EPOV
We ended up going to my place, since there was less of a chance anyone showing up unexpectedly. Bella was lying on my bed looking up at the ceiling, much like I was last night, when she suddenly spoke up.
"Your fingers are calloused," She said.
"Yeah," I said, wondering if she was going to complain about my rough fingers touching her face.
"Where's the guitar?" She said sitting up and looking at me with a suspicious look on her face. I was a little surprised that she had figured out that I played the guitar just by the callous on my fingers but Bella was a smart girl and I was learning quickly that a person couldn't get much passed her. I went over to my closet and pulled out a big gig back that had my guitar and my journals, filled with my song lyrics and various entries about my life, in it. I unzipped the bag and took out my Fender acoustic. As I sat next to Bella on the bed, I noticed that a smug look had appeared on her face. I just rolled my eyes and handed her the guitar.
"How long?" She asked.
"I've been playing for almost 10 years," I replied. I wondered if she could play an instrument. Her hands were soft, but that didn't necessarily mean that she couldn't play anything, just that she moisturized after she was done.
"Play something for me," She said and handed me the guitar. I'd never actually played for anyone before. My music was just that, mine, but I knew that I wanted to share every aspect of my life that I could with Bella. Besides, she was mine too so I really wouldn't be going too far out of my boundaries. I positioned my guitar on my lap and got comfortable. I looked over at Bella and she seemed excited to hear me play. I took a deep breath, cleared my throat, and jumped into the last song I wrote.
Hear me Now (originally by Framing Hanley)
Well I swear to God we've been
down this road before
The guilt's no good and it only shames us
more
And the truths that we all try to hide are so much clearer
when it's not our lives
When we don't face the blame
Won't
you get on your knees
Have faith and believe in this lie with us
all
Well my body's on the floor and
I am calling, I'm calling out to you
Can you hear me now?
It's not a rebellion when
you're selling out to an out of fashion salesmen
Our promising
lives are full of empty promises
Temptation's falling and
calling you home again
Well I'm sorry if we've let you
down
Won't you get on your knees
Have faith and believe in
this lie with us all
Well my body's on the floor and
I am calling, I'm calling out to you
Can you hear me now?
Well
my body's on the floor and I am crawling, well I'm crawling out
to you
Can you feel me now?
What's wrong?
Now my body's on the floor and
I am calling, well I'm calling out to you
Now my body's and I
am calling
Now my body's on the floor and I am calling, well I'm
calling out to you
To you
As I played the ending I felt Bella's hands on my shoulders, followed by her lips on my neck. Her lips were so soft and warm, they carried with them a sensation I could feel throughout my entire body.
"You have an amazing voice, and that was a beautiful song," She whispered into my neck. I turned my head so that my forehead was resting against hers.
"Thank you. Do you play anything?" I asked her.
"Yea but it's not as good as you."
"I think you should play for me," I said handing her the guitar. She pushed it away and shook her head.
"Maybe later," She said with her head down. I put a finger under her chin and gently pulled her up.
"I was hesitant about playing for you as well. I don't share my music with anyone, ever. But when I'm with you, the walls that have taken me years to build become weak. I feel like I can share just about anything with you. I understand if you don't feel the same. We did just meet after all," I said and started to put my guitar away. She reached over and grabbed the guitar.
"No, I do feel the same way. Just don't laugh when I sing ok?" She asked. I nodded my head, and handed her the guitar.
"Treat it with care. I love that thing," I said to her, and she giggled. Just like I did, she took a deep breath and began to play.
Whisper (originally by Fine Frenzy)
Running the race like a mouse in
a cage getting nowhere, but I'm trying
Forging ahead but I'm stuck
in the bed that I made, so I'm lying
But if you keep real close
Yeah,
you stay real close
I will reach you.
I'm down to a whisper in
a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper can you hear me still
Eager to please, trying to be
what they need but I'm so very tired
I've stopped trying to find
any peace in my mind 'cause it tangles the wires
but if you
keep real close
yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you.
I'm
down to a whisper in a daydream on a hill
Shut down to a whisper
can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Still the sound, it dies on my
lips
To fade away and to forget
I'm down to a whisper
in
a daydream on a hill
shut down to a whisper
can you hear me,
can you hear me
Still
I sat there still shocked for a moment. Her voice was perfect and absolutely beautiful. The song was also amazing. I remained quiet for a moment before finally speaking up. I put my hand on her cheek and made her look at me.
"That was… awful. Totally awful. Who allows you to sing?" I said jokingly, and then added a big goofy smile at the end to make sure she knew I was kidding. Bella laughed out loud before smacking me on the head with a pillow.
"You suck. You know that?" She said to me, straddling my waist and continuing to hit me with the pillow.
"I suck? I thought you said I had a beautiful voice?"
"You do, but you've got a big douchy sense of humor to go with it, therefore you suck," She said before smacking me with the pillow a few more times. I finally managed to catch the pillow and take it from her. I grabbed her by the waist and rolled over so that I was on top and started to tickle her sides while kissing her neck.
"I think you like my big douchy sense of humor," I said, getting turned on as her laughter rolled through her body beneath me.
