cscs01: I love EMOTIONS! Yes, I'm definitely trying to make them feel more like it's us against the world instead of, you know, them fighting, and it's been great :D And fuck yeah, don't we all wish for that O:) I like what you're thinking about their friends helping them... Thank you! MyBetterHalf: Heh heh heh, yeah, that's been my running joke with myself, that Snape is a cameraman, but I'm never gonna give him a voice bc he doesn't deserve one, ha. Glad it came together! And you actually made me look this up, but women do have Adam's apples, they're just usually not as prominent as men's. But for some women (ie Sandra Bullock, Ciara) they are just as noticeable! Just fun body facts :D Thank you, it was hard to write, but glad it was worth it :) AustenNi: UGH, FF glitches are the worst! I'm so sorry it did that to you, but THANK YOU for writing it again! I appreciate it sooo much ^.^ Thank you! Trip was fun! Not as crazy as I expected unfortunately, hahaha. Yes! More on her feelings of aloneness here (and consequences of that next chapter...) Yesss, James is showing restraint and GROWTH. (Although, I have to admit, it would have been so satisfying to write him punching the git.) I hope you like their progress here and I promise there is a lot more of it to come ^.^ Who knew TALKING was so important? Haaaaa Scribonius4: Oh yeah, the gloves (and mask) is completely off for Petra now. No more need to act and try to curry favor with Lily anymore since she knows it won't work! Ha, yeah, I didn't want to keep Michael until the very end. He was just so annoying. (Hope you can forgive me!) Shame indeed, but at least this way we can keep James on the show ;) NOT EVEN the morning after, so true. Poor James. Heeeheeeh, I see what you did there ;p (in Part 2 I promise...) blueberrrykisses: You're welcome! HA, I LOVE that you take notes! (But seriously, never again with these long chapters, I cannot keep up with reading/editing it in one sitting either, it is BRUTAL! Lol) Fuck yeah for Mary love! Yes, I will take that shit with you, hallelujah! Aw *full on heart emojis* THANK YOU, that is so sweet! (Also, LOL at the AC unit) These are really my favorite type of scenes, so that people like them is just so neat to me ^.^ Thank you so much for saying that, I showed this review to my husband, bragging my ass off, lol. Also, sorry, but please remind me, have you read 'What Are You Doing To Me?' because their relationship there (in Hogwarts, fully canon) starts off contentious, but then becomes the most mushy, healthy relationship I've ever written about halfway thru XD Like, so sweet it will rot your teeth (But either way, yeah, I don't plan on stopping any time soon!) Thank you for your kind words 3
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the super talented blvnk-art (tumblr) aka potterbyblvnk (insta)
Warning: Start of alcohol abuse, food related body shaming
Morocco: Part 1
Lily
"Ice cold, Lils, ice cold."
Lily froze with the sound of Sirius' voice over her shoulder at the crafty station the next morning, stalling her reach for an apple. She was hoping to sneak in a quick bite before she sat down for Mary — who was sure to complain about the heavy bags under her eyes and how much harder Lily was making her job. Even on travel days with no filming, production still wanted Lily to wear a full face of makeup 'just in case' something happened and they immediately had to start filming. Lily supposed the most likely thing that could happen would be that she tripped and injured herself, and she would no longer put it past the camera operators to whip out their equipment and film her lying on the floor bleeding to death. (Why she would need to look pretty for such an event, she had no idea.)
Although, obviously there had been a reason for Lily's disheveled appearance this morning. James. James. James, James, James, James. After her adrenaline had died down with the prospect of nearly getting caught in the act and she'd been alone in her room stewing, the gravity of the situation had washed over Lily. She couldn't believe she'd screwed him and then just kicked him out of her room like that. If the roles had been reversed, she would have been livid. She would have burned the hotel to the ground with him still in it.
She hadn't meant to be such a bitch; she'd just panicked — and rightfully so. Not even five minutes after she'd unceremoniously launched James, barely dressed, into the hallway, Petra had returned, pounding on her door, pretending that they needed to film an emergency ITM in her room tout suite.
Naturally, Lily had been ready for this intrusion, but she definitely didn't miss the way Petra's eyes had roamed over her entire room, looking for where James could be lurking. The producer had even checked in her closet under the pretense of 'finding Lily something suitable to wear.'
Petra was not to be trusted. At least Lily knew that now with shocking clarity.
"I didn't mean for it to go down like that," Lily said under her breath to Sirius, fully remorseful.
"You mean, you didn't intend to kick a bloke out onto the street after you were done bedding him?"
If Lily didn't know any better, she'd say that Sirius was really mad at her. Then something clicked in her mind. "Wait, he told you that?"
Sirius smiled mischievously. "No. But you just did."
