Chapter 4 - Not Home Yet


With a flash, Brian, Stewie and Barbara stood outside the Griffin house.

"Ah, home sweet home", Stewie sighed.

"Well, that was fun and all", Barbara said. "But it's great to be back home."

Brian opened the door letting everyone inside. Peter sat on the couch reading the newspaper.

"Peter?" Lois called. "Peter?"

For some reason, the second call sounded depressing.

"What?" Peter answered. "What?"

Like Lois, the second time he said what sounded depressing. Barbara, Brian and Stewie looked at each other wondering what was going on. Why was everyone sounding normal and depressed?

"Can you take out the trash?" Lois asked. "Cause it stinks in the kitchen."

"Sure thing, Lois", Peter said. "Delighted to."

Peter put the newspaper down revealing a second head right next to his.

"I get tired when I stand", the second head said depressed.

Brian, Barbara and Stewie screamed as they saw the depressed head. They ran outside before anyone could see them.

"What the hell is this?" Brian answered. "This isn't our universe."

"Duh!" Barbara said.

"Apparently, this is a universe where everyone has two heads", Stewie answered. "One happy, one sad."

The two-headed Lois came into the living room. One head was happy while the other looked down sad.

"Honey, have you seen Stewie?" the happy Lois asked.

"I can't find him anywhere", the sad Lois said.

"I sure have!" the happy Peter said.

"He's over there, playing in the corner", the sad Peter said.

They all looked to see a two-headed Stewie. The heads were busy making out with each other.

"Wow, Stewie", Barbara said. "You're a sick kid."

"I want you to know I love you", the happy Stewie said.

"Oh, I'm trying to get excited about it", the sad Stewie said looking away.

"This is too freaky", Brian said looking scared. "Why didn't that thing take us home?"

"I don't know", Stewie said. "I told you it hasn't been fully tested yet."

"Well, we can't stay here. That's for sure."

They watched as a two-headed Barbara came into view looking at the two-headed Stewie.

"Hi, Stewie!" the happy Barbara said.

"Brian's gone to the Clam to drink again", the sad Barbara said.

"And now, back to Channel 5 News at 6!" the TV played. "Quahog's lowest rated news cast."

A two-headed Tom Tucker sat at the news anchor desk with one happy head and one sad head.

"The president's dog just had puppies!" the happy Tom said.

"There was a plane crash", the sad Tom said.

"Stewie, please tell me you know how to get us home", Brian said sounding desperate to leave.

"Hang in there, hun", Barbara said. "Everything will be okay."

"Of course I know how to get us home", Stewie said.

He pressed the button sending them into the next universe.


Within seconds, Brian, Barbara and Stewie arrived to the next universe. Only problem was they were stuck in a giant glacier frozen.

"S-s-s-so…." Barbara shivered. "S-so cold!"

"What the hell?" Brian said. "Stewie, what is this?"

"Well from the look of it, I'm guessing this is Quahog but during some sort of ice age", Stewie answered.

"Press the button and get us out of here!"

"Brian, the controller is right under you", Barbara said.

Stewie could barely move his hand inside the glacier.

"Uh oh", he said. "I can't reach the device."

"What?" Brian said. "You're kidding!"

"Yep, get comfortable. I think we're going to be here for a while."

Stewie looked away noticing something that made his eyes widen.

"Oh, look", he said. "There's your poop from the other universe."

Barbara looked and immediately regretted it.

"Could've gone without seeing that."

"Stewie, you got to get us out of here", Brian said. "If we stay in here much longer, we're either going to freeze or starve."

"I know, but I can't reach the device. You try it, you're closer. Besides, you're stronger than I am."

Brian's tail started wagging making the ice around him wear down, allowing him to move.

"Hey, what was that?" Stewie asked.

"You said I was stronger than you and it must've made me happy. So my tail started wagging."

"Looks like it carved through the ice a bit!"

"Yeah it did! Keep going!"

"Brian, you're so strong", Barbara said. "So strong, it's turning me on!"

Brian's tail wagged hard.

"It's working!" he said.

"You want to go for a walk?" Stewie asked. "You want a treat? You want a treat, boy?"

"Good! Good!" Brian said. "You really have one, though right?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"And we're going for that walk?"

"Oh definitely. And I'll give you a bath!"

"No, no!" Brian said as his tail stopped.

"Brian, when we get home we'll have as much sex as you want!" Barbara said.

His tail started wagging again.

"And I'll let you go for a ride in the car!" Stewie said.

"Oh, you better not be lying about that", Brian said.

"You want to sleep in the bed with us?"

"Oh yes! I never get to! Must be a special occasion!"

Brian's tail continued to wag until he moved enough to touch the controller.

"You got it! You're through!"

"Okay, what do I do?" Brian asked.

"Just press the red button", Stewie said.

"Um…which one is red?"

"Stewie, we're dogs", Barbara said. "Dogs are color blind. He doesn't know which one is red."

"Just press the big button!"

Brian used his tail to press the button, sending them to another universe.