Disclaimer:I still don't own the terrapin shadow warriors...
The OC death hasn't happened yet for those of you who were trying to figure that out...its coming....the character death not far behind...
Chapter 15: Visitation
Leo's POV
I carry Jimmy into his room and lay him in his bed. He clings me, even in sleep and I have to gently pry his hands apart. I cover him up and feel a spark of sorrow...I think of Mikey...his nightmares...no...he has Raph...he stopped coming to me anyway...he said he never wanted to see me again...
I feel tears coming and leave the boys' room. I stumble into in my room and close the door, leaning against it. A soft "mew" makes me look down, Shadow is weaving in and out of my legs, demanding attention. I smile through my tears and scoop him up, pressing my face into his fur. I find myself on my bed, curled under my quilt, and staring at the picture of all of us and wondering how April and Casey are...wonder why they never...looked for me...unless they think I'm dead...
I glance at my calender as I roll over, my birthday is in four days...I think back to last year...for some reason my birthday was overlooked last year...only Master Splinter got me something...I remember waking up and finding that none of them said anything to me...April and Casey didn't even stop by like normal...Mikey didn't make me the breakfast he normally would...Raph didn't even make an attempt to be cordial...Don just vanished into his lab after training and I was left struggling to understand why...I checked the date a million times that day...I wondered if they were planning a surprise party or something...when night came...nothing...Master Splinter left a gift and a note on my bed...but other than that...no recognition of the fact that I was twenty years old...I was so confused...it wasn't long after that that I fell into the deepest depression of my life...
I roll over and hug Shadow, I told Sarah about that, she was so upset...I remember crying as I struggled to explain to her what had happened.
During that depression...I found my self making "mistakes" when I was practicing Katas, leaving thin cuts on my arms or legs...allowing PD's to land blows that I should have easily dodged...found myself giving up in fights with Raph...letting him hit me...I needed to feel that pain...it distracted from my breaking heart...if only for a moment...I was so confused...so desprete to understand why I didn't deserve their love anymore... needing to know what I did wrong...I was drowning in my depression...desretely searching for anything to cling to...Master Splinter was there for me...he held me while I struggled to understand what was happening...I've never felt so alone before that time...like I couldn't speak to anyone...
Then I went to April...I remember going to her after patrol one night and sobbing my heart out against her, telling her I despretely needed help...that I was sick...she somehow got a hold of the Meds I needed by late november...by Christmas I was laughing and enjoying life...I was happy...
Then Master Splinter died...and everything fell apart...the love that I so foolishly thought bound my brothers to me...vanished the second they heard me scream...I was left to drown...frantically reaching out to them and they just pushed me away...blamed me for Master Splinter's death...they let me try to kill myself...
I feel tears forming and rolling down my cheeks...how? why? is all that I can think...I needed them...they didn't want anything to do with me...
I get up and wipe my face dry. I touch the picture and start to rip it up...I can't...Master Splinter is in it...so are April and Casey...I put it down on my desk and walk out to the living room.
"Leo?" I hear mom ask softly. I look at her and lean into the hug she offers.
"I miss them," I whisper," even if they don't." She hugs me and sighs, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"I saw one of them today...he was watching you," she whispers. I look up and pull back a little, startled.
"What did he want?" I breathe, anxious and fearful...would they make me go back? I like it here...even if I have to put up with crazy kids for a few hours...I accutally kinda like it...they want to spend time with me...I had to practically beg my brothers to do anything with me...
"I told him to leave...that he wasn't going to hurt you anymore...he left," she replied. I nod...that hurts somehow more than their words...that they would just leave me...
Mom hugs me again and I lean in.
"Leo...I love you," she whispers," tell me what's wrong,"
"I-I...want to visit a couple of friends..." I say quietly. She kisses my forehead again and nods.
"Are you sure?" she replies. I nod.
"Ok, wear your sweatshirt...its chilly tonight...try to beat the rain back...it won't be good for you to get sick while your head is still healing," She whispers. I hug her quickly and slip back to my room, grab a deep blue hooded sweatshirt and pull it on. I grab a pen and quickly write the security code on my forearm before accepting a kiss good-bye.
I step out of the building and smile as I break into a hard jog...reveling in the feeling of wind on my face...it was chilly so I was thankfull for the sweatshirt. I soon reach April's side of town and make my way to her house. I can taste the coming rain and wonder if I'll be able to beat it home...maybe I should've waited until tomorrow...no I'm almost there...April can give me a ride probably...if not I'll just run in the rain...its not like I haven't done it before...
I reach April's place and drop down to the window. I quickly glance inside and then pull the window open and slip in...not a moment to soon it starts pouring the minute I get in...I lean back against the wall and wait. April comes out of her room a minute later and heads for the kitchen. I resist the urge to sneek up and scare her...Mikey used to do that...
"Hey April," I say softly. She nearly jumps out of her skin and turns around quickly. Her green eyes get huge and she stares at me.
"LEO!" she shrieks and the next thing I know she's hugging me and crying.
"We've been worried sick about you...Raph said he saw you alive but I-I...oh Leo!!" she sobs. I tense up...so it was Raph who tried to get me back...I shutter as I remember the viciousness of his words during that fight...the pain of his fists and feet...
