Goodbye Summer Hello Trouble!
Chapter VIII
Sam woke up with a smile. He did not know why, but he felt s though something great was going to happen. He also was not aware why he was so mirthful. Perhaps Spiderman had something to do with it. Honestly, if Sam were being interrogated and forced to tell his tormentor the reason for his sudden giddiness and beaming smile, then his only answer would probably be Spiderman.
Sam did not understand why he was so entranced by the web slinger. The boy just felt there was something different about Spiderman. But what was it that had drawn Nova's attention? Was it his terrible yet sometimes quite witty and funny puns? Was it the fact that Spiderman had not trained at all under S.H.I.E.L.D. or any similar organizations' wing? Was it the fact that Spiderman kept going even after it was clear that nothing could be salvaged and most of the time even if he did fail, he always pulled through in some miraculous way? Or maybe it was the wall-crawler's eye-catching physique?
The obvious answer to all of these questions was obvious – a little bit of everything because those questions along with many others comprised the mystery which was Spiderman. The hero was an enigma, a puzzle many had tried to solve, but many had failed. He drew you into his web, trapped you, entranced even enchanted you, made you feel as though there was nothing you could not do, making you believe that not the sky, but the universe was the limit. However, after he left, after he had made you feel special, there was nothing left. You were thrown back into your mediocre lifestyle, forced to endure a routine you willingly had trapped yourself into.
"God, I am over thinking it again." Sam murmured as he rubbed his temples. He had managed to sleep a bit last night. However, it had not been enough. Sam was glad that there was coffee ready for him and that there were no examinations today.
"Morning, bucket-head." Luke said as he grabbed the milk carton from the top shelf of the fridge.
Sam grumbled a reply as he fished out his frozen pizza which was on the shelf below. At times like these he was glad he was shorter than Luke. Danny and Ava soon entered their shared kitchen and greeted Luke and Sam who soon responded. Sam grabbed a few eggs and asked how each team member wanted them.
"I prefer mine scrambled today please." Danny requested.
"Can you make mine hard-boiled?" Ava asked as she turned the page of the book she was currently reading.
"I want mine to be soft-boiled." Luke asked as he drank what was left in the milk carton.
Sam rolled his eyes as he prepared everything he would need in order to fulfill everyone's requests. Luckily, he himself was feeling like eating scrambled eggs. As he was busy preparing his and Danny's choice for breakfast, he could not help but ask, "Can't you guys choose to have the same type of breakfast for a change?"
"No." Luke answered as he grabbed a slice of pizza and bit from it.
"Why?" Sam asked, slightly annoyed.
"Because we enjoy making your life difficult." Ava answered as she turned another page.
Sam grunted a reply and wondered why Danny had not participated in their usual morning bickering. This was often the time he would intervene and play peace maker. Feeling his curiosity piqued, Sam turned around to check on his teammate only to find him missing.
"Where's Danny?" Sam asked as he turned around and added some salt and chilly sauce into the pan that was currently being used by Sam to cook his own breakfast.
"I think he went to meditate." Luke answered as he finished the slice of pizza he had been devouring for the past five minutes.
"I thought he was going to practice yoga." Ava uttered before she exclaimed, "No way!"
Before Sam had a chance to drop the pan that was currently being utilized in order to prepare Danny's breakfast and Luke could ask what was wrong, Danny immediately rushed into the room and enquired, "What's the matter?"
Sam's eyes widened. He had never seen the usually calm Danny so worried. Luke merely blinked, then chuckled quietly. Ava paid neither of them any heed. She simply grinned and continued reading.
Sam blinked once more as Danny sighed and said, "I am glad nothing has happened during my absence."
Luke threw a laughing fit. Ava grinned and turned another page. Danny smiled at her, then made a few steps and sat down next to her. Sam simply continued staring at them until he heard the familiar blaring of the fire alarm and turned around sharply.
"Oh no! Not again!" Sam yelled as he rushed to switch off the hot plates.
Just as he was about to step away and grin that he had prevented an accident from occurring, the fire alarms went off and water poured down upon everyone. Grumbles could be heard from Luke, an almost inaudible protest escaped Danny's lips and complaints about her book being ruined came from Ava. Needless to say, Sam would be in the doghouse for at least a week.
If only he could find a way to get on their good sides immediately. Oh, wait. There was! With a triumphant grin Sam turned around and said, "I'm sorry about ruining your breakfast. There's some pizza left in the fridge."
He then rushed and grabbed a slice before the others could beat him. As Ava fought off a piece from Luke and Danny poured himself a glass of orange juice, Sam iterated, "Oh did I mention that I managed to convince Spiderman to join the team?"
