lacerated. I just remembered the sweet "I love you"s he'd breathed into my ear the last time I'd seen him. How wonderful his body had felt under my hands. How beautiful he'd looked when I left, his sleeping form draped across the bed. I found that men didn't traditionally like being called beautiful… but he was. He absolutely was.

Right now, that beauty was vengeful. Anakin was sulking in the shadows, his arms crossed over his chest like barriers closing off access to his heart. My euphoria at seeing him again dropped into resentment as he continued to glare at me.

There seemed to be dark pits under his eyes. "You look like you haven't slept much."

His smile was a perverse displacement of his lips. "Not as much as you."

I rushed to mend the hurt his comment caused, encouraging my central organ to pump on. "So, you've come to hurl unfounded insinuations at me?"

He shrugged, finally stepping into the light. But even as he came closer, he watched me with guarded eyes. They flickered between fiery accusation and dire vulnerability. His need to hurt warred with the need to heal. We stared at one another for an anchored moment. In hindsight, maybe it was our hearts trying to build bridges to each other through our eyes before our stubborn mouths blew them apart.

"Obi-Wan hasn't returned yet. Technically, by order of the Council, I'm still your dashing protector. This is where I was told to go."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. "So, you've come because you have to, not because you want to." I said it as a statement, but I hoped at least my eyes would communicate it was an open-ended one. I wanted so badly for him to tell me I was wrong.

His face was unreadable, his voice monotone. "Sometimes we must let go of our pride, and do what is requested of us."

So much had happened since Anakin first said those words to me. His maturity at the time had inspired a new level appreciation of him. Life-changing weeks had passed since then, weeks I'd been sure had enlightened us to how we are a perfectly matched pair. Yet Anakin looked at me now in a way he never had before, not even when I'd first met him in Watto's shop. Like I was a stranger.

No. Worse.

Like a traitor.

I fought to keep my voice steady in order to maintain the ruse that he wasn't getting to me. My pride was hurt, and in that moment, it was a dominating wall holding back the outpouring of love my heart wanted to declare. "You make your assignment sound like an incarceration."

He pulled back his hood with both hands. As he completed the move, I saw a flash of golden metal where his right fingers would've been. I was about to inquire as to his new prosthetic when he bit out, "Don't worry, you'll barely notice I'm around. Should be easier that way when Jurue drops by for a visit."

I inhaled a strained breath from behind clenched teeth. "I'm surprised you'd ever let him get past the lobby without cutting him down with your saber."

"Well." Another fake shrug of casualness. "It appears spending time with me first gets you excited to see him, so I'd say we're just following tradition."

"That's enough, Anakin." I rose to my feet, sliding them into my dainty slippers like I was putting on combat boots. "Come on. Let's go." I made my way towards the stairs leading back into the bulk of the apartment. He was standing in my path, and it was not accidental when I brushed my shoulder against his arm when I passed.

"Where are you going?" He sounded thrown by my sudden rise and departure, and not a little annoyed. Good. Dark, brooding Anakin was unnerving. Annoyed Anakin I had plenty of practice with.

"Not me. Us." I glanced at him over my shoulder as I continued forward. If he wanted to play callbacks, I could too. "If you plan to protect me, you'll just have to come along."

He wasn't stealthy this time as we retraced our steps from that very first night, when I'd led him from the veranda, through my bedroom, and into the receiving room. Instead of following behind me in innocent quiet, Anakin stomped his way, the heels of his boots making contact with the floor as loudly as I presumed he could make them— thumping his petulance with every step across the carpets.

But I could almost sense him become more questioning, his footfalls much softer, as I navigated us past the yellow couches and into the turbolift lobby. I nodded to the guard who stood lazily in his post. He came to attention suddenly when he saw us approaching, dipping his chin respectfully at me. Whatever look Anakin must've given him must have been quite a sight, because the poor young guard's face froze in trepidation when he stared over my shoulder at the man behind me.

As I pressed the button to summon the elevator, I heard Anakin deliver a warning to the guard in a low rumble. "How about trying to keep your eyes open when safeguarding the Senator, hmm?"

Luckily for all parties, the turbolift dinged with its arrival and I moved quickly into it. Anakin lingered just a moment in front of the sentry before following in. As he did so, he stood right next to me as if the nearness was instinctive. I'm not sure he even realized the closeness. He was still fixing the guard with a menacing stare. As much as a thrill shot through my body at the blatant signs that I still mattered a great deal to him despite his hostility towards me, it wasn't right that his anger at me was currently getting released on the guiltless guard. I was about to admonish Anakin, but the doors in front of us were already starting to close. And then I forgot all about the guard.

The quiet became loaded once the doors shut. Our elevator, which felt cramped carrying the two of us with Obi-Wan, Captain Typho, Dormé, and Artoo just a short time ago, now felt like a tight, unmasking box of no comparison. Both of us stood facing forward, side-by-side in the container. From both his proximity and the silence, I could intimately hear Anakin's breathing— the first time since lying on his bed beside him. Vivid flashbacks invaded my mind. They mixed present reality with highways to sensual memory. Eavesdropping on his every exhale, I could in turn practically feel his heated panting tickling my ear— as we'd consumed each other on the stateroom table, and again two days ago when he'd moved against me on his mattress. My knees went weak; my back went rod straight to compensate. I stared directly ahead of me, not seeing the gray doors just an arm's stretch away. I didn't realize my lips had parted until I heard an unstable breath trespass through their aperture. My heartbeat accelerated, and all my senses were attuned to every centimeter of movement he made in my periphery. I clenched my fists to keep them from reaching out to him.

His haggard voice broke the silence. "Where to, Senator? Or did your big march off only take you as far as the elevator?"

Now, the warmth of embarrassment rose in my cheeks. We were still on my floor. I jabbed an arm forward and hit the button for the community hangar bay. This selection definitely got Anakin's attention, and from the corner of my eye I could see him look at me quizzically, but he remained mute.

Inwardly, I smiled to myself in satisfaction. I'd heard it in his voice. The electric privacy of our turbolift wasn't just getting to me.

