Listen to Your Heart

Summary: After Baz makes a teasing comment about slipping Agatha a "Love Potion No. 9," Simon comes up with the perfect prank to give him a taste of his own medicine: a love potion called "Listen to Your Heart" that would make him confess all his heart's embarrassing desires. Too bad Simon's plans never work the way he wants them to.

I dunno if anyone picked up on the Aro/Ace Agatha vibe I was throwing down. I'm so glad I could hint at it in this. Take her sexuality any way you want. Also, I am totally here for Agatha and Simon being bros. I hope you enjoy the ending!

Disclaimer: I don't own Carry On or Fangirl.


Chapter 3: The Reality of the Situation

The first thing that Simon noticed when he woke up was Baz pressed against him. He still smelled strongly of soap from his shower, but there was also another smell underneath it that was distinctly Baz. There was no other way to describe it. It was intoxicating.

Baz wasn't as warm as a normal human should be, but that only made Simon smile (Baz was totally a vampire! Too bad he hadn't managed to get Baz to confess to that too yet.). He snuggled closer, savoring the moment.

He knew that he should've been more upset by what had happened. After all, both of them had basically been forced to tell the truth against their will. But honestly, he wasn't. Penny was right. The spell hadn't made him do anything that he didn't already want to do. It was more of a relief than anything. He finally understood his own feelings.

He and Baz just made sense. Much more sense than him and Agatha.

Wait.

Oh, no.

Agatha.

Simon had completely forgotten about her.

Baz was jostled awake by Simon flinging himself out of bed. "No!" Simon cried. "No, I can't believe this!"

Baz looked around for a moment in dazed confusion, but then everything that happened the night before came flooding back. They'd confessed their feelings, kissed, and even got each other off. It was everything that Baz had ever dreamed of and more.

And now Simon was shouting about how it shouldn't have happened.

Baz sat up and hugged his legs, watching Simon shove his clothes back on and wallowing in misery. "Wow," he said, trying to sound uncaring and sarcastic but failing. "That bad, huh?"

Simon paused with a shoe in both hands, took in the look on Baz's face, and he realized his mistake. "Oh, shit. No, Baz. That's not what I meant. This morning was… it was perfect."

Baz's eyebrows furrowed together and he hugged his legs even tighter, refusing to look back in Simon's direction for fear that he would reveal any more of his emotions.

The wounded look on Baz's face tugged at Simon's heartstrings. The potion had worn off, but there was still something that buzzed inside him, drawing him toward Baz's lips. He realized it now: that feeling had always been there, but he'd been misinterpreting it for all this time.

"It's just…" Simon sputtered, catching himself before he kissed him again. "I cheated on Agatha. I didn't even think about her at all last night. As soon as I touched that potion, all I could think about was you." He sighed when Baz still didn't turn to look at him. "I have to break up with her. We shouldn't have done this until after I broke up with her. I owe her that much."

Finally, Baz looked at him, his expression guarded but eyes swimming with confusion.

"You're going to… break up with her?" he asked slowly like he was talking to a crazy person. "Watford's shining power couple is going to break up… because of me?"

"We're not a 'power couple,'" Simon grumbled. "We've been… having problems for a while now. And I think now I finally understand why."

He caught Baz's gaze and took it head on. "I'll tell you once it's done," he said with conviction. Finally, after shoving on his shoes, he sprinted out the door.

Baz watched him go and sighed. He would've preferred it if Simon had just ignored that this had ever happened instead of giving him false hope. He wasn't naïve enough to believe that after one night of drugged oral sex, Simon Snow would finally be his and his alone.

He lay back down on the bed, closing his eyes. Still, it was a nice dream.


Simon was a bit embarrassed when he noticed that it was already almost dark outside. He and Baz had fucked and slept the day away, it seemed. Still, he was in luck to find Agatha and Penny at their table in the dining hall for supper.

"Where have you been?" Penny asked, looking him up and down in curiosity. Simon couldn't have answered if he'd tried.

