It's a steady, unintentionally rhythmic beat as her feet continually connect with the floor boards as she paces the length of the window in their living room. To say she's exhausted would be a serious understatement but her body and her baby haven't let her rest – at least not as much as she needs. The sleep deprivation only being made worse by Jay being away for the last couple days, and after months of always being within reach of each other, it feels like she's missing a part of herself. It feels foreign and while she tells herself that it'll get easier with a little time and when they're both back to work, that thought does nothing to ease her mind or heart in the moment. She rolls her eyes at herself as she thinks that over again and her heart pounds a little harder in her chest. It's only been two days, but they just got married, he's her better half, the father of her three month old and she's missing him as if he's been away months – like she did when she went back to Chicago last year. She's anxious to see him, hold him, kiss him and just have him back by her side. If she's being honest she wanted to talk him out of going to help some neighboring ranches that don't have enough – if any wranglers needed to drive their cattle in. But she knew that would've been selfish to do, since they have more than enough wranglers and the means to lend several helping hands to ranches that aren't as big or as profitable as theirs.

The quiet whimpers coming from the monitor on the coffee table break her from her thoughts as her baby boy starts to wail after a few seconds. She smiles to herself, grateful that she hasn't been alone the last few days – that she has a miniature version of her husband in the form of their son with her. Her eyes glance out the window once more before she goes to tend to her baby.

"Oh my goodness." She quietly gasps as she gets to the side of the crib. Her hair gets tucked behind her ears before she leans over to wipe away his tears. He continues kicking his feet but quiets just hearing his mom's voice.

"What's going on with my baby?" She whispers as she gently lifts him from his bed. A kiss is pressed to his forehead and then both of his cheeks as she carries him over to the changing table. With her face just above his, she smiles and continues talking to the infant as she unbuttons the bottom of his footie pajamas. One of her hands stays on her baby's belly while she takes a half a step back, reaches into one of the drawers below him and pulls out a new diaper. She uses one wipe to swipe over the skin just below his belly button just in case he has to pee any more before she changes him and disposes of the soiled diaper in the covered pale. Once she gets him redressed, they move over to the glider in the corner which has quickly become their spot. Her legs are crossed in front of her and she rests the baby in the crook of her right knee while opening her flannel. She brings him up and gets settled quickly after he begins nursing. Her eyes take in every feature of her beautiful boy – like she does every time he's in her arms. And another smile pulls at her lips as he looks up at her with eyes that are the exact same color as his dad's, complimented by long eyelashes like Jay's too.

She leans back a little more causing the chair to rock gently and her baby's eyes flutter shut as he continues to consume his third meal of the morning. Her head is rested against the back of the chair and she looks to the dresser next to her – more specifically the picture frame on the other end. She takes in the image briefly before her own eyes close.

She doesn't open her eyes until she's given the ok – afraid that at least one of her friends will yell at her if she so much as squints before she's deemed ready. The reflection staring back at her is almost unrecognizable, but after a solid minute, she appreciates that she looks different from any other day because it's just any, ordinary day. Her work calls for her to be presentable and look professional at all times but this is different in a good way. And the three women buzzing around her aren't even done dolling her up yet. It actually makes her feel more anxious than she already did – that they're fretting over her like they are but she reasons that they're just doing what good bridesmaids do and she leaves it at that. Another curl falls from the hot iron and onto her shoulder just as her phone rings.

"Hello?" Nadia answers it for her after setting the foundation brush down.

Erin sits back as Hailey continues doing her hair.

"You what?" Nadia gasps, causing the other three women to turn their attention to her.

"Let me talk to Jay." She adds and Erin scoots forward in her chair a little with that – her heart racing as her mind immediately goes to her baby.

"Ok, I'll come get him."

"What's going on?" Erin asks as soon as Nadia pulls the phone away from her ear.

"We should have kept Jakey with us."

"Why? What happened?" Erin feels herself panic with the possibilities as the younger woman takes her time answering.