We rode in silence. I let out another breath when the doors reopened. Then cold Coruscant air— industrial, yet stimulating— flooded my nostrils. The far wall of the garage was wide and open, and the incoming wind greeted our skin like it had been waiting for us.

Anakin extended a hand in front of him, indicating I should proceed first. Either his gentlemanly manners were resurfacing, or he still didn't quite know where we were going. Perhaps it was both. With this action, regardless, gold fingers were on clear display.

I stepped out of the lift with a little more outward command that I felt. I'd been more or less improvising up to this point. Then a wild idea— an Anakin-style idea— came to me, and I led us into the center of the hangar to no one speeder in particular. We were surrounded by long rows of vehicles on all sides. Content with the breadth of choices, I turned without notice and faced the tall figure behind me. As if anticipating my move, he came to a swift stop. He was still watching me warily, but a twinge of excitement had infiltrated his eyes. You can't put Anakin Skywalker in a room full of fast-moving objects— all of which he'd be more than capable of operating— and still expect him to sulk.

My lips twitched as I fought a smile. I still wanted to look composed, but the increasing interest on his face and my lone knowledge of what was coming was making it hard. "Choose one."

He frowned at me, not understanding. "What?"

"I want to get out for a while. Go someplace where we can talk. Surely you can take us somewhere private? Somewhere we can discuss things freely, without others watching or listening in?"

His eyes searched mine for clues. I could only imagine what was going through his mind.

At best, he hoped I was about to reconfirm everything he'd wanted to hear from me for ten long years.

At worst, I wanted to break his heart away from the all-seeing security cameras.

"I know a place we can go," he answered at last, hesitantly. "But you said pick one. Pick one of yours?" He looked around us at the many speeders. He, too, was obviously trying to give off a cool demeanor, but his eyes were dancing too much to sell it. "How many speeders do you have? And which ones are they?"

I squished the last outcry of protest my prim and proper, law-abiding self mustered up before I spoke. "None of these are mine. They all belong to other residents of the building. But you could disengage the security mechanisms of one if you chose to, correct?"

His eyes went wide. The Jedi Masters would've been proud— he had the gall to look defensive on their behalf. "They don't teach us that in Jedi Academy."

I knew full well which era of his life he would've learned this skill in, if he had it. "I didn't ask where you learned it. I asked if you could do it."

Anakin dropped the pious schoolboy act. Smiling devilishly, he tilted his head to the left of us. Of course, he'd had his prime choice selected the second we'd walked off the turbolift. "Follow me."

He led us directly to an open cockpit airspeeder. Its design was long but sleek, with stylish curves. No doubt its aerodynamics were seamless. The dark seats were a rare leather, the bright yellow color custom, and the whole thing just screamed expensive.

"Do you like it?"

I looked up from my examination to find Anakin watching me. If he thought he was forcing a call on my bluff with this top-tier pick, he was wrong. For one night, Senator Amidala was turning a blind eye to criminal theft.

I swept my eyes over his choice one more time then looked back at him nonchalantly. "It's pretty."

My boring description of what was surely a formidable airspeeder was met with a sigh. He rolled his eyes as he walked to my side of it, but I saw a rebellious corner of his lips twitching upwards.

He gripped the handle on the door and swung it wide for me. "Get in."

I wordlessly did as I was told. Once I had the hem of my dress safely inside, Anakin closed the door and strolled smoothly in front of the vehicle. Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he rounded its exposed black engines and calmly opened his driver's door. His efforts to be sulky and angry were losing miserably as he settled in behind the steering bars. He wasn't smiling, but those blue pools shone with betraying excitement.

There was no sense of hesitancy or unfamiliarity when his hand went straight to a specific switch on the controls. But whatever Anakin had expected to happen next hit a snag. He licked his lips and frowned, eyes leaving mine to glare at the ignition like it had offended him. He flipped the toggle up and down multiple times, but nothing happened.

"Is something wrong?"

A pink blush sneaked into his cheeks. "This is the speeder I borrowed to catch up to Obi-Wan. It seems its owner has toughened up the security system since then."

"Is it going to be a problem?"

He shook his head. "Not at all."

Fingers— human and artificial— started digging into a gap tucked underneath the steering extension. His over-the-top cockiness should've been annoying, especially given our greater situation, but the wild charm of it affected me like it always did. I was still trying to act like I wasn't maddeningly happy to be in his company, but my rounding cheeks were putting up a fight. This was my reality. At the end of the day, I would rather be in a stubborn standoff with Anakin than be docilely romanced by any other.

Just to rile him, I shamelessly sighed and started looking around at other speeders in the row— as if already searching for a backup for us to abort to. "That green one looks easy enough to hack." Ani's fingers began to move more urgently. "I believe this one belongs to Senator Greyshade. It's one of his most prized possessions."

Anakin suddenly paused all maneuvers and fixed me with a toothy grin. A second later, the turbofan engines hummed to life and the exterior and interior lights came on. "Lucky for him, Jedi can't keep possessions."

I lost whatever breath I'd had in my lungs after witnessing his smile when he suddenly gunned the vehicle backwards, revving it out of its parking spot and high above the center runway of the garage. At the first split-second of this I reflexively tensed into a steel board, my nails gripping into the leather armrests. When he abruptly halted the speedy reverse, my head rebounded flush against the cushion behind it.

"Anakin!"

I looked at him with shrieking eyes, my mouth agape.

"Sorry, milady." He flashed another smile. "Old habit."

As he focused forwards and flew us towards the garage's exit at a slow speed, I subtly tried to examine his face. My first instinct had been to assume his "old habit" was his podracer ways of driving. Yet a part of me wondered if— hoped— he was referring to his prank on the way to the meadow when I'd been on his back.


"Careful there," Ani chuckled, for in my sudden repositioning, I'd accidentally tugged on his Padawan braid and tilted his head a little forcibly to the right. "Ah, can't forget that," he announced, in all the warning he gave me before he abruptly bent over at the waist to retrieve the lunch box. I loudly shrieked again, gleefully, as my now horizontal bodyweight suddenly pressed me head-down with his lurch forward.

"Ani!"

