Tohru shook in her bed. After that night, all she could feel was guilty, guilty for making promises she couldn't keep and for saying things she would go against sooner or later. Everything that she hadn't told him yet was slowly eating away at her bit by bit. Not the fact that she was a princess, she had a feeling he already knew this, but knowing that they could never be and yet wanting him, loving him, and telling him so many of her feelings yesterday, was killing her inside. Those feelings she had mentioned to him were nothing compared to how she truly felt. She hated herself for loving him and for allowing him to fall for her when she knew whom she HAD to be with. No matter how much she fought it, she knew she would be with the man she didn't love in the end. His face, their wedding, a future without Yuki, all of these haunted her each day and every night. Some nights she would even wake up breathless.
Nothing in her life had ever scared her this much. Her nightmares were so realistic that she couldn't sleep most nights; she didn't want to sleep either. She would wake up covered in ice-cold sweat droplets. It was getting harder and harder for her to keep it all to herself. She had already broken down in front of the person she wanted to burden the least with her fears. Eventually, he would question her about it, but every time she tried to tell someone, nothing would come out of her mouth. Slowly the tears she had been holding in slipped out of her watery eyes and fell onto her pillow. Tohru curled into a tight ball, pulling the covers up higher. She cried herself to sleep, and immediately, her nightmares attacked her. They wouldn't leave her alone no matter how much she tossed and turned.
Tohru stood there dressed in a white dress in front of thousands of people. They were all wearing formal outfits and staring at her. Beside her was the dark haired man she detested so much. She had never hated someone before, but she hated Akito. He and the arranged marriage were the only things that were keeping her from being happy when she was around Yuki. Those were the two things that made her feel ashamed when she was around her silver haired lover. Akito wore a dark suit and smiled at her. For the first time, she noticed the pudgy priest standing before them and the flowers in her hands. What was going on? Why did she look so much like a bride, and why did Akito look like a groom?
"Do you, Akito, take Tohru Honda to be your lawfully wedded wife? To cherish and to hold in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" the priest asked Akito.
"I do…" he grinned evilly.
Hearing his response, Tohru dropped the flowers she was holding. She opened her mouth to say something, but she could only continue to stare wide-eyed at Akito. He looked back at her with malevolence burning in his eyes. Peering at her, Akito gripped her fingers tautly in his frigid, bony hand. Tohru attempted to yank her hand away from him, but he was stronger than he appeared to be. His fingers remained latched around hers continuing to give her goose bumps across her arms. She grimaced and looked away from Akito as the priest turned towards her.
"Do you, Tohru Honda, take Akito to be your lawfully wedded husband? To cherish and to hold in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" the priest repeated to her.
"I do…"
The words slipped from her mouth before she could stop them. She couldn't take them back; it was too late. Tohru covered her mouth with her hands with dread as she tried to run away, but she couldn't move. Her body refused to budge even though she wanted to run, run to the only place she truly felt safe, to the lake and into Yuki's arms. Tohru turned her head away from Akito and the priest. Suddenly, she found herself facing Yuki. He looked like his heart had been ripped out, literally. Blood dripped down his arms and soaked through his shirt. His shaking hand reached out to her helplessly. Before she could do a thing Akito's hands cupped her chin firmly, and he gave her a rough kiss. She couldn't break away no matter how hard she tried. She couldn't push him away from her. After what seemed like hours he finally pulled away. The kiss was forgotten at the moment, but the pained look in Yuki's eyes lingered in her mind. Tohru immediately looked back for Yuki, but he was gone.
"Yuki!" she called shoving her way through the thick crowd.
A small group of people had formed in the center of the room. She practically ran there shoving and pushing people out of her way to see what they were looking at. Horrified, she gaped at the sight before her. Yuki lay there motionless. His eyes were shut; blood covered his once white shirt. Tears fell down her eyes as she tried to reach him. She extended her hand out to him, but the crowd moved in front of her refusing to budge. They cut Yuki out of her sight and began to chant, "Murderer… Murderer…"
"No!!! NO!!!" Tohru shrieked finally awakening from her dream.
