Author's Note: This one goes to AdulterousWhore, who gave me a good laugh. And of course, to my little muse, who throws the best ideas out to me, GencoOliveOil! Next chapter, tomorrow!
Heartland:
Chapter 4: Regret
Mens regnum bona possidet
(An honest heart is a kingdom in itself.)
-Seneca
Sawyer glanced at Juliet's sleeping form beside him. It had been three days now, and he wondered if she had started to regret following him into the woods just to be with him. He sighed until she suddenly moved, her arm flopping over his chest as she sub-consciously drew herself closer to him in her sleep. He just smiled. He was glad she had decided to follow him, regardless of what might happen any day now.
He was well aware right now, thanks to Richard, that the Dharma boys were still searching for the two of them. Apparently the rest of their group had decided to skidaddle off somewhere as well when they realized what had happened. Richard promised that if he saw them, he'd also direct them to the caves. He had to wonder where they all went off to that even Richard and his almighty ability to find anything that didn't belong in his territory, couldn't seem to find them.
"How come you're awake..?" Juliet mumbled out, opening her eyes.
Sawyer glanced down at her and smiled. "Just thinking."
"About what?" she asked with a yawn as she rested her head down on his shoulder.
Sawyer held back a chuckle. There was a time, a long time ago, she would have had to do more then simply ask what he was thinking, where she would have to ask over and over to get into his thoughts in his head, but now, the simply question of 'Thinking about what?' was all it took for him to tell her. "Us," he answered. "You."
Juliet smiled and traced her finger down his chest. "Is everything okay?" she questioned.
Sawyer glanced at her. "Just worried you might regret comin' with me."
"Never," Juliet responded immediately, with absolute certainty. She had been the same as him once. Neither of them would let the other know exactly what they were thinking, they wouldn't admit often they needed the other in this twisted world, but now, now it was like they had always been just like this. Absolutely certain that being with the other was where they should have and always will be.
Sawyer grinned, unable to help the way his stomach fluttered at the words.
"We've been in these caves for a few days, James.." she stated suddenly. "Do you think its a good idea to keep staying in here?"
Sawyer had been wondering the same thing for about a day now. He wasn't sure why she was the one who always voiced her opinion before he did these days, but she always did. "I haven't figured that out yet.." he admitted, thoughtfully. What worried him most about her being with him, was that he knew Widmore had some twisted interest in her due to the scar on her back. She had explained how she'd gotten it, and he would never forget it.
()FLASHBACK()
Sawyer frowned, sitting on a chair he'd set by his bed as he watched her lay there. It had been about two hours since Widmore had dragged her through the sonic fence, and she was still out cold. It was only when she finally began to stir that he breathed a sigh of relief.
Juliet groaned, opening her eyes into a squint and immediately putting her hand to her head due to the vague remnants of the headache still remaining.
"Hey," Sawyer said, handing her a glass of water.
Juliet glanced at him before sitting up slowing and accepting the glass of water. "Thanks.." she stated quietly before taking a sip.
Sawyer was silent for a moment as he watched her. "Feelin' okay?"
"Yes," Juliet answered with a small shrug before placing the glass on his nightstand. It took her a minute or two to realize she was in his bed and not her own. \
"Want to tell me what happened?" he questioned.
Juliet stared at him. "He attacked me."
Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Well, duh," she said with a chuckle. "I meant, why?"
Juliet frowned.
Sawyer narrowed his eyes, staring at her curiously. "I ain't gonna tell no one," he told her. "Does he have some super crush on ya or somethin'?"
Juliet smiled a little in response. "He attacked me because of the scar on my back."
"What?" Sawyer questioned in disbelief. That had to be one of the weirdest things he'd ever heard. "Because of a scar?"
Juliet glanced away.
"What scar?" he finally asked.
Juliet shrugged.
"Don't shrug," Sawyer said with another roll of his eyes. "I'll tell ya what," he stated. "You tell me this, I'll let you ask me somethin', and I'll answer it."
Juliet glanced back up at him.
"No lies," Sawyer said, putting his hands up in mock surrender.
Juliet sighed. "Its a scar on my lower back, that I received for killing Danny."
Sawyer frowned. Danny.. Danny was the man who.. "The guy you killed to stop from killin' me and Kate?"
Juliet nodded.
"Why the hell.."
Juliet glanced down. "Jack made a deal to take care of Ben after the surgery if he would take death off the table and spare my life.." she admitted. "So instead Ben had me marked as a killer, that could not be condemned to death for the crime."
Sawyer felt his eyes soften. "Let me see."
"No."
Sawyer frowned. "I ain't gonna do nothin'," he told her. "Just let me see it."
Juliet shook her head.
Sawyer sighed. "I just wanna see what happened to you cause you saved my life.."
Juliet frowned, silently turning away from him and lifting up her t-shirt to show the scar.
Sawyer put his finger up to it and stared with disgust. It wasn't just a scar, whatever the symbol was, they had burned it into her skin, it would never go away. "Son of a bitch.."
Juliet reached her hand back when she felt his hand touch the scar. It was vaguely reminding her of when Jack had done the same thing. Demanded to see it, and then treated it with the aloe plant. But there was something odd about it now being Sawyer to touch it. Something strange about such normally rough hands touching her back to gently.