From the context clues of his extended muscles, I felt more than saw the master of play stretch out a hand to grab the thin metal bar on the top of the container. "There we go!" Once he'd reacquired our food, the hand holding it went back to support my right leg. I registered the skinny bar of the box in between my thigh and Anakin's fingers, but only for a moment. Then I was sailing through the air as my starship stood vertical again.

"Warn me next time you do that," I gasped, but the happiness in my voice was plain.


Pitifully hopeful it had been such a callback, I gazed at him and pointedly whispered, "Warn me next time you do that."

His head turned to meet my questioning stare. A softness grew in his expression I'd not seen since his stateroom. My hand relaxed its clamp on the leather only to beg me to allow it to touch his face. But I was too frozen in anticipation to lift it. Anakin looked like he was burning to say something. I watched his struggle play out. Ultimately, his lips pressed together, holding the emotion in his eyes back from vocalizing itself.

Coruscant's streaming hive swarmed above, beside, and below as we emerged from the hangar. Aerial freeways coasted through skyscrapers that emitted a universal theme of green, gray, and blue lights. Underneath us would be rivers of orange illumination shining brightly from the lower levels. I didn't have to see the cityscape to know what it looked like. I was still watching Anakin's face for further signs of crumbling walls. And so, I saw as the driver dutifully tore his eyes away from mine to safely return them to the route ahead. Which means I witnessed as tension quickly replaced the softness in his facial muscles. I finally shifted my gaze to see what had upset him.

I'd been right about the billboards alongside traffic lanes. Whatever levity we'd managed to foster evaporated at the first enlarged tabloid holographic, positioned not more than fifty meters beyond my building. I averted my eyes as we flew by the image of a beaming me and Jurue embracing. It was set underneath the flashing caption "SEN. AMIDALA WELCOMING TWINS WITH MYSTERY MAN".

Layered animosity returned as the blazing photo reappeared at least once every three minutes. With every pass, Anakin's stranglehold on the steering bars tightened, and I sunk deeper and deeper into my seat.

As physically comfortable around Anakin as I'd grown to habitually be, there was an instinctual sense of posture ever in my bearing. Years in corsets and regal attire meant a gracefully straight back was my de facto carriage. But now I hunched inwards as much out of cringe at the tabloid banners as I did in a futile attempt to harbor warmth. The chill wind had been inconvenient back in the garage, but out in the open air, my thin, short-sleeved dress did little to preserve my body heat. My hands were clasped together, palm warming palm, until I crossed them up to rub my arms. My knees bounced as my leg muscles utilized tiny action to help my blood flow.

The windshield helped, but I still had to mostly accept that my loose curls were going to be my bane during the ride. I was staring out over the glass when I noticed Anakin begin to shift strangely in his seat next to me. When I examined his profile, he was scowling, and I painfully thought it was due to yet another disgraceful billboard. But then he shot a look at me, and his eyes actually seemed to dispel some of their aggravation, not increase it.

"Take the controls."

I balked at him. "What?"

He patted the nearest lever with his gold hand. The bar was attached to the end of a long, yellow steering arm that protruded from the front of the cockpit's base.

"Put your hand here and hold it steady."

Alarm rose. "Is there something wrong with your prosthetic?"

He met my concern with a casual sigh. "Just do it."

I leaned across the center console, reaching out with my left hand towards his right. I only touched the amber metal for a fraction of a second before he unleashed his grip on the bar and jerked the appendage away. It had been just long enough for me to feel the frigidness of the alloy. I'd never thought of Anakin any differently for having a prosthetic limb and still didn't, but it was jarring all the same to associate such coldness with a man I otherwise considered a son of suns.

My hand encircled the bar in a secure hold. After this, his left hand let go of the steering completely. I alternated between watching the traffic around us and watching him. He brought in one heel on the floor mat and pushed on its foot with his weight, angling himself up off the bottom of the seat. I didn't understand what he was doing until he dropped his arms behind him and had pulled them free of his long sleeves. With a taunt tug, he removed the thick robe completely free of his thighs and sat back down with a short exhale of air. The cloak dropped into a heap on the console, some of its fabric covering my stretched elbow. Anakin then nodded at me, giving the cue he was ready to take the lever back, and I let go just as he took them both into his grip.

I had a pretty good idea of what his ambition here was, but I still waited until he eyed me pointedly, waited a beat himself, and then picked up the robe in his right hand. He deposited it into my lap but didn't stop there. With expert control, he steered the airspeeder straight even as he surprised me by shaking his Jedi cloak loose and fitting it over my thighs and legs like a snug blanket.

When he settled back into his seat and leisurely grabbed hold of both levers again, he simply muttered, "There."

I sat still, processing what had just happened. The tension in the air hadn't disappeared, but it had to clumsily fuse with the ridiculous giddiness I immediately experienced from his action. Warmth— not just from the new barrier to the cold, but from Anakin's own residual body heat— enveloped my legs and feet. Greedy for his smell as much as for more cover, I brought the top half of his robe up to my neck and dug my arms into the long sleeves. The hood of it spilled down my chest as an extra layer; the brown fabric encased me from chin to toe.

My voice was quiet but earnest. "Thank you."

He shrugged like his generosity and my gratitude of it meant nothing. But then he inadvertently committed treason against his dismissive behavior as he ran a flesh hand down his mouth and chin. He plopped his elbow on the rim of the speeder's door and leaned into its support. "It's nothing. I was getting warm anyways."

The one-time boy who'd complained that space was cold couldn't have picked a poorer excuse. The air temperature was lower than any standard starship would ever be set.

Silence crept on as we zoomed a course only Anakin knew through the cosmopolitan landscape. The mood in our cockpit didn't even have a chance to become comfortable with an endless parade of tabloid images from one district to another. I'd never hated the sight of my own smile so much. Even the gossip posters which didn't feature me and Jurue embracing on the gateway made me think of the ones that did, if only by the rush of sheer relief that I wasn't the only topic of speculation fueling the rumor mill tonight.