"So what if I do?" She asked between giggles.
"I'd tell you that you were insane, and I should have you committed. But then I'd feel bad because if you were committed then you'd have to go away. If you went away then my life here in Forks would quickly become even more hellish than it already is," I said as I stopped tickling her and brushed the hair off of her face. She really was a beautiful girl even without the heavy makeup. Yesterday she'd slathered her face in blush and eye shadow. Today she just had on eyeliner and mascara, which actually brought out her eyes more than all that shit she had on yesterday. She looked at me with questioning eyes and I knew that she must be thinking about what Lauren and Jessica had said earlier.
"I didn't kill my father," I said.
"I know," She responded immediately, and from the look in her eyes I knew that she believed with all her heart that I didn't do anything wrong.
"I didn't kill him, but I didn't try to stop it either. I'm glad he's gone," I said, holding her gaze. I wanted her to know that I did not regret my decision to let him die. My dad was an awful man and I had learned to hate him over the years. He was the reason for everything that had gone wrong in my life and I had no happy memories of him. I didn't see any fear or disgust in Bella's eyes, just curiosity and anger. Bella had become strangely protective over me, and I had a feeling that the anger in her eyes was directed at my father. I was glad that Bella respected my personal boundaries. It showed me that she was really in this, our relationship, and she would wait until I was ready to tell her. I rolled off of her and sat up. Bella sat up as well and took my hands in hers. She kissed them and placed our intertwined hands in her lap.
"My mother died when I was eight. The coroners said it was an accident, and that the wrong combination of sleeping pills and anxiety medication is what killed her but I know that she killed herself. I know because she left me a note. It said 'You are a better man now than your father ever was. Stay good. Love, Mom'. My dad never found it, because she hid it in my pillow case. I never showed it to him. I still have it," I paused for a moment. Bella massaged my palms with her thumbs, her way of telling me that I didn't have to keep going.
"My dad was always an angry man. He used to beat my mom all the time, sometimes so bad that she'd have to go to the emergency room. In those eight years that she was with me, I saw her have black eyes, broken ribs, concussions, you name it she'd had it. When I was six he raped her, right on the couch in front of me. After my mom died, he didn't have anyone to vent his frustrations on except for me. My dad hit me for the first time a year after my mom died because I made an 89 on some English homework. Told me I would grow up to be nothing if I couldn't get A's in the language I spoke. Needless to say I never brought home anything lower than a 90 since then. Bella I wish I could tell you that my dad wasn't all bad. That his fits were induced by alcohol or drugs but the fact is that I can't. My dad was a DA and hardly ever drank. He was just evil. I guess it was learned behavior, because my grandpa was abusive too," I looked at her and saw that her head was down. She wasn't looking at me and that was ok. I didn't want to see pity in anyone's eyes, especially hers. If that was what she was hiding then it was fine by me.
"I'd try to stay out of the house for as long as I could. Going to bars, going to strange women's houses, never for money but still," I looked at her and surveyed her reaction when I said this. She didn't react so I kept going, "If there was absolutely nowhere else to go, I'd purposely get in fights so that the police would come and take me into custody. That only made things worse when I got home. My dad would hit me with anything he could find. He'd through mugs at me, punch with a belt, buckle out, wrapped around his fist. My dad became engaged late last year. He never hit her, but he didn't stop beating me. I may have gotten bigger and stronger, but whenever I was around him I always felt like I was that nine year old kid. One night I guess my dad showed his fiancé his true colors. I have no idea what he did to her but it must have been pretty bad, because the next day she came over with a gun. I happened to be home that day and I didn't know she had a gun when he ran into his home office. There was yelling and I heard some things break. The next thing I heard was a gun shot. I ran into the office to see if my dad had actually shot the woman, but the woman, I never found out her name, had shot him."
"He was still alive and bleeding from his chest when I got into the room. Maybe I should've run or called the police to come and help him but I couldn't. The only thing I could think was, finally I'm free of him. I looked over at his fiancé and found her pointing the gun at me. She said 'No woman should ever have to go through what I did' and she shot me. This woman didn't even know me, but my father was so awful that she thought that I would end up just like him. Last thing I heard was another gunshot before I blacked out. Turns out she shot and killed herself after she'd shot us."
"I woke up in a hospital, they told me that both my dad and his fiancé were dead and that I was being sent to live with aunt, uncle and cousin, all of whom I barely know, in this tiny hell they call Forks, Washington. I knew I was going to hate it here, and then I met you," I finished.
Bella finally looked at me then. There was something in her eyes that I didn't recognize, but it wasn't pity which I was very grateful for. She leaned in and kissed my cheek. I pulled her on my lap and gave her a short but deep kiss. She wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder. I rested my head on hers and we stayed that way, comfortable and unmoving.
A/N I hope you guys enjoyed that delve into Edward. I'm still getting hardly any reviews. Maybe it's because I update at awkward times? Idk, just as always, please review guys. Please?
Soundtrack
Hear Me Now (Acoustic) Framing Hanley
Whisper Fine Frenzy
Panic Prone Chevelle