Lily shook her head — it was far too early, and she'd gotten far too little sleep worrying about the whole situation, for games. "What?"
"Well, you two had production all in a tizzy with James' disappearance, and Remus told me that he was all mopey and sad this morning." Oh fuck… he was? Lily felt her stomach drop. No one deserved to feel used, but especially not James. Had she fucked everything up? Sirius tilted his head, picking out a muffin. "Remus is a good friend though, because he didn't mention that James had temporarily gone MIA last night, the producers did that." Sirius looked back at her. "But now you just confirmed that he was with you and that you two were shagging." He took a satisfied chomp of chunky monkey, clearly pleased with his own sleuthing skills.
Oh, fuck this guy. He was far too clever for his own good. Lily gave him an unamused smolder.
Sirius laughed. "Don't give me that look; I didn't do anything."
Lily squeezed her eyes shut. "Fuck, I really didn't mean for things to happen the way they did…" She looked at him pleadingly. "Is he…" She leaned in closer, looking around to ensure there was no one else near as she double-checked her back to make sure that she hadn't been mic'ed today. "Is James mad at me?"
Sirius' eyes went wide. "I dunno, haven't had the chance to speak to him yet. But I'd guess yeah, probably. That's a pretty fucked up thing to do to a person." He took another bite. "Especially if it was your first time together."
Lily let out a huge sigh, ignoring Sirius' very full mouth. "Shit."
Sirius shrugged. "I get it though. The producers are like vultures. You should have seen the way they all rushed to get to your room. It was like they thought they could capture you guys mid-thrust or something."
Lily blanched.
"I'll see if I can do some damage control," Sirius continued casually, as though he hadn't just dropped a bomb on Lily, only to offer her shelter two seconds later. "But, I dunno; next time you could just ask me to cover for you guys?"
Lily looked up at him in blissful disbelief. "You'd do that for us?"
Sirius gave her a strange look out of the corner of his eye, clearly uncomfortable with her gratitude. "I mean sure…" He chuckled. "Don't make it weird. Besides, maybe I'll get something out of it too." He shot her a wink. Lily was pretty sure she knew exactly what he meant by that — after all, if James was away, that meant Remus would have a room all to himself. She hoped she could have a chat with Remus about this whole developing situation too.
"Thanks Siri."
"Don't call me that," Sirius said seriously.
Lily laughed feeling only a smidge better. Okay, mission for today: fix things with James. She could do that. She had to. Only question was… how?
"Lily, Mary's ready for you." Petra popped up unexpectedly behind them, making Lily drop the apple she'd only just managed to secure.
The producer's voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard to Lily now that she was aware of her true nature. "Coming," she replied, gritting her teeth and baring it.
James
Had Lily just wanted to fuck him? Had he been so sure of their connection, so foolhardily determined to make it work between them, that he'd missed the glaringly obvious signs that she didn't reciprocate his feelings in the same way?
Lily had straight-up told him that she was being forced to keep him on the show. She'd shied away from activities that were meant to bring them closer emotionally: the prolonged eye contact exercise, talking to him at cocktail parties, telling him how she was doing when he went to visit her in her room… She'd seemed more than happy to be physical with him — in public and in private — but maybe she saw them as just that. Physical. She had an itch, and James was being used to scratch it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
James sighed. Lily wouldn't be the first girl who had only wanted a quick shag out of him because of who he was. (Had he really been such a complete idiot to not see history repeating itself? So hopelessly naive? So blind?) There had been others, especially early on in his career, who had wanted to bag a 'celebrity' and been nowhere to be found come morning. Admittedly, it hadn't been the most romantic way to lose his virginity, but he supposed he had to grow up and see the world for how harsh and cold it was at some point.
Although, maybe he hadn't grown up at all if he was still here, right where he started, making the same mistake a decade later.
He could have sworn Lily was really giving him a chance though. He'd thought their conversations had meant something; but obviously, they had not. All James knew was that if he liked someone — liked someone the way he liked Lily — he would never in a million years shove her out of his door after having made love to her for the first time like that. He would have fought off the whole production team himself before it would ever come to making Lily feel used and discarded.
So perhaps she really only ever wanted to get laid. It was possible that she wanted to get one last random shag out of her system before she hunkered down to find a life partner. Maybe she viewed James like a stripper at a hen party, something pretty to admire and play with because he 'didn't count.' She definitely objectified you as though she saw you like that…
James thought he was going to be sick. He'd loved the way she'd been looking at him before — but now all their memories together were tainted. He didn't want to be someone's bloody fucktoy — he wanted to be someone's forever. He could provide that, he deserved that, he just wished that's how she saw him too.
"Here," Remus said as they finished packing up their bags, getting ready to leave for the airport. He deposited James' missing tennis ball into his hand without another word. He knew James well enough by now to know that the gesture went a lot further than any words could.
