Author's Note: This one is for htfrjolenz. She actually took the time to review and message me and prompted me to write again. I stopped cause no one was saying they liked it.
Chapter 23: Lost and Confused
"Willow, you ok?" Davy asked. Instantly he knew this was a stupid question. How could she possibly be ok? The second he'd seen William on that slab, his heart broke. He knew what it meant for Willow and it broke him. She had run out the second she'd seen him and he followed. She was now sitting in the corner with her head buried in her knees crying. Davy sat down on the floor next to her and wrapped her in his arms when she didn't respond. She didn't push him away or fight him off. "Willow, I'm so sorry. I…I don't really know what to say here. We've been conditioned to say we're sorry, but now that we're here…in this position…I'm sorry just feels so empty. It's not enough."
"I knew something was wrong," Willow said into his shoulder. "I knew it. I can't explain it, but I knew it."
"You don't have to explain it," Davy said.
"I shouldn't be crying like this," Willow said.
"Why wouldn't you be?" Davy asked, shocked.
"They taught us this was going to happen," Willow said. "Growing up. Death was inevitable. We always have to be prepared to lose people and keep on with the mission."
"That's ridiculous," Davy said.
"The mission is more important. Your friends need me to help them, not sit in a corner and blubber."
"Knock that off right now. You aren't blubbering. That's stupid to think you can't grieve because the mission is too important. More important than you. That's not fair. I don't want that for you and I know my friends wouldn't want that for you either. You need to take time now to do what you need to do for yourself. From everything you guys have told me, there's always gonna be another mission. So if you don't grieve now, when? Even if you could find a break in the missions, what's that gonna do to you? You won't grieve until after it's already eaten a hole inside you. Death shouldn't be ignored. You can't pretend it doesn't bother you forever. Then you lose what makes you human. And isn't that what you guys are fighting for in the first place?"
"Dad always told me you're supposed to grieve," Willow said after a moment. She'd stopped crying, but he could still hear the pain in her voice. "He said burying his parents was the hardest day of his life. Until the day he buried my mom. His parents died in battle, in the line of duty. They were honored. Mom died giving birth to me. I once asked if it hurt more to bury Mom cause she hadn't died in the line of duty. He knelt down next to me and told me she had died in the line of duty. Just a different kind. Her duty was to me and to him. Family was always just as important to her as was the Brotherhood. She told the doctors to save me over her. He said that was one of the most honorable things a person could ever do."
"He's right," Davy agreed. "I think you should listen to your dad over the Brotherhood in this case."
"How can I do that? How can I just stop? Your friends need me."
"When you grieve, you don't stop living. You take the time to honor his memory. If it takes a few days, so be it. You bury him and you make sure you remember him. You hold him in your heart. Yes, it's gonna hurt. But you can't have happiness without pain. They're symbiotic. That's the way life is. But you focus on the good things about your father. Like when he told you about your mother."
"He said I looked like her. That every time I smiled, he could see her smiling again. That I was just as stubborn and pig headed as her. I laughed like her."
"Sounds like he really loved her."
"He did. He always made sure I knew her, even though I never met her. I could see how much he loved her in his eyes when he'd talk about her."
"You know what your father would want you to do right now. I know you know. Forget everyone else. Forget about me and Peter. What would he want you to do?"
"Grieve, but not let him die in vain."
"So what does that mean to you?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do. Look in your heart. What's he telling you?"
"It's ok to cry. But not forever. And that everything will be ok."
"I believe that." Davy smiled and pulled her close to him. Piper and Peter walked out a moment later and knelt down next to them.
"You wanna talk?" Piper asked softly.
"How did he die?" Willow asked, wiping her eyes.
"Clean shot," Piper answered.
"He didn't suffer," Willow said.
"Most likely," Piper agreed.
"Did he find them at least?" Willow asked.
"We don't know," Peter said. "We have some leads though. We can take you back to the motel while Piper and I follow up on them."
"You said we shouldn't split up," Willow said.
"We'll be ok," Piper said. "We'll check in often and as long as the two of you stay out of sight, we'll be fine. Peter and I don't plan on attracting attention. Just observations for now. You need to take some time. I don't need you. I can do this without you just fine."
"Are you sure?" Willow asked.
"Absolutely sure," Piper said with a soft smile. "Take time. I insist. If you're up for it, we should go."
"I want to bury him," Willow said standing up with Davy's help.
"I'll talk to Daryl," Piper said. "See what we can do. For now, we wanted you to have this." Piper reached out and placed something in Willow's hands. Willow looked down and another tear fell down her cheek. It was her father's wedding ring.
"Thank you," Willow said sounding a little choked. Piper embraced her before they turned to leave.
"You should drink this," Rose said handing a glass of water to Ginny. She was still quiet, but she had slept for an hour before waking and sitting up against the wall. Ginny looked at Rose for a few moments before taking the water. She took a slow sip and then looked over at Micky, who was still passed out on the next bed.
"What do you think he'll say?" Ginny asked. "When he finds out."
"I don't know for sure," Rose said, "but I can promise it'll be something along the lines of "I love you no matter what". This isn't gonna make him stop."
"At one point I thought we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together," Ginny said still looking at him. "He gave me your grandmother's ring and asked me to. We haven't had much time to really discuss where we stand now though. Do we start over? Pick up where we left off? Neither of us wanted to talk about it. Now we're really going to have to. And I can't ask him now. I can't ask him to do this."