"Adam was trying to be helpful, broke the bottle with the first batch of milk and then spilled the second. Jay said that he'd get another one from downstairs but that he doesn't know that the baby can wait until it's thawed and ready – said that he doesn't want to make him wait."

"I'll go get him while you finish getting yourselves ready." She offers just before they hear Jay enter the house as the sound of the baby crying echoes around them.

"Erin, just wait here. I promise I'll bring him up to you right away." Nadia protests as she walks out of the room – not allowing Erin the chance to argue further.

Staying true to her word, Nadia is back in less than a minute with a very hungry six week old, that is quickly but gently relinquished to his mother's waiting arms. Erin shushes her baby as she pulls one side of her robe away from her chest, unclasps her bra and brings the infant over to latch and begin nursing. The tension in her shoulders all but melts away having her baby back with her. And eventually she peels her eyes from him to look at the bouquet that Nadia brought up at the same time as the baby.

"Did Jay give those to you?" She questions and Nadia takes another break from applying makeup to look at the flowers.

"He said you'd know where they're from and he figured there's no better flowers to walk down the aisle with." Nadia shrugs, but Erin nods feeling tears come to her eyes with the gesture from her soon-to-be husband. He was right, she knows exactly where the wildflowers are from and that they're the perfect bouquet to have – making a part of her feel like she has her mom and brother with her in a way.

"You ok?" Hailey asks when she sees Erin wipe at her cheeks while looking down at the baby.

"Yeah, just ready for him to be my husband." Erin answers earnestly as her eyes meet Hailey's in their reflection and the latter nods while Nadia and Kim gush at that.

She flinches when she hears someone shout her name from the hall. The movement causes her son to detach from her breast and she decides to burp him.

"Hey, Mama Bear and Jakey." Nadia greets in a sing song voice after she knocks on the open nursery door.

"Hey." Erin smirks at the nicknames as she cups one hand under her baby's chin to support his head while he's seated on her lap and she moves her free hand to massage his back in an upward motion.

"What are you doing here?" She doesn't mean anything bad by it, but it seems Nadia takes it as if Erin didn't want her or anyone stopping by.

"Kev asked me to picked him up from here, and I decided since they're not back yet that I could come visit my best friend….and you of course." Nadia jokes and they both laugh lightly at that as Erin gently taps the side of her baby's mouth with one of her fingers and sees him try to latch onto the appendage.

"Well I'm sorry, but your little bestie is still hungry so it'll be a little bit before you can hold him." Erin admits while bringing Jacob back up to her breast to finish feeding him.

Nadia playfully rolls her eyes as she sighs. "Fine."

Erin knows her friend is only kidding so she simply smiles and looks back down at her baby.

"Have you talked to Jay yet?"

"No, I haven't spoke to him since the day they left. He sent a text early this morning that they're bringing in the last of Al's cattle and then they'll be driving back."

"I'm sure you guys miss him, huh?" Nadia inquires as she takes a seat the ottoman next to the crib the one that's supposed to be in front of the glider.

Erin just nods at first because she doesn't feel like words could adequately describe how much she misses her husband. But a response comes to the tip of her tongue when she looks at his mini me – pulling her attention to him after he swallows rather loudly.

"I don't think Cubbie is quite old enough to notice his Daddy's absence, but I miss him enough for both of us."

"I'm sure he can sense that though." Nadia argues and Erin shrugs with that point as she stands to change Jacob again. Once he's all cleaned up, Nadia scoops him up within a second.

"How has he grown so much in such a short time?"

"I don't know, but I wish he'd slow down." Erin frowns as she looks at the other picture from the wedding hung to the right of the door. She takes in how little Jacob was and then her eyes move over to Jay looking even more handsome than usual – dressed in black jeans, a blue-green button up, his favorite leather boots and topped with his old Stetson on his head. But the smallest detail – the one her eyes seemingly zoom in on is the Bolo tie around his neck. She once again gets lost in her thoughts – memories from that day flooding her mind, blurring her vision and muffling the sounds of Nadia cooing at the baby.

