My foot bounced as I looked out the window, the snow falling in heavy waves.
"How do you feel?"
I looked at Deidre and smiled. "Good. I feel good," I said with a small nod of my head.
"That's good to hear. I like that the smile on your face is real," she complimented, "Did your trip end up being everything you had hoped for?"
I nodded. "It was fantastic. I thought my toes were going to fall off, but the night ended…surprisingly perfect," I explained, smiling to myself as I thought about that night. Deidre made a note in her book and then closed it, crossing her legs as she got comfortable.
"Feel like elaborating?"
I looked up at her and smiled again. I pulled my foot up and rested my cheek on my knee.
"I always thought intimacy was just sex," I said and Deidre nodded.
"And you learned that it's not."
I nodded again. "It's being safe in your own skin. When Dimitri saw those pictures, I was terrified. But all we did was share a bath and I feel like he has seen more of me than any other person. I was nervous at first, but not a bad nervous, like the new and exciting nervous. And he didn't have to say it, but he made me feel beautiful. In a way that nobody has ever made me feel."
Deidre nodded to herself, a small smile on her face.
"You felt safe with him," she mused. I nodded.
"I told him I loved him. Well, he told me first, but I told him," I said as I looked at her, "And I know that he meant it. I can feel it in the way he kisses me, and how he strokes my cheek. Or will throw me under the bus without hesitation to my parents when I'm being a pain in the ass."
Deidre laughed at my statement but nodded. "Love isn't always about the honeymoon phase and the excitement. It's the security, it's the calmness. I can tell by looking at you, and how you're speaking that this is not some fling, it's true emotion. And it's a nice reprieve from how you've been. It's growth. You should be proud of yourself."
I nodded and put my foot down.
"I keep waiting for something to happen with Mason," I said after a moment, the darkness of the topic dampening the mood of the room.
"It's normal for you to feel this way. You have had a traumatic experience and it is a normal response. You are not the first person I've had in this room who has been stalked, harassed, or attacked. This feeling, the waiting, it's your flight or fight response. While I don't want you to ignore that instinct, listen to it. It's screaming at you to be ready to fight. It will take time, but soon, you won't have that thought constantly in your head," she explained and I nodded, running my hands through my hair.
"Dimitri said something similar," I said with a chuckle.
"I'm sure Dimitri has some tricks up his sleeve for keeping you calm, considering his undergraduate."
I tilted my head. "Did I tell you that?"
She shook her head. "I was one of his professors. He's very smart and a quick study."
I smirked. "He is a very quick study. He helped me study for my exams."
Deidre nodded and chuckled quietly. "How are things going on with your studies? This is your last semester, correct?"
I nodded and told her about my classes, even though they had only been up and running for a week. As I talked about class I started to bite my lip, my thoughts moving to something else. Deidre watched me carefully before she spoke.
"I take it Dimitri has not gotten his results back?"
I shook my head. "I think he will get it any day now."
Deidre nodded. "Sometimes it takes longer because they run them twice. Try to keep in high spirits about it."
I nodded and jumped when there was a loud knock on the door. It seemed like we ran over our time.
"I'll see you next week, Rose," Deidre said as we finished our session.
I locked my phone as I set it on the coffee table. Mom and Dad were going out for their anniversary so it was just me tonight. I lounged on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy when there was a knock on the door and then the front door opened.
I lifted my head off the couch and smiled.
"Hey, comrade," I said softly. I had moved back in after New Year's, but I missed staying at his place. But now I was back here, Dimitri came by during the day.
"Hi, Roza," he said as he came in, a bouquet in his hands. I smiled at it and then at him.
"What are those?" I asked softly, as I kissed him.
"Calla lilies," he said as he sat at the other end of the couch, lifting my feet into his lap. I lifted the bouquet and smelled them. They were perfect, just like he was.
"What are these for?" I asked with a grin.
