Hello everyone!
Sorry it's been a while, but I had finals and I went to Hawaii for two weeks, so I've been a bit preoccupied. So, the end is drawing near (and, I know I've said this before, but I'm serious now). My one-year anniversary for posting this story is approaching and my goal is to have it finished by then. Technically, I published it on July 18th, 2008, but getting it in by that date might be tricky for me, because that's the day I'll be getting by from my trip to Europe. I'm going to try and post as many chapters as earthly possible before I leave on July 8th, but if I fail to do so, I promise to have it done by the end of July. I think that still counts as a year, huh? And, trust me, it won't be long after then that I post the beginning of the sequel! *squeal* Yay, I've been waiting SO long to write this sequel, that the ideas are just pouring out. Ok... I think I'm going to go write the rest of this story, so I can get going with the sequel!
Enjoy the chapter!
Keep Reading!
RxR
-TG
Chapter 19- Easily Distracted
Alice POV
As I entered the line of trees surrounding the meadow, I didn't marvel at its beauty the way I normally did. I didn't appreciate the trickle of the stream flowing through it, the sun shining through the thin clouds, or the bluebonnets swaying gently in the breeze. To be honest, I wasn't even looking at the ground in front of me as I walked into the secluded area. I focused on the future possibilities as I imagined Jasper walking back to the training camp. Different scenarios passed through my field of sight, and I imagined that Jasper was deciding exactly how he would find his way back into Maria's good graces. Some of his methods seemed a little drastic, but he knew better than I did what would make Maria happy. I could hardly imagine what would make an evil, sadistic vampire who has a thing for my Jasper happy. I shuddered at the thought of what Maria could come up with.
While some possibilities were more… unsettling than others, I was moderately pleased to find that more outcomes resulted positively than negatively. I found that Maria enjoyed Jasper's abilities and company too much to pass up a chance to make him grovel while still getting to keep him. At least, that's what I gathered from the vindictive smiles and mischievous looks that Jasper would be graced with in the near future. I frowned and imagined scenarios that would make me happy regarding Maria. It took a while before I was able to calm myself down again after that. It seemed that, in this new life, my emotions seemed to just take off uncontrollably before I could comprehend the effect of the emotion itself. Even with my rapid comprehensive abilities, there was no stopping a strong emotion from revealing itself. I didn't enjoy this particular side of my new life, especially when Maria was always so sickeningly calm. At least I would have Jasper to keep me calm from here on.
That thought-- the one about Jasper's and my future-- kept me occupied for a long while after that. Now that there was some hope, some possibility, that we could make it through this war and still come out together and happy was enough to keep me contentedly distracted from the more dismal current predicament of Maria and her various ways of compensation. I found that I was very easily distracted by one thought or another, while also being able to think about everything at once. My mind seemed to be able to consider a thousand things at once, while only really focusing on one thing at a time. It was mind boggling to me that I could get so easily side-tracked, and I found myself wondering if I was this easily distracted in my human life. But once I began to think of my human life, that was all I could think about. Every new thought that came into my mind seemed to require my full attention, sending all other information to the back-burner in my mind. Now that I truly thought about it, I hadn't really tried to remember my past in a while. With the battle being ten days away, I certainly had plenty of free time on my hands to do nothing but think. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could remember that mysterious part of my life if I thought about long and thoroughly.
I didn't know exactly how to begin this task, so I took a deep breath. I blew the air back out frustratingly when I didn't feel any satisfaction in the movement. I didn't need to breathe, so deep-breathing didn't seem to help me clear my head or help me achieve difficult tasks. I sat down in the soft grass, but this also seemed like a ridiculous motion because I was just as comfortable standing up. I could stand for the next ten days until Jasper and I are ready for our task, and I was one hundred percent sure I'd be just as comfortable as I was sitting down. Nevertheless, I remained sitting in that position. Sitting and deep-breathing were human comforts, this I subconsciously knew, and I figured that acting human might take me a step closer to being able to remember what humanity had been like for me. The more I thought about it, the more I thought that I would be able to do this. I mean, I seemed to know things that I had learned in my past life. I knew what everything was; most, if not all, things that I must have known in my human life. I just couldn't remember what school I had learned the information in, if I had enjoyed learning this information, or if I had dropped out, gotten a G.E.D., and was emancipated from my parents and/or guardians. I sighed in frustration at my imagination. Well, I was going to remember. I had to remember.