She sat upright, her heart pounding quickly within her chest. Her breaths came out short and choppy, and a thin coat of sweat covered her body. Tohru clenched her blanket tightly knowing she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. She had killed Yuki; she stared at her trembling hands with hatred. Tohru was well aware that Yuki had only died in her dream, but it showed her what might happen to him because of her and her engagement, and that terrified her. She shivered, wrapping the blanket around her small frame. How much she would give to have Yuki here with her, to have his arms around her to comfort her right now that she was scared; she would give up everything she had for that. Everything about him made her smile, especially how he knew exactly what she was feeling without her having to tell him.
Yuki had his way of making her feel better with just one touch, but Akito's touch hurt, his face was scarred into her mind. That kiss seemed so real, and the hurt in Yuki's eyes just broke her heart into a million pieces. Now she could see how different Akito and Yuki really were; they were polar opposites. Yuki was her warmth and her love, but Akito was cold, and he was her enemy. Ever shadow, every dark corner she expected to turn into Akito. Tohru couldn't stand the darkness any longer. She jumped out of bed and lit a small candle watching the small flame chase away the dark aura. All she could do was sit there in front of the candle sobbing silently as she waited for the sun to come up.
A short distance away, Yuki lay awake as well. He threw the covers off of his body as he hopped out of his bed. Finding himself unable to sleep, Yuki paced around his room. His eyes stung, and he knew wherever she was, Tohru was crying. Yuki walked over to his window and stood there leaning against the glass pane. He stared out into the dark sky, looking at the moon. Yuki wanted to call her and comfort her if she was indeed crying, but if she wasn't, then he'd be disturbing her in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. He tried to convince himself that he just had allergies, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Tohru was upset. Slowly he drew in a deep breath trying to calm himself down.
"If this will make you feel any better…I've decided Tohru. I will tell you everything, every one of my secrets. If you're going to find out one way or another, I want to be the one to tell you. I'm not sure when or how, but believe me, I will tell you," Yuki breathed slowly.
Hatori had been right after all. After he had relaxed the solution had just come to him. Still, he wanted to wait until he understood more of their past before he told her anything about their previous engagement. About his status as a prince, he wanted to keep a tight lid on that until she was less frightened and troubled. Now, he tried to decide whether he wanted to call her or not. He shut the curtains and opened his drawer staring at his cell phone indecisively. The phone sat next to the card she had given him and on top of the scarf she had knit for him. Seeing those items from Tohru, he took them as a sign and chose to call her. Slowly he dialed her phone number and waited for her to pick up.
---
Tohru jolted out of bed when she heard the ringing from her cell phone. In complete shock, she stared at it for a minute. It was midnight; who would call her so late at night? The part of her still thinking about Akito suspected the caller to be that evil man, but the sane half of her knew better; Akito didn't even have her phone number. Hesitantly, she grasped the phone in her hands. Staring at the screen of her phone, Tohru could only whisper his name before answering his call, "He-hello Yuki-kun…"
"Tohru, did I wake you?" Yuki asked worriedly.
"Ah… No, I was awake… I was thinking about something," Tohru responded slowly.
"Are you okay? Did you have another nightmare?" Yuki continued in a voice that let her know how concerned he was.
She froze nearly dropping the phone when she heard the later question. A bit of her had wanted to believe that he had forgotten about that night when she had cried so she wouldn't have to tell him the cause of her tears, but that wasn't like him. Yuki was the type of guy who would remember things she did or said that she couldn't even remember herself. That memory of his was both a sweet and horrible part of him to her. She liked how he knew everything she liked and how he could recollect any day they spent together and retell it like it happened yesterday, but that also meant he could recall every embarrassing thing she had done in front of him as well.