He then rushed out of the kitchen before anyone had a chance to ask him various questions. As Sam was running toward his room he could not help but feel as though he had accomplished almost the impossible. He had convinced Spiderman to join their team!
Sam glared at Luke and Ava who kept throwing various items at him in order to direct his attention to either of them. He had received a few crumpled sheets of papers with countless questions on them ranging from the reason Spiderman had suddenly changed his mind to how Sam had felt after he had received the web slinger's answer. At first Sam had been overjoyed that he was getting so much attention from both Luke and Ava. Then he had become annoyed when they had cornered him during gym class. Danny had tried his luck during Math and had acquired very vague information because their teacher had bat like ears. It had been expected and Sam did not mind when he had been interrogated during lunch. However, when Luke had cornered him in the man's bathroom, Sam knew he had to get away.
That was the reason why as the final bell rang Sam bolted. He did not have any training or missions for the next few days and neither did they. However, this did not mean that they had to spend their free time together. On the contrary, most of them were looking forward to spending some time alone. Unfortunately, after Sam's little declaration this morning, Nova was certain that his teammates had changed their plans and that their current mission was – chase down Nova, catch him and then torment or blackmail him into sharing every last detail of what had transpired between him and Spiderman.
Usually Sam did not mind being the center of so much attention. However, right now, if he had to be honest, he would prefer to keep things to himself. It was not as though Sam had anything to hide, but he felt as if he needed to keep what had happened between him and Spiderman a secret
"Sam, wait up!" A familiar voice yelled from behind.
Sam's first reaction was to increase his pace. However, soon he realized who the voice belonged to and stopped. Unfortunately, Sam tripped and the person who was chasing after him had been running too fast and had no time to stop. As a result, Peter found himself falling and Sam was the one to cushion it.
"Ow, man, that hurts!" Sam moaned as he tried to move his head. He was not aware of how close he and Peter's faces were. This was the reason why Sam did not hesitate to turn his head around and ask, "Can you get off me nnnn…"
His questions died in his throat. His eyes widened. Never had he found himself staring into such lackluster blue pools. Sam felt a familiar warmth encasing his form. A feeling he knew all too well settled in the pit of his stomach. Heat rose to his cheeks and his heart rate quickened. At that moment Sam found out a very important fact – he might just be falling for Peter Parker.
Peter cleared his throat and the sound managed to bring Sam back to Earth. The former had removed himself from the latter's body. Unfortunately, Sam had been under a spell for far too long and had not registered the movement immediately. As a result, Sam had remained on the ground and now had to scramble up, effectively embarrassing himself further.
"Well, that was very graceful of me." Sam muttered as he regained his balance.
Peter heard him and chuckled. He then said, " You were still better than me."
Sam laughed as he uttered, "Yeah, I think your balance needs an adjustment."
Peter glared as he replied, "At least I don't need help with balance, grace and coordination."
Sam appeared to be offended as he rushed to defend his skills, "I'll have you know that my dancing skills are top notch."
"Oh really is that why you rise up from the ground as gently as a lion giving birth?" Peter asked.
Sam opened his mouth to retort only to close it and frown. He then enquired, "You do realise that lions cannot and hopefully will not have to give birth?"
Peter rolled his eyes as though Sam were an ignorant child who was missing the point and explained, "Exactly. Because the possibility of a lion giving birth is impossible I used it as a comparison to the probability of your rising from the ground with grace."
Sam glared at Peter who was too busy laughing to acknowledge the other teen's anger. Sam continued boiling for a while before he, too, gave in and started laughing. The two continued chuckling until they reached a café.
"Hey, if you don't have anything urgent to do right now, would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me?" Sam asked before his brain registered that the word choice was similar to that of proposing to have a semi-date with someone.
Fortunately, Peter waved off Sam's embarrassment and answered, "Yeah, sure. Unfortunately, I have already drunk enough coffee this morning so I'm going to settle with tea."
Sam smiled as he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly and replied, "Yeah, I'll probably do the same."
Peter chuckled as he questioned, "So then we are going to grab a cup of tea together because today grabbing a cup of coffee is not our cup of tea?"
Sam raised an eyebrow at Peter's poor attempt at being funny. However, soon after Peter waggled his eyebrows and looked like a complete idiot doing it. Nonetheless, Sam found it cute and was forced to chuckle in order to direct the other teen's attention from his growing blush.
The too had soon ordered – Sam choosing black tea, whereas Peter preferred a herbal one. Their waitress had been very amiable and had not spent more than the required time to take their order.