"Because I wanted to, and I got a call from my doctor's office. They have a good feeling about my results. All my scans have been clear, they're just waiting for the genetic testing to come back," he said as he leaned towards me, cupping the back of my head as he pulled me into a kiss. I smiled against his lips and beamed up at him.
"Really!?"
He nodded and pulled me back in for another kiss. "I want to take you out for dinner tonight," he said gently. I bit my lip and raised my brows.
"Okay," I giggled and scrambled up from the couch, mounding up the stairs to get dressed before I scampered back down.
"Where? I need to know how to dress," I called from the stairs. I could hear him laughing.
"Wear something nice," he called out. I nodded to myself and ran back up the stairs. I dug through my closet, not really looking at what I was touching, I just wanted to find something nice but comfortable. I settled on a stretchy black strapless dress. It was tight-fitting and flared out over my hips. I fastened some studs into my eats and ran some styling gel through my curls. After that, I threw on some mascara, blush and lip gloss. I didn't want to take too long, now that I realized that Dimitri was already dressed nicely.
I threw on the only pair of heels I had and prayed I didn't break my ankle while wearing them like I did last time. I came back downstairs with a smile, holding my hands out slightly.
"How is this?"
Dimitri bit his lip and grinned. "Your beautiful," he said as he got up, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. I hummed quietly, smiling softly at him.
"Thank you," I whispered. Dimitri seemed almost smitten with me as he drove, lifting my hand to kiss the back of it as he drove. Dinner was lovely, in a quiet restaurant that was something I expected my parents to come to. It seemed like it was French food, which was different for me, but delicious either way.
Even the bottle of wine we shared was amazing. I wasn't crazy about wine unless it was the sugary wine that I drank with Lissa, but this one was nice.
"How was your family's Christmas?" I mused as I sipped my wine.
"It went very well, speaking of, they are coming to visit in a few weeks. I'd like you to meet them," he said as he topped up his glass and then mine when I extended it to him.
"Really? You don't think it's too soon?" I asked quietly. Dimitri smirked at me.
"Rose, I started working for your father in April. It's almost been a year, and we've been seeing each other since October. It's fine unless you aren't ready?"
I shook my head. "I'm fine with that," I said with a smile, "Is your grandmother coming too?"
Dimitri chuckled. "Yes. Now, she will try and pretend that she doesn't speak English, but she does. Well. So, don't let her."
I snickered into my wine glass and bit my lip. "I'm actually surprised your drinking if you're driving."
Dimitri rolled his eyes at me. "Two glasses over a few hours isn't going to hurt me. I have a much higher tolerance than you," he said as he ran his fingers over my hand. I smiled at him and slipped my fingers between his.
"What exactly did you order for dessert?" I asked with a laugh.
"It's like a white pudding. It's delicious," he mused as the waiter brought his dessert to the table. I furrowed my brows at him but picked up the spoon, dipping it into the pot out of curiosity. It was quite sweet too, and I couldn't help but take another bite.
"So do we consider this as our first date?" I asked with a grin.
"No, we've been on plenty, this is just the first one at a fancy restaurant."
I smirked at him. "So a fancy restaurant and fancy clothes mean a grown-up date," I joked. Dimitri smirked at me and licked his spoon. I bit my lip as I watched him do it and his eyes watched the movement.
"When we're done this, want to get out of here?" I asked coyly, looking up at him under my lashes. Dimitri smirked at me and then caught our waiter as he walked by, asking for our cheque.
"Yes, but I do have another idea for the night," he said gently. I raised my brows at him but nodded, looking forward to what he had in store for me.
I questioned Dimitri as we drove, not sure where were going. Dimitri just smiled at me as he drove, telling me to be patient. After a while, we drove into a deserted parking lot.
"Are you hoping to shag in the car?" I asked with a laugh. Dimitri rolled his eyes and got out, heading around to the trunk. I got out and followed him. He pulled a bundle of blankets out of the trunk and a bag, extending his hand out to me. I followed him and changed my shoes into the socks and boots he had in the trunk.