A few minutes later we are sitting on the couch, talking quietly.
"Leo...they've been looking everywhere for you..." April says quietly. I snort in laughter.
"Is that what they've been telling you?" I laugh, "They told me they never wanted to see me again...and they won't, I'm happy at New Hope...Sarah and Jeff and those kids are my family now...they want me there."
I see the shock on April's face, the hurt.
"L-Leo? You can-" she gasped," Are you serious? You think they don't miss you?"
"I know they don't...they get to forget my birthday and not see me that day...Raph can do his thing...Don can have all the time he wants in his lab...Mikey can play all the video games he wants," I snap back," I don't care anymore...they stopped caring about me a year ago...maybe longer than that."
April just looks at me, I don't make eye contact...it hurts to say it...but thats what they wanted...me to leave...so I'll leave...
"Leo," she whispers. She touches my hand, I resist the urge to pull away.
"Leo," she whispers," Mikey hasn't spoken since he saw you jump...Don hasn't touched his computer except to try and find you...Raph ran himself ragged looking for you...Raph drank himself to a stupor when he couldn't find you...Leo they need you." I stand up.
"THEY DON'T NEED ME! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE TELL YOU THEY HATE YOU!! TO HAVE YOUR HERO TRY TO KILL YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO NEARLY BE BEAT TO DEATH BY THE PERSON YOU LOOK UP TO!!," I shout, remembering the feeling of Raph's fists slamming into me, the pain of each kick, the feeling of his hands around my throat...
April looks at me, tears rolling down her cheeks.
" Have a good night April...I have to go...my mother is waiting for me," I say as I walk to the window.
"Leo," whispers a voice I haven't heard in weeks, Don's voice. I stop and turn. Don is standing by the couch, staring at me, tears rolling down his cheeks. Raph walks up behind him, he's thin...horribly thin...so is Don...then I see Mikey he's hanging back, blue eyes pleading, he's trembling.
I start trembling. Flashing back to that night...the fight...the pain...the fear...I can't stop shaking...
"Leo I'm sorry," whispers Mikey, his voice sounds rusty like he hasn't spoken in weeks...
"Leo...please forgive me," Don sobs,"please...I didn't mean it...please...I'm sorry." I'm still shaking. Mikey comes forward and trys to hug me I pull away and move closer to the window...dreading his touch...they all hit me that night...
"Leo please...I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry! Please forgive me please! Please? Leo I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said please forgive me," Mikey pleads. He moves closer, I've stopped thinking and focus only on trying to breathe, trying to get away...I'm trapped in the memory of that night...a hand grabs my arm and I twist away. It takes a hold again and holds me firmly, but gently. I'm shocked as I'm pulled into a hug.
"I'm sorry Leo," Raph whispers, he's hugging me, holding me close.
"I'm so sorry bro," Raph whispers. Before I can stop I'm clinging to him and sobbing, two other pairs of hands wrap around me and I find myself held close. I don't know how long we sit there but soon I find the courage to look at my brothers. We've made amends, April is crying in relief, my heart has mended...I glance at the clock its almost midnight. My brothers are smiling a little, tears rolling down their cheeks. Mikey is clinging to me, like he'll never let go.
I pull away and turn.
"I have to go home," I whisper," thank-you."
"But!" Mikey protests. Don grabs my arm and looks at me despretely. Raph, to my shock, pulls me into a hug and refuses to let go.
"No, you ain't leav'n again," he sobs. I pull back and sigh.
"I have to Raph....I have to the kids are waiting for me to come back...my mother will be waiting for me to come home...come visit tomorrow...though...well...just watch out for the kids...dinner is at seven," I say softly. I hug them and then head for the window. Mikey whimpers as I start to go, I drag him into a tight hug and hold him.
"I love you Mikey," I whisper. He sobs and nods.
"I...want...you...to...come...home..." Mikey sobs. I hug him closer.
"My home is at New Hope now Mikey...my responsiblity is to you and to those kids. Come over tomorrow and we'll work things out ok?" I whisper, Mikey nodded. I hug him tight and give Don a hug to, he's shaking and crying again I whisper comfort to him...I can't describe the way I feel how much I'm realived to know they love me. That the things they said were from frustration and grief...not hate...that they really were looking for me...
"Leo, I'll drive you," April says softly, "Its still pouring out." Before I can protest I'm being dragged down the stairs. Mikey and Donnie plant themselves at my side and Raph sits up front, he keeps turning around as if to make sure I'm there. I can't help but smile and I pull Mikey and Donnie close, wrapping my arms around them.
"April can I borrow your cell? I need to call mom," I ask softly.
"Mom?" Raph asks, he sounds startled.
"Sarah Johnson...she adopted me," I reply with a laugh," she's...my...mother...offically...adoption certificate...not the electronic ones...Bishop and Karai could track it...a paper one."
"Really? You have a mom?" Mike squeeks. I nod and take the offered phone and dial Sarah.
"Hey...yeah I'm on my way home...yeah..yeah...I'm fine...no I beat the rain...yes I have my sweatshirt...yes its on...no....April's driving me...yeah I'm great," I reply looking at me brothers.
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Whew...big chapter...ok Reviews Please?
