Chapter 7: Disassociation
A/N: Truthfully, I was supposed to have this chapter out two weeks before but I guess it worked out since it's being updated closer to Aizen's birthday. The good news is that I'm working on Heat of the Moment and Skyline at the same time so hopefully the updates for those will be out faster.
For a while, you registered nothing but silence until the sound of soft voices could finally be made out. When a smidgen of awareness comes back to you and quickly sort out that you've found yourself lying on an exam bed. For long moments, you're severely disoriented and unable to make sense of what's happening and where you are despite blinking a few times to make out the blur of motion. Blinding white assaulted your bleary, unfocused vision as you slowly regained your consciousness.
The intense pounding in your skull promptly magnified by ten and you groaned loudly. You're immediately hit with the worst dizzy spell in a failed attempt to lift your head. To the point where the space behind your eye sockets hurt. Just trying to lift a hand to your head required a great effort on your part. The result of which only amplified the headache to a height of which you'd never experienced before and one that intensified with any minor motion.
Turning your head slightly, your eyelids slowly opened to reveal a confusing haze of indistinct figures leaning over you. The image of a woman with dark hair pulled into a low bun at the back of her head greeted your vision. By the looks of it, the woman physician was still in the process of inspecting you through thick bifocals and was currently in the midst of checking your vitals. Given the way she was dressed, you immediately believed that she was a person with medical expertise - possibly a physician of sorts.
From what you were able to piece together, you'd been brought to a medical wing that closely resembled an intensive care unit.
Sickeningly familiar brown eyes were amongst the next thing you perceived as your vision continued to clear and adjust. Just then Sosuke fully came into view, genuine concern etched into his handsome features. His gaze displaying an almost compelling softness. Regardless, you're still taken aback by the very sight of him.
"What…what's going on?" You croaked out.
"Unfortunately, it would seem that you suffered a fall. Not all that surprising, many of the steps in the palace are known to be tremendously steep." Aizen keenly divulged.
Your brows furrowed in confusion. "A…fall? I don't understand-"
It took only a split second for it all to come rushing back in a confusing heap. Your mind vaguely recalled rapid images of the fall and it all came rushing back. All of the pain, fear, and confusion swarmed over you in suffocating amounts. The feeling of the hard surface of each step beating into you. The feeling of warm blood seeping from the wound on your head. The stir of emotions from the mental images completely overwhelmed you as everything made sense then.
Added pressure along your body indicated that some bandages were wrapped around various parts on your body, the most significant being the ones wrapped around your head. And you could even feel some underneath your clothing. That would mean, they would've had to undress you while you were incapacitated and the thought sent a shrill of embarrassment through you.
What good would getting mad about them undressing you do in your current state?
Especially when it was already done and you couldn't turn back the hands of change. Besides, you didn't have the energy to express any anger towards anyone when your body felt like it did.
You winced at the effort it took to simply try and push yourself up as doing so nearly robbed you of all rational thought.
Just as you sought to move once more, the sensation of hot pain shot through your spine like electricity. There wasn't any real way to brace for the grating pain that surged through your left shoulder. As of this very moment, your body was communicating nothing but pain and unrest. Acute dizziness disrupted your bodily movements, your head lulling against the sturdy surface it was resting on.
"Careful now. While it's perfectly acceptable to move around, just be careful not to strain yourself." The female physician remarks.
The woman kept up a respectful and professional disposition as she continued evaluating your person.
Regardless of the circumstances, it was quite jarring to wake up to the immediate flare of pain and aches. Even the slightest of movements caused your body to sting. The majority of your limbs were stiff, the soreness heavily restricting your movements.
If the fall you took was as bad as she implied, then there was little doubt that you would be waking up to broken bones. But as far as you could tell, there was none. That didn't mean your body wasn't badly bruised and you didn't need to look to know that your body had to be covered in them.
"During my assessment, I've determined that you've sustained a few cuts and abrasions here and there. The most significant injury being a dislocated shoulder." She clarified, speaking in a calm, ethical tone of voice.
Although she looked directly in your dazed eyes, it wasn't lost on you that she was speaking specifically to Aizen. "I was able to mend most of the damage although you still may feel some soreness in various places. You should be very careful from now on."
"I'm afraid I'll have to take part of the blame in that regard." Aizen professed, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. "Had I accompanied her, I'm certain this would not have happened."
According to her, the most severe of your injuries had been treated and healed but you would still feel the shock from the impact ringing throughout your entire frame. It traveled from your neck and down to your legs.
"Although, the fall could've been much worse, we can't afford to let any injuries go untreated." She explained.
Whatever treatment the woman claimed to administer towards you hadn't completely nullified the aches and discomfort. That part you didn't quite understand - if she was able to heal the worst of the damage done to you, why couldn't she heal all of it? You hardly understood it but there wasn't much you understood about these seemingly inhuman people within the prison you were trapped in.