My pilot's hands were so clenched around the levers, I was sure the artificial one was going to leave dents in the steering bar of Senator Greyshade's prized possession. Unable to bear the tension any longer, I swallowed and pushed out, "It wasn't like it appeared. You completely misread the situation on the ship, and that photo couldn't be more taken out of context. It was the fastest farewell hug of my—."

"We're almost there." Without his robe, it was easier to see how rigidly Anakin sat in his seat. "Then you can tell me how I didn't see him leaving your stateroom with my own eyes."

There was a strained period of quiet as I stared at his clenched jaw while his eyes bore straight ahead. My urge to make him understand his lack of trust had hurt so deeply was impatient, but I wouldn't start the conversation when he had a perfectly good excuse to avoid looking at me. Eventually, for the first time, I started paying actual close attention to our surroundings rather than simply dreading the next tabloid ad. We'd been traveling for close to twenty minutes. The buildings were thinning, and the orange light from the lower levels was more scattered than before. Soon, it disappeared underneath entirely.

Anakin had brought us to the outskirts of the farthest most sector. The traffic here was sporadic, veering on nonexistent. Our engine finally thrummed alone after he banked right, fully taking us beyond the last spatter of buildings. You can't leave civilization behind completely on a city-planet like Coruscant, but even it has remote areas devoid of residents or retail property. Fields of mammoth piping devoted to the management of the nearby districts lined the ground far below us.

He flew the speeder directly, as if he knew exactly where he was taking us over the industrial sea and wasn't just fishing for an opportune spot to stop. This was confirmed when a dark structure came into view ahead. There was far less illumination here in the outskirts, but enough of it stretched from the districts to cast visibility onto the building. It was mildly high, perhaps serving a supervising role for its surrounding zone. The wide top of it was slightly domed— more flat than curved. Instead of landing on the ground or on the building's other levels, Anakin pulled our speeder alongside the edge of the roof.

Our engine idled as he sat immobile in his seat. The twin orange headlights broke through the black night air parallel to our apparent dock. I'd assumed he'd parked here so we could disembark and move on to the roof, but he instead swallowed nervously and made no indication he was about to rise. His fingers began to fidget in his lap.

"Anakin?"

He peeked over at me and nodded, finally seeming to make the decision to get out. He'd parked the airspeeder safely over the rim of the roof, so even when it dipped slightly with his stand it only dropped an inch before making stable contact with the surface.

After he was solidly on the landing, I gathered the hem of the Jedi robe and began to rise out of my own seat. Carefully, I started to step over the middle divider and cross the width of the vehicle.

"Wait."

I looked up to see him watching me with a pensive frown.

"What?"

"On second thought, you should stay in the speeder."

"Why?"

"That robe will swallow your legs if you try to wear it— the right way or backwards. It's not steep, but there's a curve here. You're going to trip and fall."

He was right. So, I promptly shrugged out of the cloak, choosing to join Anakin over the warmth without a second's pause.

I looked down and minded my careful step again, extending a hand out for the one I innately knew would meet it. I felt his human finger pads brush mine timidly before grasping my offered palm in a full grip. That touch alone made leaving the speeder worth it.

He pulled me towards him as I lifted the bottom of my blue dress and stepped over the driver's door. We let go after I nodded assuredly, indicating I'd found my footing too. The roof's curve was just present enough to require awareness but not near inclined enough to cause worry. It had a black, richly abrasive coat that made it almost impossible to slip on.

Noticing unexpected details one wouldn't expect to see on a rooftop, my eyes took in this coarse texture around us. Grayish-white markings had been etched into it in small patches. Circles, lines, letters. Some were more faded than others. The tapestry appeared like it would if someone were to sit on the roof and carve the words and sketches with some kind of sharp tool.

I looked up to find Anakin observing my study. A nearby light on the building's attenna cast him in a yellow ambiance from behind.

I made a pointed expression at the drawings around us. "Was this you?"

A corner of his lips moved, before ultimately breaking into a half-grin smile that reminded me of a boy on the top of the Victory Parade steps.

"Yes." He swallowed and seemed to grow shy. "Just something to keep my hands busy while I sat out here."

The overall timidness of his demeanor and the way he was watching my every scan of the scene made me think Anakin was sharing some kind of secret with me. Coruscant is immensely and densely populated, but he could've taken us to a multitude of places within my own district that would've provided the basic requirements for cover. Instead, he'd flown us all the way out here, all the way to a roof etched with signs of history looking out over…

I turned over my shoulder and took in the view from his domed ledge. The blinking skyline of the cityscape stretched across the far horizon. The ocean between our roof and the populus was black in the night, but I knew the low expanse was filled with the maintenance piping we'd flown over. It separated us from the towers and ample life so that none of their activity could be heard. The wind caressed my ears but carried none of the cosmopolitan noise. I was on one of the most populated planets in the galaxy with Anakin, yet we may as well have been on the Outer Rim looking in at a Core World for how away I felt from other beings. As a bonus, there would be no tabloid billboards out here.

I turned center again and gazed at the man standing six feet away from me. This short span was the only distance that mattered. It felt as wide as the black ocean at my back.

He gestured generally at the roof. "No one knows about it. Not even Obi-Wan."

"It's wonderful."

He smiled like he was pleased to hear me say so, but that nervousness didn't leave his eyes. He then walked near enough to the edge of the surface that I began to grow nervous for him myself, but then he crouched down, supporting his weight on one knee and a foot. He looked totally relaxed, as if there wasn't a two hundred meter drop just inches beyond his toe. "I sneak out of the Temple off and on to come here."

I shifted my stance to angle my body towards him. Briefly taking my eyes off Anakin, I looked up to take in again that which rivaled what the most elite penthouses in 500 Republica offered. "I can see why. It's a beautiful view."

At first, Anakin only nodded silently. His gaze was fixated on a pinpoint of the horizon, something too blended in with the other dots for me to identify.

Finally, he mumbled, "I prefer it because of its distance from the Temple. That's why I found this place in the very first year I came to live there. I needed it."

"Your strain with the Jedi began so early?" I realized the naivete of my question right after I asked it. It made perfect sense that Anakin's first months in his new life would involve some of the most difficult adjustments.