I thought about the first thing that came to mind; a house. The house I imagined was a nice, two-story in the suburbs that wasn't too gaudy, but just enough to indicate that it belonged to a middle-class family. That seemed fitting, I guess. But still, the house didn't set off anything inside me that would lead me to believe that this was where I had lived. I thought harder, imagining myself at a dinner table in this nice house, next to a woman who looked just like me and a handsome man that had just gotten home from work. But my imagination wasn't very original. The man and woman had no faces really. I couldn't see these people. I couldn't see anyone really except for a girl sitting next to the faceless man. She was smiling and eating, but not talking really. She was the only thing about this picture that I could remember clearly, that didn't seem like a figment of my imagination. Bella was the only thing about my past that remained unchanged by my transformation. After a moment of reminiscing over her face and smile, and I erased the image from my mind. This cookie-cutter image wasn't my past. Even if it was, I wouldn't know. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't remember. Did I have parents? Did I have friends?
Ok, I thought. I'll go from the last thing I remember, and trace it backwards. I thought back from the moment I stepped into this meadow until I reached my last human memory. Torturous burning. That was all I could think of. I winced internally at the memory of my transformation. I held on to the vision though, hoping it would lead me somewhere. A cool hand on my face that couldn't extinguish the flames that seemed to be charring me from t he inside. The sensation of being carried. Hearing Jasper as he collided Nettie, taking the pressure of my neck as Nettie was heaved off my crushed body. The blood-thirsty eyes of Nettie as she lunged for me. Maria's attempt to frighten me. Jasper's protectiveness, which I didn't understand then. Jasper, holding me in his arms as he realized he didn't want to kill me. Seeing Jasper killing those men, but not caring because he saved me and I didn't mind what he was if I could just see him. Rushing to an alleyway... anxiety pulsing through me...
I pushed on through the memory, but details were slowly getting blurrier, as if I was being pushed into muddy water and forced to look at the image beyond the surface. It was so hard to see now. Leaving something behind as I ran forward toward my fate... Bella had to stay home because... because...I didn't want her to be hurt...I knew it would be dangerous... but I had to go... I—blank.
That was it. That was absolutely everything I could remember. After that last image I could only see little flashes of memory of Bella doing something random like eating or brushing her hair or sleeping, while everything and everyone around her were indistinguishable. I couldn't see her surroundings, or hear what was going on around her. All I knew was that I could remember Bella vividly.
I put my face in my hands and growled in frustration. Why couldn't I remember? I could see the future with ease, but I couldn't even see my past. What kind of psychic was I? That thought filled my attention for a moment, and - slowly for my normal thought process - I had an epiphany. I couldn't see my past, except for Bella. But I could see the future clearer than ever... at least, I thought so. Except for the vision of Nettie attacking me, I didn't remember any visions that didn't include Bella. Despite this, I was fairly sure that if I thought about Bella, I could see her future... no, I was positive that I could. Now that I was semi-adequately fed, my visions weren't a problem. The only predicament I had now was, did I really want to see Bella's future? Could I handle seeing her happily living life without me, if she was obviously so important to me in my human life? Or, even worse, what if she was in trouble, and I wasn't there to help her? There wasn't anything I could do to save her if something were to happen to her. What if I really shouldn't see what life would be like for her?
