Author's Note: This chapter will be FILLED with some light-hearted fun! And of course.. a teeny bit of drama. I can't be FULL of fluff you know. But this is as filling as I get. This was just to make everyone severely happy after 5x15. I was seriously distraught at all the angst.
Heartland:
Chapter 13: Remembering Love
Pars maior lacrimas ridet et intus habet
(You smile at your tears but have them in your heart.)
-Martialis
Juliet stepped inside the make-shift tent she shared with Sawyer. She could already tell he was upset about what she had tried to talk to him about earlier, so she sat down beside him where he lay, placing her hand down on his shoulder. "James.. I'm sorry."
She frowned when he didn't respond, and barely acknowleged her presence. She closed her eyes, removing her head from his shoulder, and laid down as well, turning over in the opposite direction. She knew he was just being childish, but she didn't blame him for being upset. He simply didn't want the thought of her possible death to be ransacking his mind, and how could she blame him for that?
She was laying away from him for less then a minute when she finally felt his arms wrap around her. She smiled faintly with her eyes closed as his hand rested on her stomach.
"You were just worried.." he told her, his voice quiet. "I'm sorry for walking away."
Juliet inched back, closer to him. "Amy.. came by.." she mentioned finally, after a few minutes of silence.
Sawyer had his eyes closed, but he opened them at her words. "What did she say?" he questioned.
"That.." Juliet started, but she quieted, saying nothing else.
Sawyer sat up, looking down at her. "Juliet.."
"She said.. Richard was offering to take us off the island.." Juliet finally admitted.
Sawyer watched her in silence for any kind of reaction. But he got nothing. "Everyone?" he asked finally.
Juliet frowned. She knew that was the question he would ask first. She knew, that Sawyer wouldn't want to leave everyone behind. The old Sawyer did what was best for Sawyer, and he might have gone. But the new Sawyer.. he did what was best for everyone.
Sawyer sighed at her silence. "I suppose that means no.."
Juliet shook her head. "Just you and me.."
"We should accept it.."
"What?" Juliet asked in shock, sitting up and turning to look at him.
Sawyer almost fell from how quickly she'd turned and looked at him. She'd surprised him, that was for sure.
"But how can you.. I.. how can we just leave them?" she asked quietly.
Sawyer pulled her to him, smiling a little as she rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his forehead on hers. "It's not about them.." he explained. "Its about you.." he admitted. "You and the baby."
Juliet felt the tears build. She cursed her hormones with sheer violence, because until she'd been pregnant, she'd never been so emotional before. It just wasn't right. She was supposed to be distant, cold, bitter towards most of these people just as they should be towards her. Instead she found herself caring about whether they liked her or not. She had never before cared about who liked her and who didn't like her.
"Are you gonna cry?" Sawyer asked, suddenly very wary about her emotional state. "Did I upset you?"
Juliet covered her face with her hands and shook her head, a strangled laugh coming out between the sobs. "It's these damned hormones.." she muttered. "I hate crying, weak people cry.." she stated, trying to rub her eyes and make it stop. "But I can't stop doing it."
Sawyer looked somewhat unsure what to say in reply. Until he started laughing, that is. He'd never seen someone so distraught over being emotional. He admitted it was downright strange to see her crying so much, but he realized it was understandable with pregnancy. And her reaction to it was just downright hilarious.
"Oh my god.. you're laughing at me," she stated incredulously, standing up. "I'm emotionally unstable, and you're laughing," she said, groaning and wandering out of the tent, barely acknowleging everyone that was staring at her now.
Sawyer coughed and held back another laugh as he stood and went after her. "Juliet.. Juliet," he stated, grabbing her hand. "I'm sorry," he said, though it came out with obvious amusement so he once again toned it out of his voice. "I'm sorry."
Juliet rolled her eyes. "I feel like a damned roller coaster," she said, shaking her head.
"Why's that?" Miles cracked. "Cause first you're up, then you're down, and now you're going upside down?"
Both Sawyer and Juliet both glared at him immediately.
Miles put his hands up in mock surrender and sat back down next to Hurley.
"Smooth dude.." Hurley said with a grin.
Juliet frowned and took Sawyer's hand, leading him a little into the jungle and away from everyone else. "I'm sorry.. I just.."
