"Kakashi."
He wasn't sure who was saying his name, but it was a soft and lovely voice and he could suddenly feel someone's hand on his cheek.
"Kakashi, are you alright?" the soft voice said again as she brushed his skin with her thumb, her touch was as gentle as her voice.
He wasn't sure why she was trying to get his attention, but the more she tried, the more he thought that perhaps he could give it to her.
Another gentle caress, followed by, quite possibly, the most delicate kiss. And, he couldn't be too sure, but were those tears? Was he crying?
No.
She was.
"Please don't cry, my love," he said, still unsure of what was happening or even where he was. He just knew that Shanan was crying and that he didn't want her to. Not for him.
"Kakashi!" She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck as she sobbed. He hadn't even realized that he was sitting up until now.
He wrapped his arms around her and rested his face on her head as everything started feeling less fuzzy.
Shanan leaned back to look at him, still with tears streaming down her face. "What happened? What did he do to you?" she asked shakily.
Kakashi smiled softly at her, happy to look into her eyes again as he brushed her hair out of her face and wiped her tears. "Nothing, my love. He was just upset and rightfully so." He looked around and realized that Obito had left while he was still dazed. "How long has he been gone?"
Shanan looked at Kakashi and frowned as she swallowed. "About ten minutes. He attacked you and then it looked as though you guys were speaking to one another. But you were both very quiet. And then he got up angrily. You sat up, but you had a blank look on your face. He looked angry and sad, but then he looked at me and apologized and then left. I ran to you right away."
Kakashi didn't remember any of that.
"Kakashi, what did you guys say to each other?"
Kakashi searched his memory, but all he could remember was Obito pressing his arm into his throat as he stared down at him angrily. "Probably just asking me why I failed him," he said regretfully as he looked down at the ground.
"You didn't fail him. You hid us. Prince Hidan wouldn't have found us if it weren't for Ryoshi."
He looked up at her with a look of astonishment on his face. "You mean Obito's–" but his guilt quickly returned and his gaze fell to the ground again. "I should've put you in the hay loft," he said softly. "I did let him down, Shanan, and I let you down." His eyes filled with tears. "But most of all, I let Rin down. I didn't mean to." He couldn't keep them from falling as he spoke. "I didn't want her to be taken. Not by anyone, but especially not by him." He remembered his father again and how the Prince looked down at him, more annoyed than anything, before walking away and leaving him to die in the street. "If anything happens to her–"
Shanan sat up on her knees and threw her arms around him to pull him into her chest as he put his arms around her and cried. "Kakashi, Rin is the kindest and gentlest person I know, but she's far more resilient than anyone gives her credit for. I promise you that if anyone can get through this, it's her." She said the words not only to convince Kakashi, but to convince herself too. "Please don't blame yourself," she whispered as she cradled his head and kissed him softly on his temple.
It had been a few days since Rin was chosen and taken away to Guilder by Hidan and Kakashi knew now, more than ever, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Shanan. He wanted to ask her for her hand, but he knew she'd say yes immediately and he'd never be able to give her all he wanted. He needed to make money for them first, and he'd heard that there was a fortune to be made overseas. But breaking the news to her would be difficult, what with her having just lost her closest friend. He knew it'd break her heart for him to leave now, but he was only doing it for them. For her. And if he didn't leave soon, then he'd just talk himself out of it.
He'd already figured out when the next ship was leaving and was secretly getting everything ready for him to leave within the next few days. All he had left to do was to tell Shanan and he couldn't bring himself to do it until the day before he was to leave. He did make sure that they spent as much time as possible together throughout the week.
It was just after breakfast and Kakashi had asked Shanan to clear her day for him so that they could just be together and she happily agreed since she knew he was still struggling with feeling responsible for Rin. So they went walking through the field near the woods together as they held hands and enjoyed the fresh air while trying not to feel too sad.
Kakashi stopped walking, which caused Shanan to stop and look back at him. He did it often, so she wasn't surprised until she noticed the tears in his eyes.
"What's the matter?" she asked as she put her hand on his cheek.
"Shanan, I have to tell you something."
"You're not still blaming yourself are you?"
"Well yes, but, it's not that," he said softly. "Shanan," he took a deep breath as he turned his eyes up to the sky, "I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I'm going overseas."
Shanan took a step back from him as tears filled her eyes. "What? You don't wanna be with me?"
Kakashi took her hands into his and moved closer as he looked at her reassuringly. "No, my love, I'm leaving because I wanna be with you. I just," he wiped her tears and smiled at her, "I just wanna give you everything and if we get married now, then I'll never be able to."
Her whole face started shaking now as she tried to fight the tears. "But Kakashi, you're everything to me. I don't need you to give me anything but you. That's all I want."
"Shanan, we can't survive off of love alone. And I don't just want to survive with you, I want us to have a comfortable life so that we can thrive off of our love. We can waste our days in bed all day, we can have as many children as we want, or as few, we can sit on the porch staring out at the sunset and reading to one another without ever worrying about our next meal. We just have to get through this short period of not being together so that we can live the rest of our lives only being together," he said enthusiastically.
It made sense and it sounded nice, but Shanan still didn't want to go through any amount of time of not being with Kakashi. Not now, not ever.
"Shanan, I'm only doing this for us. Please don't be upset," he whispered.