The thought was tempting, though. If I were to look into Bella's future, it could hold answers that I couldn't find about my past. I was scared that the life I had left behind for my little sister was a horrible one that I could have prevented by staying with her and protecting her. Jasper made me happy, and I was perfectly fine with the life I had to live to be with him. But what was life like for Bella without me? And, while I wanted her to be happy, what if our relationship hadn't been what I thought? What if I had made her life miserable and she was better off without me? I couldn't imagine myself making someone like that miserable, but I didn't know what I had been like as a human. I had absolutely no inclination as to what future she would have without me, and I dreaded the thought of finding out just as much as I yearned for it.
Finally, I shut off my thought process. Stop thinking about it so much, and just do it. I thought to myself. This could be crucial to finding out my past, and anything concerning Bella is out of my hands. If she is happy, then that's great. I'm sure Bella is-- and suddenly, it didn't matter what I thought. Whether I really wanted to see her future or not, I was. A part of me relished the fact that I couldn't talk myself out of it, while another part watched in horror at what could possibly happen to my life when I wasn't in it anymore.
Vision
A huge, three-story, gated house came to my vision. The building was a rich, red-colored brick that contrasted with the white pillars that fell from the second story balcony to ground beneath. Enclosed in the area where the pillars stood was the front door. They were double doors that held huge panes of sculpted glass within its dark oak border. It was a beautiful door to match a beautiful house, but the vision wasn't going in this way. It traveled up past the exterior, through a window on the third story. The room I was seeing now was magnificently decorated with red and gold embellishments. The huge king size bed was a deep red and was canopied with bundles of gold fabric hanging from the top of the frame. A huge plasma screen TV took up most of the western wall.
This room was absolutely magnificent, and I wasn't sure if it was mine. What I did know was that something was off about this image. The room, so magnificent that it would be a shame not to sleep here, was uninhabited. The room was too neat, showing no signs of an occupant. It could have been a guest room, sure, but some part of me said that this was not the case. There were signs, however, that someone used to live here. While the shelves and surfaces were completely empty, one large corner of the room held stacks and stacks of boxes. Little boxes and big boxes piled on top of one another until it appeared that a small child might have playfully built a fort out of these seemingly empty boxes. But they weren't empty. I could tell by the second layer of boxes, which was in my sight. These boxes had a few open tops, revealing more red and gold decorations, picture frames, and office supplies that had been morphed to appeal to a teenage girl. Yes, someone had lived here once, and I was fairly certain that it had been me.
After looking and calculating each detail of the room, something finally happened. The sound of the door jiggling as someone attempted to unlock it shattered the silence in the abandoned room. For a moment that I was lost in the observations, I was worried about this intruder to my vision. I was genuinely scared for a millisecond that someone would see me in here, and that I wasn't supposed to be in here. I realized quickly that no one could actually see me, but I also realized as the approaching figure entered that maybe no one was supposed to be here. Looking at the hand of the person who had arrived, I realized that they did not hold a key to this room but a bobby pin that had been used to pick the lock. If this person had to sneak into this room, maybe they weren't supposed to be here. For a second, I was mildly angry. If this was my room, which I was fairly certain it was, then what was someone doing sneaking into it? But as I took in the innocent face that belonged to the person, my anger ebbed, followed by a sadness that was so sudden it caught be off guard.
Bella was wearing pajamas and holding a clean, white pillow that did not follow the color scheme of the room. I vaguely remembered seeing those pajamas on her at many other occasions. Those were her favorites, I thought as the memory came back to me. I watched as Bella approached the formidable stack of boxes, which loomed a good five feet over her head. She didn't look like she was about to go about finding some object, but more like she already knew where it was. She reached gingerly into an open box on the middle row and pulled a small, silver picture frame from its interior. She smiled ruefully at the image as if it was bitter sweet to gaze at. Hugging the pillow to one side and the frame to the other, she climbed into the huge bed only making it look more enormous in comparison to her tiny frame. She crawled until she was at the very middle of the bed and put her pillow down where her head would lay. She fell down into the pillow, still clutching the frame to her side as her eyes fluttered to a close. Just a minute later, the talking started. Oh yeah, I remembered. She talks in her sleep. I listened intently for a moment as her mumblings became more intelligible.
