A/N: I'm writing was faster than I thought I would, the story has just taken over in a way. I'm having a lot of fun writing it, I hope you enjoy reading it just as much!
Chapter 5 – Confrontations
The day started out as all their days for the last month and a half had, Draco Malfoy got up, feeling he had not gotten enough sleep. He would wait until he heard Hermione was done in the washroom, and then he would shower, the hot water always relaxed him, sometimes it felt that as though it was washing away all the pain from the previous day.
When he got out of the shower, begrudgingly, he got dressed, packed the books he needed for the day and met Hermione is the common room.
"Good morning" he said to her pleasantly. No matter how bad his mood was, he always made sure he gave her a happy greeting in the morning, because she had had a bad night.
"Good morning" she sighed. The bags under her eyes were worse today, she had probably forgotten to put a cosmetic spell on them this morning. She had had a rather bad night last night, so she was probably feeling just as tired, if not more so, than he was.
"You look tired, have you been sleeping alright?" he asked her. Every so often he would ask her this, normally whenever she looked particularly rough for wear, hoping that maybe, one day, she would tell him the truth. So far, she had remained under her pretence that everything was fine.
"Just worried about homework, N.E.W.T year is exhausting." she gave him a tired smile. This was probably the most honest she had ever been with him. Normally she denied that she was tired completely and other times would snap at him ever so slightly. She must have had a rough night he thought. He felt bad for her, and wished for the several hundredth time that he could do something to help her.
"I would offer to help, but I have a feeling all I would do is bring down your grade" he laughed.
"Oh no, you have enough to deal with on your own. You're often doing homework after I'm finished!" she looked shocked by his offer to help.
"True, and you're even taking more courses than me! Sometimes I wonder if it's your goal to make everyone look bad Granger." He teased her, hoping she would not not take it the wrong way.
"Only you, Malfoy" she smirked at him. At least she has not lost all the fire in her, he thought, and took it as a good sign.
All too soon, they arrived at breakfast, and she left him alone at the Slytherin table, while she went to talk to her friends in Gryffindor. He wondered if she had told any of them about her nightmares or if maybe she had confided in Harry or Ron, who were at Auror training, not Hogwarts. He hoped that she was talking to someone, but he had a feeling she was not. She was the type to keep it all to herself, not wanting to burden people with her own problems, while not having the slightest problem helping others.
He finished his breakfast and left for Herbology, his first class of the day.
After Herbology, he had Defence Against the Dark Arts, and then lunch. He noticed that Hermione was absent for lunch. He did not think too much of it until he went to charms after lunch and she did not show up. He spent the whole time wondering what might have happened to her, while he was supposed to be practicing Banishing Charms. Luckily for him, he was already familiar with this charm, or he would have been completely lost.
After Charms he went back to the dormitory, to find Hermione sobbing on the couch. For a minute he just stood there, shocked at the sight before him, only breaking out of the trance when she noticed him and immediately began trying to explain through her sobs.
"I-I-I'm s-s-so sorry" she managed to say through her tears. "I-I w-went b-b-back t-to get m-my ch-charms things. I-I've j-j-just b-been s-so stressed, y-you kn-know? I-I m-must h-have l-l-lost tr-track of t-t-time."
Just as he was about to inquire at the cause of her breakdown, he noticed some parchment on the table. Going over to her, he picked up the papers.
"May I?" he asked her, arching his eyebrow.
"I-I s-s-sup-pose so. Wh-what harm c-c-can it d-do n-now?" she stuttered shakily.
He began to read. The letter was from Harry.
Hermione,
I'm sorry I haven't written to you sooner, Auror training has been mental. The new Head Auror, Barry Cotterman, is almost as obsessed as Mad-Eye Moody was, or so some of the older Aurors I've run into keep telling me. He has us doing all kinds of training. I keep expecting him to start yelling about 'Constant Vigilance'.