"Thanks." Remus was a good friend.
"Here is your room, don't worry, I'm just a floor up if you need anything!" Colin told James and Remus, giving them a single key card to share. He had been in top form all day, completely buzzed to be the only producer who still had all of his contestants in the running to win the show. James felt like the achievement must have come with a pay raise or bonus or something. It truly felt like a lifetime ago that the pair had arrived with Paul, all bright eyed and bushy tailed, eager (fine, just nervous) to meet a beautiful stranger in England.
Now look at them: James had been fucked by said stranger and Remus was dating the host.
James had done a double-take when he'd seen the month printed on his plane ticket on the way there, so removed from the outside world that he couldn't believe it was actually true. It felt as though they had been living in an alternative reality where time stood still — and there was only one woman in the whole wide universe.
Only one woman who, up until a few short hours ago, James had believed to be his.
No one could even be sure if Lily had been on the same plane to Morocco as them either. If the show was keeping her under lock and key before, now she was in Fort Knox. James doubted that anyone would be able to get to her without production's strict written consent going forth.
James wished he knew if she was in the same hotel. (Then he kicked himself for the sentimentality. Old, affectionate habits died hard.)
"Knock, knock," Sirius announced, stepping in through the hotel door they'd kept propped open — in desperate need of a breeze while the AC kicked in — before closing it behind him. "Unpacking?"
"Sirius!" James replied happily as he bound to his feet, grateful for the distraction. There was only so much misery he could dump on Remus before he was afraid his friend would turn on him. "You sent me no paper airplanes." He pouted like a child.
"I got upgraded to first this time. My arms can't throw that far back to peasant class. Sorry." He hardly sounded it.
"I'm surprised you're slumming it with us now," Remus joked under his breath, not looking up from where he kneeled over his bag, but James didn't miss the way his cheeks had gotten distinctly redder.
Sirius threw himself onto their sofa like it was his own throne. "Well, the conversation amongst the bourgeois is dreadful, you know how it goes."
James rolled his eyes. "Quit flirting for a minute," he interrupted. "Have you seen her today?"
Sirius sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Remus, how do you live with this guy?"
"You could always rescue me, you know."
"No seriously—"
"It's always Lily-Lily-Lily—"
"Well, we are here to date her—" James tried defending himself pitifully.
"That's only you, mate—"
"I mean technically me too—"
"You probably should have a conversation with her about that—"
"Yeah, I've been meaning to, and I will as soon as I can get her alone off camera for a second—"
"Can we focus?!" James hissed, standing between his two friends.
Remus peered around his shoulder, giving Sirius a look. "James has been spiraling."
"Spiraling? How very unlike him."
"I'm not spiraling—"
"He thinks Lily only wanted one thing outta him, and now that she's gotten it, she's through with him."
James winced. It sounded so pathetic when Remus laid his circumstances out so plainly. He still appreciated that he was protecting his gentlemanliness by not going into detail about what exactly that one thing he thought Lily had wanted was though. Sirius looked at James expectedly, waiting for him to fill in the blanks, until he gave in shortly afterwards. "Yeah, we shagged. Pettigrew knocked on the door, I hid, then Lily kicked me out."
Sirius looked satisfied to be sufficiently in the loop. "Yeah, Lily basically alluded to as much."
"She did?" James asked. He wasn't sure if her being aware of just how casually cruel the whole thing had been was a good thing.
"Well, I sort of tricked it out of her, but she seems very sorry. She kept repeating how she didn't mean for it to happen like that."
That hardly seemed like an adequate excuse. "Okay, but it did."
"You two need to talk." James spun around to Remus, smart and right, as always. "And not snog, and not shag, you need to get her alone and actually talk about what you both want after the show." He shook his head as he rubbed his jaw. "I swear, you two probably want the same thing, and you're both scared that the other isn't as into you as you are, and its making things into a bigger mess than it needs to be. Talk."
Sirius smiled, looking at Remus adoringly. "They're both such idiots."
James was too tired for this amount of teasing. "I dunno," he said dejectedly. "What she did? It just wasn't cool."
Sirius shifted uncomfortably, sensing James was actually quite miffed about the whole thing. "Look, mate. I know you have Lily on this pedestal, and you see her as an indestructible force, so when she messes up it feels very intentional, but trust me when I say: she's human. She fucked up, I'll give you that, but I think she's under more pressure than any of us can imagine, and she's really starting to crack." Well, now James felt like shite for being sort of pissed at her. "I don't think she meant to hurt you, and I don't think she realized she was hurting you in the moment, she was just straight-up panicking — but she gets it now and she's sorry. I know we all saw right through Petra, but Lily didn't because she liked her; hell, she actually trusted her. Lily needs someone in her corner right now more than ever. Obviously it doesn't have to be you, and you have every right to write her off for how she treated you post-shag, but hopefully you won't be mad at me if I still want to give her the chance to make up for her behavior." He blew a lock of hair off of his forehead. "Lord only knows where I'd be if everyone always interpreted my actions in the worst possible way."