He kept his focus on his chosen direction. I imagine the Temple rested on the other end of his landscape's line. Anakin squinted his eyes, but the length he seemed to stretch his sight across was one of memories and time, not kilometers.

"I… I was brought in front the Council soon after we arrived on Coruscant. Master Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan weren't allowed inside the chamber with me. The Masters put me out in the middle of their circle. Tested me. Told me— a nine-year-old kid… lightyears away from the only life I'd ever known; my first time in the Republic at all and I'm suddenly standing on its capital planet, face-to-face with all these Jedi I'd only heard stories about and had dreamed of one day meeting." His pitch rose but his frown lines deepened. "Those were the first hours of freedom I'd ever known, but I wasn't sure if I'd ever see my mom again. I missed her… They—"

Anakin paused, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. I waited patiently. I'd been a single-focused monarch maneuvering her way around Senate protocols. I'd only guessed at what was going on with Ani over at the Temple while I took meetings with then-Senator Palpatine.

After a moment, he continued in a low, tired voice, "They acted like my missing her was a deformity. Master Yoda looked at me like I was some big threat. He's never really stopped looking at me like that." He dropped his head. I watched his shoulders rise and fall as he heaved a weighted sigh. "Living around Force-sensitive legends who are tuning into your every emotion— anticipating when you're going to do the next wrong thing, or feel your next wrong feeling." He lifted his chin again and stared at the horizon with a more agitated fervor. "Constantly being lectured about emotions you'd thought were private in your mind…" He flinched and stood straight. Crossing his arms over his chest, he finished, "I would come here just to have space to feel whatever I wanted to feel and not be judged for it. This place is where I could be free to think about… my life as a Jedi… about my mother…" He twisted at the waist and looked at me. "About you."

My eyes glided over the coarse roof, conjuring a series of Ani's ranging from nine to nineteen thinking about me on this very spot.

Anakin's defensive arms dropped to his sides. A tentative smile lifted his features.

"I'd remembered how you— a Queen— treated me. You always looked at me like I was Anakin the person, not Anakin the slave; not Anakin the problematic Padawan; not the boy with the clouded future." That glaze of worship touched his face, with me as the target once again. "You're just as larger than life as all those legendary Jedi, Padmé. You're better than all of them put together. And when you look at me like you can see through me, I don't feel like I'm a problem or a burden tipping the scales of the galaxy." The level of idolatry in his eyes was enough to make any woman swoon.

Or fear.

The pedestal Anakin had me on felt very high.

Proving that concern ominously correct, I watched as his idolatry morphed into resentment before my eyes. "Do you remember what you said to me the day I left Naboo?"

My voice was soft, in contrast to the hint of accusation in his. "After the Invasion?" He nodded. I hesitated with a spike of panic. I'd worried about this since just before our reunion in my apartment— that there had been a goodbye to little Ani I'd been too sleep-deprived or overwhelmed by queenly duties to host or even remember.

"I'm sorry, Anakin. I don't."

He nodded like he'd expected as much, but the hurt in his face revealed the hope he'd held on to anyways. "You told me… that we would see each other soon. You swore it. But I never heard from you again. I followed you on the HoloNet for years— right up to your work on the Military Creation Act." Anakin paused and tilted his chin up. "There's not a news article about you I haven't read. Not a picture of you I didn't commit to memory. I replayed recordings of your speeches to fall asleep to the sound of your voice. When you became a Senator, I was sure— with all the time you'd now be spending on Coruscant— I was sure you would reach out." Air left his nostrils in shaky puffs. "But you never did."

Blue eyes conveyed more complaint and impeachment at me than words ever could.

"You scare me, Anakin."

His face instantly reset and went pale. I don't think I could have said anything that would've jarred or hurt him more in one blow. He dropped his chin and stared at the ground. After a few moments, he rolled back his shoulders and seemed to steady himself before he lifted his eyes and recaptured mine. He looked every bit like he already knew my answer. "Because of what I did to the Tuskens?"

"No, no." I gestured at the roof like I was singling out the ghost of the lonely, misunderstood boy sitting there. "Do you see what's happened? You've had ten years to build me up in your mind and lift my pedestal higher than any skyscraper we passed." I held his stare and saturated my tone with significance. "I will be the first to admit, I didn't handle everything that occurred on the cruiser the way I should have— but at the first slip, you were ripping out your prosthetic or abandoning me. I cannot live up to the memory you've polished and perfected for ten years. I'm a person too, and I'm not always going to do everything right. And there will be times when I'm sure I am doing the right thing, but so will you." I paused to give space for what I said next. It was too crucial, too much the point to rush. "Most of what's happened these past days have been misunderstandings we can walk back. But in any future together, we'd meet actual crossroads where we're not always going to agree with each other. What happens when you start believing I don't deserve that impossibly high pedestal anymore?"

"Just say it, Padmé."

Thrown, I wavered in my speech. "Say what?"

Anakin swallowed and inhaled deeply. Tension radiated off his body. "I have spent the last two days gathering my strength enough to endure the words coming from your lips. Please, just tell me. I need to hear you say it. I am not capable of walking away until you do."

"Why would you— what is it that you need to hear?"

His features compacted inwards. "How can you not know?"

I matched his dumbfounded expression with one of my own. "Perhaps it's because I'm still trying to understand why you didn't knock on or lift my cabin door." I failed to keep the pain out of my risen voice. "You never came back. I checked the camera log. You never once had enough doubt to seek me out again? You trusted your half-drugged instincts better than you trusted me?"

"I trusted my eyes."

"Your eyes misled you. Why did you leave without talking to me?"

"Because I'd surrendered!" The impassioned words erupted from his throat. "You've made it very clear from the beginning that you never saw a future for us. That we belong to the real world. You weren't looking for anything that could go beyond a few stolen moments before the rest of your life got to take over. When I got to your door, I realized you have made your choice, and that the moment had already come."

His one-track, terminal interpretation astounded me. "I had made my choice. But you jumped to the worst possible conclusion of me and what I would be capable of inflicting." I felt pressure rise behind my eyes. "How could you, Anakin? How could you believe I would be in your bed one minute then entertaining Jurue in mine minutes later?"