She looks at the alarm clock on the nightstand on her side of the bed. The time reading just past one in the morning meaning it's officially the day of their wedding. It causes a new feeling to surge through her body as she finishes pumping and takes the bottle down to the kitchen. She places the milk into the freezer, washes the cups and then goes back to their room to wait for Jay to come back to bed after laying the baby down. But to her surprise he's the one waiting for her – having already gotten their son back to sleep.

"Hey babe, what's this?" Jay asks almost as soon as she steps through the doorway. He holds up the box to show her what it is he's referring to.

"Open it." She tiredly murmurs as she takes her precious spot on the bed and watches him intently as he makes his way over to her with the box still in his hand. He looks a bit skeptical as he pulls at the ribbon holding the top and bottom of the box together. Her breath hitches as he takes in the tie she got for him to wear today. The way he glances up at her damn near stops her heart. She's not sure what he's thinking or feeling – whether he likes it or not.

When he doesn't say anything she decides to explain – even though she doesn't know if it'll make any sense. "It may not be an exact match because the only picture I could find of it was quite grainy when it was blown up. But-"

He stops her with a tender kiss to the lips and then he pulls back just to lean back in to peck her lips again.

"It looks just like her necklace." He whispers as he looks down at the clasp of the Bolo Tie – one that's pendant is an enlarged but otherwise exact replica of his mother's favorite necklace given to her by his grandmother. Erin leans over to look at it again too, admiring the two separate turquoise stones surrounded by two swirled lines engraved in the metal of the round clasp.

"I love it and I love you." He whispers genuinely as he kisses her forehead and then stands to replace the box with the tie on the dresser. He then opens one of his top drawers and takes out similar jewelry box. She can see him take a deep breath before turning around to face her.

"And I love how we both thought we needed a piece of our mom's with us in the same way today." He adds as he moves to hand her the box in his hand.

"Jay." Her voice cracks with his name as the dam breaks and tears cascade down her cheeks. She traces the pillow holding her own mom's necklace the pair of new, matching earrings. Neither of them say anything else as he sits in front of her and collects her in his arms.

She traces the stone hanging by a chain around her neck as that memory is quickly replaced by another from that day, just twelve hours later. Her fingers hold the necklace tight as she did when descended the stairs.

The anxiousness and nerves she felt before has all but evaporated and yet somehow intensified as she steps off the last stair into the entryway. It's something that's both familiar and new, having only felt this ready once before – when it came to giving birth just a few short weeks ago.

"You ready?" Al asks as he moves his elbow out for her to hook her own arm through. She doesn't trust her words so she just nods with tight lips and takes her bouquet from Kim just before she exits the house behind Nadia. Hailey steps in front of her and Erin bends down to plant a kiss to Jacob's head before Hailey turns to follow Kim outside. Then the music changes and she can see Jay step up to the beginning of the aisle after he too, gives their son a quick kiss to the head. Al walks her down the front porch stairs and keeps pace with her as they walk the short distance to the white cloth that makes up the aisle itself. The two men shake hands and exchange a few short words before Al, takes Erin's left hand in his right and then places it in Jay's hand. The older man – her pseudo uncle whispers something else before he goes to take his seat by Meredith.

Erin runs her free hand down the front and then back of her cream colored dress, and one side of her jean jacket before Jay stops her. His lips brush against the shell of her right ear as he whispers how beautiful she looks. It leaves her both breathless and speechless, so she simply smiles and squeezes his hand in hers to acknowledge his words. Then he takes the first step to which she copies and they walk side-by-side down the aisle. They both take in their surroundings – from the off white flower pedals on the ground on either side of the aisle, the deep brown wooden chairs holding their closest friends and the flower archway just in front of them – accentuated by the mountains standing tall in every direction. It's picture perfect and they can't imagine spending this day or moment – making this memory – any where else. Yet when they come to stand in front of Antonio she can't focus on his words or the scenery around them – missing their old friend's whole speech as she admires Jay.

It's not until he clears his throat and looks down at the cards in his hand that she tunes back in. His mouth opens as if he's about to read his words – his written vows to her but then he closes his lips and shakes his head. It makes her heart stop – fearing that he's changed his mind – that he doesn't want to go through with the marriage. But to her relief, he clears his throat again.

