Chapter 5- (S2-E2)
Haley looked over the room carefully, trying to find the perfect place to hang the shatter boxes in her hands. She had finally started putting the last few items in the nursery. When Lee had been alive, neither had been in a rush to set up the room for their babies. Haley had been too large and swollen for much physical labor, and Lee had been busy at the ranch. Plus, they had planned on letting the boys sleep in a bassinet next to their bed until they were old enough to roll by themselves. So, they knew they had plenty of time to set up the perfect room.
Instead, Haley stood in the room alone–holding frames that contained premie stocking hats, hospital bracelets, swaddles, and their first picture as a family. Putting the items in the shatterbox had been the hardest thing she had done since the funeral. So many memories flashed through her mind as she touched each item. Memories of a woman she no longer could relate to, who was married to a man that no longer existed.
Finishing the nursery was a symbolic step for her. She and Lee had spent hours discussing wall colors, themes, and cribs. But she alone had been the one to paint the walls, build the cribs, and hang up each little piece of woodland animal decor. She was one step closer to moving on with her life.
Her time on the ranch was beginning to bore her. Her days were filled with diaper changes, feedings, and lullabies. She loved her sons more than life. But, she needed more. She needed someone to confide in, laugh with, and share life with. She needed to be touched in the way only a man could touch her. And her aching needs caused her to drown herself in guilt.
"Lee would understand."
John's words kept playing in her head.
Would he? If Lee could talk, would he really understand? Would he be hurt that maybe she was trying to move on far too fast?
Dating someone new didn't seem right. Being alone was too much for her mentally. Nothing seemed like the right choice. Weeks ago, she had went to her physician and was prescribed Sertraline in hopes that the medication would help her. And at first it did dull the pain. It made her numb to everything– the sadness, the happiness, the anger, the need for companionship. But then it all began to creep back in.
The sound of boots hitting the wooden floor brought her attention to the door behind her as John emerged. The older man looked around the room as he made his way in. His eyes landed on the frames in the woman's hands. A somber look filled his eyes as he looked at the picture of Lee, Haley, Bridger, and Barrett in the hospital.
"Looks nice," John could tell by Haley's trembling fingers that she was doing her best not to cry. "You did good."
"Thanks," the young woman stated. She wanted to say more, but no words came to mind.
"I need something from you," John stated. He was never one to beat around the bush.
"I'm going to make Kayce a livestock agent."
Haley didn't need to hear any more. She knew what John was saying. He wanted her to give him Lee's badge so he could pass it on to Kayce.
As much as she cared for Kayce, the thought of anyone wearing Lee's badge made her a bit light-headed. She had hoped John would retire Lee's badge number. Apparently, that wasn't John's plan.
She nodded her head slowly, letting John knew that she understood what he was asking for.
After a brief moment, she made her way to the closet. She reached up and pulled down a keep-sake box she had created for the boys, and dug around in it until her fingers touched the cold metal of the badge.
She looked it over one last time–knowing that though she would see it again, it would no longer be Lee's badge. As a burning sensation began to fill her lungs, she handed the badge to her ex-father-in-law.
"John, is it alright if I'm there when you give it to Kayce?" The young woman asked. "If not, I understand. But I'm trying real hard to start a new chapter in my life, and I think it'd be good for me to realize that the rest of the world is moving on too."
John took a moment to answer as he carefully considered her request.
"Whatever you see or hear stays between you, me, and Kayce."
"Yes, sir." Haley knew John's words were a command. "I understand."
"Just sign these two at the bottom," John handed Kayce the papers, "I'll have Beth fill them out."
Kayce's eyes shifted toward Haley before focusing back on the papers sitting in front of him, The brunette woman was standing awkwardly in the corner of the room with her arms crossed over her chest. He had wondered what she was doing here.
She watched John intently as she saw his hand land on Lee's badge.
Kayce's badge– she corrected herself.
She truly hoped that this would help her mentally instead of hindering her healing journey.
" Here," John stated as he handed it to Kayce. "That was Lee's."
Kayce began to feel sick as he suddenly understood why the woman in the room was present.
His eyes met with the widow's saddened orbs, and she could see a rush of emotion and silent condolences written on his face.
She tried to smile. She tried to show him that everything was fine. But she couldn't. And she knew Kayce didn't expect her to.
"When do I start training?" the blonde man shifted his attention back to his father.
"Soon," Haley's eyes met the floor as John and Kayce discussed business. Part of her was offended that the two could just resume things so easily. But she knew this was the way things had to be. This is the way she would have to be if she ever wanted to move on with her life. The second half of her was washed over with peace–knowing that Lee would live on through her sons and through Kayce.
"You haven't mentioned her, Kayce," John's voice brought Haley out of her thoughts. Her eyes immediately went towards Kayce. "Not once. Or Tate. Or why you're not with them."
The young girl would have backed away into a corner–had she not already been standing in one. She suddenly felt awkward for requesting to be with John when he gave away Lee's badge.
"What's talking about it going to do?" Kayce turned to face his father.
"It'll help you move on from Monica and get Tate back", John answered. It didn't pass by the woman that John avoided saying anything about Kayce getting Monica back. Haley knew there was no love lost between the older man and his native daughter-in-law.
"I don't want to move on from Monica," Kayce stated as his eyes briefly landed on Haley.
"When Lee ran this place he–" John stopped mid-sentence as he remembered who was in their presence. "He was honest and he was fair with everyone. That's what I need from you. But you can't be that way with others, Son, until you're that way with yourself."
A tear silently fell down Haley's cheek as the room went silent. She was doing fine, until John described her late husband in such loving words.