"I- I had a nightmare, but I'm fine," Tohru confessed. She chose to tell them the truth behind her insomnia, but her last statement was a lie. She wasn't fine at all; she was sleep deprived, she was scared, she was upset, and she longed to be with him. Tohru couldn't bring herself to admit any of those feelings so she decided to tell him the lie. The response from Yuki she got was a minute of silence. He was glad to hear her admit she had a nightmare, but for her to lie about her state of being, it disappointed him to hear that. As another minute of stillness passed, Tohru started to feel guiltier about not telling him the truth.
"It's okay if you'd rather not tell me that you're frightened and disturbed about your nightmares, but I'd prefer for you not to lie to me, okay Tohru?"
"I'm sorry… I won't do it again… I- I just miss you…" Tohru whispered.
It was Yuki's turn to feel at blame now that she had said all of that. He didn't really want her to apologize to him, but instead, he wanted her to confide in him. He wanted to be someone she could trust with anything she had to say, but at the moment, it didn't really seem that way. Yuki couldn't complain though, he was keeping plenty of things hidden from her, and she wasn't angry at him for it. Then again, she wasn't even aware that he had any secrets. She thought she was the only one at fault and did the only thing she could: apologize again and start to tell him that she was indeed terrified and agitated.
"Tohru, let's not talk about this, alright?"
"O-okay… Are you mad at me?" Tohru breathed fretfully. It was too soon for him to be angry at her; she hadn't even told him about Akito yet. She didn't even fully understand why he would be angry. Never before had anyone been annoyed with her because she said she was fine when she wasn't. It was her natural tendency to say things that would prevent people from worrying about her, and she didn't want Yuki to fuss over her nightmares. Tohru didn't want to be a disturbance to him, but if he wanted her to tell him exactly how she felt, she'd try her best to. All she really wanted was to be around him, and if she was more like what he wanted in a girl, maybe he'd want to spend more time with her too.
"No, it's not like that. I just want you to feel like you can tell me anything, but I'm probably pushing you too much. I'm sorry," Yuki told her regretfully. He did want her to feel like she could tell him anything that was on her mind and how she actually was feeling, but he didn't want to dishearten her when she was already depressed from her nightmares. That wasn't right; he had called Tohru with the intention of comforting her in mind, not causing her more grief. So far, he was failing. Maybe he shouldn't have called her, but if he hadn't she would have probably spent the rest of the night crying.
"No, it's my fault-" Tohru started, but Yuki cut her off before she could finish.
"Let's just forget this. Do you feel any better? Are you comfortable enough to go back to sleep yet or do you want to continue talking?" Yuki asked her.
"No… I'm sorry. I think I'm going to stay up longer, but I don't mean to keep you up! You should go to sleep! I don't want to get you in trouble! It's so late already…" Tohru rambled aimlessly not wanting him to feel obliged to stay up and keep her company. She knew he already had a big enough sleeping problem, and she didn't want to make it any harder for him to wake up in the morning. Humans needed sleep to function properly, and he wasn't the one with the sleeping issue at the moment. Regardless, she was grateful that he had called her. It made her happy to know he could somehow tell that she was upset even if he couldn't see her.
"Tohru, I called you this late because I wanted to stay up and keep you company. I couldn't sleep anyways, so don't hang up on me, okay?" Yuki smiled.
"Ah… Okay… But please tell me if you get tired!" Tohru exclaimed.
"Only if you talk softer so no one will hear you," Yuki laughed.
To this, Tohru blushed but agreed. He was right after all, someone would hear her if she kept shouting in the middle of the night. Somehow, he had already managed to make her feel at ease. A few minutes ago, she was weeping, but now, she was smiling and giggling. He truly was a miracle, he was her miracle. She had no clue what she would have done without him. If only everyone else could see how much he meant to her, if only he knew how important he was to her, if only they could be together, then her life would be complete.
---
A couple of nights later, Yuki lay on the soft green grass beside the lake with Tohru. The cool night air was surprisingly relaxing. Moonlight enraptured the forest in a silvery light with the stars shining brightly above, illuminating the sky as tiny diamond-like specks. Neither of them had said much to the other, they just lied there in silence, simply enjoying being with each other. Tohru had her head resting on Yuki's bicep and both of her hands locked around his shoulder. Her grip was firm, she was afraid to let go of him. Yuki kept the rest of the arm she was laying on wrapped around her thin shoulder, and he used his other hand to stroke her soft mahogany colored hair.