"Why were you chasing after me? That desperate to spend time with me?" Sam asked bluntly.
Peter raised an eyebrow before he answered, "I see you're as straightforward as always, never one to disappoint your fans. To be honest, I saw that you were feeling uncomfortable and unnerved most of the day. I did not want to bother you further so I decided to wait till the end of the day to talk to you. Unfortunately, you ran away as soon the last bell for the day rang so I had to chase in order to see whether you were alright."
"Or to satisfy your curious nature." Sam supplied.
Peter's eyes widened before he replied, "No, definitely not." He then reached forward and touched Sam's hand, "Believe me when I say this Sam, I really want to be your friend and I truly care about you, okay?"
Sam appreciated the warmth the fingers that were currently ghosting over his skin were giving off. He wished that Peter would go further. For example, he could intertwine their fingers or cover Sam's knuckles with his palm or Peter could trace a trail higher and go all the way to Sam's elbow.
Unfortunately, the gesture of comfort was too short for Sam's liking. He would have preferred if Peter continued his teasing strokes, but apparently Peter had decided to keep the caresses at a minimal level so that no one, especially Sam could get the wrong idea.
"I guess this is the moment I spill my guts, right?" Sam asked monotonously as he stared blankly ahead.
Peter frowned as he withdrew his hands completely. They were now resting in his lap, whereas Sam's hand had not moved. It still lay there as though it had become limp.
"I am not pushing you into doing anything, Sam. I simply want for you to talk to someone." Peter explained gently.
Sam chuckled humorlessly before he shot Peter a glare and asked, "And you assume that someone has to be you?"
Peter's eyes widened as he enquired, "But I thought… after what happened a few days ago."
"Those few days ago I was being uncharacteristically vulnerable. You simply grasped the right moment and used it to your advantage." Sam replied in an icy-cold tone.
Peter was now furious. He abhorred people's rashness, especially when it led them to accuse him of an act he had not committed or motives that had not even entered his mind.
"I have done no such thing. You needed a friend or at least someone to be there for you!" Peter half-yelled, making Sam wince and drawing unneeded attention from people who were passing by.
Peter glared at Sam who returned the gesture of kindness. Their glaring competition continued for some time before Sam's shoulders sagged and his eyes glistened. Peter's gaze immediately lost its intensity. His eyes then lowered and he shut them tight. He knew the look on Sam's face all too well.
"You've lost someone." Peter whispered, making Sam look at him directly. Peter then slowly opened his eyes and locked gazes with Sam as he added, "Someone precious to you."
Sam's eyes widened. His mouth fell open as he whispered, "How did you…"
Unfortunately the lump in his throat was unbearably immense and made speaking painful and almost impossible. Fortunately, Peter could understand what Sam was going to ask him so he explained, "I know that look. The sadness. The longing. The dreamy eyes that go through scenarios of what ifs and what-would-have-been-s. The sad smile that appears right before the devastating realization that those happy scenes your imagination has just conjured are impossible sinks in. I've been there, Sam." Peter nearly choked as he said, "I've lost valuable people as well. People I loved. People I could not save."
Sam's eyes widened as a lone tear past his sockets. It was the only sign that his shield had been tarnished. Every last hope of keeping the wall he had constructed and made more solid as the years passed up shattered. He could not wear his façade any longer. He was tired of acting as though nothing had happened seven years ago on that fateful day.
"A few days ago it… if you count all the days that have passed since October the 25th 2008, you would understand that it has been exactly seven years since my sister, Kaelynn, passed away."
Peter did not know what to say. He had been expecting something tragic, but he had never anticipated that such an event had been the cause of Sam's grief. A sharp intake of breath made him looked at Sam again. As a hollow gaze met Peter's frantic one a truth Sam had been avoiding for almost a decade was revealed, "I was ten, she was… she had just turned seven. My dad and I had promised to take her on a fishing trip as a present. Usually I helped him out and she always complained that her 'big idiot brother always took the glory and spent more time with daddy', while she did not. She even accused me of purposefully making her stand in my shadow. At first I protested, but as time passed I realized there was some truth in her words."
Sam stopped in order to take a much needed breath of air before he continued, "I suggested that she go and help dad that weekend. However, she surprised everyone when she requested that I tag along because even if I did annoy her, I was still her big brother and she loved me."
