Disclaimer: again I say...no...

Chapter 8: Fear

Don's POV

Over the last three weeks I've watched my remaining brothers fall apart...Raph...he drinks when he can't find Leo's body...that's everyday so far...Mikey barely eats and he won't talk...Raph won't eat much either...he won't touch food until he knows we've eaten...then he eats what's left...when he's sober anyway. We all fell asleep in Leo's room last night. Mikey hasn't left and I've already tried getting him to eat this morning, he just shook his head and refused. It hurts how much Mike has changed...We were all upset over Master Splinter's death...but when Leo...it's like Mike just stopped...Raph...he keeps blaming himself...if he can't find Leo he just comes home, collapses at my feet, and apologizes until I make him go to bed...he won't even eat...I do my best to make sure his hangovers aren't too bad...anything to make him feel a little better...I honestly miss his attitude and hot temper lately...

I glance up from the table. Raph is standing by Leo's chair his hand on it, trembling. I get up and touch Raph's arm lightly. He looks at me, his amber eyes are dull and blood shot. I fight tears and sigh.

"We'll find him Raph, we'll give him a proper burial," I whisper.

"He's alive Don," Raph mumbles. He looks desperate. Finding out Leo looked up to him, he took Leo's suicide even harder. I think that's why he drinks after not finding him. I know April meant well but what she told Raph just made things worse.

I sigh...the probability of Leo surviving the fall, the blow to the head, and surviving this long with that injury, or even not drowning after being knocked unconscious is slim to none...Leo's tough...but this is pushing it...who's to say if he failed in his first attempt that he didn't...finish the job? I hate to think it...it scares me that I do...I want Leo to be alive...I just know the odds are against it...I want to be able to tell Leo sorry...I want to see him again.

We scour the area below where Leo jumped and around it, Raph heads off down a main water line and I follow, searching the opposite side. We reach the river drainage area and Raph starts searching the bank. This is the fifth branch off direction we've searched, the other areas we searched went under ground farther. The possibility that Leo might've gotten out here means that...my stomach twists...some random fisherman could've found him and...its all I can do not to throw up...Leo could be in a science facility right now...being dissected...we wouldn't know if he was found the TV has been off and so has the news...

Raph looks at me...he's thinking the same thing..I can see it in how he just got really pale.

"Don go home, make Mikey eat...I'll keep looking," he whispers it, but I know its an order. He doesn't want me out here...seeing or thinking about this...he wants to look for Leo alone...

"Raph," I whisper,"Don't drink tonight...please." He looks at me sadly but nods. I head home and try to think of something to make for Mikey and I to eat...and hope Raph doesn't come home drunk tonight...its hard to see him that way...so broken...

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