Shiro's affectionate antics had become a flat out annoyance to Keith. His irritation subsided however, when Shiro snatched him off the couch and started carrying him down the hall. He kept peppering him with kisses, and as much as Keith wanted to like it, he kinda didn't. Keith's ability to keep his mouth shut for Shiro's own good was starting to wear. This was just excessive. He could only take so much. He raised a hand to protest and push the bigger man away, but stopped as he was plopped down into Shiro's bed. Despite the voice in his head that told him Shiro would never do anything without his consent, little prickles of fear starting worming their way through his system. He felt the shaking start again, and Shiro noticed it too. It made him smile. He swear he could hear him thinking it: You're cute when you're afraid.
Shiro must have noticed he was being scarier and more intimately overbearing than usual. "Just lay with me tonight." He pulled off his shirt, and Keith tried not to stare. Shiro slid into the bed next to him, frowning at Keith's obvious uneasiness. "Come on. You never let me get close to you. It's starting to feel like you don't even like me." The sad tone of his voice really hit Keith where it hurts. Already in his pajamas after showering, he slipped under the covers and cuddled up to Shiro. Keith rested his head against Shiro's chest, listening to his soft heartbeat. The warmth of his body was intoxicating. Even his galra tech arm, while cold to the touch, seemed to radiate heat from within.
The red paladin felt familiar fingers combing through his hair. "Isn't this nice? Just you and me." The older man chuckled to himself before adding, "I always thought you kinda had a crush on me back at the Garrison. I was just kinda flattered at the time." Keith nearly rolled his eyes. He may have looked up to him, but he was never a fanboy with a crush. He thought of him like an older brother if anything. Keith was far too focused on other things to have any of those feelings. Although, the fact that Shiro felt this way did beg the question.
"What changed?" Keith was genuinely curious. How did he get from I'm flattered to I will hold you in my arms and never let you out of my sight. He should have known better than to ask.
"After the Kerberos mission and everything….I don't know. You came to rescue me. You were kind of all that was left of my old life. The one thing I didn't lose."
…..oh
Keith nearly smacked himself across the face. Now he felt really bad about…..well everything. Avoiding him, complaining about him, kissing someone else. Not his proudest moments. But this revelation didn't change how he felt. Keith decided this was even more of a reason to call things off. The longer he waited, the more emotionally invested Shiro would become; and the bigger the aftershock that would result. Things had already gone too far. Whatever he was going to say, he was going to say it now. No preparation. Just flat out honesty.
Before he could say a word, Keith found himself being straddled. Oh boy.
"Now, cadet Keith, it's time for your lesson in mouth to mouth resuscitation." As expected, Shiro moved in for a kiss, harder and stronger than usual. Keith's surprise caused him to give into the kiss. This really wasn't what he needed to be doing right now. He raised his arms to push Shiro away only to have the older man grab his wrists and restrain him. The intimate aggression had returned and Keith was feeling more and more hopeless. He couldn't wait any longer. He'd only just worked up the nerve and now he was losing it again. He made a firm grunt and squirmed out of Shiro's grasp. The kiss came to a reluctant stop and Shiro gave him a confused look.
"I know I just asked you to lay with me, but you got me talking about my feelings and I was gettin kinda worked up." The husky tone in his voice only made things more awkward. Keith pretended not to notice Shiro's panting and sat upright. Now or never.
"Shiro, I've got to tell you something. I know you may get upset with me, but I know you'd want me to be honest with you." Getting no immediate reaction, Keith took a deep breath and continued. "I don't think I can do this anymore. I really care about you, but to be honest, I've never really thought of you in this way. As embarrassing as it is, this is still a little much for me. You'll always be family to me, but I don't think I can be your boyfriend anymore." Keith mentally patted himself on the back for not stumbling over his words. For a moment, he felt that went really well. The moment didn't last.
Shiro scoffed. "Are you being serious? Do you still not understand?" Noting Keith's obvious confusion and shifting at his sudden change in tone, the black paladin continued. "I'm really gonna have to spell it out for you, aren't I?" Shiro got up off his bed and stood in front of Keith, staring down at him like a father scolding his child. "You need me, Keith. Someone has to protect you and guide you through all the stupid mistakes you make. I'm the only person who could care about you as much as you need me too. You're lost without me."
Keith blinked several times, trying not to get angry. "Shiro, please don't do this. I can still be there for you, you won't be alone. Any time you need someone to talk to, I'll be there. You don't need to insult me like that. I'll never abandon you." Keith didn't take anything Shiro had said personally, thinking it had just come from his anger and fear of being alone.
Shiro chuckled again, only it was different this time. Dark. Malicious. Keith sometimes wondered if his time with the galra had tainted his mind as well as his body. "Is this about Lance?"
Keith froze up. "No, it's not." It didn't sound convincing to either of them.