"Do what exactly?" Rose asked softly. "Help you through this? I know he will cause he loves you."
"How can I ask him to watch me give birth to a baby that isn't his?" Ginny asked, looking down at her stomach now. "How can I ask him to watch the woman he loves give birth to his brother?"
"We don't know if that's the case yet," Mike said walking over to her to offer additional support. "For all we know, the baby is Micky's."
"But what if it's not?" Ginny asked. "How am I supposed to deal with that? How am I supposed to expect him to want to stick around?"
"I know Micky," Rose said. "I don't really think it's gonna change how he feels about you. And you know, if you're worried, there are other options. You don't have to raise this child. You can give it to another loving couple who will be able to give this child everything it needs. We can help with that. If that's what you want."
"My mother kept me," Ginny said. "I asked her once how she could even stand to look at me. She said from the moment she found out about me, she knew I'd be hers. She only ever thought about giving me away to keep me from him. To keep me safe. Not because she couldn't love me. When I was born, she saw how beautiful I was and had no second thoughts. I think it helped that I looked nothing like him. But what if this baby is different? Can I really be as strong as my mother? Can I really provide this baby with enough love? Can I look at it without hating it for what its father did? I'm scared."
"Ginny, listen to me very carefully," Rose said squeezing Ginny's hands in hers. "You are one of the most loving people in the world. I don't understand it; I don't know how. You've seen the worst evil the world has to offer, but you are the most loving. If you can come out of everything you've been through, and still love people the way you do, you can provide all the love this baby needs and more. Micky most likely won't walk away from you because of this. I won't lie, it's gonna be really hard on both of you. You're both gonna have to deal with some pretty major shit. But I know that the both of you are strong enough to do it, if you want."
"And you should know that no one is going to think any less of you if you decide to give this baby away," Mike added, brushing her hair out of her face. "Even doing that is hard. But you do what you feel is best for your baby and yourself. It's not selfish. And it's ok to be scared. Your mother would be proud of you for making it through everything you already have. And it's not going to change if you decide not to raise this baby."
"This isn't even something you have to figure out now," Rose said. "And it's something I think you should talk to Micky about."
"I can't," Ginny said. "Not right now. He's already under so much stress."
"I know," Mike said. He was about to continue, telling her that he'd be there for her when she felt the time was right to talk to her, but Micky groaned in pain next to them. They moved over to Micky just as he was opening his eyes. He groaned even louder and started moving around. He was in a lot of pain.
"Micky, can you hear me?" Ginny said kneeling next to him. Mike thought it a rather odd question since Micky was now clearly awake, but let Rose and Ginny deal with him because he had no idea what this ergot would do to him.
"Ginny," Micky said quietly through gritted teeth. "Hurts. Make it stop."
"What hurts?" Rose asked.
"Everything," Micky groaned. "Fire. Body burns."
"Micky, there's not much we can do, but we need to tell you that you've been poisoned," Rose said. "You're gonna be in pain and you're gonna hallucinate."
"Make it stop," Micky groaned.
"Can't we do something?" Mike asked. His heart hurt seeing his friend in this much pain. Micky was writhing on the bed now.
"There really isn't," Ginny said sadly.
"Can you make him go back to sleep?" Mike asked.
"No, if I do that too much, it'll mess with his head," Ginny answered.
"That shit's already messing with his head!" Mike said a little more angrily than he'd intended.
"That's not helping," Rose said getting up and pushing Mike away. "She can't. All we can do is try to make him comfortable."
"I'm sorry," Mike said.
"It's ok," Ginny answered waving him off. She was trying to keep Micky still as he was starting to claw at himself. "Go get a cool washcloth. Maybe that'll help."
"He needs to drink, too," Rose said as Mike nodded and ran into the bathroom to gather what the girls needed. When he returned, they were both holding him down onto the bed. Micky was almost roaring now, but it seemed less about pain than anything else.
"NO!" Micky yelled.
"Little help, Mike?" Rose asked. Mike quickly put the cloth and water on the floor and rushed to help them hold him down.
"What's going on?" Mike asked desperately.
"He's trying to claw at himself," Ginny said. "I don't really know why he's so upset."
"Micky, what's wrong?" Rose asked holding his legs as he now began kicking at her.
"You have to talk to us, Micky," Ginny said holding one arm while Mike held the other. "This is more than pain."
"Get away!" Micky yelled. "Get off!"
"What do we do?" Mike asked trying not to start crying. "We can't hold him down like this for long."
"I don't really know," Ginny said. "Maybe I have to put him to sleep. Just one-" Her words were cut off as a surge of rage flowed through Micky. The color drained from his face and he kicked Rose in the stomach, knocking her to the ground. In the moment of shock and desire to help Rose, Mike's grip loosened enough for Micky to break free of both him and Ginny. Ginny was hit over the arm and Mike was shoved hard. Micky jumped out of the bed and screamed. He wasn't trying to claw at his skin anymore. He was angry. He was about to attack.
"Micky!" Mike said drawing his attention away from the girls. "Stop! It's us! You're hallucinating!"
"NO!" Micky yelled and knocked Mike down to the ground. Mike didn't want to fight his friend, but he soon wouldn't be given much of an option. Micky pinned Mike to the ground. Mike's head hit the ground and for a second he was dazed. In that moment, Micky wrapped both hands around Mike's throat and squeezed.