"You're afraid to leave everyone behind.." he stated, leaning against a tree and folding his arms. "You're afraid you'll disappoint them like Jack did to you.."
Juliet nodded slightly in response.
Sawyer smiled, pulling her close to him and kissing her. "You don't have to apologize.. Juliet," he told her. "I don't want to have to worry about 'if you die'," he explained, wrapping his arms around her. "I told you I'd get us off this island.. and accepting Richard's offer is the best way to go about doing that.."
"What makes you think we can trust him?" she asked, staring up into his eyes. "After all that he's done.."
Sawyer smiled a little. "Because Richard hasn't lied to us yet.. why would he start now?"
Juliet said nothing at first, acknowleging the truth in the statement. "Alright.." she stated. "Tomorrow morning, before dawn.. Amy will be waiting at the treeline.."
Sawyer nodded slightly. "Tomorrow morning then.."
()()FLASHBACK()()
One year.. and nine months. That's how long Sawyer had been staying in Dharmaville. One year, and nine months was when he realized he was truly falling in love with a certain blonde woman working in the motor pool. He groaned, before remembering Horace was also sitting in the security room with him.
"Something wrong, Jim?" Horace asked, taking a seat beside his Head of Security.
Sawyer sighed, shaking his head and leaning back in the chair, watching the camera on the motor pool and seeing Juliet go by. It surprised him when she looked up into the camera, smiled, and waved.
"Intuitive woman you got there.." Horace noted, smiling a little. There was something strange, about watching two people fall in love. "So you really never used to like her before you guys crashed on the island?" he finally asked. "You really thought she was cold, and heartless?"
Sawyer frowned before glancing at Horace. "You're asking me that now?" he questioned.
Horace chuckled. "Yes.. I suppose I am," he stated, folding his arms. "Just wondering what made that change."
Sawyer thought about it. What had changed his mind about his opinion on Juliet? "I'm not sure.." he admitted. "Somethin' in her eyes, H.." he explained thoughtfully. "Somethin' about that way she don't see me like everyone else does."
"What does everyone else see?" Horace questioned.
"Someone to look for, for answers," Sawyer admitted. "Truth be told, I ain't got no answers," he told Horace, sighing. "And she doesn't expect me to give her any."
Horace watched the realization cross LaFleur's face.
"She watches my back when I'm too busy watchin' everyone elses," he explained, watching Juliet on the monitor. "I might've thought she was cold as steel when we were.. on the ship," he stated. "But.. I just didn't really take the time to look further then what she was showin' on the outside."
Horace watched the monitor now as well. Watched as Juliet worked on one of the vans. "She always does what she's told, no questions asked, no objections.." he noted to LaFleur. "She always been like that?"
Sawyer sighed. "Nope.." he answered. "She used to be more stubborn then anyone I've ever met.."
"Any idea why that changed?" he questioned.
"I'd guess it was Jack.."
Horace narrowed his eyes, slightly confused at the answer.
It took Sawyer a moment to realize he'd said to much. Horace didn't know Jack. Horace had no idea who Jack even was. "Jack.. was also on the ship."
"I see.." Horace stated. "And she.. was with this Jack character?"
Sawyer sat up. "I'm not really sure what they were.." he admitted, thoughtfully. "They were usually together, inseparable.." he explained, sitting back again in the chair and glancing over at Horace's thoughtful face. "But when we all swam to shore, Jack wasn't there.." he told his boss. "He was gone."
Horace said nothing. So Juliet may have loved a man that was also aboard the ship? It made sense now, that she could be so quiet and lost in thought.
"She was just different after Jack was gone," Sawyer stated with a shrug. "I guess that's how we connected finally," he said to Horace, closing his eyes. "Then we were just two people who both lost something."
Horace sighed. "You lost someone on that boat of yours too?"
Sawyer simply nodded.
"Is that why you keep staying?" he questioned. "Keep looking?"
Sawyer sighed. "That was why I kept staying and looking," he admitted to the other man. "Now I stay, cause Juliet and I.. we're from two different worlds."
Horace eyed him with uncertainty.
"If we leave.." he said, folding his arms as well. "Those worlds might just split us up."
Horace smiled and let his face soften at the words. "You're in love with Juliet."