"Are you an idiot? He doesn't care about you, Keith. Why do you let him get in your head? Were you not just crying to me earlier about him? He's not interested. You know, I'm starting to think I was wrong. Maybe he's not a complete douche. Maybe it's been you the whole time. You're obsessed with him, Keith. He probably reacted that way because he was grossed out and wanted you to leave him the fuck alone." There was a sharp edge in Shiro's voice now, and Keith didn't stop the tears running down his face.
"You're wrong."
"And you're delusional." Shiro turned away from him and crossed to the other side of his room. Keith stood up to protest, but was silenced by Shiro's final retort. "Just forget it. I don't know why I ever thought I needed you. You're pathetic. Just go away."
And with that, Keith damn near sprinted out the door. He made no effort to wipe the tears streaming down his face. He believed it. He believed every word. He was pathetic. He was delusional. He was stupid. And Lance didn't care about him. And neither did Shiro. Not anymore, anyways. He'd managed to screw that up as well. In one night, he'd upset two of the people he cared about most. Keith continued to run down the hall, past his bedroom. Sleep couldn't help him now. There was no fixing this. No one wanted to see him acting like a fucking crybaby over something that was all his fault.
Eyes still wet with tears, he reached his destination. He slipped into an escape pod and flew out into space, leaving the castle behind. He didn't look back. He wasn't going back.
It's over for him.
Shiro had felt a ball of guilt form in his stomach as soon as he'd heard his door shut. He couldn't even face Keith when he'd said it. Who was really the weak one here?
The guilt only grew as he lay alone in bed that night. He'd unloaded. All the stress and pent up frustration he'd been holding in just released itself all at once. He'd been planning to release it another way, but that hadn't exactly worked out. Shiro knew he had to stop doing this. Leader or not, it was unhealthy to keep all that inner turmoil swirling around in a wicked vortex. Last time he'd exploded he'd channeled it into a punch in Lance's face. Somehow, he felt that even that didn't compare to what he'd just done. And to Keith of all people. Why do we hurt the ones we care about?
What made it hurt more was the thought that Keith may have been right. Maybe everything he'd done wasn't good for either one of them. But why? All he wanted was for them to be closer. He couldn't lose anyone else. He had to be secure. Was he wrong for feeling that way?
He knew an apology was in order, but he figured Keith would need time before he'd even be willing to speak to him. Between that, and the fact that he felt like he was going to puke, he decided he would deal with it first thing in the morning. It was safe to say the black paladin got very little sleep that night.
Lance dragged himself out of bed and was disgusted at his reflection in the mirror. He wasn't normally so disheveled first thing in the morning, but last night had been rough. His mind had been racing, images of Shiro's intense grin and Keith's uncomfortable frown flashing in his eyes. He felt a mixture of so many emotions that it made him sick. Worry, for what might have happened to Keith last night. Anger, at Shiro's careless treatment of the red paladin. Jealousy, of Shiro claiming another intimate moment that could have been his. And regret, for everything he could have and should have done.
He reluctantly exited his room and trudged down the hall for breakfast. He was thankful to find only Hunk occupying the room. The blue paladin got himself a plate and settled himself at the table, ready to eat until he felt better or died. Whichever came first.
Hunk decided now was as good a time as any to check on his friend. "How ya doing?"
"Great."
"Oh come on. Cheer up, please. Someone needs to be the light hearted comic relief around here."
"It's a little difficult to be happy when you sleep a few halls away from a psychopath having sex with someone you care about."
"Woah. Ok. First of all, please don't ever say anything like that to me, ever again. Second of all, you care about both of them. And third, they did not take part in any such activity last night."
"And how do you know?"
"The "psychopath" told me they got in a pretty bad argument last night. He just went to his room to apologize."
"Well good. At least everyone's miserable."
"Ok, but seriously. Cut that out. You're scaring me."
"You're telling me. I'm scaring myself."
"You still talking about the whole identity crisis thing?"
"It's just him. It scares me how much I care."
"Awww."
"It's not a joke, Hunk."
"But it is cute."
Lance didn't have a chance to contest this before a concerned Coran burst into the room.
"Have either of you seen Keith?! Shiro says he's not in his room and no one's seen him all morning!"
Hunk and Lance exchanged confused glances. Coran took that as a no and dashed away, pursued by the two paladins. They arrived at the control room where a nervous Allura was flipping through all the video feeds of the castle. "I don't understand. His lion is still in the hangar. He's not in the training room. He's not at the pool. He's not in any of the bedrooms and he's not in here!" Shiro stood off to the side looking more and more anxious by the second. Deep down he must have already known. Everyone swiveled around to face the door when Pidge came in, out of breath.
"One of the escape pods is missing." Lance thought he was going to lose consciousness.
He lunged at Shiro instead.
I plan on the next update being sometime this weekend. If not, that means I probably acted like a sloth and did nothing for several days. I'll try to keep myself together. Thank you to anyone still reading this story as it zig zags and crashes XD.
Favorite follow and review