"Agatha, I have to talk to you!" he barked, loudly, his voice shaking with nerves. He couldn't believe what he'd done to her. Poor Agatha.

Agatha looked at him like he was having an attack. "What is going on?"

He tried to calm down. "It's just… something happened, and I have to talk to you alone about it."

Penny grabbed her tray and made a move to leave. She didn't really care about their romantic drama anyway. "No," he said. "Penny, you can stay here. Agatha and I have to go somewhere else. Somewhere private."

"Simon, I'm eating," Agatha protested.

"Please, Agatha. It can't wait," Simon pleaded. Agatha glanced at Penny who just shrugged. She got up and followed him out of the dining hall and into the nearest empty classroom.

Simon could barely hold it inside of him as he walked.

As soon as the door shut behind him, he was shouting. "I cheated on you! I'm so sorry!" He didn't want to look at her. He didn't want her to look at him. He didn't deserve it.

She blinked at him in surprise, not sure how to take the news. "You… what? With who?" She didn't even realize Simon knew any girls other than her and Penny.

Simon fumbled around in his pocket nervously and showed her the potion vial. "It was just supposed to be a prank," he said quickly, afraid that if he stopped talking he would lose his nerve. "I made this potion for Baz to drink, but then… he kissed me, and he made me take the potion too, and I kissed him. And honestly, I think I've had these feelings for him the whole time." Simon didn't notice the look of complete understanding that dawned on Agatha's face. He was too busy speaking so fast that he barely took the time to breathe. "I just really like him, and it's not that I don't like you too, it's just, I've been thinking that something hasn't been right between us lately, and it hasn't, and it's all my fault. It's all Baz's fault. And I'm so sor-"

Agatha raised her hands and shushed him. "The problems in our relationship weren't all your fault," she said quietly. "I wasn't happy either."

Simon stared down at the floor miserably. They both stood there awkwardly.

"That potion… it's Listen to Your Heart, right?" Agatha asked, breaking the silence.

Simon nodded, handing it to her. "Yeah, Penny helped me make it for the Magic Words assignment. It's really powerful stuff."

Agatha took the vial from him and stared at it a moment before sighing and setting it on the table next to her. She thought she should've been more upset, but she wasn't. "I envy you for knowing what your heart wants," she said finally. "Honestly, I should've known. You and Baz always were obsessed with each other. It makes sense."

Simon couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You… you're not mad?"

"No, Simon," she said with a little, twinkling laugh. "Neither of us were happy. At least now you are."

Simon's face lit up with joy for just a moment, before he saw the loneliness on hers. He took her hand. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course," Agatha said, smiling brightly back at him. He always loved her smile. "I can take care of myself."

Simon grinned. "I know you can." He squeezed her hand before finally letting it go. "Even though it didn't work out the way we'd hoped, I'm really glad I was with you, Agatha," he said, truthfully.

"Me too," she agreed, grinning back at him. Small tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

"I hope you find what you're looking for," Simon told her sincerely. He looked back at her with eyes full of love, but it just wasn't the type of love either of them needed for a relationship.

"Yeah, yeah," Agatha said, waving him off. "Go find Baz and ask him out already."

Simon's heart raced at the thought, and he was out the door in an instant.

The smile stayed on Agatha's face after he left, but it felt forced. She had felt lost even with Simon there, she could only imagine what it would be like without him.

But then, in the corner of her eye she spotted the vial still sitting on the table. She had an idea.

Without hesitating, she grabbed the vial, uncorked the top, and took a giant swig. The effects were almost instantaneous. The world seemed to slow down. She slid the cork back into the vial almost lazily, before completely forgetting that it was even there. Nothing seemed to matter anymore about the outside world. None of the things holding her back entered her mind at all: her family, her friends, rules and convention. The only thing that existed was what her heart was feeling.

