Day 4
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My heart hurt a lot. I didn't think it could happen to me. Of course it wasn't an actual pain just that anytime I saw her from the corner of my eye, or Jarvis mentioned something about her, my chest tightened and I couldn't breathe. She hurt me so much these past days that I wonder if this was her way of punishing me for what I've done to her.
Sometimes I find myself with an incredible urge to ask Jarvis about her - but I don't. I know my AI isn't the best secret keeper around so I clamp my mouth shut and I resume on tinkering with useless pieces from the suit.
I don't even know why I'm trying anymore. It hurts even more when I think about it - because I have this feeling that she isn't going to do anything that will affect her professional life and job. And god, I want so desperately to just let go but she's like a drug.
My entire being yearns to be with her - to touch her, to taste her and love her.
I stop from whatever I was working on and raise my hands up in front of me. I glare angrily at them because I can't focus on anything just because I'm too distracted - Pepper Pepper Pepper - my mind keeps screaming. And because they're shaking so violently that I have to wrap my arms around myself, hoping that they would stop. They don't stop though and I need to pace restlessly around the worktable with my arms wrapped around my torso.
Suddenly my hands aren't the only ones shaking. This time my whole body starts quivering. The workshop starts spinning around me and I fell to my knees on the cold concrete. Jarvis is in the offline mode because I had to install some upgrades, so he doesn't alert Pepper who was probably working on some papers in the living room.
I close my eyes and I don't fight the waves of disappointment that wash over me and let me fall even more, until my head hits the hard cement with a dull thud. I hear the door being opened and her stilettos clicking sharply.
"We need to talk about the plans for your birthday, Tony." She says but I can't reply because I'm shaking so badly and I can't open my mouth to tell her that I'm currently lying on my belly with my head throbbing on the floor right in the front of the worktable.
"Tony?" She asks as she moves a couple of steps in my direction. She sets the stack of papers onto the table and stops there. A giant lump formed in my throat as I realized that she probably thought that I wasn't talking to her because of what happened yesterday.
"Mr. Stark?" This was really great - she reverted to Mr. Stark again.
I hiss softly - just like a snake and she hears me, thank god. She moves fast and I hear her gasp as she leans over me and rolls me onto one side. I look at her, my eyes unfocused and my arms still wrapped tightly around my torso.
"Oh my god - oh my god, Tony. What happened?" She asks me as her hands touch my face hesitantly.
I can feel her gaze boring straight into me but it doesn't take long before she's asking me something else while her fingers find the warm liquid on my temple. She asks me again, this time frantically as she tugs at my right arm - the wounded one. I gasp sharply as her nails dig into my flesh.
"Fuckkk..." I hiss through clenched teeth and grab my arm harshly. She stares at me before she stands up, her eyes watery.
I shake visibly but not that violently as I did before as I rush after her.
"You promised -- " She murmurs irritated.
"Please stop."
She stops in her tracks, her entire frame shaking with anger.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" She spats towards me and I flinch - I've expected this so I shouldn't react like this, I reasoned.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I spat back angrily.
I watch her as she blinks in confusion. I didn't mean to sound like that - it's just - she asked me first.
"I'm going upstairs now. Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"
"Hell, no!" I reply quickly and grab her wrist roughly. She lets a little squeal of surprise when I pull her into the direction of the couch. Pepper tries to shrug her wrist from my hold but I hold firmly. She stumbles forward until she crashes her body into mine. I take advantage of this position and I reverse our positions.
She gasps when I push her down gently onto the couch. I know this isn't right and maybe she'll slap me or worse - she'll quit if I push her too much. I let her fall on her back onto the expensive black leather and it's only after that I crawl atop of her. She looks at me, her eyes widened and dilatated.
"Let go of me," She warns in a defeated tone and I grin to her dismay. "What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing is wrong with me." I assure her, calmly, but I can see her eyes searching mine desperately.
"What do you want from me, then?" She asks with trembling lips.
I take one of her hands in mine and I stroke her delicate knuckles and smile.
"I wanna know why you get so mad at me everytime you see me?"
She lets out a breath I suppose she held before I asked her my intriguing question.
"You're bleeding." She says.
"Yeah, and? I'm bleeding all the time, or you didn't notice, Potts?"
"I'm sure you do, but it's different. You promised that you'll be more careful when you work down here."
"That was a metaphor." I mumble softly and stare in her eyes. We were so close...
An awkward silence settled between us but it felt so good to have her under me, her soft body pressed into mine and our hands entwined.
"Are you planning on staying atop of me the whole day?" Pepper breaks into my thoughts and I bring my curious gaze to her lips.
"Tell me the reason."
"I told you already."
"No, you didn't. You keep avoiding it."
She brings her other hand to my face and traces my bottom lip softly with her index finger.
"I'm not sure of your intentions." She repeats the line she said to me three days before.
I don't let her finish her words because I catch her finger with my teeth and I bite it gently. She lets out a startled gasp which arouses me. She retracts her finger almost immediately but I smile because that most definitely affected her in a way or another because she's blushing and I've never seen her blushing like that.
"I think you are sure of my intentions, Pepper." I tell her softly and I search her gaze but she doesn't look at me.
Instead she uses her other hand to push me back a little. I don't want to force anything so I reluctantly let her hand go and I sit down on the couch. Pepper sits up as well but she sits up from the couch. I get up and go after her.
"I don't want to talk about that, Tony." She says and this time she meets my expectant eyes.
"At least promise me you won't get mad at me again. I hate it when you're not talking to me." I beg her with my best puppy eyes. She falls into it and I smile, knowing that I won this time. I want to take her in my arms so much that is hurts, but I don't want her to think that I can't be patient. I can be, I know that.
"I'm going home because I have some shopping to do but I want you to take a shower and clean that wound you have there -" She says softly and looks through some papers. "And I wanted to know where you want your party to take place this year?"
She has a pen in her hand and she waits for me to tell her where I want my birthday party. I sure as hell didn't think about that because I was let's say - distracted for the last couple of weeks.
"I really didn't think about that." I admit and I look over her shoulder to see what she's looking at.
"Well you will think about that because there are going to be a lot of people you know and I don't want to cancel it."
"Will you be there?" I ask and I smile when she turns her scarlet face towards me.
"Yes." She whispers softly and smiles nervously. I smile back, hoping that she will wear the backless dress so I can touch her soft skin again.
"Great." I tell her breathless. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay. And sorry for yesterday. I was really mad at you and-"
"No. It's okay, I'm okay."
"No. It's not. I shouldn't have said that because this-" She touches my arc reactor with tenderness. "Is what keeps you alive and I don't hate it. I could never hate something that keeps you alive."
"It's really nothing. I didn't even pay attention."
"Clearly you haven't." She looks at me like she knows what I've been through. Maybe she does.
"Thanks..."
She smiles a little more and gathers the papers in her arms but before she could run away from me I lean in and kiss her softly on her cheek. She flushes fastly and smiles nervously again.
"Good night, Tony."
I stare at her as she walks away and I barely can open my mouth.
"Uhm... yeah. Good night, Pepper." She turns her head and smiles to me once more before she disappears on the stairs.
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