Peter winced as Sam's gaze darkened even further and guilt and anger began blazing. " Everything had been during the first few hours. The weather forecast had warned that there might be rain during the evening, but it was not something we should worry about. Therefore my dad did not worry. During the first few hours everything had been fine, damn it! Then Kaelynn complained that she had not caught any fish and needed to use something else as bait. My dad tried to convince her that her current one was good enough, but she protested. She was very stubborn about silly things. Of course, my dad could not say no so went inside to search for bait she would deem worthy of being put to use by her on her birthday. I was supposed to watch over her during his absence. Before he went inside my dad told me 'you are her big brother. I trust you will protect her.'"
Sam then stopped and his gaze became blank once more as he whispered, "The storm came out of nowhere. I tried to hold on to her. I thought I had a solid grip on her, but the waves collided with out boat so many times and made it seem as though we were encountering an earthquake. One of the waves was very strong and managed to send us both into the water. I had been learning how to swim since I was five and managed to emerge quickly. Kaelynn, however, had started learning a year ago. She had been consistent with it, but… she had been taught how to swim in a pool and peaceful sea, not an ocean that was trying to swallow you whole!"
Sam then punched the table, attracting nosy eyes. However, neither Sam, nor Peter paid them any heed. The latter continued to listen as the former went on to finish his story, "I saw her for a split second. Her face… it was the picture of pure terror. Then for a split second I thought I saw relief wash over it when she saw me. I… I'm not sure whether it was because she had faith in me to save her or… she knew that this was probably the last time she got to see me. Kaelynn was quite smart for her age and because of circumstances I wish not to discuss, she knew when someone was a lost cause. She had deemed herself impossible of being saved! She knew, Peter, do you understand what I mean? She knew I was too far away from her to save her. She knew the wave was coming. She knew there was impending danger and yet…"
Peter's breath hitched as he saw Sam smile and look at him with glassy eyes as another lone tear, this time from his other eye, made its way down his face. Sam then uttered, "Yet she smiled at me genuinely, warmly, lovingly for one last time. Then she disappeared."
Peter slumped back into his chair. He had been on edge during Sam's retelling of his most traumatizing experience. Even though Peter knew what grief and guilt was, he knew he could not understand completely what Sam had gone through. He knew guilt. He knew anger. He knew shame. He knew pain. However, he knew his guilt, his anger, his shame and his pain, not Sam's. Therefore there was only one thing he could say:
"It was not your fault. You may think you could have done something, Sam, but believe me, there was nothing you could have done to save her."
"Do you think I don't know that?!" Sam hissed as he gripped the edge of the table and continued, "Do you think I don't know my limits? That I am as blind with guilt and grief that I would blame myself? I was aware of my boundaries yet I tested them. Even back then I had been reckless. I had brought far too much trouble upon my family with my rashness. Kaelynn… she was an angel. She had her whole life ahead of her. She was planning to help people, to heal them. She wanted to become a doctor, Peter. Everyone thought she was too young to know what she wanted to with her life, but she knew. Trust me she knew."
Peter's eyes widened once more. With sadness he realized that Sam had more demons than Peter had anticipated. Peter was surprised, however, when Sam continued speaking in the same angry manner he had spoken thus far.
"She was exceptional. She had her whole life planned. She was the family's pride. My mom adored her, so did my dad. They often praised her. I'm not saying I was jealous or anything. I did wish dad could look at me the same he looked at her, but realized that it was impossible. I had my strengths, but the strengths my dad desired a human to possess were gifted to her, not to me. That was okay. I could deal with living in her shadow in the future. I think I had actually started, but that's a different story. What I've been trying to get at is that… It should have been me, Peter."
Peter's eyes widened as horror passed through his features. "No, Sam." He uttered helplessly.
Sam's shattered expression did not fall. "Yes."
"No." Peter continued stubbornly.
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes!" Sam slammed the table as he stared directly into Peter's eyes, "It should have been me and not her."
Peter suddenly grew angry. He did not know why, but he decided that it was high time someone knocked some sense into Sam's head. With a deep intake of breath Peter asked, "Do you want to know what real guilt feels like?"
Sam immediately quieted. He had not been expecting for such a shift in the atmosphere to happen. He suddenly felt cold and vulnerable under Peter's penetrating gaze. Startled, Sam realized something that made his heart thud in his chest – their roles had switched.
"I am sorry for everything you have been through, Sam, truly, I am, but I feel that you do not understand the concept of guilt." Peter said.
Sam opened his mouth to retort, but Peter held up his hand, successfully silencing him. Sam's eyes widened slightly. Dread pooled in his stomach. He realized that he did not recognize the person who was before him. The usually sweet, caring and slightly dorky Peter had been replaced with this formidable, enigmatic darkness that was now standing before him. Those blue storms commanded Sam to look at them. It seemed as though through his intense gaze alone Peter was daring Sam to interrupt him. Fortunately, Sam valued his life. Hence he chose to listen instead.