"You had a plan; this wasn't a fly-by idea?"
Dimitri smiled at me as we walked, finding a clearing not far from the parking lot. He laid the blankets out and then helped me sit on one before joining me. He threw a blanket over my legs and pulled me to his side.
"We're supposed to be able to see the aurora borealis tonight," he said as he handed me gloves and a hat.
I smiled at him and cuddled into him, laying back with him as we looked up at the stars.
"Have you ever seen it before?" I whispered.
"Once when I was a teenager. When you see it for the first time, there is nothing else like it," Dimitri said with a whimsical smile on his face. I wondered what he thought of when he thought about the lights, but I was distracted when Dimitri's up moved upwards.
I looked up and followed his finger, my mouth dropping open as I watched the sky come to life. The swirling of green, yellow, and pink were too much to comprehend. I was in awe of the sky and all it's beauty.
After a moment Dimitri's hand closed my mouth gently, making the two of us laugh as we watched the sky. I remembered watching a movie as a kid, about the whales dancing in the northern lights, and I could see it. It didn't last long, maybe ten minutes but Dimitri was right. It was unlike anything I had ever seen.
"That was crazy. I've always wondered how it happened," I mused quietly.
"Chemical reaction," Dimitri responded and I rolled my eyes.
"Seriously?"
Dimitri smiled and nodded with a chuckle. "Yes. Charged particles collide with gas in the atmosphere."
"Know it all," I snorted but rested my head on the inside of his shoulder. Dimitri smirked at me and kissed my hair softly.
"I think I should get you home before you tell me that your toes are going to fall off," he said and I flicked his nose before standing up. He was right though. The temperature dropped quickly and I was starting to feel the nip of the cold against my nose and ears.
I handed Dimitri a beer as I curled beside him on the bed, hitting play on the movie he chose. He took a sip and wrapped his arm around me. We were a few minutes into the movie before we realized the plot of the film. Dimitri looked at me out of the corner of his eyes and then changed it. Movies about a woman being stalked weren't the best film for me. I had enough of that in my lifetime.
We settled on another movie that was a bit more upbeat than the previous one, but after a while, neither of us were paying attention. Our beers were forgotten on the nightstand, and Dimitri's shirt was on the floor along with my dress.
If it weren't for Dimitri occasionally tickling my waist, I could have classified this as the hottest make-out I'd ever had. There was something about the feeling of his hands on me that was electrifying. Even with the urgency in our touches, there was something delicate about it at the same time.
I sighed quietly and tilted my head back as Dimitri sucked on the skin of my neck, his hands holding me upright so I didn't topple backwards. The slight stubble rubbed against my skin, making my breath hitch slightly as he moved his mouth over my neck.
I shivered and pulled his mouth back up to mine, my hands sliding through the strands of his hair, tugging gently as I rolled my hips against his. He growled quietly in the back of his throat, nipping at my lip as his hands wandered, gripping my hips firmly. He used his grip on my hips to lift me, rolling me underneath him. I wrapped my arm around his neck, letting my nails scrap against his skin. I could feel him shiver under my touch and it pleased me. But he was exploring my skin too. His hand crept down my leg, his fingers wrapping around my knee.
The feeling was unusual to me. I hadn't realized how sensitive I could be to touch, but the gentle pressure of his hand as he hitched my knee over his hip was overwhelming. I let him mould our bodies together, the only things separating us were his jeans and my underwear. But I didn't want them there. I had been anxious about sex, mostly because of the memories with Mason, but the curiosity of what it would be like with Dimitri overshadowed the anxiety.
He pulled back to breathe, pressing small kisses to my cheek and nose, making a laugh creep from my throat. He braced himself over me but raised a hand to run his thumb over my bottom lip. There weren't words spoken, but the words flowed through our eyes. My hands moved over his shoulders and down his chest, coming to rest on the waist of his jeans. My eyes met his, looking for permission but he smirked at me as he sat back on his knees. His hands ghosted over my thighs and waist before hooking into the waist of my panties.
