Day 14
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"Thanks Hap." I tell my chauffeur who drops me at the front entrance. He nods briskly and looks at me in the mirror.
"Anything else, Mr. Stark?" He asks.
Pepper Pepper Pepper ---
"No..." I trail off and nod a bit. "Nothing. I'm fine. Extremely fine in fact."
Happy looks at me with a worried smirk. "If you want me to tuck you in-" He whispers and looks away. It seems that he's embarrassed to ask that question and look me in the eye.
"It's not necessary." I mutter and close my eyes just for a second. "You can go home. I can take care of myself."
He looks as if he doesn't believe me - but who could blame him? For all these years Pepper has been here I've never had to take care of myself.
The heat starts to piss me off and I can feel the sweat on the back of my neck. Without telling him goodbye I walk slowly towards the entrance door. Once I get into the mansion I drop my sunglasses on the couch and slump back against the couch with a sigh.
The mansion seems so empty without her.
I knew she wouldn't come at work today - and it's not only because of what happened yesterday at the hospital. I don't want to believe that she has a secret and that she keeps it away from me. She might know that she can't trust me. Whatever that secret is she thinks I will fuck it up - but no, it doesn't matter.
"Fuck!" I swear angrily and kick the glass coffee table as hard as I can - given my drugged mind.
Without thinking I sit up and begin walking towards the bar. I want a drink - desperately.
"Sir, I don't think you should-" Jarvis breaks in and I stop suddenly in my tracks. I don't want to obey - I want a damn drink or anything else doesn't matter. I'm a fucking jerk, that's what I am and I don't give a damn. I don't deserve her, period. I don't want to fight for something I could never have.
"Sir? You should calm down. Your heart rate and pulse are" I let out a small laugh and glance towards the ceiling with a knowing smirk.
"I know." I whisper and close my eyes.
The doctors said that I have to get some rest in order to prevent any other incidents like collapsing or even worse - having a heart attack. The last one wasn't excluded.
Instead of taking a bottle of scotch or even vodka I decide to walk towards the medical cabinet in the master bathroom. Once in there I open it and glance over until I spot exactly what I need. I fish out five pills and swallow them almost immediately.
Xanax. The cure to my illness. I take off my shirt and slacks and throw them hastily into the dressing room before walking towards the bed.
"Shades off." I whisper before collapsing onto the bed.
---
I wake up hours later and look at the digital clock on the end table. It's almost seven o'clock. Huh? Only? My head spins and my throat is dry. I try to grab the glass of water from the end table but I fail. I don't know whether I should feel relieved or not but when I'm a little more awake I can notice that the shades were gone and that the sun was lightening the bedroom.
"Jarvis!" I shout indignately, my voice all hoarse from sleep. "I thought I told you to close the damn shades!"
"I'm sorry, sir, but I did not open them. Miss Potts did." My heart catches in my throat as Jarvis tells me that.
"Where is she? I need to talk to her..." I whisper and sit up, whimpering.
"She is currently in the kitchen and she is cooking the dinner. Do you want me to tell her that you're awake?" The AI asks me.
"Huh? No." I whisper back, my mind still foggy due to the five pills of Xanax.
I grab some sweats and rush down the stairs. When I reach the kitchen though Pepper is so preocupied with her cooking that she doesn't see me. I rest my head against the door and sigh softly. She hears me then and she turns to me. Her face is hard to read and she keeps her emotions in control.
"You look like hell." She says.
"I know." I admit after several seconds.
"How many did you take?" She asks me with a tense voice and she mutters something under her breath as she chops the onion.
"What?" I ask her and bite my lip.
"Pills, Tony. How many?"
Where the hell did she know?
"Jarvis?" I ask and look at the ceiling. "Fucking traitor--"
Pepper looks at me with the knife in her hand. Her eyes are watery and her lips are slightly pursed.
"Why do you even care? I remember something like 'god I hope you'll putrefy in here'. So why the hell do you care?!"
She doesn't respond. She keeps chopping the onion until tears fall down her cheeks. I'm not sure if they're from our arguing or from the onion.
"What the fuck did I do wrong? Huh?"
She still doesn't look up as more tears fall down her cheeks. "Nothing..." She whispers after a few minutes.
"Yeah? Then why don't you want me?" I ask quietly and look down at my feet sheepishly.
"You only want me." Pepper acuses with a hint of sadness in her voice. It takes me a while until I understand the meaning of the sentence.
"What if I need you?" I try.
"You've always needed me."
There's one more thing...
"What if..." I say and beg her to look at me with my eyes. "I love you?"
"I don't believe you." She responds and wipes her hands on a rag.
I knew this was going to be her answer. God damnit. I knew her.
That was it. My only chance at love. I blown it away like I do with other things.
I allow myself to look at her. She seems so composed - so serene. It's like I've never told her that I loved her. Indirectly, of course, but it still has that meaning.
"I'm hungry." I tell her lamely.
"Me too." She responds and fills two bowls of soup. "I figure you haven't eaten anything today."
"Nah." I say and sit on a chair, waiting for the soup.
"You're not dizzy or anything?" She asks me as she sets the bowl in front of me along with a spoon.
"A bit." I say and throw myself into the soup.
"If you're not feeling well tell me, ok?"
"Okay..." I mumble between sips.
---
