I've had a long day, although every day feels long these days, I think it's been particularly bad today because I know when I get home I have to fix our leaky ceiling so I can't rest. Katniss is picking up the materials I need, she found some work for the kids to make up the rest of the money needed on top of the meagre savings I've scraped together.
Times like this really get to me because I know I'd never be able to fix the leak properly if it wasn't for Katniss hunting for us. Without her, every penny I earned would be spent putting food on the table for my family and we'd have to make do with the cheapest patch job that we could find and the kids would grow up in a place that was constantly cold and damp. I should be able to provide this without help.
I should be enough.
I try to shake off these feelings and be glad of the help, I'm sick of feeling this way and wish I could just accept my life the way it is.
I can hear laughter before I open the door, it sounds like my family is having a wonderful time. I wander in to see them standing in a line watching mum throw something at a board on the wall and Posy cheers as it hits.
"What's going on guys?" I ask.
"Me and Vick are thrashing Mum and Posy at darts" Rory explains grinning widely.
"And darts is?"
"It's this awesome game, you take turns to throw these darts into the board and get a score from where you hit. See how the sections have numbers inside?" Vick points out.
I shoot mum a questioning look and she smiles and shakes her head in a way that I know to mean that we'll talk about this later. "Why don't you join in sweetie? You have such good aim that I'm sure you'll do well without a team."
"I need to get the roof done first."
"Don't be silly, it doesn't look like rain today and you should have some fun with us." I can't argue with mum when she's in a good mood like this so I move to have a look at the game so I can figure out how to play.
We have a great game, mum was right, I've got great aim so wipe the floor with everyone but I'm majorly surprised by how good Vick is, it seems that he's not just the smarty pants we've always assumed.
"Hey, mum." I nod at Posy who's fallen asleep on the couch and she scoops her up and carries her to their room to put her to bed.
I send the boys off to bed as well and put some water on to boil so I can make some tea.
Mum sits with me a while later and grabs her tea gratefully.
"Katniss put the material for the roof out back."
"Okay, I'll get on that tomorrow when I get back, hopefully I'll manage something that'll last a while this time."
She sighs softly and I know I'm not going to enjoy what comes next.
"The dartboard."
"Yes?"
"Katniss' friend, the mayors' daughter, she moved house today and needed help so she paid the kids to carry boxes across town and the boys said she gave them the game as a thank you for finishing so quickly."
My whole body tenses. I'm furious. This is charity. How dare she think that I can't give them what they need.
"Gale! Calm down." Mum admonishes, clearly seeing the fury etched in my face. "They worked hard all day and she knew any money would go straight to the family. I'm sure she just wanted to be kind."
"Kind?" I hiss through my clenched teeth, "it's kind of her to humiliate me this way?"
"What exactly do you plan to do about it Gale?" mum snaps, "do you want to go in there and tell them that you're taking away something that they earned?"
"Earned? If they worked, she paid them. So, what's this? It's obvious she looks down on us, giving us her cast offs as if I can't provide for them."
"It's nice for them to have something they know that they earned. You work so hard for this family son and Rory's about the age you were when you started. You can take pride in yourself every time you see food on our table, they have something that they can see and be proud of now. Let them have this." Mum implores, almost begging me to calm down.
"It's not easy for me either Gale."
That brings me up short and I look up surprised, "what?"
"Where do you think you got your values from son? I hate that I can't give you kids everything you want and I've had to depend on my son just to feed my other children. Then I see them having more fun today than I can remember and it's on the whim of a girl from the town I've never spoken to." She says quietly.
The room's silent for a while I really think about what she said, I feel like an idiot that I've never considered that my mum would feel the same way I do. Helpless.
"It's really hard" I speak up finally.
"I know son, we've struggled these last few years and now things are as good as we could hope them to be with you earning and you and Katniss hunting but it's horrid to think what could happen in the future. I look at the families around us and see us in their hollow cheeks. You're old enough to remember your father and the better times we had but the kids aren't. I just want them to have a childhood."
I look her in the eye and nod shortly before getting up and heading to bed. I'm not sure I'll sleep with everything mum's given me to think about but since I need to hunt tomorrow I need to try.
As soon as I get past the fence I feel myself lighten, my mood lifts and I feel a significant amount of the tension I carry leave my shoulders. I'm earlier than I usually am these days so I can spend some time alone before Katniss arrives and just think.
I decided last night not to make a fuss over the dartboard, for mum and the kids, but I can't make myself be happy with the decision, I get annoyed just thinking about it. Katniss mostly deals with the mayors' daughter and the strawberries these days as they're friends so it won't be hard to avoid her, I'm not sure I'll be able to control myself if she ever mentioned it to me.
I've been walking the snare line as I've been thinking but have a disappointing haul, one of my traps had fallen so the rabbit I had caught had been mangled by another animal and was unsellable which didn't help my mood.
As I get to our usual meeting point, Katniss materialises through the trees with our bows and sits in the grass. She wordlessly holds a roll out to me and waits for me to join her and take it before she starts her own.
"I'm sorry" she says quietly, "I didn't know how to stop her".
"I don't want to talk about it" I reply sharply, though I'm glad she brought it up, it's nice to see the parts of Katniss that haven't changed and to know she still understands me.
"I'm going to bring Rory and teach him to hunt in the spring" I tell her, "winter's tough enough to get enough game without taking time out to teach."
Katniss nods slowly before replying, "I could take him out some evenings, so he'll learn faster."
I smile and nod, glad she'd offering to help in a way that's not money, today I need to feel this familiar camaraderie. Bringing Rory to the woods means that my time with Katniss will lessen further, more change, but she and mum were right, it's a skill he may need in the future, he deserves the chance to be proud of something and it definitely doesn't hurt that this is something I can give him. Not a townie.