"Not… Alice. Don't go…" She mumbled, my dead heart lurching at her words. She was dreaming about me. I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure that this was my room now. Bella was dreaming about me in it.
"Don't leave me…please?" If I had been actually there, and not just there in my vision, I imagine I would have felt the tight feeling in my chest and throat that meant I was crying without actually producing tears. This vision was heartbreaking. I was torn between my gratitude for Bella, who still obviously missed me and loved me, and my wish that she wasn't mourning over me in her subconscious.
Bella suddenly woke up and sat straight up. For a moment, she looked innocent and younger than she actually was. She looked around as if she didn't exactly know where she was. She peered around the bed next to her as if expecting someone else to be there. Finally she wrapped her hands around the metal frame and peered into the picture, which was now at an angle I could see. It was a picture of Bella and I, smiling and laughing as if we didn't know someone had been taking our picture at the time. Looking at the picture, Bella's smile was contradicted by the tear rolling slowly down her cheek. She lay back down on the pillow, still not bothering to actual disturb the smooth sheets by snuggling under them. This time, a few minutes passed without her sleep-talking returning.
The vision faded away and was replaced by the view of the trees.
I sighed, unable to comprehend a way to fix this problem. I had given up that life in that big house that I could now see clearly in my head for Jasper. I had done that willingly (well, sort of willingly). I didn't regret leaving that life for the man I love. But I loved Bella too, and there was nothing I could do to ease her loss now that I couldn't even go near her without - most likely - killing her. My stomach felt like it was in knots as I thought of that. I was a monster who couldn't even go near my own sister because I might kill her. Not only that, but I'd probably make her go into shock at the sight of me. I wasn't the girl in that picture anymore. She might not even recognize me anymore. I could really never see her again, even if I sincerely wished I could.
I just wished there was some possible way for me to comfort her. I… had another thought. Another plot twisted in my mind until I was smiling at the thought of it. There was no way to help my sister… or was there a way? What if I—after that my mind was occupied with my genius plan that would take place as soon as all this business with the army was over. Once Jasper and I were safely away from this drama, I would fix what I had done to my sister. I had to do that much for her.
For the first time that day, I cleared my mind of all thoughts. Looking around to really take in my surroundings, I realized nightfall had already come and the day had gone by during my thought processes. I blinked in shock. I had been thinking for a very long time without so much as feeling a need to do something other than that. Now that I was more alert to my self and my surroundings, I realized that the burning was coming back. For a moment I was frightened at what this could mean, but then I realized that I needed to hunt. While I had just recently hunted, I figured that as a newborn this was probably normal. I released myself to my instincts, listening around for the sound of hooves or paws thumping on the ground as an animal traveled. I listened far past the rushing of the stream and the rustle of the wind through the leaves until I heard something; the sound of heavy paws touching lightly to the ground as an animal ran. I figured that the sound had to be a cougar, and- thinking of the different type of prey- I was intrigued. I had only been stalking deer up to this point, and those don't really do much fighting back. A carnivore with teeth and nails that could try futilely to fight back was a tempting form of recreation. I smiled at the thought of another distraction.
As I began running, I realized that- between my overwhelming amount of thought, my visions, and getting the hang of hunting animals- these next ten days might go by quickly. I both dreaded and anticipated the end of this seclusion. While I longed to finally do something to help Jasper and I escape, I feared our fate if things were to go wrong. But I was thinking too hard again. I was approaching the sound of the large animal quickly, and soon enough I was distracted again.
So, I know it was a bitter boring-filler-esque, but i promise that will be the only chapter from this point on in which Alice is bored because the best thing she can do for her plot against the army is lie low. But next chapter will be Jasper... and you know what that means? The action is on the way.
Dun, Dun, Duuuun. *Epic Music*
-TG