I've been training all day and helping out at the Burrow when I get back. still hasn't fully recovered yet from losing Fred. She doesn't want to admit it, but she really does need the support. So I've been busy all day long, and collapsing on the bed and falling asleep as soon as I do.
It was only when I was trying to make a particularly difficult potion today, and I thought 'Wow, I wish Hermione was here.' That I realized how long it had been since I had written to you. I'm not saying you're forgettable, just that I'm so used to having you with me, sometimes it feels like you're there.
Ron has been completely miserable. When I told him he ought to write to you, he only glared at me. I don't think he's gotten over your fight yet. I think he's decided that when you said you were done and stormed out, you meant that you were done with your relationship, him, everything. He's been... Seeing Lavender Brown again. Honestly I don't know why, all he did was complain about her last time they were together.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of such bad news. I hope you are happy, don't take it too hard.
Let me know if there is anything I can do, after all you've done for me, it's the least I can do. I know you won't want to burden me, I've known you for seven years, I know how you think, but please, just this once, let me help. If not me, someone else, anyone. I can't wait until Christmas holidays and I can see you again, I've missed you 'Mione.
All my best,
Love,
Harry
He looked at Hermione. All this time, she had not only been struggling with her nightmares, and with him, but also with the fear that her relationship was over. Now, her fear had been confirmed, and finally, she was letting everything out.
By the time he had finished the letter however, Hermione had mostly regained her composure.
"I'm sorry, I'm not sure why I let you read that." She began. "It was a moment of weakness, it won't happen again, I'm sorry." She went to take the letter from him, but he held it from her.
"You cant hold everything in Hermione" he said softly.
"Like you care Malfoy!" She snarled.
"Maybe I do!" He retorted.
"Well why the hell would you?"
"Ever considered that maybe I'd changed?"
"You? Change? Ha!" She laughed nastily.
"Just because some people are incapable of change Granger, doesn't mean I am." He spat at her.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She screamed.
"Not everyone is an moronic as your boyfriend." The last word rolled off his tongue with such malice, Hermione's eye widened.
"He. Is. Not. My. Boyfriend." She growled at him.
"No? Then why are you so upset to hear he's back with Lav-Lav?" He growled back, equally as ferocious.
"Because-because-because" she stuttered, fresh tears now rolling down her cheeks. "Because I thought he loved me! And to be replaced by that girl makes me feel like I was never good enough. As if he thought I would be better, but when I turned out to be a disappointment, he went back to her. Maybe I'm not as pretty as the other girls, maybe I'm harder to please, maybe my standards are too high, I don't know. No one's ever loved me, and finally he did, and then to be replaced again. I feel inadequate! Ugly! Stupid!" By the end she was screaming at him, screaming all the things she had been screaming only to herself up to now.
Her eyes widened again, she realized what she had said.
She ran, ran from him, ran from what she had said. Ran into her room and sealed herself in there. Putting all her usual charms on it to make sure he could not enter.
She left him, shocked, still holding Harry's letter, in the common room.
She had finally broken, he realized, and he was not sure if he had been the one to break her.
He could not have just patted her soothingly on the back and tell her everything was alright, no, he had to open his big mouth, and he had pushed her away.
He had pushed her over the edge that she had spent so long trying to get away from. No wonder she hated him, he hated himself.
He wanted to disappear, to turn back time, but he could not. The only place he could go was forward.
He stayed in the common room to finish his homework, hoping Hermione would come out for dinner.
Finally, she did, and when she did, she completely ignored him.
It was as if, to her, he was not even there.
And for once, he wished she was right.
A/N: He should be thankful she didn't attack him with her famous birds!
It gets better soon, I promise. In my head, their relationship is very hot and cold. And they have a lot of stuff they have to deal with before she can forgive him. And then, maybe, he can forgive himself.
Also, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, ideas, anything, I'd love to hear it.
Thanks for reading!
Always,
Shan :)