"I couldn't believe it." His crushed attitude matched mine. "But what other choice did I have?"

At hearing this, I felt fire ignite. "You could have chosen to trust me! To believe that when I say I love you, I am telling the truth!" I searched his eyes for understanding but only found more walls. "I cannot understand where your head has been. You crossed so many lines after Geonosis. You were the one who was so sure we could keep it a secret, but then you were trying to hold my hand in front of Obi-Wan and half the Council."

Anakin opened his empty palms. "Padmé, we'd been separated so quickly after the hangar. I-I couldn't get a read on you. I saw you for all of ten seconds in the bacta tank, and then you left and never came back. You kept avoiding my eye on the transport. I knew it was reckless, but I was desperate for any signal you still felt the same way."

I sighed and gazed pleadingly, mimicking him. "Again, where was any faith when I'd already told you I loved you? Were those tests you were putting me through on The Credence? In the conference room?"

He took steps away from the edge of the roof squared his chin at me. A defensive fire of his own was forming. "Have you seen it from my perspective? You were pushing me back from the very first moment, milady— reminding me I'd always be that little boy to you— all the way up to that execution cart. And once we were off Geonosis, the walled-off Senator returned in full force—"

"—We were surrounded by Jedi!—"

"And then he's there!" Anakin seethed the word. "Forgive me, but it clearly looked like you were only ever passing the time with me on Naboo while you had to hide and couldn't be with the man you truly want."

I went still and my voice dropped to just above a whisper. "If you had any notion what those hours were like for me at the homestead while you were looking for your mother, you wouldn't say that to me."

The only thing worse than pining for Anakin the last thirty-seven hours thinking he wanted nothing to do with me was pining for him for thirty-five hours fearful he might be dead. Whether he acknowledged it or not, I'd made up for those ten years of having his memory on a shelf. Each hour on Tatooine when he was gone had contained years' worth of yearning, ache, and madness.

Anakin and I held warring eye contact. After a few seconds, he sighed and walked to a slightly higher elevation on the curved roof. His back was to me as he began to speak. "When I woke up on that bed, I remembered just enough to know what we had been doing." He turned over his shoulder and gazed at me like a parched man looking at a vessel of water. "Padmé, I was overcome with a need to be with you. Not even to resume— just to breathe the same air as you. As soon as the medic left, I was on my feet." He let out a wry laugh that fractured in his throat. "Sort of. I didn't realize I wasn't clothed until I was almost at the door. By then the towel had fallen off. You should've seen the acrobatic feat it was for me to pull on my pants." Humor lasted a second longer before his features fell. "When I passed Jurue in the hallway, then I got to your door…" He shook his head, words failing his evident pain.

I nodded, filling in the blanks. "And then you didn't talk to me for eight hours because you were so angry at what you thought you'd discovered."

His forehead crumpled upwards. "Angry? Angry? I was broken." His voice disconnected on the word like a tree trunk splitting. "I couldn't pick myself back up off my bed, and not because of any drugs. Didn't you hear me? I'd surrendered. I… I've never known such a grief, not even when my mother died." He took a step towards me, then seemed to halt and pull himself back. "I was trying to… resign myself to your decision. I knew the best thing for you, for me, for all of it would be for me to find a way to respect it." He swallowed dropped his chin. "I didn't have the strength yet to hear you end us, so I stayed away from your cabin. I must've driven Typho crazy with my constant comms to make sure you had security around you as soon as we docked. I nearly marched out the House of Healing when you weren't answering their hails."

"Oh, Anakin." I walked forward to erode the distance between our bodies, but with every step I made, he took a longer one backwards.

He rose his golden hand between us. "When this— when my arm— was attached, I ordered myself to go to your apartment and hear it once and for all. I told you I would do anything you asked. But I couldn't bring myself…" His arm dropped to his side. "I'd let myself hope again that it was all, somehow, a misunderstanding. I needed to hear you say this was what you required of me, to leave you alone, because I couldn't push myself to that place without hearing you say it." His shoulders tensed, and his brows slowly shifted downwards. "But I didn't get a hundred meters outside the Temple before I saw a HoloNet billboard and…" His hands came up to his waist, but he lowered them almost immediately after, restless. "And even though it confirmed what I'd already suspected, something in me just…"

His fists clenched at his sides. But it had finally dawned on me what the tension I'd felt radiating off Anakin since he'd sneaked into my apartment tonight actually was. It wasn't hostility and anger. He'd been bracing himself for a fatal blow he expected delivered by my own lips. It saddened me that I genuinely did not know the answer to my question. "Would you believe me if I told you I was thinking about you when that holographic was taken?"

He peered up at me, eyes ardently scanning my face for signs of truth. "I know I want to believe you. I know that I want to believe you so badly that I almost don't even care anymore whether or not it's true." A rickety breath purged itself from his lungs. He shook his head on his eyes' path to the ground. "You know better than I do that you were trying to tell me otherwise."

My jaw dropped as all of my many declarations and passionate embraces flashed through my mind in rapid succession. "How could you possibly mean?"

"Padmé…" He looked at me like he saw through whatever ruse he assumed I was weaving. "I remember. When I returned to my cabin, I began remembering more of… our time together there." Though I had not advanced, he seemed to recoil from me. His face twisted into a tortured grimace. "How I pulled you down onto the bed and put myself on top of you."

"Oh, Anakin, no—"

"I-I remember taking your hand and putting it above your head, pinning it down, needing you so badly."

I took several steps towards him now, but he only continued to back away. I tried to reach him instead with the vocalized intensity of my truth. "You didn't do anything I didn't want. I was matching every ounce of your passion." A strangled cry of incredulity escaped me. "I almost screamed in disappointment when you passed out."

His gaze rammed into mine, searching it for evidence to fuel his disbelief. "But you were crying."

He couldn't have stunned me any more if he'd slapped me. "What?"

"There were tears in your eyes." His jaw tightened. He was adamant. "You can't deny it. My memory isn't it perfect, but I remember seeing them, Padmé. You were crying in that bed underneath me."