"However, I will say that a case of ecchymosis like this can take a bit longer to heal. Possibly two to three weeks at most. Although, with a healthy amount of rest and eventually exercise, you're sure to recover in no time."
Gathering up your wits, you attempted to sit up one final time before giving up altogether, quickly deciding that it was too much effort just to be enveloped in lingering pain. Besides, it wasn't like you were capable of combating your body's unsteadiness on your own. Staring up at the ceiling, you willed and resigned yourself not to cry in front of the pair despite how absolutely miserable you felt. Despite your best efforts, a few wet tears managed to slip out and run down your cheeks before they were wiped away by the man.
"There…there. It's alright." Aizen comforted you before he turned his attention back to the other woman. "Please be sure to provide her with any pain medication she may need."
The woman stood from the chair and graciously bowed. "Of course Lord Aizen."
After some mental preparation, you sucked in a deep breath to keep from hissing as you braced your palms against the bed and tried to lift yourself up once more. The sensation of pain and discomfort was becoming horribly insistent. It had become more of a struggle seeing as how your arms had no strength in them to keep you upright and nearly crumpled while trying to maintain your weight. The pain seemed immeasurable combined with being entirely devoid of energy.
By now, it was glaringly evident that you were having trouble even while trying to hold yourself up. So getting off the exam bed made for a huge problem. When the man's hands come up to assist you, you try your hardest not to grimace the feel of him making any contact with you. Truthfully, you'd much rather he not lay a finger on you after what took place in the throne room.
Protesting likely wouldn't do much of anything since it was extremely doubtful you could even stand on your own, let alone walk.
After collecting you securely into his arms, Aizen began carrying you out of the medical wing.
He had graciously taken it upon himself to generously accompany you back to what you presume was the shared bedroom the two of you resided in. Keeping an even, measured pace he strode down the long hallways. On the way there, you glanced about the hallway and corridors, remaining wary of any potential passerby's or onlookers, chest tightening whenever another person came into view. Many of which ignored you in favor of bowing to Aizen as he continued on.
Anyone of those people could have easily been the one to push you down a long corridor of steps and you had no real way of knowing. Therefore that made everyone look suspicious in your eyes. Your mind was bombarded with thoughts of fear and mistrust against everyone around you.
Truthfully, the fall shouldn't have happened but it did and now you can't get past it.
You tried to make yourself as small as possible as you couldn't stand the thought of anyone looking at you as you remained huddled in the man's arms.
Due to your body still having the residual aches, the entirety of your frame was rigid with tension.
The pain you felt in your body was present and real above all else. That coupled with the realization that you didn't feel safe was enough to send you into a literal panic attack. The lightheadedness was doing a number on you.
"I don't feel safe here." You anxiously sputtered.
Frankly, you've never had to begin with.
"I'm very sorry to hear that."
You frowned. "Are you?"
Aizen blinked once before glancing down at you. "That's a very hurtful thing to say."
Up until now, you couldn't take what he said at face value. What good would your futile attempt to convince him that you were in danger do when he'd already made up his mind?
"Hurtful or not, it's true. Someone is trying to hurt me and it's like you don't even care." You replied.
As the two of you entered the bedroom, Aizen strode over and carefully placed you on the bed. Following this, you immediately shifted into as much a defensive position as you could manage.
"I know it may appear that way but I care about you a great deal and I never want to see you hurt."
"I don't know. It seems like someone like you could really benefit from something like this happening." You answered through a thick, emotion choked voice.
Disturbingly, the man's expression remained sickeningly warm and reassuring throughout as he calmly regarded you. "Now now, I would never allow anyone to bring harm to you. Maintaining your safety has become one of my utmost priorities. Had I known you'd take the path that you did, then I would've accompanied you."
"Are you sure it wasn't just a figment of your imagination? A head injury like the one you sustained could have caused you to become severely disoriented."
The calm manner in which he made that statement was still somehow implying that you'd tripped and fallen instead of being pushed.
The mere suggestion that you'd just hit your head hard enough to see things was preposterous and it wasn't doing much for your emotional state either. All you'd gathered so far was that you weren't being taken seriously and it was driving you absolutely mad.
Truthfully, it didn't matter what he said, you refused to believe that someone wasn't actively trying to hurt you. Taking everything into account, you can't seem to stop thinking about how someone actually went out of their way to intentionally cause you bodily harm.
"No! I didn't imagine anything, I know I see them! The issue isn't about you accompanying me it's about the fact that someone in this fucking palace pushed me down a flight of steps! Why can't you see that?!"
"Please listen to me. Because my focus was elsewhere, you've suffered an unfortunate accident and for that I sincerely apologize. So I wanted to ask personally…what is it that you believe you saw?"