"My parents died in a plane crash. I was only four at the time so I had to be taken under another person's wing. Luckily for me, my Aunt May and Uncle Ben proposed to raise me. Everything was fine at first. I missed my parents, but do not remember much about them. I am glad that both my aunt and uncle kept telling me stories about them and thus kept them alive in my memories." Peter smiled sadly as he looked at Sam who could only manage a half smile.
Peter sighed as he continued, "What I am about to tell you will stay only between us. It is not a story I appreciate telling, but seeing as you could learn a thing or two from, I guess it would be better if I did tell you about it. If you agree to keep what I have told you thus far and will tell you afterward a secret between us, I promise I will not tell a single soul what you have shared with me today."
"I promise, Peter, your secret is safe with me." Sam replied.
Peter nodded before he uttered, "My Uncle Ben has protected throughout all my life. I can't remember ever being hurt and him not coming to my rescue. I grew up to respect him. He was my role model actually." Peter smiled sadly, "I remember wishing that when I grew up, I could become a person who was half as good as Uncle Ben had been."
Sam nodded, understanding what it was like to measure up to the one you had put on a pedestal all your life. It was a road usually laced with more failures than victories and most of the time, in the end, you never became like them because they, too, like you, were humans. In your eyes, they had been perfect, but, in reality, they were only human.
"There was this one day a few years ago when everything seemed to go wrong. I had a fight with my best friends Harry Osborn and Mary Jane Watson. Then, when I came home, Uncle Ben had found out something about activities I had kept a secret from him. I do not wish to discuss them so please refrain from asking. All I have to say for them was that they were unworthy of being conducted by what I had recently acquired as a new set of skills. Uncle Ben knew I could do better. He told me to remember that 'with great power comes great responsibility'. I did not listen to him completely that day. I was too self-absorbed, far too angry and desolate to heed his words of wisdom. He raised his voice and then I snapped. I yelled at him, called him words I would rather not repeat and accused him of wrongs he had not committed."
Peter stopped to take in a breath. He knew what was coming and looked directly into Sam. The only thing Sam could do was reach his hand forward and put it over Peter's before he said, "If you do not wish to continue, I will understand. You do not have to reveal your demons just because I showed you mine."
Sam had omitted the 'part of' expression. He did not wish to burden Peter further or spike up his curiosity again. His secret identity was and, after all, had to be kept a secret. Unbeknownst to Sam, Peter was thinking along the same lines.
Peter squeezed Sam's hand as he said, "No, don't worry." He then breathed in shakily and added, "I'm ready."
Sam nodded as he tentatively withdrew his hand. Internally, Peter missed the contact, but decided to ignore it, oblivious that Sam was in a similar predicament.
"After he and I finished having a dispute and Aunt May fruitlessly tried to reason with us both, I ran away. I heard Uncle Ben shouting at me to come back, but I did not listen to him. I walked for hours until it started to rain. I entered a studio in order to hide from it. It eased after a good ten minutes so I decided to leave and get back home because it was quite late, almost midnight. Anyway, as I started walking down the pavement a burglar ran past me. The guard behind me, he was from the studio, yelled at me to stop him. I had been…. I do not know now what propelled me then not to stop the burglar. I just know that whatever had motivated me had not been justified. I was an angry teen who wanted to rebel so I let him pass through me, deciding I should not get involved."
Peter allowed all of this to sink in. He saw Sam clench his fist. Apparently Sam was angry at Peter for his past actions. However, after a few moments, Sam sighed and unclenched his fist. It seemed that whatever hurricanes had been spinning inside Sam's head had now disappeared.
"I went back home after an hour only to find Aunt May crying on the sofa, clutching a photo of her and Uncle Ben. Various scenarios ran through my head. Imagine my shock when I found out that Uncle Ben had been murdered by a burglar whom he had tried to subdue." Peter iterated.
Peter felt as though he were suffocating. It had been terrible telling this story to Aunt May. She had not spoken to him for a few days, but in the end she had embraced him and told him it was not his fault. However, Peter knew that she was not aware of all the details. Only Peter knew that on that day he had not been the helpless teen Peter Parker. He had been dressed as Peter Parker, but on the inside he had been Spiderman. He could have done something. However, he had chosen not to.
"The one who killed Uncle Ben was the burglar I had not bothered to stop." Peter uttered.
Sam's eyes widened.