Well now James felt even worse. He hadn't had anyone to turn to after his old school mate Patrick had let the tabloids frame him, and look how that had panned out. I ended up here. "No, it can be me." James ruffled his hair, really hoping the air conditioning in the room would start blasting soon. "I can give her that chance."
Sirius smiled wolfishly, like playing into James' hero complex had been his plan all along. Maybe he truly does belong in production… "Thatta boy."
"Okay, well, I'll go now and give you guys the room so you can 'talk about what you want after the show' and what not," James sassed sarcastically, not needing any more of their meddling. He sort of wanted to wallow in peace.
Sirius jumped to his feet. "No need for that, we've already talked about it ages ago. Right, Remus?"
Remus suddenly seemed to be having a hard time looking James in the eye. "Right."
"Okay, well then I'll let you—"
Sirius clapped James on the shoulder. "Yeah, you can't leave, mate. With the stir your little late night rendezvous caused last time, they'll be on the lookout for you. Remus was smart enough to fly under the radar so far, so it'll be far easier to sneak him out to my room than let you wander about."
James' heart sank as he realized he was about to be trapped in this room all alone. And all the rooms after it. He threw himself onto the bed and stared at the wall, trying to make himself comfortable. At least the tiling was gorgeous. How desperate are you that you're noticing patterns on the flipping walls? "All right, well have fun you two. Don't go making any babies out of wedlock or anything."
Sirius barked out a laugh, but Remus reached over into James' bag for his tennis ball and flung it at him before they quietly exited the room.
James began to play catch with himself. Well, at least I have this…
Lily
Damn, she was nervous. Lily wiped her hands down her white linen pants, hoping to wick away as much moisture as possible.
So far, Marrakech had been brutal. Not only was the summer heat nearly unbearable, but now that Petra seemed aware of Lily's mistrust of her, it was like she had completely dropped the pretend act of being her friend. Clearly, the ruse had been a test that had run its course, and now Petra was cutting her losses and giving Lily nothing but her cold, calculated business attitude.
Lily couldn't help but ponder how sad a person had to be that acting like a decent human being was so much of a chore for them.
So now Petra ran Lily as if she was a well-oiled machine, throwing her back into training sessions at the gym when she said she'd noticed Lily had gained weight, sitting with her as she ate her meals as if to ensure that she wasn't overeating, and generally being a complete controlling nightmare. Lily had a hunch that this was all an elaborate plan to keep her as preoccupied and exhausted as possible so that she wouldn't have a second of free time to sneak off and do any more off camera activities. Not that I'll ever have the need to again if I can't talk to James and apologize.
Her first one-on-one date had been with Juan, and she was afraid that she would have cut anyone in her company because of how miserable she'd been. They'd ridden camels on the edge of the Sahara, and Lily swore that even with SPF 100 sunscreen and her whole body covered in fabric, her skin was still melting off of her bones. It burned and blistered in a way she truly had never experienced before, even though when she'd returned back to her room, she'd seen with her own two eyes that the cream had done its job in protecting her.
But today was a new day, and now she eagerly awaited six of her men — Remus, Paul, Marcus, Ben, Tom, and James — in a basement room of the Jardin Majorelle. Lily found it so strange that they had this beautiful museum, decked out in bright blue walls, adorned by tall cacti, and surrounded by lush gardens and adorable ponds, and instead they were filming… inside. Underground. Ominously.
But then she saw why, and her heart sank even more. Because sitting there, on a table with wires connected to a single chair, was what looked like a polygraph.
"Petra," Lily hissed, spinning to her producer. "You can't be serious?"
Petra ignored her, too busy going over a pamphlet with a strict looking man dressed up as some form of soldier.
Lily was going to lose it soon — she could tell. Grumbling, she made for the door, only for another producer to stand in her way. "The suitors are almost here, Lily. Please be patient."
She was trapped. She was so wholly and completely trapped. "I need something to drink."
"Of course," the man smiled saccharinely before pulling out his walkie-talkie. "I need a PA to fly in a shot, stat."
Lily had meant some water or a soda, but she supposed booze would do. She downed the pathetic little plastic shot glass as soon as it was delivered.
"Is your name Remus Lupin?"
