Keith felt as if he were in some sort of trance as he dressed himself in his paladin uniform. It was ridiculous, really. Getting this excited about going flying with Lance. They weren't even going to be inside the same vehicle. He'd only actually see him through the communication screen. This wasn't a walk on the beach. This was just some flight training. Still, Keith had to constantly remind himself that, A- Lance had no romantic interest in him and, B- He already has a boyfriend. All his emotions must have finally begun to destroy his mental processes from the inside out. In a world of evil aliens and advanced technology, Keith never thought it would be love that caused him to crack.
He was about to grab his helmet and go meet Lance when there came a knock at his door. Keith nearly squealed. Had Lance come to walk with him to the hangar? He tried to keep the excitement out of his voice as he spouted out "Come in". The doors to his room slid open and in stepped his tall, strong, and scarred boyfriend. Keith tried to hide his disappointment as he set down his helmet and stepped into Shiro's hug. Keith didn't know why Shiro was so insistent on touching him all the time. It may have sounded weird to some, but Keith wasn't exactly fond of human contact. He wasn't afraid of it or anything, it just kind of bothered him. Shiro may have meant well, but it made Keith extra uncomfortable.
So, if he feels that way, why doesn't he just tell Shiro that? Well before anyone goes making accusations that Keith is a coward (which he takes great offense to), it must be made known that things are much more complicated than it seems. Keith may be one of the few people who has seen the true Shiro. A broken man who struggles to control the aftermath of events he couldn't control. Taken far from his home. Forced to be a ruthless warrior. Losing his own arm. Not being able to save his friends. Despite his incredible efforts to appear as though it hasn't affected him, Keith can see what lies beneath the warm cuddly exterior. Something raw, powerful, and unstable. It had surfaced during his altercation with Lance, and if Hunk and Coran hadn't intervened, who knows what may have happened.
It's not his fear to speak up for himself that holds Keith back. It's his knowledge that he may be the only thing holding Shiro together. It hurts him to think that. Sounds stupid doesn't it? Aside from that one incident, Shiro seems to be so in control. He did just fine before they got together, why should anything be different now? Keith wished he had the optimism to let go of his worries, but the truth is, he's paranoid. So if a few hugs and embraces will keep Shiro one hundred percent, then he'll do what it takes.
After releasing Keith from the hug, Shiro gave him a questionable look. "You going out to fly?"
Keith wasn't sure if he should tell him he wasn't going to be alone. "Yeah."
"Aww. I was kinda hoping I'd have you to myself today. Allura found some old Altean movies in her room and Pidge thinks she can rig up some sort of projection so we can check em out. Coran calls them classics, but Allura says they were classics and if Altea were still around today they wouldn't be worth much."
"That does sound interesting. Maybe we can do that later."
"Not budging on your fly time, huh? Guess I'll just have to come with you."
Great. Keith had to tell him now. Despite supposedly having "patched things up", Keith could tell there was still some animosity there. "Actually, Lance invited me to go flying with him."
Shiro's expression changed, and Keith didn't like the intensity of it. "And you said yes?"
"We're friends. Why would I say no?"
Shiro didn't reply, instead closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Keith didn't appreciate being made to feel stupid or childish, and Shiro was acting as if the answer should have been obvious. And it was: Shiro was jealous. Keith hadn't been expecting it, but it was blatantly the cause of Shiro's distress. Keith surprised himself at how easily annoyed he was becoming with Shiro's possessive behavior. Was he not allowed to talk to the other people they practically lived with?
Shiro shook his head. "You don't understand."
"What don't I understand?"
"You shouldn't be hanging out with him."
"Once again, I ask the question. Why?" Keith was admittedly, ticked off.
"Just trust me, Keith."
"How can I trust you when you won't even give me a simple answer?"
Shiro wasn't calm anymore either. "It's not like you trust me to begin with. It's like you hide from me, Keith. That's not how relationships work."
"You're changing the subject."
"There's a lot to talk about."
"Well, we can talk about it later. I have plans right now." Keith didn't wait for a reply before brushing past Shiro and out of his room.
Hearing the doors slide closed behind him, Shiro felt his anger starting to build. He should have told him. He should have just let him know the truth about what Lance really thought of him. It's like he wants it to happen to him. Did he only crave attention from people who used him to boost their own egos? Was he seriously that naive that he couldn't understand that Shiro only wanted to protect him? It was a mystery to Shiro how he could have all these negative thoughts about Keith but still desire him as the one thing he needs. He felt his anger turn to bitter regret, wishing he could start everything over and try again. He crawled into Keith's bed, smelling his boyfriend's scent on the sheets and the blankets. It made him feel so safe and warm. He longed to have the real thing curled up beside him, but he was too busy making a fool out of himself.
Tears began to well up in the eyes of the black paladin. It seemed like every choice he made only further destroyed the ideal life he was picturing for himself. He snuggled deeper into Keith's bed, wondering why he ever thought this was going to be easy.
Lance had become a little antsy when Keith didn't meet him at the hangar right away. It wasn't like Keith to be late, and Lance worried he'd forgotten or lost interest. But all his worries were soothed when the red clad boy entered the hangar and approached him. Lance noticed that his normal slightly frowny expression seemed a little frownier than usual. Lance figured he'd be able to change that. After all, Keith always smiled when they were together.
"It's about time you showed up. I was beginning to think you'd chickened out."
