Chapter 8 - Return to Forks

Breakfast was a quiet affair. I didn't want to leave him, he didn't want me to go, but we were resigned to our fates. I knew I had to return to my time. To remain here would be folly, even if it had been one the happiest times of my life. Jacob was also quiet. Pensive maybe, as he pondered what we would be doing on our journey. The four of us walked to the station, Edward holding my hand as we trailed behind Jacob and Elizabeth. They spoke in short comments to one another, both sensing the troubles ahead. We, on the other hand, felt no reason to speak. We simply enjoyed these last few moments of each other's company until we reached the platform. I felt a tear run down my cheek as I turned to him. This was it. This was what I had come here to do. To let go, but to do it properly, by saying goodbye in a way that would satisfy me for the rest of my life. It did not feel easy though. In fact it felt so very hard.

"I shall miss you." He spoke, looking directly into my eyes. No my soul. He gripped my hands and I could see that he too was fighting back the tears. Why did this have to be so hard.

"Live your life, Edward Mason." I breathed. The roar of the train began to fill the air. People all around us were moving forward, and so I realised it was time. I looked up at Jacob who nodded. It was time. I leaned forward and kissed Edward softly, and he reciprocated, soft and gentle, sweet like honey. Then I pulled away with a final look and was gone, stepped onto the train and guided by Jacob into my seat in our assigned carriage. I could see him standing there on the platform, forlorn, holding his mothers hand as she wrapped her other arm around his shoulders, as tender as I had seen her. It hurt, yes. It hurt like hell, but I knew he would be ok, and I now had closure. This was possibly the most important factor for me. I sat back and watched him diminish into the distance, and then he was gone. Out of my life again, but this time done in the correct way. I sat back and sighed. It was time to move on.

Jacob had chosen the seat opposite me, and I noticed he was scrutinising me. I eyed him cautiously. "What?"

"I'm trying to make my mind up." He said after a short pause. "Are you gonna actually come back home with me, or will you flake out and stay with your boy back there?"

I stared back at him for a moment, pondering. "Jake, you know I can't stay. It's not my time. Anyway, who would look after Charlie?"

"Oh come on, Bella. I can tell you want to stay. I've never seen you so happy, even before, when he was a bloodsucker back in Forks."

I was surprised to hear this. "Jake, what are you saying?" I sighed. " Are you actually telling me I should consider staying?"

"Bella, you know how I feel about you. To see you stay here would mean you would be out of my life, for good, and that would kill me inside, but to drag you home and make you live a life you don't want to live? All I would be left with would be an empty shell, and I don't think that's fair on either of us."

I hadn't expected this, it caught me totally off guard and for a moment I couldn't speak. Then I regained my composure. "Jake, I can't stay. Seriously. What about Charlie? And mom?"

"You're putting up walls. If you feel like you need to stay then you can figure it out. Hell, as much as I don't want to I will help. I can pass on the message, tell them you're ok. And you would be in the past, so you could technically send them messages yourself." He thought for a second. "I bet I could even come and visit you from time to time."

This was a shock to my brain and I honestly did not know what to think. It took a few hours of deep thought while Jacob slept for me to run it through my head. I played out as many angles as I could before I came to a decision. The train had pulled in so I thumped Jacob to wake him. "Next train." I told him, so we got off. And stood on the platform awaiting our connection. It was colder and I pulled a scarf from my bag. "I've decided. I'm going to talk to Quill." I told him as we stood there, shivering in the evening air.

"Good plan." He said, between yawns. "If there's one guy who can give you some advice on this whole crazy situation, it's him." He pondered a moment. "Even if he does smell like pork." We both burst out laughing.

The rest of the journey was straight forward. It gradually became colder the further north we travelled, and soon we were on the smaller pacific northwest trains. I don't think he knew what was going on when we were going to Chicago, but now Jacob seemed to be enjoying the trip. I could tell he had deep thoughts on his mind, but he was trying to occupy himself with the trains. Maybe if I were a guy I would have been as excited, I mean how often do you get the chance to see real, genuine steam trains from 1918 when you were born in the nineties, but here we were. For me, my mind was occupied by the passing scenery and the people we saw, who seemed to be from all walks of life. As we were moving away from the more populated areas there were less people on the train, and we could stretch out a little more.

All in all it was a decent trip, and the time to reflect had given me peace of mind. I had said my goodbye, yes, but I had also met a new person. Living Edward was not quite like his vampire counterpart. He was soft around the edges. The icy glances and stares were gone and replaced with a warmth I had never know in him. The trade off was purely aesthetic. The voice was less sing song, the face less beautiful, the smell less intoxicating, but that was perfect. He was a more normal person, and that made him so much more real in my mind. I could see myself living a long life with him. A life in a different time. Could I do it? Should I do it. The more I thought, the more I had to admit Jacob was right. It would be easy to pull off, and I would have so much happiness. I couldn't wait to get back to La Push and talk it over with Quill, but the more I thought, the more my mind solidified the choice.

And then we were there. We jumped off the back of the cart and thanked the driver and the horse. It was mid afternoon and the cloud cover was solid, like a steel blanket draped over the sky. Quill's house stood there, small and humble. Few people were out and about, and Jacob quickly wiped himself down and shook out his hair.

"Ok." He said, taking a deep breath. "Let's do this." And he lead the way to the front door.