Even after the devastation, it was still a beautiful place. I'd returned to the tree I'd been sitting under, now broken and toppled. Sound was returning to the forest, bugs and birds beginning to call out once again now that the hollows had been destroyed.

My zanpakutou rested on my knees, and I took the chance to familiarize myself with its new form, every curve, every edge, every thread and cloth that was tied to it. Along with my zanpakutou, I was also examining my new self, along with the decisions I'd made in life, the things I believed in, and the way I felt about my life, past and present.

Years ago, when I parents had died, I'd lied about my age, said that I was capable of living on my own. I'd taken on the roles of my parents, paying bills and handling everything around the house by myself. I did everything I could to appear as a mature adult, and did away with anything that might contradict that image.

I was so afraid of change, of having what I knew and was comfortable with taken away, that I'd built up a false life around myself. But in the end, that disguise had taken over my life, taken away the things that were important to me.

Damn, I was an idiot.

Meeting the shinigami had helped me to break out of that. I'd seen and felt so many new things thanks to them, from love at first sight to despair so deep that the fear of death was laughable by comparison. So exhausted as I was, bruised and battered, I felt light and free like a child again, but able to decide the person I would grow up to be this time around.

For the second time that night, a bright face appeared in the blade of my zanpakutou.

Not many people get a second chance, you know. Are you going to do things right this time around?

"Yeah…"

I turned the blade slowly in the air, just watching the light reflect off the metal and catch on the ribbons and wrapping.

"I became a shinigami because it let me feel like it was when I was alive, just after I'd met them. Just like when my parents died, I'd done everything I could to hold onto the way things had been. But I don't want to live like that anymore."

So what are you going to do? Quit being a shinigami?

"No. I want to do this…but for my own reasons…"

The voice was quiet, tilting it's head, the mask and paint shifting slightly to express curiosity.

"I'll stay, but because I know this is where I belong. I became the ghostwriter because I wanted to help people, because I knew what they were feeling. I stepped between hollows and the souls of people I'd never met for the same reason, not because I'm some...big hero or even because it was 'the right thing to do.' The gotei 13 is so much bigger than me, doing big things that affect a lot of people. And I'm really going to be a part of it, not just going though the motions because it's familiar or comfortable."

For whatever you feel, whatever your desire or reasoning, you must never do things for the wrong reasons. If you do, then whatever you might accomplish becomes meaningless. An empty gesture.

"Mmm…sounds good…"

AND NOW!

"GAH! Don't-"

Come on! Now that the requisite character development is out of the way, let's get back to the ACTION! What's it going to be? Some more hollows, maybe? OH! Think we can take on a Menos now? NO! Kido! YEAH! The fine magical art of BLOWING SHIT UP!

"Oh, god…are you sure we're related?"

Just get up off your ass and DO SOMETHING COOL!

"Heh…"

I used the scythe to stand, stretching out slowly under the night sky. I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to recall the route back to Seireitei.

"There is…one thing…"

You mean like that one dream you had? Break into the fortress of the twelve horrors, slay the evil wizard, rescue the beautiful damsel, then, ah…are you even old enough to hear this?

"…The next time we meet, I'm kicking your ass."


Half a day later, I was back in Seireitei. My zanpakutou had returned to its sealed form, and with it, my reiatsu was back to it's previous low level, though it was nowhere near as uncomfortable as before. The cold and numbness that accompanied my hunger had retreated to a small pit in my chest, and my body felt more like my own again for the first time in a long time.

I went straight to the cafeteria when I reached the academy. Releasing my zanpakutou must have done something to whatever was afflicting me, and I didn't need to eat nearly as much as I used to. Between bites I noticed that there were fewer students around then normal, and one of the instructors told me the advanced students were already in the mortal world and wouldn't be back for a little while.

I needed something to do, and I was too hyper to rest. I found myself at the training grounds to see if there was any kind of scythe techniques or katas in the zanjutsu texts. There weren't any. They either hadn't been recorded or I was the first to carry a scythe for my shikai. I settled for grabbing every text I could find on weapons with similar principles…kama, naganata, spear, bo…I spread them out on the floor and picked up a blank from the racks against the wall, a lumpy, featureless rod as long as my forearm. Once it was in my hands an effort of will shifted it into the form of a scythe, the balance and weight exactly the same as my released zanpakutou. This was going to take a lot of work…

I brought the scythe to the ready, a sheaf of blank papers waiting for my notes, and I twisted my head to look at the first scroll.

"Left foot forward, then shift your weight…"


I was halfway through my bath when the bell rang for classes to assemble, and I stumbled out of the bathhouse with my zanpakutou in one hand and the top half of my robe in the other. I arrived in class wringing the water out of my hair and scattering water around me.

The students were very animated, boasting and jostling each other as they recounted their performance in the exam, though a few looked depressed, their minds elsewhere. Nobody paid me any mind as I sat down and tightened my belt, drumming my fingers on the desk as I waited for the instructor to show up.

I stood up and bowed with the rest as he walked in a few minutes later, trailed by two of his juniors who carrying some papers under their arms. From the looks the students were giving them, I guessed it was their test results. The instructor took the podium and began to address to students, the expected congratulations to the students assembled on their performance, and I waited through it all until I heard those magical words.

"In two days, we will be joined by seated officers from each squad of the Gotei 13. For many of you, it will be your last day with the academy. Because on that day-"

On that day…my life starts, and for real this time…


It was quite a party, the whole academy turning out to meet the visitors, half of which were lieutenants or higher. I saw several shinigami I recognized right away. Kyouraku-taichou was a bright, flirty pink blob moving from one young lady to another, his greetings punctuated by the occasional book to the head from his lieutenant. The youngest captain of them all, Hitsugaya Toushiro, the genius who was legend at the academy moved quietly past the gathered students, studying them and their official marks critically.

Assignments were the captain's purview, and many were insanely strict in whom they allowed to join their squad. Soifon-taichou was said to be one of the worst, a frightening woman with a presence and standards that would unfailingly break at least half of the annual hopefuls for second squad. Kurotsuchi-taichou was a close second, personally testing those who gained his interest, and popular rumor said those that failed were often never heard from again.

Eleventh squad, surprise surprise, had no real requirements to speak of, besides just being a good fighter. On the opposite end of the spectrum, first squad had dozens of conditions that had to be fulfilled be one was even considered for examination, let alone admittance.

Occasionally, someone in the crowd would whoop with joy, a scroll tight in their waving hands, a circle of friends congratulating them. There were a few speeches, both from instructors and captains, and even a few words from Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai himself, the crowd motionless and silent from the moment he came into view.

I took in all in, expectantly, impatiently, hanging on every word that was said, approaching several of the visiting shinigami to exchange a few words. They were right – Soifon-taichou was terrifying up close, and the more daring part of me wished I'd be assigned to 2nd squad. It was a little weird bowing to someone who looked younger than me, but I came away from talking with Hitsugaya-taichou feeling like he was the most mature captain there. Tousen-taichou and Komamura-taichou inspired something like faith in every young shinigami who spoke with them, myself included. Ichimaru was as disturbing as always, sneaking up on me and saying 'See? I told y' so!'

As the day wore down and the crowds began to thin, it finally happened. I returned to my dorm for one last time, carrying away what few things I called my own in a pack over my back. I headed out with one hand on the hilt of my zanpakutou, and the other holding the scroll that held my commission.

Some people may knock it, but my reiatsu wouldn't allow for anything else, and I accepted that. Besides, the medical knowledge and techniques there were probably my best hope for returning myself to normal.

Teranaga Hikaru, 20th seat, 4th squad.

Hey, everybody's gotta start somewhere.