The room was sweltering as they recorded the men going through their lie detector interviews, one at a time. Lily had been a damn fool to think that the photoshoot hangar date had been too hot now that she was experiencing this. The men were dripping with sweat, which only made them look even more guilty as they answered question after question posed by this fake cop called Barty sitting right beside her. In the middle of the metal table between them and her suitors sat the polygraph, and Barty watched the needles on the machine swing back and forth like a seismogram with vested interest.
"Yes," Remus answered to Barty's approving nod.
"You're telling the truth."
So far, production had prepared the most embarrassing questions imaginable, and Lily had to assume that they were using their prior knowledge of the men — either through ITMs or from casting interviews — to really hit them where it hurt.
Barty had not stopped barraging Ben with questions until he'd admitted to soiling himself in public in Year 8. Lily was determined to not let the interrogations go that far for any of the remaining men.
"What is the longest relationship you've ever had?"
"One year," Remus admitted.
Barty nodded.
Lily let her mind stray as her gaze drifted to James on the opposite side of the room. He was wearing a red shirt, his hair more chaotic than usual if that was possible, and sitting at the back row behind Remus all the way to the left of the suitors. He was the only guy left unquestioned, but that didn't mean that Lily hadn't been sneaking him glances for the entire date. He looked tired and worn down — well, as worn down as a criminally good looking person could — as he sat there, avoiding eye contact with her. It obviously made her even more nervous to talk to him and clear the air, even if she knew his avoidance of her was well deserved.
His hazel eyes caught on hers for a second, and she swore her heart stuttered before he looked away, staring at the back of Remus' head.
"What do you mean, you don't know if you see a future with Lily?" Barty pressed.
Shit. "Let's move on to the next question," Lily pushed, improvising on the spot. "I'm very curious about it."
Barty snorted as he obliged. "Are you attracted to Lily?"
Double shit. Maybe Lily should have looked over his shoulder to see what the next question actually was before trying to save the day. Remus' eyes went wide as James jumped to his feet, hoping to end this madness once and for all. "All right, mate. You're hogging all the fun. Why don't you let someone else have a turn?"
Lily knew James well enough by now to know that being interviewed like this was the last thing James would ever want to do, but she also knew that he was secretly falling on his own sword to cover for his best friend. It was noble, it was gallant…
It was so fucking foolish.
Lily had, so sillily, hoped that maybe the crew would forget about James and that they could skip his portion of the date entirely. He was the guy who they wanted to grill the most out of this bunch while also being the one who had the most to hide. She felt nauseous thinking about all the ways this could go. Obviously, they had saved the juiciest nut to crack for last. "Actually, I think that's quite enough interrogating for today, don't you? It's awfully hot in this basement, so I'm sure that's a liability. We wouldn't want any of us to faint!" Lily let out a godawful, stressed giggle. "Let's all stroll outside and feed the turtles—"
"Cut," called a bored voice through Petra's walkie. The room was far too small to house all of production, so most of the crew was watching from video village somewhere above. Lily wondered if it was to make the setup feel all the more real and suffocating for the men. Or just because the higher-ups would never subject themselves to the same gruesome conditions they'd force the cast to endure. "Let's move on to Potter."
Lily's blood chilled in her veins. Now she really was confident in her sneaking suspicion that the whole date had been orchestrated with this very moment in mind.
"Roger that," Petra replied before clipping her walkie-talkie back against her hip. "Let's strap Potter in."
Lily did not like the glint in Petra's eye nor the way the greasy cameraman, his white shirt so soaked through with sweat it was now grey, sniggered. She did not like it one bit.
James scoffed, shaking his head as he tapped Remus out, taking his place in the hot seat and allowing a PA to secure the blood pressure cuff to his bicep, as another one adjusted the straps around his chest and the finger monitors onto two fingertips. Honestly, Lily thought that he looked quite pissed about the whole affair. She swung one leg over the other and squeezed tightly.
Barty looked as comfortable and gleeful as ever. Lily assumed he was another paid actor flown in from home just like The Fat Lady. She'd thought The Fat Lady was bad, but something about this guy was downright sinister. Lily would bet money on the fact that he got off on humiliating others. "Is your name James Potter?"
James' eyes flitted to Lily before he answered. It may only have been for a millisecond, but Lily still felt like his message had been received loud and clear: I'm only doing this for you, and right now, I'm not even sure if you're worth it. Lily's heart stung.
"Yes."
"Do you think you could fall for Lily?" Lily held her breath. Sure, Barty had asked each of the men this question so far, but this was the first time the answer actually mattered to her. Lily twitched in her seat.
For his part, James no longer looked her way. "Yes."
Barty watched the way the polygraph needles moved across the paper before determining his answer was genuine. He nodded, and Lily was almost embarrassed for the sense of relief she felt. She couldn't believe James was dating her, had climbed down to her balcony to kiss her, had risked exposure to come check on her, and still she was happy just to hear that he could see himself falling for her. What more evidence did she need? What did this man possibly have to do in order for her to trust him completely? Why was she like this?