"I've read and rewritten these vows dozens of times but right now it doesn't feel right." He pockets the cards and takes both of Erin's hands in his. "There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of the first time I laid eyes on you." He smiles as he looks down at their hands and recalls what he thought of her when they first met as kids all those years ago.

"I remember thinking how cute your dimples were as you talked to my animals in the same way that I did. And then how fiesty you were when you pointed a knife at me." That gets those in attendance to chuckle – no doubt picturing young Erin doing something like that.

"I remember hearing my mom's voice telling me not to let what happened take away my light. I didn't understand it then, not until I got to know you. It was the darkest time of my life and then you came barging into to that old barn and lit up everything. And over the years you've become the light of my life. You've put even the brightest stars to shame and enlightened so many of my days and I can't wait to spend the rest of mine with you." He finishes and he has to blink fast to stops his tears from falling as he sees hers trail down her cheeks and land on the hands still joined between them.

"I knew I should have gone first." She jokes with a choked laugh.

"It's a little too late now, babe." He smiles back as he reaches up to wipe away her tears with the pad of his right thumb.

"I don't exactly know how to follow that because like you, I wrote my vows over and again, but can't bring myself to read them here and now."

He nods in acknowledgment – letting her know he truly understands.

"There's been so many times where you've said you were lost before you came to the ranch. And times where you said that I saved you that night in the old barn." She takes a break to compose herself – feeling him give her hands another gentle squeeze to let her know to take her time.

"And while I may have found you, I think-" She cuts herself off with a shake of her head. "I know I'd be the one lost if it weren't for you. You've saved me countless times and I'm over the moon that I get to spend the rest of forever thanking you for everything you've done for us to be here today." She sniffles again as her eyes bore into his.

"I don't know what took me to that barn all those years ago. It's as if my heart was like a compass and it lead me to you. Even when I'd gone astray, it'd point me back to you until there was no need to search anymore. You're my home, you're my True North. Your love is the greatest gift and in turn our love gave us the most beautiful little boy. I'll love you forever, always." She feels herself blush as soon as she gets done – even though she meant every word there's this short term embarrassment from saying it out loud in front their friends – their family.

She zones back out and doesn't even hear Antonio pronounce her and Jay as man and wife, or him say Jay may now kiss her – only breaking from her thoughts when she feels her new husband's touch. He wraps one arm around her back while his other hand grabs her face and pulls her into him. His eyes shine with tears as he leans in, giving her an elated smile just before both of their eyes close and his lips crash upon hers.

The feeling of his strong arms wrapping around her from behind has her snapping back to the present. She shakes her head of the memories – making sure she doesn't miss out on creating more with him.

"Hi." He mumbles into her ear and she leans her head into his as she repeats the simple word back to him.

"I knew I missed you, but I didn't realize how much until just now." He admits and she chuckles lightly with that.

She chuckles lightly with that as she turns in his arms and leans in to give him a kiss. "I missed you too, but I was reminded just how much every time I'd look at your mini me."

Then it's his turn to laugh as he looks over at the crib where their son is sleeping for now. "Is that why Nads said that you were zoning out a lot, 'cause you missed me so much?"

She rolls her eyes at his teasing but nods because she'd be lying if she said no to that. The memories she kept getting lost in stemmed from her missing him and she knows it.

"Well you never have to worry about me coming home. My heart's compass, like yours, leads me back to you and it will forever." Jay vows and it fills her with a giddy feeling.

"I love you." He adds, as she snuggles into his chest.

"I love you too." She murmurs as she pulls back just enough to see him smiling at her and giving him one in return.

"Always." She assures just before they both lean in to attach their lips in a longer, more passionate kiss.


A/N: Not me crying as I mark another one complete. I've loved writing and sharing this story, which has turned out to be one my favorites. I want to thank those of you that took the time to read and even review along the way! I hope you enjoyed the last installment for this piece.

For now I'm just going to focus on my other - now only - WIP, while I think over the idea of possibly publishing one last, new story.