"Sorry. I lost track of the time."
Wow. That was a pretty melancholy response. Lance felt his own smile begin to disappear as he finally got a good look at Keith's expression. It was clearly swimming with thoughts, and not happy ones. Lance wasn't usually so empathetic, but seeing Keith this upset made him lose all of his playful spark. The amount of concern he felt was overwhelming and he desperately needed to figure out what was wrong.
"Uh...you ok?"
"Yeah."
"Alright. Stage One: Denial."
Keith gave Lance a look that could've killed Zarkon.
"Come on, Keith. What's the deal?"
The red paladin looked down, his features softening as though he were about to cry. Lance could not handle a teary eyed Keith lest he be tempted to hug him until everything was ok. Or forever. Whatever came first. Truthfully, he was at a loss for what to do.
When Keith still gave no reply, Lance pushed a little more. "You can talk to me you know. Whatever you say can stay between us."
Keith picked his head up, his eyes meeting Lance's. It was almost laughable. Their eyes spoke their true feelings, both widening in adoration and keeping themselves sweetly locked on one other all the while. Remembering his situation, Keith was the first to look away, instead turning towards his lion. "I don't think I can fly today. I don't want red to pick up on my stress."
Lance didn't want to leave his side. "Come with me inside blue, then. It'll be more private and we can talk."
"I don't want to burden you with my problems."
"I don't want you to deal with them alone."
Lance delighted at the teeny tiny baby smile that was slightly visible on Keith's face. They entered through blue's mouth and soon found themselves out in space, the castle still in view but far enough away that they still felt they were alone together. Lance gently piloted blue around asteroids and stars as he listened to Keith spill his inner feelings, something he never thought he'd get to hear.
"I'm not trying to say anything bad about Shiro, but I just don't think we work together."
"Why not?"
"I don't know, we're just different. He likes a lot of kissing and hugging and I guess I just wasn't ready for that. He's also pretty possessive. I just never thought it would be so much at once. I'm not very experienced in any of this and he's sort of guiding me through it. I just don't know if I can keep up…...sorry if this is weird for you to hear about."
"Nah, it's cool. I actually heard about most of this from Pidge."
"...how did she know?"
"Beats me. She says us boys are as easy to read as a magazine."
"Maybe it's easy for her. Sometimes I don't know what he's thinking. He didn't want me to hang out with you today, and he wouldn't tell me why. I know you guys haven't been the greatest friends lately but I didn't think it ran that deep."
Lance sighed, allowing blue to idle so he could look at Keith. The red paladin stood next to Lance's chair, looking shocked at the sudden eye contact. Shiro hadn't told him anything yet, and Lance resolved it was better for him to hear the truth from him instead of some sort of twisted lie.
"There's something I should tell you."
Keith didn't know what to make of Lance's sudden change in mood. "Ok….what is it?"
"When Shiro hit me, he did it because of something I said. And it's something I wish I could take back. I'm not sure if I meant it then, but I definitely don't feel that way now. I just want you to hear it from me."
Keith just nodded, not sure where Lance was going with this.
"I told him that I thought you had like, a crush on me. And I said that I had been kinda feeding into a little bit, just for fun. But I swear on my life I never meant to hurt you or anything, and I don't think of you as some little game."
Keith's expression was empty and vacant, and Lance didn't know what to make of that. Keith looked away from him and down at his helmet. He toyed with it in his hands, needing some sort of distraction while he asked his next question. "What do you really think of me as?"
Lance removed his own helmet, prompting Keith to return his attention to him. Even though all signs pointed to this being a really bad idea, Lance smiled warmly and gave his response. "I'm still trying to figure that out."
Keith's blush meter was off the charts, his mind desperately trying to make sense of Lance's actions. He felt no anger or betrayal when Lance confessed what he'd said, only wanting to know what it meant for them now. How could he so easily overlook these important details? Apparently, Keith was much deeper into his own lovesickness than he thought. He had no idea what he was supposed to do next, electing to just stand there awkwardly and blatantly stare at Lance.
Sensing the meltdown going on within Keith and seeing his face begin to match the red hue of his suit, Lance decided to push things a step further. "You wanna sit down?" Keith seemed to partially snap out of his turmoil to raise an eyebrow, noting the lack of other chairs available within the cockpit. Not missing a beat, Lance gave his best seductive smirk and patted his own lap.
Keith felt his heart stop. He felt compelled to comply with the request, knowing deep down he wanted it too. There were so many sirens and alarms blaring that told him to get the hell out of there but his heart told him to stay and fulfill the dreams and scenarios that had long played out inside his head. Not wanting to make a big deal about it, he quickly slipped onto Lance's lap, hesitant to get too comfortable in case Lance changed his mind. Instead, he felt Lance wrap his arms around him from behind, and heard a whisper in his ear.
"What do you really think of me?"
And suddenly Keith saw the truth. He'd been lying to himself. Forcing himself to believe that it was a distaste for human contact that was the issue in his relationship with Shiro. But this just wasn't the case. The issue was the identity of the partner themselves. His reluctance to get intimate with the black paladin stemmed solely from his undying desire to be intimate with Lance. When forced into a relationship with the wrong person, he created extra barriers that would never be broken simply because he wanted someone else. Lance was the only one who was able to make him feel such intense emotions, and everything that once held him back melted away.
Keith turned around, straddling Lance, and gave him an answer in the form of sweetly locked lips.