Both John and Kayce looked at the young woman as her eyes remained glued to the ground.
" I miss them," Kayce said– thinking about Monica, Tate, and Haley–who was also missing the person she loved.
"What happened?" John earnestly asked his son.
"You happened, Dad. Then everything happened."
Kayce turned to leave the room as John reflected on the words that had been spoke.
"Kayce," John called to the blonde man. For a moment, Haley wondered what John would say. She hoped he would speak from the heart and help Kayce fix his broken family. "Send Rip up to the house."
And with one final demand from the older man, Haley was left alone in the room with only her thoughts to keep her company.
Haley sat next to Ryan as the men took turns yelling at the T.V.. She had never been one for professional sports, but after the high emotions from today, she desperately needed a break from life. Since her sons were finally sleeping through the night, John was rarely bothered by keeping the monitor next to him so the young mom could get a few hours out of the house.
"You all are ruining this for me," Lloyd hollered over the rest of the group. "Shut the fuck up."
As the bunkhouse door opened and Rip appeared with bags in tow, even Haley was surprised. The room became quiet as they waited for some kind of reaction from the burly, angry man.
With a glare given to Walker, Rip made his way to the fridge and cracked open a beer. Feeling the familiar hand of her father gently pat her shoulder, Haley watched as Lloyd joined Rip at the table.
"Bobcats look good," Rip stated–finally breaking the silence.
"I've got my money on them," Lloyd responded.
Haley felt the tension leave her shoulders as she turned her attention back to the television. She took another drink of her tequila as the men slowly began conversing once again. Haley didn't drink often, but when she did, she did it with every intention of getting drunk. Tonight, she needed the release that alcohol brought.
"Colby's mom, that's a cougar?" Jimmy joked–causing everyone to laugh at the other ranch hand's expense.
"That'll be the last time you ever refer to my mom as a cougar," Colby leaned in as he spoke to Jimmy.
"She prefers wildcat?" Jimmy egged on.
Haley found herself feeling so thankful that John agreed to let her go out tonight. The time away, with her guys, was just what she needed. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or if she truly was moving on, but this was the best she had felt since everything happened.
Her eyes landed on Ryan, and a familiar warmth rose up between her legs. She smiled as she watched him laugh at something one of the other guys had said.
"What?" Ryan asked as he noticed her gazing at him.
Haley paused for a moment as her heart and mind argued over what she should say.
"Can you take me back to the house?" Haley's words barely even slurred– letting Ryan know she was a bit on the tipsy side, but not too far gone yet.
"Yeah," Ryan sighed internally–afraid he would miss some of the game, but happy to oblige the woman. "Let's head out."
"Bye, guys," Haley stated as she rose from her seat and made her way to the door with Ryan closely behind her.
"You want me to take her?" Lloyd spoke up as he saw Ryan heading out the door with his daughter.
"Nah," Ryan answered. "I've got it."
Rip glanced over to Lloyd as the two left the bunkhouse.
"That ain't a good idea," Rip's words echoed Lloyd's thoughts. "Those two have been eyeing each other for weeks."
Lloyd grimaced at the thought of his daughter being romantically involved with the ranch hand.
"Hell," Jake piped in, " I hope they both get it out of their system tonight."
"Ryan," Haley stopped walking as soon as the two were far enough away from the bunkhouse to not be seen by prying eyes. "I don't actually want to go home yet."
"Well what do you want," Ryan asked the woman, confused as to why she was making them miss the game.
Haley paused as she searched for words she couldn't seem to grasp.
"I guess I have to say this to you while I'm drunk," Haley began. "Because I'm way too afraid to say it when I'm sober."
Ryan waited as the woman once again thought over what to say.
"I miss my husband," Haley began. She didn't want to seem like she no longer cared about the man she had planned to spend the rest of her life with. "But death did us part way too soon."
Ryan reached out to offer Haley a comforting hand on her upper arm. He knew that nothing he said would bring Lee back. And, so, he said nothing.
"Part of me is ready to move on, and part of me isn't. But all of me is lonely. I need touched. And I only want to be touched by you."
Ryan paused before speaking. His heart caught in his chest. Surely she wasn't saying what he thought she was saying.
"What do you mea–" Ryan was cut off as her lips landed against his. He deepened the kiss as his arms snaked around her waist and pulled her in closer.
"Please don't tell the others," The woman begged him.
"I wouldn't do that to you," Ryan said as he reached down to hold her hands.
Haley tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she worked up enough courage for her next words.
"I want you inside me," her voice teetered between shy and pleading as her eyes locked with Ryan. "Where can we go?"
Ryan instantly hardened at the woman's words.
"Ar-are you sure you want this?" Ryan asked as he silently prayed she wouldn't change her mind.
"I've wanted it for awhile," Haley answered honestly.
"Come on," Ryan's voice almost sounded giddy as he thanked the Lord for another answered prayer. "Get in the truck."
I'm so sorry it took so long! I had major writer's block, and I was a bit worried this chapter would just end up being a short, filler chapter. But SURPRISE. This is so long, I had to break it into two parts. I will try to get Part Two out within the next week or two (good Lord willing-I'm working a lot of extra shifts at work right now). I hope you guys are content with this chapter and eager for the next update.
As always, I LOVE REVIEWS and am so thankful to each of you who have shared your thoughts with me.
A special thank you to Emmettluver2010! She reminded me that people are actually excitedly waiting for updates on this story-which I definitely needed to help me overcome my writer's block.
WARNING- NEXT CHAPTER WILL HAVE A MATURE SCENE.