Sawyer glanced at her hand as it touched his, he sighed and pulled her shirt back down over the scar and watched as she turned back towards him, her eyes filled with tears. "You okay..?"
"I hate myself for killing him.." she whispered, letting the tears finally fall.
Sawyer frowned. He knew the regret of killing a man, and he understood it. No matter what, it always hurt you. "You remember readin' in my file about that man I killed in Sydney?" he questioned.
Juliet nodded, attempting to stop the waterfall from her eyes.
"I thought I was killin' a man who was responsible for the death of my parents.." he admitted.
Juliet stared at him, her eyes gentle, understanding.
"But I was lied to.." he explained. "I thought he was the real Sawyer, but he wasn't. He was just some poor sap I got tricked into murderin'.."
Juliet found her eyes softening now.
"I ain't never gonna get over that.." he told her, taking her hand in his. "And on the island.. when I got that tape recorder of you tellin' Ben Sun was pregnant from Locke.." he said. "Locke found out his padre was the man who conned my parents.. he wanted his daddy dead, so he locked me in a room with him until I found out who he was, and killed him for it."
Juliet's eyes widened slightly in response. She hadn't known about that until just now. "Why... why didn't you say anything?" she questioned quietly.
"Sometimes you don't want people knowin' you just killed a man.. no matter what he did wrong.." he admitted. "And sometimes you just don't feel as better about it as you thought you would.."
Juliet frowned, knowing he was right. Sure, she had killed Danny to save Kate and Sawyer's lives, but still, she'd taken a mans life, and she still hadn't been able to forgive herself. Sawyer was trying to avenge the death of his parents.. which he did, and he still had regret. "I think.." she began quietly. "I think its better that we feel regret over what we've done.." she admitted.
Sawyer glanced at her.
"If we didn't regret what we did.. then we would be monsters.." Juliet explained. "We'd be like Ben.."
Sawyer nodded. "Well.. good thing we ain't like Ben.."
Juliet nodded as well. She was silent along with him.
Sawyer frowned, knowing she still felt terrible at the moment, he stood, taking a seat beside her on the bed. "I'm sorry, Juliet.."
Juliet looked up at him.
"I'm sorry that I didn't know how much savin' me and Kate had cost you," he explained. "I still was an ass to ya' even after ya did that, and you didn't deserve it."
Juliet felt the tears well up again. She frowned before she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder.
Sawyer looked both shocked and unsure of what to do at the moment he realized she had begun crying on his shoulder. It took a moment before he wrapped his arms around her too. He'd never had to comfort a woman before, and somehow it was comforting to him as well. He ran his fingers through her hair, simply allowing her to let it out. Sometimes you just needed to let out the tears you were holding in.
()()END FB()()
Juliet frowned, glancing at him. "I'm worried about you.."
Sawyer looked at her. "About me?" he questioned.
"They know you're the one that took Ben to Richard.." she stated quietly. "I'm afraid you'll get hurt.."
Sawyer smiled pulling her into his arms. "Ain't nothin' gonna happen to me with you watchin' my back, Juliet."
Juliet frowned once more. "What if I'm not here?"
Sawyer glanced at her. "I ain't lettin' nothin' happen to you either.." he said gently.
"Its my fault we're in this mess.." she said quietly. "I'm the one who said we should take him to Richard.." she told him. "Its my fault you got caught."
Sawyer sighed. "It ain't your fault, Juliet," he told her. "I was careless. And I'm not so much worried about me as I am you.." he explained, cupping her face between his hands. "You're the first woman I loved, I mean really loved.." he explained. "I'm afraid you're gonna get hurt cause of me.."
Juliet smiled placing her lips against his before pulling away. "I'd risk it.." she told him. "Because I love you.." she admitted. "I don't care if I get hurt.. as long as I'm with you."
Sawyer smiled sadly. "That's what I'm afraid of.."
Juliet smiled again. "Same thing always scares me too.." she admitted.
"I guess we're just two screwed up people then," Sawyer said before kissing her again.
()()()()()
Widmore glanced back at the doors of the cabin now that he had finish the meeting with Jacob. He frowned, noticing the cabin was not gone. He hated when it did that. He met up with Richard a few moments later as he was heading back.
"Well?" Richard questioned, walking back beside him to their camp.
Widmore simply smiled. "He wants her judged."
Richard frowned. From what he had seen with judgement from the monster, it never turned out well for the one to be judged. But Jacob wanted it, and they would simply have to do it.
Widmore eyed him.
"Then she'll be judged.." Richard stated.
Widmore nodded. "We'll call it tomorrow," he decided.
"Tomorrow," Richard agreed before stopping and glancing over at the cave where he watched the two share a kiss. He watched Widmore continue on without batting an eye before he glanced back and frowned. He hoped, for their sake, she had good reasons for doing whatever it was that she did. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to help them this time.
He sighed, shaking his head and turning back to go to his own camp. Tomorrow would be one of those rare days he dreaded to come. He pondered, for just a moment, warning them to run. But he didn't.
()()END()()