"But you're leaving and you waited until now to tell me. You'll be gone before I even get used to the idea," she said as she sobbed.
"I'm sorry." He suddenly wished he could change his mind and didn't know why he couldn't.
She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest and continued to cry as he held her. "I don't even have time to be properly upset at you," she said as she laughed a little.
And for the rest of the day they held hands and hugged and kissed and sat together under their favorite oak tree while Kakashi held her close and committed everything about her to his memory. He wasn't sure why, but he was overcome with the eerie feeling that they may never see eachother again.
He sat behind her as she leaned back against him and did all he could to ensure that when he imagined her speaking, that he would hear her exact voice. That he could picture the outline of her face as her mouth moved. That she used her hands to speak as much in his mind as she did in real life. Everything. He knew he'd need to consult her memory to get through being away from her, just like his father always had with his mother. So it needed to be accurate and perfect like her.
And Shanan, too, was doing all that she could to take as much of Kakashi in as she could. The warmth of his body as he enveloped her and made her feel safe. The way his chest moved as he breathed her in and tried to pretend he wasn't. The way his arms felt around her. She didn't know how long she'd have to go without being close to him, so she wanted to remember it so well that her dreams felt exactly like the real world. She knew it'd break her heart to wake up and realize that it had been fictitious, but she welcomed the nocturnal trickery.
Once the day had finished, neither of them were ready to say goodnight to the other. But Kakashi assured Shanan that they would have time to say their goodbyes in the morning before he left.
Shanan couldn't even bring herself to try and sleep. She worried that she wouldn't wake up in time to see him off and she would never forgive herself if she missed the opportunity to say goodbye and make sure that he knew how much she loved him.
She laid awake for hours wishing that she could kiss him and tell him and express her love and longing now. Wishing she could be close to him and spend the night in his arms. She was already awake. Surely he was having just as much trouble sleeping as she was.
She finally got up and paced her room a couple of times as she tried to make her mind up. She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself to go to his room or go back to bed. But she finally stopped and took a deep breath before making her way to her door and opening it as quietly as she could.
Her eyes were well adjusted to the dark by now, so she wouldn't need to chance waking anyone with light.
Kakashi's room was a small separate building that her father had set him up in when he came to work for them. But she wouldn't have to be outside in her nightgown for long as it was just across from the main house.
Once she'd reached Kakashi's door, she took another deep breath and reconsidered. He probably was sleeping. He had such a long journey ahead of him, how could he not be?
She opened the door just as quietly as she had opened hers, but it hadn't been quiet enough.
As soon as the door opened, Kakashi sat up in bed to see Shanan slip inside.
She closed the door without a sound and leaned back against it as she looked at him and he couldn't help but smile at her as she stood there in her nightgown.
He pulled his blanket back to welcome her and she came right over.
But she didn't climb in next to him.
She climbed on top of him and immediately started kissing him.
"Shan–" he tried to say as he pulled his lips away. He didn't want her to do anything she'd regret just because he was leaving.
She put her finger over his lips and stopped him as she gazed into his eyes longingly. "You don't have to say anything other than, I love you," she said at barely a whisper.
He reached his hand up and brushed her cheek with his thumb as he smiled again. "My love, saying I love you is the easiest thing I've ever said to you. And yet, it never feels like enough. I love you more than anything in this world. More than there are stars in the sky. If I had to choose between you and the air I breathe, I'd spend the last minute of my life loving you until my lungs gave out. Love you? I do, very much. And so much more," he said as he wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. And then he pulled her in and kissed her passionately as she wrapped her arms around him and pushed him back…
"I should skip this part," Jiraiya said.
"Is it bad?" Naruto asked him a bit confused.
"No, no. It doesn't go into detail or anything, but I'd still say it's for grown-ups."
Naruto raised his eyebrow at him.
"They just love each other a lot, is all," he said nervously.
"Oh brother. Fine, just skip to the part where they say goodbye. I have a feeling something is gonna go wrong."
"Well, aren't you the observant one? Guess we'll see if you're right, won't we?" Jiraiya teased as he skimmed through to find their goodbye. "Ah, there it is. We really aren't skipping much. Just know that they spent the night cuddling and saying I love you a bunch. Ok? Great..."
Shanan helped Kakashi gather the last of his belongings and even slipped in a small note for him to read anytime he really missed her.
She was really glad that she'd gone to his room and spent the rest of the night with him, but she couldn't help but feel really emotional about him leaving as they stood there and hugged each other and kissed each other outside of the gate.
"I fear I'll never see you again," she said with tears in her eyes.
"Of course you will," he said, though he had the same worry.
"But what if something happens to you?" She was trying not to, but once again the tears fell and she couldn't stop them.
"Shanan, my love, I will always come for you. No matter what," he said as he tucked her hair behind her ear.
"How can you be sure?"
Kakashi smirked at her and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "Because," he whispered, "this is true love. You think this happens everyday?" he said as he pulled her lips up to his and kissed her deeply.
"Kakashi didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Hashirama, who never left captives alive.
When Shanan got the news that Kakashi was murdered–"
"Murdered by pirates is cool."
"Oh, Naruto, shut up already. She's very sad about this.
–she locked herself in her room and for days, she neither slept nor ate."
"I will never love again…"