"Fallin' like a man who just went overboard with two big old cannon balls tied to his feet," Sawyer admitted.
Horace laughed. "Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" he suggested. "Take her, go out to the water, spend some daytime together."
Sawyer eyed him. "You tellin' me to take her on a date?" he asked.
Horace chuckled. "You both eat dinner at each other's houses almost every night, try something new for a change."
Sawyer sat, mulling it over. It would be a good idea, if Juliet actually wanted to do it. "Guess its worth a shot."
"Stop by mine and Amy's," Horace told him. "Tell her I said you could take a bottle of Merlot.. then get a blanket.. some food. Make a picnic."
Sawyer laughed. "You're making me seem more romantic then I really am. But thanks."
Horace just nodded and looked away as LaFleur left.
()()END FB()()
By the time night-time had come, Sawyer had already decided it would be best to lie to everyone. Whether they would most likely understand he was doing this to protect Juliet, he was sure they wouldn't relish in the idea of being left behind. So as they all sat around a fire, he came to the conclusion of what he'd tell them. "Tomorrow morning Juliet and I have a meeting with The Others."
Everyone glanced up at him besides Juliet.
"We'll leave before dawn, probably get back a few hours later," he explained to them all.
Juliet kept her face masked as she listened to Sawyer lie.
"I'd invite everyone, but they get a little.. hostile," he admitted with a shrug. "They know me and Juliet now, so we're in the clear. But everyone else isn't safe just wandering into their camp just yet."
No one had a response, they all just seemed to nod with their understanding. Obviously the threat of possible bodily harm was enough to ward them off.
Juliet glanced over at Kate after a minute and smiled at her, showing gratitude for their conversation earlier in the morning.
Kate simply nodded, smiling back at her.
()()FLASHBACK()()
Juliet was buttoning her jeans when she heard the knock on her front door. First Caleb, the guy who ran the motor pool, had told her there wasn't much to do today and told her she could go home. Now someone was visiting? What was honestly going on. She shrugged, pulled on a green 70's t-shirt with odd floral designs, and headed towards the door. She narrowed her blue eyes at Sawyer standing before her. "Uh.."
"Wanna have a picnic?" he asked, grinning at her.
Juliet tilted her head to the side, slightly amused by the offer. It was a strange sentiment coming from Sawyer, but she figured, why not? "Where did you have in mind?" she questioned, staring at the basket in his hand and the blanket hanging over his shoulder. Clearly he'd gone through the works.
Sawyer just grinned, holding his hand out to her. "I got the perfect place. Just follow me."
Several minutes later, Juliet was surprised to realize where, exactly, Sawyer had brought her. She recognized the place immediately. She remained silent.
"You okay?" he asked, looking at her.
Juliet opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead she stared at the place she recalled the fond memory, of where she'd shared lunch with Goodwin.
Sawyer frowned. "Juliet.."
Juliet shook the reverie from her head. It wasn't as if Sawyer knew that this is where she'd come with Goodwin all the time. "I've.. been here before.." she replied quietly.
Sawyer narrowed his eyes. "Huh?"
Juliet just smiled and shook her head. "Nothing, nevermind," she stated. "You gonna set up that blanket or what?" she asked with amusment.
Sawyer chuckled, letting her initial reaction go. "Nah, thought I'd wear it as a cape and pretend I was.."
Juliet eyed him suspiciously. He was getting that mischievious look again. "Pretend you were what?"
Sawyer put the basket down, laying out the blanket and grinned. "Well I was thinkin' Aquaman, but does he exist in the 70's?"
Juliet smirked.
"Come on.." he stated, grabbing her hand.
Juliet blinked in confusion. "Come on what?" she questioned as he pulled her towards the water. "Oh.. no!" she yelled. "Nooo way!"
Sawyer grinned at her. "Oh you're going in."
"Don't you dare do what I think you're going to.." she screeched as he picked her up. "James!"
He stepped into the water, watching her stare it him in utter shock. He just grinned, as he was already knee-high in the water.
"Dammit, James.. if you drop me, I'm gonna---" SPLASH.
Sawyer laughed as he just let her drop out of his arms.
Juliet stood in the water and stared at him. "You ass," she said with a laugh, splashing water into his face.