He was absolutely right. My eyes had filled with tears moved by overwhelming, bottomless love. "Anakin," I breathed, the perfect name a perfect prayer. I took a step closer to him. This time, mercifully, he didn't retreat. "You don't know how much I look forward to the day when I tell you I love you, and you believe just how much it's true."

The only initial reply was the continued swirl of the wind around my ears. I watched as he executed his characteristic frown, blink, and sigh combination. I'd learned it was his habitual reaction whenever he was processing something. Current context aside, this signature expression was utterly adoring, and so of course I felt a resulting rise of vexation in the way only one deep in the lunacy of love can. Even in the middle of an argument, watching his handsomeness was incessantly mesmerizing.

"So… you did want to be there with me? You wanted to…?"

To my surprise, this news— which I thought would quickly take us in the direction of resolving things— only made Anakin suddenly grow heated in his bewilderment.

I watched, stunned, as his expression shifted into frustration. "How can that possibly be a shock?"

He finally detonated. "Because I can't keep up with you, Padmé! I thought the mixed signals were bad enough on Naboo with your dresses and the swimsuits, but then you outdid yourself on The Credence. One second we're all over each other, the next you're shutting down my proposal. Now you tell me you were willingly spreading your legs underneath me in my bed, but after it I saw your prince walking out of your stateroom! And then that tabloid photo?" His eyes were wild, tearing into me. "By the Gods, Padmé!" His arms extended out as he yelled, "Are you trying to break me?"

"It was never my intention to hurt you."

"What about Jurue?!"

I was so sick and tired of talking about Jurue. "What about him? I talked with Jurue, yes, but nothing happened. After he left, I went to nap as a way to pass the time until you'd had more rest! I'm a grown woman who can sleep in a nightgown or in nothing if I so chose in the privacy of my own cabin. But I took two sleeping pills instead of pain ones by mistake. When I awoke, we were suddenly in Coruscant, and Dormé and Typho were there. I have no idea why Jurue was still on the ship, and I wish I hadn't listened to him when he suggested we take the public ramp, but I did. But it doesn't matter either way because you should've had faith in me, Anakin!" I wasn't one to yell words at anyone, and the emotion of the moment brought tears to my eyes. "I don't know much about marriage, but I know even the ones not operating in secret require trust, require patience, require honesty. I'm not near as worried about you standing too close or saying the wrong thing in front of others as I am about you shutting me out or turning to violence of some kind every time you've jumped to a conclusion without talking to me!"

There was a tenuously long moment of silence after my outpouring. I didn't realize how much my pulse had sped, nor how short my breath was until I felt my lungs stealing shaky inhales. Finally, Anakin's jaw relaxed enough for him to reply, "What will happen to us now? Are you to be fought over by me and Jurue until you finally choose between us? He wines and dines you in the light, while I have to do it in the shadows?"

I gasped from the offensive idea, immediately preparing to blast him again for his callous assessment, but there wasn't even a moment of hesitation from him.

"Fine. I'll do it."

Confusion hit me next on our rooftop emotional hurricane. All anger seemed to have dissipated from Anakin's body, and he stood tall like a general going into battle. His lips were a determined line, his face displaying absolute resolution.

"What?"

"I'll fight for you. I will fight for you if it takes the rest of my life." He shook his head defiantly. "I don't care if it splits me in two."

I opened my mouth to speak. It hovered loosely for a moment, before I murmured. "That won't be necessary."

His determined stature wavered, and something seemed to break behind his eyes. "I see." He swallowed, and his thick brows pushed in towards each other. "So… you've already chosen." The fire only abandoned his blue eyes for a moment longer before it returned to them in full force. He stood straight once again, the human statue. His chest practically swelled, as if I had proposed a challenge to him— one I was destined to lose. "All the same. I meant what I said. I won't lose you, Padmé."

It is in hindsight that I see his possessiveness for what it was. He'd already decided he was going to keep me, and— to a degree I dare not try to guess— my willingness on the matter was but a detail. Whether he could admit it to himself or not, Anakin was forever past the point of respecting what Fate or the universe would decide when it came to our future together. This, above all, should have been my greatest warning sign. However, in my limited experience with love, and due to the fever of my eager participation, I only saw his defiance here as a sweepingly romantic side effect of his passion. To this naive girl, his vow to change my mind was as innocent as it was unnecessary.

I shook my head. "No." My voice was so quiet I worried it would be lost in the wind. "Jurue asked me to marry him."

All the blood drained from Anakin's face. His whole body seemed to sag, like a mighty tree whose boughs have been weighed down by rainfall. "He did?"

"He offered me everything I was asking for. Stability. An uncomplicated life. Children."

He stared at me. The even tone of my voice seemed to be deflating him further. "Are you trying to torture me, Senator? You could have told me this at your apartment." His eyes pooled with wetness. "Why did you let me bring you here? You've already ruined Coruscant for me, but are you trying to scorch every sentimental inch you can reach?"

"I turned him down."

I saw a quick filter of several emotions play out on his face. It seemed hope and suspicion fought the most for domination. "When?"

"Right after he asked. On the last day. Right before you walked up to my door."

He was already still, but now he actually seemed frozen in place. He didn't break his stare. The enduring heart that still prioritized my own wants and needs above all else beseeched, "Why would you do that? He's the easy path to every comfort you want— every ease you deserve."

I wanted to cry again— tears of surrender, of sadness, of acceptance. "Because from the moment I met you, all those years ago, my fate has been bound to yours." I blinked back tears. I wanted to see this young, magnetic, scarred, devoted, windstorm of a man who had turned my life upside down. I never wanted my life reverted back to the emptiness of ease and normalcy ever again. "I will do anything you ask. I only think of you; I'm in agony when I'm not with you. You are in my very soul… liberating me from everything I wrongly thought I was or wanted." A smile actually broke through my somber veneer. "Because, Anakin, the only man I would ever want to marry is you. I want to marry you."