"Are you good in bed?"
Lily gasped, her head snapping to Barty before looking at James wide-eyed in an attempt to apologize for production's brazenness. Clearly, the apology was neither warranted nor wanted as he still did not look her way. (The guys in the back chuckled, evidently relieved that they had not received this particular question.)
James grit his teeth. "Depends."
Barty smiled. "Depends on what?"
James blinked slowly, adjusting his shoulders uncomfortably in his seat. "Depends if I'm what the girl wants."
Barty was not satisfied with this answer, eyes jumping from James' fidgeting to the lines bouncing away merrily across the page. The reading kept rolling off the table, collecting in a curled scroll on the floor. "Elaborate."
James closed his eyes for a second before replying. "I can only be as good as how much I line up with what the woman I am sleeping with wants. If she wants something in particular, but thinks I can't give it to her, then it doesn't really matter what I do in between the sheets, now does it? I automatically wouldn't be good enough for her."
Oh fuck, Lily thought desperately. He thought… he seriously believed that he wasn't what she wanted? She knew she'd freaked out mid-shag, but that hadn't been because of what he was doing. He was doing marvelously! Better than marvelously really… She'd just… freaked out about feelings.
But that's what he's saying… A small voice in the back of her mind sounded. He wasn't referring to not pleasing her sexually, because they had hardly gotten that far into their sexual escapades (and what he had been doing was brilliant — okay we get it — she scolded her one-tracked mind), but he was talking about what she actually wanted from him. He had seen her mid-sex freakout and interpreted it as her thinking he wasn't good enough for her longterm instead of the other way around! How?! Lily couldn't believe her own anxiety had so clearly rubbed off on him. She swallowed hard, half hoping she'd choke on her own saliva.
"Have you ever cheated on someone?"
Lily hated that she sat at attention again, but did she ever.
"No. Never."
"Have you ever been cheated on?"
"Yes."
What?! Lily screamed. Who the fuck would be dumb enough to cheat on him? Lily's mind reeled. Also… hadn't he only ever been in two relationships before? That's what Mary's digging had unearthed, and one of the women had come out and said they'd broken up because James was too focused on his career. Had it been her who'd strayed from their relationship? And had she come up with a convenient lie that firmly placed the blame on him to cover her own cheating arse?
And did James let her? He could have exposed her for what she was, but he hadn't.
It really didn't register to the honest half of the population, but she supposed the fact remained: people lie all the time. Lily really needed to start wrapping her head around the concept so she wasn't constantly being hoodwinked by assholes with ulterior motives. (In James' ex's case, the motive was making herself look good, like a martyr even, whilst still getting the malevolent outcome she'd always wanted.)
Barty smiled, ready to move on even if Lily wasn't. She wanted to ask for this ex's name and address, please and thank you. You know, so she could send her a sympathy card for making the world's most egregious error. "Are you attracted to Lily?"
James grit his teeth some more. "Yes."
Barty noticed his hesitation, even if he could tell James was telling the truth. "Why do you seem upset by this?"
James let out a long labored sigh, the monitors strapped around his pecs expanding and contracting beautifully. "Because sometimes I feel like it would be easier if I wasn't."
Lily licked her lips as she looked down, cursing herself. Her time on the show had been absolute hell, but had his been worse? She'd done nothing but led him absolutely astray, pulled him in, and then destroyed him. Was she the bad guy? If James was seriously confessing — under duress — to liking her, but wishing that he didn't because it was hurting him, didn't that make her somewhat of a monster? She didn't want to be anyone's toxic love.
James deserved better than that.
"Have you ever had a one night stand?"
Lily's eyes went wide, looking for Petra off camera, but as soon as she found the woman, she wished she hadn't. Petra was looking at James with barely concealed glee, chewing on the butt end of her pen and leaning forward like James' torment was the height of entertainment. Lily looked back at James and shook her head side-to-side, trying to tell him he didn't have to answer the question, because frankly it didn't matter, but he still wasn't looking at her.
"Yes." James made a weird shape with his mouth as he glanced down to his lap, or maybe to the straps that were constricting his chest. Lily had a feeling that he was far too sincere a man to be any good at lying. "But not necessarily by choice."
Lily wasn't sure if Barty asked the next question for production, or for his own damn curiosity. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, I can't help it if a girl doesn't want to see me again after we sleep together."
No, no, he was not referring to them again right now, was he? Lily couldn't believe the number she'd done on this poor man.
Barty smirked as though he'd never imagined that a bloke as handsome as James could have gotten stood up by a woman. He took a long pause as if to let James marinate in his feelings of rejection before he pressed on. "Have you ever drank so much that you've blacked out?" he asked, going back to his list of production's questions.
