The snow fell last night, it was beautiful. I looked down from the balcony at the time, thinking to myself why I shouldn't jump or scream for help. I wasn't tired, I will keep fighting. I was so close too, I could feel it.
So why didn't I make enough noise when Ni-Chan was here? I could jump right now, or even make a run for it. Though I was sure the doors were locked even from the inside. I hated to admit it but, I was scared.
He amputated my pinky because of a damn promise, my body hurt from the cuts too. At least they weren't deep, I thought to myself.
My head slowly turned to the dim clock in the distance, "4:55 am". I stared, my eyes felt heavy but they hurt. The type of tiredness where you want to sleep, but the head and eyes created a numb pain and everything felt puffy and inflamed.
I've been up for hours just staring at the snow, it was cold though I felt as if it was worth the beauty. My feet moved on their own. I walked to the open glass door, feeling the welcoming arrival of the warm penthouse. Looking at the couch I saw my mother.
"Mom?" I gasped, and my stomach turned. "Come here Misaki, sit with me."
Hesitantly I stepped onto the wooden floor and right at that moment, I realized I had never turned away from the edge.
Beneath me were cars, a couple walking below sharing a kiss under the unexpected snow. The breeze hit my red nose and cheeks, the cold air hiding beneath my ears and neck.
"don't jump"
"allow yourself to relax as you fall forward into the world, trust that when you hit the ground you'll wake up to heaven Misaki"
"and be at peace with us"
"Misaki…Misaki. MISAKI"
Everyone is going to move on without me, I don't want my parents to feel as if I left them behind.
Slowly I fell forward, the wind became fast. Hugging my face and body until I felt a firm grab at my arm.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
The voice pierced through me and soon reality hit.
I was forcefully lifted as my limp body took consciously.
Looking to see who it was, though I already knew. Usami stared at me in disbelief, yet his eyes soon turned to betrayal and anger.
Sitting on the balcony edge he held my shoulders firmly.
"Answer me"
I didn't, what was I to say?
All that came out was a miserable "I'm sorry", he looked at me in hateful pity before grabbing the side of my arms.
Once again I was taken aback, or rather. My spine lay against the edge of the balcony, holding my shoulders down towards the edge. One loose grip and I would fall to my death, but isn't that what I wanted?
To fall endlessly into the busy road to traumatize all the citizens below, why was my heart thumping?
Why was I scared?, why did I suddenly have the urge to live?
To continue to breathe, through my nose and mouth, my lip catching a gust of wind. My hearts thump, the pulse on my neck, and the touch of freshly made bread.
"I…." my once loved and sweet voice everyone once adored now sounded pitiful and raspy.
"I wanted to live"
"Then why let yourself go?"
Opening my eyes I looked at the man who claimed he loved me, "she'll come back" I said.
Knowing she was gone, forever. When that demon brought back her golden necklace stained in blood I knew no one would find me now.
My only hope was set free to the heavens, I wonder what her final thoughts were.
Was it me? Was it her son? Or was it something else, hopefully, something that brought her peace in her final moments and I can only hope her death was quick? She did not deserve a slow passing, nor did she deserve the time of her passing either.
"I do this because I love you Misaki" The man spoke up, startling me.
No, you don't.
"If you want me to let go I will, If you want to die then so be it. Tell me."
"Do you wish the die?"
Usami stayed silent, waiting for my reply. I heard the wind, I heard the honking but most of all I heard our breathing.
To think we're both humans.
It took me a while to process what he just asked me, do I wish to die?
I, What am I doing? I have a brother, a best friend, fans, and a home to go back to. Do I wish to die? Or do I wish to go home?
"Do you?" I spit out, I didn't mean to say it.
I could care less whether he was suicidal or not. Shocked by my question I didn't take it back, Instead, I just stared at the man who was caught off guard.
Soon his expression softened, "I want whatever you want". Silence, we just stared at each other. He smiled softly, leaning in for a kiss he shut his eyes.
"I want you to rot in the pits of hell you physco"
I felt the brush of his lips before they retreated, I spoke up.
"I want to live, but when you showed me Hana's necklace I wondered if I deserved to."
Silence again, the cold air was now numbing me as my nose felt cold but warm in some way, my eyes were droopy and my cheeks were flushed.
He pulled me up and then onto the balcony floor, grabbing my limp hand he dragged me to the couch where he snuggled me in blankets. I let him.
Finding myself now sitting up on the pink couch covered in soft thick blankets that weighted me down onto the cozy cushions. Closing my eyes I felt safe. Not because of the comfort, or the idea that he didn't let me go. Like hell, he would.
But because I knew deep down, the man couldn't kill me even if he tried.
"One day you'll see why" He whispered into my ear, left hand wrapped around my left arm he pulled me close to his chest.
"If that day were to come I'd be blind"
I softly replied as I allowed myself to rest, convincing myself Hana-San was doing the same.
43-year-old Hana Shinji was found dead after a train incident, her body lay for hours as the snow fell last night. We wish for no disturbance for the family and friends who are mourning the loss of a beautiful woman who once took great care of Misaki Takahashi and her young boy.