I nodded and lifted my hips enough to assist and he stood up, tossing them to the floor with the rest of our clothes. I sat up and regarded him openly, my chest rising and falling as I breathed. My skin puckered and my nipples pebbled, the cool air running over my body. He watched me as he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down, stepping out of them before kneeling on the bed. I went to him, rising up on my knees as well, my hands coming to rest on his chest as his went to my waist.
He pulled me to him, our chests brushing together as he kissed me, one hand coming up to the back of my neck, tilting my head. If this had been the perfect ideal moment, we wouldn't be in the room I grew up in, hiding away like teenagers, hoping my parents didn't come home early. But that didn't matter, but circumstances didn't matter. The person did; the moment did.
In that moment, in the gentle caresses and the care he showed me, I felt all the love we had. Even as he sat back on his knees and pulled me into his lap, I knew it. I could see it in his eyes and in the breathed whispers as I rode him, pulled close. It seemed too sensual and almost erotic, my hand gripped in his hair as my anchor, but I felt every fibre of my being come to light.
His lips peppered my skin, whispering praises and prayers, some in Russian, some simply my name. When he laid me back on the bed and let his hand run over my skin, I felt like I would float away. And for a short while, I did. And I brought him with me to the heavens.
I jolted awake when the phone rang. I rubbed my eyes as I rolled onto my side and Dimitri whispered.
"Hello?"
I reached my hand out and ran my fingers against his lower back. He didn't react to my touch. He sat like a statue on the edge of the bed. I peered at the clock. It was still early, but not an unreasonable time to call.
"Yes, just one moment," he said as he reached for his pants, shucking them on. Once they were on he turned to me and kissed my hair.
"Go back to sleep," Dimitri whispered as he slipped out of the room. I licked my lips and tried to keep my eyes open, but I was so tired from the night before that I slipped back to sleep almost in a blink.
When I woke up I was still alone, not sure if Dimitri had ever come back to bed after his phone call. I came down the stairs and pushed my hair out of my face. I headed towards the kitchen when the sound of voices slipped from Dad's study. I didn't want to be nosey, but I was curious.
"I came back from my sabbatical early for you, but I feel that this time, I am more of a detriment to Rose's safety. My head is not in the right place and it's not fair to anyone in this situation for me not to be one hundred percent in my game. After the phone call I received this morning, that only proves this," Dimitri said, his voice professional and calm the whole time.
But as he spoke, my heart sank.
"Are you sure?" Dad asked.
"It's for the best. With Mason being in custody, I don't see a reason for Rose to be shadowed anymore. I have worked wither these last few months, and she can knock me off my feet all on her own. I have faith in her," he explained, his voice almost void of emotion.
"Does Rose know that you're leaving?"
"I said goodbye to her last night," Dimitri said and I stood up straight, so many feelings coursing through me that I didn't know which to feel. But hurt was a loud feeling. Was that what last night was for him? A screw in the sheets as a goodbye? What had changed between last night and now? What happened to him wanting me to meet his family?
"I'm sad to see you go, but if you need a reference for your next posting, I'd be more than happy to give the referral," Dad said and there was a scraping of chairs. I didn't move back in time for the door to open, but I set my shoulders back when it opened, coming face to face with Dimitri.
His face gave nothing away and it pissed me off. I knew that he was capable of being void of emotion, but usually, there was still fondness in his eyes when he looked at me. But now, there was nothing. Cold, empty eyes. In that moment, I felt stupid. My biggest fear of being taken advantage of after Mason was all too real. I put my faith and trust in him, and he wasn't even going to say goodbye when he quit.
If he truly loved me the way he had said, it wouldn't just be this.
I couldn't form words as I looked at him. I knew that my eyes were filled with tears and walked away, heading back up the stairs and slamming the door shut behind me. I made it inside the room before the tears erupted, and it felt like someone shove their fist through my chest.
So...don't hate me lol. We can't have Romitri without a little heartache.