James rolled his eyes. "Sure."
"Have you ever sent nudes?"
The room got ten degrees hotter as Lily squirmed in her chair. This was not the time to be thinking about James sending her nudes. Obviously without phones, this wasn't even a possibility, but if it were, what would they look like? What angles would he take? Would he be a full on 'this is my cock' kind of guy, or would he be the type of bloke to show a hint of hipbone with a teasing thumb underneath the waistband? "No."
Well, there goes that daydream.
Barty looked at the polygraph extra hard, seemingly in disbelief that this statement could possibly be true. He shrugged and moved on. "Have you ever broken a woman's heart?"
James winced, closing his eyes as he replied, "Yes."
"Elaborate."
"I really don't think that's necessary—" Lily tried interjecting, but she was immediately shushed by Petra.
"Carry on, James," his producer encouraged. "Remember how we talked about opening up? Let's try that."
James glowered at him, clearly not believing a word of his pep talk but knowing they wouldn't stop filming in this torturously hot room until the show had the footage they wanted. Lily watched a bead of sweat gather on his neck before dripping down, sinking below the collar of his shirt. "She was a friend in school. She had a crush on me, but I didn't like her back like that. I only saw her as a friend."
"Why didn't you like her back?" Barty pushed.
"I don't know."
Barty looked at his polygraph reading, shaking his head. "James, that's a lie."
James blinked slowly. Once. Twice. Staring Barty dead in the eye as though pleading, 'Come on, man. Don't make me say this on camera.' He let out a big, painful exhale. Neither man budged for a solid twenty seconds before James relented. "Because she wasn't my type."
"So you have a type?"
"Sure. Doesn't everyone?" It was entirely not the point of the question, but suddenly it hit Lily like a freight train that she was so lucky to be James' type. It was absurd, and sure, she was confident enough to know that she was fit, but still. There were so many factors that went into attracting someone, and by the luck of the gods, what she had going on just so happened to be the thing that did it for James. How excruciating would it be if it wasn't? If Lily was just like his friend from school who so understandably had fallen head over heels for him only to be stuck in the torture of unrequited love? Lily was overwhelmed by her own idiocy. She had literally won the love lottery and had been looking for a way to return the winnings just because she felt like she hadn't earned the prize. Never again. She was going to fix things with James. She had to — fuck I hope it's not too late.
"Please don't deflect the questions."
"Please don't ask dick questions."
Barty grinned, seemingly charmed against his will, giving his gold incisor its time to shine. Petra handed him a new sheet of paper, and that's when Lily got really nervous. What could they possibly ask next? Had production prepared a whole new set of questions specifically for James? That certainly didn't bode well.
"How many women have you slept with?"
James' chest expanded again, making the straps across his shirt strain with the force of his discomfort. He was so fucking flustered, and Lily felt so bad. "Barty, really, I think we've asked enough—" she tried to cut in.
"Please answer the question, James," Barty commanded, completely ignoring Lily as he kept speaking to James. Lily could really do with a little less sexism right now. She'd already been dealing with it enough all day.
"I'm not completely sure."
"Because you've slept with so many, or because you black out so often?"
James' nostrils flared. "Because I don't make a habit of tallying such things up."
"So it's been a lot." James blinked angrily but didn't respond. "Please answer the question."
"The former."
Behind him, the other guys stirred and whispered amongst themselves except for Remus who looked stoically ahead. If Lily didn't know any better, she'd say he was trying to project his calming energy onto James telepathically.
The answer hardly surprised Lily. She'd always suspected that a man like James, an international sports star, would have had his fair share of dalliances. It was one of the reasons she'd stayed away — after all, how could someone so hot and so talented not have gone through a player phase where they'd taken full advantage of all of the benefits superstardom had to offer? (And how can you ever compare to all the women he's loved before if there have been so many?) Of course 'a lot' could mean vastly different things to different people, but she supposed she was fine not knowing James' interpretation. These were women James had met and slept with before he even knew she existed, and she would never hold such a thing against him, even if it made her own insecurities flare up. She knew she'd never want him to hold her past sexual partners against her either.
"Are you completely over your exes?"
"Yes."
Lily couldn't help it: her eyes darted just as curiously to the polygraph results as Barty's.
"Are there any weird things that turn you on?"
What the fuck was production getting at?!
James' eyelids narrowed. "Define weird."
Remus laughed behind him, and luckily, it was the levity both James and Lily seemed to need to keep going. "It is a very subjective question," Lily said, forcefully giving her two cents even though no one in the room seemed to want them.
Either because he finally respected her input (doubtful), or because he himself didn't want to suggest any possible weird kinks for James to confirm or deny, practically outing himself, Barty moved on to the next question. Lily found herself so damn grateful for this man's propriety, even if he didn't seem keen to extend the same curtesy to anyone else's. "Have you ever dated someone out of your league?"