"Yuki?" Tohru started turning her head slightly so she faced him directly.
"Nn?"
"About
me crying the other day…" she murmured nervously.
She looked down again trying to decide how to tell him about Akito once more. No matter how many times she reordered the sentences she came up with, the conversation would still end with her telling him she was engaged to another man. No matter how many times she reworded the phrases, they still sounded bad to her. Tohru had given up on trying to make her engagement sound minor and unimportant a while ago, but she was still nervous about telling him. She was especially anxious about his reaction. The last thing she wanted was for Yuki to be mad at her. Her hold around his shoulder tightened with the thought that he might not like her anymore.
"It's okay. I'm glad you're letting out your feelings," Yuki smiled at her.
"I think I should tell you why I was crying," Tohru continued uneasily.
"You don't have to tell me now… I'll wait until you're more comfortable, but whenever you're ready, I'll listen," Yuki told her gently.
Tohru looked up at him with her large brown eyes and beamed faintly. It was a relief to hear that he didn't need to hear her reason now. She wanted to think over how she'd tell him some more, and she also wanted to see whether she could get out of the engagement or not. If she could somehow manage to get away with not marrying Akito, there would be no point in getting Yuki all worked up. Yuki looked down at her, glad to see he was able to get her to relax a little more than she had been before. He didn't mind waiting to hear what had made her cry as long as she didn't feel like it would harm her in any way, and she seemed safe and sound to him. Caressing her long dark stands in a comforting act, he admired the beauty of his princess.
"Thank you…" she whispered to him.
Yuki pulled her closer to him wanting to convey his feelings towards her through the simple gesture. She moved closer to him, settling her cheek down on his chest as her arms inched their way around his neck. They stayed there with each other lost in their own thoughts. Tohru, still trying to figure out a way to tell Yuki about Akito, and Yuki, still attempting to find a method to tell Tohru about his status, about their past, and about Machi, neither of them wanted to keep secrets from the other, but for now, it was the simplest thing to do. Yuki took a deep breath. After hearing Tohru try so hard to tell him her secret, he felt ashamed since he hadn't attempted to tell her anything yet. He felt obligated to tell her at least one of his secrets now.
"Tohru…I have to tell you somethi-"
Tohru started to nod in response to what he said, but staring up at the sky silently, she couldn't help but cut in when something bright flew across the sky catching her eye. Her jaw dropped with excitement as she sat up. Pausing in his statement, Yuki arched his eyebrow up at her, curious to know why she wasn't laying down anymore. A smile spread across her face as she turned her head to face Yuki. She thrust her finger up pointing to the sky. She stared at him like she expected him to understand what she meant just by pointing at the sky. He gazed blankly back at her. Tohru joyfully directed his attention back to the sky, "Yuki-kun! Look! A shooting star!"
Yuki couldn't help but smile. Seeing her so giddy, he knew he wouldn't be able to continue the sentence he had started. He couldn't find it in his heart to ruin her joyous mood with his news. He didn't want her smile to falter and fade. There would always be tomorrow or the day after for him to tell her. Rest assured, he would most definitely tell her sooner or later, but for now, he wanted her to continue smiling.
"Make a wish!" she exclaimed.
Tohru immediately closed her eyes and put her hands together to pray. She had a ton of things she wanted, but there was obviously one thing she wanted more than anything else. Yuki chuckled at her serious demeanor. He couldn't remember the last time he had made a wish on a shooting star. He didn't really believe in this sort of thing. When he was younger, he used to make a wish every time he saw a meteor, but none of his wishes ever came true; his parents were still his parents, Ayame and Shigure were still alive, he was still a prince, his wishes changed nothing in his life. It was probably around then when he stopped believing in wishes, but he was glad to see Tohru get so excited over something as small as a meteor. He partially desired to be that shooting star now so he could know what Tohru wanted most. It was his wish for her to get whatever she yearned for.