Sawyer spit the water out that was in his mouth and laughed even harder. He could tell she was only trying to be pissed, and clearly not succeeding. "So what were you gonna do if I dropped you?"
Juliet smiled mischieviously, stepping closer to him in the water until they were nose and nose. "Well.. I was going to threaten you with death.."
"Oh really?"
Juliet laughed when he moved to grab her. She stepped aside and watched him fall forward into the water. She smirked, watching as he got up and stared at her. "What?" she asked innocently. "If I had to get soaked head to toe, so did you."
Sawyer laughed and shook his head before pulling her back to him him and kissing her.
Juliet smiled. It was strange how easily they'd fallen into the routine. While a few months ago, she'd avoided him like the plague, suddenly she found herself adoring the man more and more. Even though her mind told her to run away, her heart was refusing to let her. She just hoped her heart wasn't making a mistake. She wondered, if he really cared sometimes. And she wondered if maybe he was just doing what Jack had done, using her to forget Kate. "James.."
Sawyer glanced at her, his grin fading at the sad look on her face.
She frowned, noticing how easily her pessimism took the happiness from his face. Instead she just smiled at him again, albeit it wasn't very good.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his hand caressing her cheek.
Juliet bit down on her lip, looking down at the water they were in. "I..you.. I don't want to fall in love with you.. James.."
Sawyer stared at her in confusion. "What?"
"I can't.." she said quietly, looking everywhere but at him. "I'm afraid to fall in love with you. I can't do this.."
Sawyer watched as she started wading her way out of the water. "Juliet.." he said, following after her. "Juliet wait."
Juliet made sure not to stop, she kept going until she was ankle deep in the water.
"Juliet," he said, grabbing her hand. "You don't have to."
Juliet turned and looked at him, unsure of what to say. So she simply pulled her hand from his and walked out of the water the rest of the way, sitting down on the blanket he'd laid out before they went into the water.
Sawyer ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. It was like Kate all over again. Kate didn't want to love him either. "You don't gotta fall in love with me Juliet.." he stated, sitting down beside her on the blanket. "But it ain't gonna stop me from loving you."
Juliet's eyes widened as she turned her face and looked at him.
"You just gotta let me love you.." he told her, moving a strand of her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear.
Juliet couldn't help the fact that made her fall in love with him even further. She tells him she won't love him and he wants to love her anyways. "That's the problem.." she grumbled, shaking her head. "Even though I don't think I can.. I am anyways.."
Sawyer stared at her, confused. In a strange way, she made sense to him. He never wanted to fall in love either but for some reason, he did. For a while he just wanted to keep hating her, but he couldn't. But he didn't want to let it all make sense. "You don't want to.. you can't.. you're afraid.. you don't think you can.." he muttered. "I'm confused, which one is it?"
Juliet frowned, looking away from him again. "I don't know.." she answered in all honesty. "But for some reason I love you anyways.."
Sawyer raised both eyebrows up in response. He hadn't expected that answer. Juliet rarely answered questions when things got too personal. She usually chose to hide behind something, put the feelings away, hide behind a steel plate of no emotion. But all of that seemed to be changing now that they were trapped in the 70's. Was this the Juliet from before she came to the island? Emotionally torn? Confused? Even scared..?
He sighed, putting his arm around her shoulder. "You know what.."
"What..?" she questioned quietly.
"We are two serious emotional cripples.." he replied with a shrug.
Juliet was silent for a minute before she let out a slightly strangled laugh. It was true, in a sense. "How's that ever going to work out?"
Sawyer smiled at her. "You help me walk, and I help you walk.." he told her. "We'll just get through it together, one step at a time."
Juliet's eyes softened at his words. Dispite what she used to think of Sawyer, he had changed. He led, he didn't follow, he gave rather then took, and he loved her, rather then hated her. It was strange how much 21 months could change somebody into a whole new person. "Overcome our crippled emotions together?" she questioned.
"Seems like a good plan to me."
Juliet smiled now. "That might just work.." she answered, knowing full-well, no matter what happened, she would have loved the man beside her anyways. Whether she wanted to or not, she had fallen for him the day he came running to her rescue. The day he nearly died just to save her life. No one had gone that far for her until Sawyer had.
()()END()()
Next chapter.. more drama!