"I feel like I'm doing it right now."
Lily's heart caught in her throat with James' romanticism. She did not deserve this man. Here he was, being interrogated by some wannabe cop in a one thousand degree basement, in front of a slew of terrible people, all because she was on a show that demanded its pound of flesh as the price to pay to date her. It was in that very moment that Lily realized it was week five. Just like she was obligated to keep him until now, his PR team was probably making him stay until this week. Every second now, she couldn't take for granted. If he was here, it was one hundred percent because he wanted to be here, because he was choosing to be here, because he wanted to be with her. Lily bit her lip, once again thinking back to that poor girl who'd fallen for him back in school, pining for a boy who'd never be hers. Lily had no idea why James liked her, but he did — the needles of the polygraph confirmed it with their even tempo — and she had damn better start acting in a way that was worthy of his interest so she didn't lose him.
Lily begged James to look at her in her mind, but he stared resolutely at his fingers, tapping the monitors against the desk, making a metallic clicking sound. "Don't do that," Barty reprimanded immediately. James stiffened before straightening up, awaiting his next query. "What's the dumbest thing you've ever done for love?"
This time James' eyes did stray to Lily. She felt her brow scrunching as she withered under the power of his gaze. I'm sorry, she pleaded in her head. I'm so, so sorry. Please don't write me off yet. Please forgive me. His eyes dropped to her lips and back, staring into her soul. "Stayed."
It hurt. Fuck it hurt hearing him admit that. She'd make it up to him. She had to.
"Do you believe in equality amongst genders?"
Both Lily and James jumped at the insane question, turning to Barty. "Of course," James responded. Lily couldn't believe that Barty actually studied his reading. She could hardly recall the time when she'd thought that James could be sexist. It was crazy, but knowing him now, and knowing how pure his intentions were, it almost made her feel like the guy she'd thought he was before, that tabloid rumored guy, was a completely different person than the one sitting in front of her now. He was nothing like his online reputation. He was so much better.
"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"
Lily gasped as all the pieces of the puzzle snapped into place: production was tired of James not addressing the tabloid drama and was trying to force it out of him while he physically couldn't lie. They wanted him to confess one way or another. Of course they were asking this!
"Not being there enough for my dad after my mum died."
For a solid ten seconds, the only sounds in the entire room were the needles, scratching away as usual across the paper, being rolled neatly onto the floor. Clearly, no one had expected that. Even Barty finally looked properly embarrassed to have asked such an intrusive question given the answer he'd gotten. However, he clearly had not been embarrassed enough to stop. He cleared his throat before asking, "Have you had sex in the past month?"
James' knuckles visibly whitened as he involuntarily flinched, getting whiplash from the sudden shift in moods. How was he supposed to pivot from emotional upheaval back to sex just like that?
The past month?! Lily panicked after the shock of the change in questioning wore off. They'd been filming just shy of four weeks now (even if they were on episode five), so the implication was evident: did you have sex with anyone right before leaving for a show about finding your soulmate? Production basically knew that James had just shagged Lily a couple of days ago, so was this their punishment? 'If we can't leverage the fact that you snuck around and fucked our lead for ratings, we'll paint you out to be some sort of whore who can't even remember how many women he's bedded because he's been so drunk his whole life.' Maybe they were even cashing in on Michael's last ditch slander of saying he'd seen James in Costa Rica with prostitutes. A month encapsulated all these possibilities and would give the audience's imaginations free rein to run wild.
Lily jumped to her feet, unwilling to let James suffer needlessly for something they'd done together like this any longer. She might have left him high and dry to save her own ass in Costa Rica, but she wasn't going to make that same mistake again. "That's enough. You've asked your questions. Let's move on to the cocktail party."
"Move in on Potter," a producer whispered to the greasy cameraman who so happily obliged.
Lily realized not a single camera was pointed her way and she guessed that they'd cut her audio after her first outburst as well. All they wanted now was James' answer. "No really," she tried again. "This date is over."
It was like she wasn't even there.
"No," James finally surrendered, all eyes in the room honed straight in on him. He was smart enough to know that Lily was trying to help him out, but also smart enough to realize that her attempts weren't working.
Barty beamed as the needles jumped wildly up and down the page. "That's a lie, James."
Abort. Abort!
Suddenly, Remus slouched over in his chair, passing out onto Paul's shoulder right next to him. "Remus?" Lily gasped, jumping out of her seat and running around the table to his side. "We need a medic!" She wasn't sure, but she didn't think that unconscious people were supposed to squeeze their eyes shut so tightly.
Next Chapter: Morocco: Part 2