"Please let me stay with Yuki-kun forever… That's my wish. I want to be able to love him…" Tohru mumbled to herself too softly for Yuki to be able to make out anything.
Tohru's eyes opened, and she looked up at Yuki asking, "Did you make a wish?"
"You're so cute…"
Tohru blushed darkly. She looked down noticing that his hands weren't folded together for wish making as hers were. Quickly, she yanked them apart feeling a bit stupid for doing something so childish in front of him. Usually she didn't mind making wishes in front of others since they always prayed with her, but when she was doing it alone, she felt foolish, and the last person she wanted to appear idiotic in front of was Yuki. Before she could even think about apologizing, Yuki encircled her within his arms and drew her back down into a laying position. Wide-eyed she laid on top of him with her mouth hanging open. Yuki tugged her upwards with his hands under her arms. He sat up continuing to pull her up until her face was a few inches away from his.
"My only wish is to be with you…" he replied sweetly gazing into her eyes, "Well and that you'll accept me…"
"Eh?! Yuki! You can't tell me your wish or it won't come true!" Tohru gasped.
"But it already came true… You're with me right now," he responded with a grin.
She was already embarrassed after hearing what he wanted, but now, she couldn't even look at him anymore without getting flustered. Her cheeks grew darker as she burrowed her face into his chest. Her pounce like maneuver caused him to lose his balance and fall back down onto the grass. Tohru gripped his shirt tightly, not wanting to show him how red her face was. Yuki laughed wrapping his arms around her back. He buried his face in the nape of her neck squeezing her in return.
"I'll never let you go, ever…" he muttered to her tightening his embrace.
Her grip slowly loosened as she moved her hands from his shirt to around his waist. Tohru hugged him back. She closed her eyes feeling safe for the first time in days. Holding her protectively, he kissed the top of her head. If she had the choice, she'd never return to her home, the palace. She'd rather stay here with Yuki for the rest of her life even if she'd miss Kisa and Haru dearly. It wasn't like she loved Yuki more than Haru and Kisa. She loved the three of them equally but differently. It was just that her heart ached when she was away from Yuki. Tohru would never say that, but she did want him to hold her forever and never let go.
"I'll make sure that whatever you wished for comes true. You can count on that," Yuki vowed to her.
She looked up into his eyes with her adorable smile and flushed cheeks that made his heart melt. He loved it when she was cheerful; he loved it when she was beaming and blushing; he just loved her in general. It made him grin just seeing her so joyful. He sat up with her still seated across his lap. Yuki lifted his hand bring it to her cheek and brushing a strand of hair out of her face. Tohru placed her hands over his and continued looking delighted.
"You don't have to do that! A wish is a wish! It might come true, but it might not…" she said.
"It's not about having to… It's about me wanting to. Anything that'll make you happy, I'll do…"
They locked gazes for a moment. Tohru didn't have anything to say in response to that. It was a pretty ridiculous statement but sweet nonetheless. Lucky for him, her wish hadn't been that outrageous. Her wish would actually have been pretty reasonable if they were ordinary people, but they weren't. They were the prince and princess of two opposing countries; staying with one another for the rest of their lives would be nearly impossible. Tohru was still oblivious to the extent of how forbidden they actually were. She still thought the only problem with their relationship was that she was a princess, but Yuki knew. He knew how far their families would be willing to go to keep them apart, and because of that, he didn't want her to know his status.
"Can we stay like this forever?" she asked in a soft voice.
Yuki slid their hands off of her face and grabbed both of her hands, intertwining his fingers with hers. Her tiny hand fit in his larger one like they were made to wrap around one another; they went together perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle. For a moment, he just held her hands not replying to her statement. He gave her hands a gentle squeeze in response. Tohru smiled and clutched his hands firmly in return. She knew how absurd her request was; she knew they couldn't stay like that forever, but it was what she wanted; it was what her wish had been; it was what her heart desired most.
Her wish wasn't granted that night; as usual he walked her home and gave her a kiss goodnight before returning to his home.
