Disclaimer: no..."hugs an irritated Leo"
Chapter3: Loss
Don's POV
Nothing prepares you for death....there isn't a guide book to how to deal with it...there isn't a formula for it...its just there...and you have to deal with it...losing the only parent you've ever had is hard...waking up to your oldest brother's scream, announcing that death, is even harder...Last night...I found myself caught up in a vicious fight against my oldest brother...some of the things that were said were...unspeakably nasty...
I woke up this morning to Mikey cooking in the kitchen, I came out just as Mike headed for Leo's room, it was weird that he wasn't up yet...but I don't blame him for avoiding us after last night. Don't blame him he dosen't talk to us for days... I get the coffee going and sit at the table, trying to decide how to appoligise to Leo...how to tell him I never meant those things when I see the piece of paper. I grab it and glance at it, then freeze...my blood runs colder than normal...I stand up and start screaming...I don't even know what I'm saying...I just know I'm screaming...I know a suicide note when I see one...seen enough CSI shows....
Raph grabs the note and stares at it, seconds later Mike takes it from him and then looks at both of us, I've stopped screaming, but I'm shaking like crazy. I find myself grabbing the tracker and praying that Leo has his Shell-Cell. I vaguely remember Mike muttering something about "not in his room things are gone" I don't think he knows he even said it. It seems like years before we find Leo.
I find that I can't move, I can't speak. I watch Leo in horror as he looks at us, tears streaming down his cheeks, he's sobbing, gripping that rail. His eyes lock with mine for an instant, I'll never forget the pain, the agony in his eyes...I helped break my brother's heart...
I hear Raph and Mike call his name, I can't even open my mouth...The next thing I know Leo throws himself over the rail and I hear myself scream and find myself at the rail staring down in horror...I see his body hit the water and go under...I hear my remaining brothers crying...I can't even cry...all I can do is stare in shock at that water...
I vaguely remember looking for Leo's body remember going home empty handed and colapsing at the table, sobbing. I helped kill my brother...
I look up to see Raph on the phone, he's sobbing he can't even talk. He stumbles off toward Leo's room, I'm crying too hard to move now, my brother is gone...I don't know how long I sit there. Over the last week we've all kinda just stopped talking to Leo...if I didn't know better I'd have though Leo was Catatonic...but no...he spoke to us....took care of us...h-he...made sure we had food...but it was like part of him died with Master Splinter...he practically shut-down...I remember him at breakfast, he'd just sit there...clutching his tea cup...he wouldn't speak...he barely spoke to us all week...
I remember some nights he'd bring food in to me and stand there, I was so upset...I barely noticed him...by the time I saw the food it is was cold and he had left...Mike started coming to Raph or I at night instead of Leo...I'm not sure why...maybe Mike sensed how shook Leo was...didn't want to rattle him more...I don't know...I'm starting to think that Leo believed Raph...about doing something to Master Splinter's tea...which means that me not eating....OH GOD! He thought....he thought...he thought we didn't trust him....and last night's fight...we killed him...I've his blood on my hands...we made him think...made him think we hated him...
New tears and a fresh wave of sobs hit me, someone pulls me into a hug and I cling to them...it April...she's talking to me....
"Oh Don..." She whispers. I cling to her, I can't talk I just shake my head and cry...Leo I'm so sorry...
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