The freeze melted as passion ignited across his face. Anakin began rushing to me in long strides as if he had finally been unleashed from behind a barrier. I hurried my words out, unable to stop the spill, "Because I love you and I can't breathe without you either—" Burning lips found mine a second before he crashed into me, sweeping me up into his arms. So intensely had I missed the closeness of Anakin since leaving his room on The Credence that I let out a reflexive cry against his mouth in pure, exuberant relief. My hands were at his cheeks, behind his neck, at his shoulders— anywhere I could use to pull him closer to me. I didn't want to be a separate being anymore, I only wanted to fuse as much of myself into him as possible. This kiss was all fire, but not of the same heat as our rendezvous on the cruiser. It wasn't sexual excitation. This was holy celebration. It was two souls using their mortal bodies to at last meet on a plane of total understanding and fealty. The depth of its purity made my tears finally cascade over, but though I felt wet cheeks, I could not tell you if they were his or mine.

Eventually, we needed more oxygen than a few quick gasps allowed, and we calmed ourselves enough to catch our breaths. Smiles were on our faces as we continued to huddle close, our lips barely an inch apart. I hardly noticed the existence of the mechanical appendage— it felt so good to be in his arms again, and I relished as he continued to press me so tightly against him. He used his flesh hand to stroke my hair as my fingers worshiped his face. We murmured "I love you"s back and forth, lost in an era of time that was all our own.

I let out a surprised but happy yelp as he suddenly picked me up by the waist and spun us in a full rotation. When my feet landed again, he pressed his warm lips into mine, anchoring me once more to one spot in the galaxy.

Urged on by a breed of desperation, I broke the kiss and gripped the collars of Anakin's tunics in my small clutches. "No more misunderstandings."

He smiled down at me then cupped the sides of my face in his hands. He shook his head and repeated, "No more misunderstandings."

"No more rushes to judgment."

Two thumbs— one tan flesh, one cold alloy— stroked the tops of my cheeks in horizontal brushes. Anakin did not touch me like a man who felt entitled to it, but like one who could not help himself. "No more rushes to judgment."

"Promise me."

"I promise you." He leaned closer and kissed my forehead, lingering to deeply breathe in the scent of my brown coils. "I'll make you happy, Padmé," he vowed intensely, his lips moving against my hairline. "I promise you that as well."

"You already do," I assured. My voice was shaking, still rattling with emotion. "Anakin, you have no idea how much you already do." I half-laughed, half-sobbed, "When you aren't driving me insane." He still rested his lips against my temple, and I wrapped my hands around the fabric on his chest to tug him even nearer to me. He responded by molding us into what was becoming my new favorite stance— my head tucked under his chin, his strong arms encircling me in his warm hold. I sighed deeply. "This is enough. Your love will always be enough."

"I'm so sorry, Padmé. I'm sorry we lost so much time." I felt him sigh with heavy regret. "I want to destroy myself for not pounding on your door until you woke up or just lifting it."

"Well," I sniffled and smiled. "At least… it means I get to do this." Reluctantly but with growing excitement, I untucked myself from him. I took a step backwards and tried to steady my breath. "Anakin Skywalker, c-chut—" I took another beat to calm the speed of my heartbeat. I'd given paragraphs of speeches to the Senate that I'd never wanted to articulate as perfectly as these few, incredibly precious words. Deciding the runaway pulse was a lost cause, I swallowed and began again. "Chut ching'ta rop'i tunnata garunta?"

His brows bent in wonder as his lips curved. "How…?"

"Threepio." My own smile rose along with his. I let out a breathy release as I sunk into my joy. "If you haven't heard, he's fluent in over six million forms of communication."

He looked back at me so dazed, my confidence that I'd said the words right began to falter. My early tutelage hadn't prepared me for how to propose in Huttese. To my surprise, I'd learned from Threepio yesterday that the language did not have a direct translation to Will you marry me? the way Nabooian did. However, I found I preferred the Huttese variation of the question far better. Will you intertwine your soul with mine before the heavens? seemed to capture the true sentiment that much more profoundly.

Anakin stepped closer, erasing the short space between us, and put his palms on my cheeks once more. Loving eyes of cobalt blue funneled into mine. "Essë."

I grinned at his use of the Nabooian word for Yes. "That was supposed to be my line."

"Oh, I know." Another kiss to my lips then my forehead before he pulled me back under his chin.

I lost track of how long we stood there. I was in no hurry to return to my apartment, the place where we'd have to retreat back into our professional roles in the presence of others or the cameras. After a long while, I spoke into his shoulder. "I told Jurue the truth. I wasn't the woman he knew anymore. I didn't want to be." I shook my head, and maybe it was cruel, but a light laugh escaped me. I was almost manic with happiness. "I'd honestly forgotten he existed until he showed up on The Credence." My voice softened. "There was only you."

It will always only be you.

"Poor guy."

I laughed again, this time at his completely failed attempt at sincerity. I pulled back to look at him, missing the sight of his face. He was grinning fiendishly. "You don't feel sorry for him at all."

"Not a bit. And I don't want to talk about him anymore." Our gazes held, and the air became charged with our style of electricity storms can only marvel at. It was clear neither of us were interested in talking at all. He leaned in and captured my lips hungrily, possessively, and I once more forgot about all other beings apart from the two of us. This kiss quickly grew carnal. Hands traveled to places they never had before. Rabid gasps punctuated the night air in primal music. Our panted breathing even formed little clouds— visible manifestations of our passion's warmth. It was only and all a combination of being on a windy, cold, relatively exposed, slightly slanted, abrasively coated rooftop, otherwise I have no doubt we would have consummated our relationship on the spot.

To assume my and Anakin's hunger for each other was based solely on physical desires would be to do us a massive disservice. But that doesn't mean we didn't burn for jointed touch in a way that deserves distinction in the halls of legend.

It would be a long time until I saw that both the weight of the galaxy's devastation and its salvation rested upon my literal body. The very skin that tempted and drew in the villain— a label others choose, not I— grew, protected, then birthed his path to eventual redemption. Even as he'd fallen into his blackest darkness, his antidote emerged intact from the ruin of his self-fulfilling curse. Some would call that irony.

I prefer to call it poetry.