"The truth is," she said aloud. "I keep telling myself I need to like someone, but I just don't. I've never really liked anyone before, and that's okay. That's who I am." Tears of relief ran down her face, and she knew that every word was the absolute truth. "Honestly, I hate it when people act like it's a waste of my beauty to stay single. I hate feeling like a prize to be won. Maybe someday someone will truly see me, and I'll see them, and we can just live in the moment together, but right now I don't care. I need to focus on me. I want to go out and see the world. I want to get away from this war, from magic itself if I have to. I want to be free. And that's okay."

Despite her tears, her smile, though always bright and shining, was finally genuine. She finally felt liberated. After all those years of restlessness and confusion, always wondering if something was wrong with herself, she finally, truly knew her own inner feelings. She would no longer force herself to be something she's not.


Baz slowly made his way back from the catacombs. He'd stayed there all night, until it was light and the birds started chirping, in order to avoid Simon and give himself time to think.

He still wasn't sure of anything. All that time he'd spent pining over Simon and he'd never actually considered what he'd do if Simon ever liked him back. His father already hated the idea of him being queer. If he started snogging the Chosen One…

At any rate, the fact that Simon had kissed him under the influence of a Listen to Your Heart potion seemed less plausible than the idea that he had somehow managed to hallucinate the whole thing. He was almost sure that, whatever the case, Simon would be back to Agatha in no time. The idea of them being together was a useless fantasy, plain and simple.

When he made it back to Mummers House, he tried to open the door as quietly as possible so that he could avoid talking to Simon. However, those plans were tossed aside when he looked at his own bed and saw Simon spread out across it, sleeping soundly there instead of over on his own.

Baz sighed, but after changing into his pajamas and weighing the options of waking Simon up, he finally just settled on climbing into bed with him and going to sleep. They could talk about it – or not – later.

Unfortunately, Simon hadn't been as deep asleep as Baz had thought. "Baz?" he murmured drowsily, turning over onto his other side to look at him. "I looked for you everywhere."

"Apparently not," Baz replied in a calculated and neutral voice, trying to calm down and stop thinking about how close Simon was, how much he just wanted to hope that they could be together like this every night one day.

"I broke up with Agatha," Simon whispered with a dorky smile spread across his face, his eyes searching Baz's hopefully.

For a moment, it felt like time stood still, both of them watching each other carefully.

"You what?"

"I broke up with Agatha," Simon repeated. "She took it pretty well, actually. I knew things weren't working out between us, but I thought for sure she'd hate me for cheating." He chuckled. "Actually, though, when I said it was with you, she said she should've known."

Baz couldn't process what he was hearing. It didn't make sense. "You told her everything?"

"Well, yeah," Simon replied bashfully. He paused a moment to take a deep breath and grab Baz's hand. "The truth is, I love you too, Baz. I know you're worried about us being on different sides of the war and all, but… I'm not. In fact, I think this is the answer to all that."

Baz found himself laughing, all of the tension and self-protection that he'd spent the last few hours building up suddenly melting away. Simon had actually said he loved him back. He'd said it without even being forced by a magic potion.

"You're such an idiot," he said, affectionately. "You can't just dismiss everything by saying you're not worried. There are a million reasons why this shouldn't happen."

Simon hesitated. "Does that mean you don't want to be my boyfriend?"

Baz didn't know how to respond. Both saying yes and saying no seemed impossible.

"You don't have to," Simon said, looking away to hide his disappointment but continuing to rub his thumb against Baz's hand anyway. "I haven't even been single for half a day yet. I get it. Maybe we should slow down."

Every part of Baz protested against the idea, but he didn't know what words could possibly describe what he wanted to say. Instead, without thinking, he leaned in and captured Simon's lips.

"Yes," he whispered between kisses. "Crowley, Simon, of course I want to be with you."

For the moment, it didn't matter what could happen in the future or what other people expected of them. He wasn't going to let his fears get in the way of what he wanted.

Finally, Baz decided, he was going to listen to his heart.