"After I landed at the end of the stairs…I looked up. There at the top, it looked like there were two people."
"Did you get a glimpse of their faces or any distinguishable characteristics?"
"No…I just. I couldn't see…I just felt hands on me…on my back right before I went down." You whispered, gaze lowering to your lap.
"It's alright. You don't have to remember anything at the moment and I don't expect you to. Just know that another incident such as this will never transpire again." He calmly assured.
"If you know nothing else, know this - your well-being is the most important thing that matters to me. All I ask is that you trust me…can you do that for me?"
"Okay."
Obviously, his words were meant to provide you comfort but weren't sure if that's what you felt at the moment. After that show in the throne room, you can safely say that you'd seen him in his element. You knew how he worked. The man was highly proficient at using a sweet combination of persuasion and intimidation to get what he wanted. For all you know, he could be playing on your emotions at this very second.
And yet, here he was, stroking your hair in what was meant to be a soothing gesture. Your dark curls had fallen out of the bun it had been arranged in, leaving your hair completely disheveled and out of place in some areas. As apprehensive as you were about him touching you, the man didn't seem like much of a threat to you at the moment.
Honestly, you feel ill at the very notion of you accepting that sort of tenderness from him and that you didn't possess the strength to reject the affectionate gesture. By this point, a dull weight had started to form inside of your chest and began to simmer. Not only that but it seemed to have the adverse reaction, as you'd instantly given up on trying not to form any sort of attachment to him.
The realization was petrifying.
He leaned in extremely close to your face, frighteningly intense eyes bore deeply into yours and you felt weaker than ever before. Unconsciously you relaxed in his hold, lips parted in silent shock as you stared back into those hypnotizing brown orbs. What was this effect he was inducing on you?
"I understand that this has been a very frightening experience for you. But please don't let your faith in me waver." He explained intently.
You flinched as warm gentle hands came up to take hold of your face and started to lift it upwards. A gentle kiss was then placed on your forehead, causing your breath to be caught in your throat, the skin where his lips had just been was tingling.
Before you know it, your face is wet with more tears, prompting the man to draw you closer within his arms.
He pulled away before he offered another kind smile. "Right now, I think you'd greatly benefit from some sleep. Don't you?"
"Yes…" You quietly whispered.
You can't help but feel sick. The manner in which he comforts you makes you question his character and whether or not he actually had your best interests at heart. Whatever the case, it only added to the mounting confusion you were already experiencing.
This man - he may very well take everything from you.
The days seemed to mesh closely together and you've barely left the security of the bedroom.
Most nights your sleep-wake cycle was fragmented and you spent the majority of some dreading when Aizen would inevitably return to sleep. In every instance, you'd usually pretend to already be asleep just so you don't have to interact with him. So far the tactic worked every single time and that had been the most satisfying thing out of the entire situation.
Most of the soreness had been abated with use of pain medication and rest but you still can feel tiny bits of pain every now and then with any unexpected movement. The sheer agony you felt from the injuries endured in the beginning had ebbed into a just bearable throb and for that you were grateful.
The skin discoloration was evident and observable on both your arms and legs. Ugly purple spots marred places on your bruised skin. With time, they were slowly fading but certainly not fast enough for your liking. Despite the wounds slowly healing, they remained a glaring reminder of the current situation.
The one over your shoulder gave you the most hurt the worst. The swelling had just begun to go down and the muscle tissue still ached as if the wound was fresh. The area was undoubtedly the most sensitive and would likely take the longest to heal. A dislocated shoulder was nothing to scoff at. Applying warm compresses and ice packs periodically seemed to help a great deal.
Luckily the wound on your head had disappeared entirely, leaving almost no scar or evidence of its existence. For that you were thankful, the headaches you would get were debilitating.
While over time, the worst of your pain had been abated but you don't feel like yourself. It was as if your mind sought to operate outside of your body. As if your subconscious wished to be somewhere else instead of where you presently were. With as high strung as you'd been since you were brought to the place, it was the first time you were suspended into an indifferent state.
Ironically, Aizen hadn't once attempted to force you to leave the room or expressed any displeasure for your firm decision to stay there. In fact, he'd been very understanding and patient of your sentiments considering the circumstances.
Upon closer inspection, Aizen's disposition was so charming to where it almost seemed deceptive and it appeared that aspect of his personality wouldn't change in any circumstance. Everything you asked for, he made sure you had it. As much as you hated to admit, you clung to the tender reassurance and comfort he offered you.
Furthermore, you're tortured by the thought that Aizen couldn't be the dangerous man you judged him to be given how he regularly treated you. The way he talks to you, the way he takes care of you - it's heavily reminiscent of a man taking care of his significant other. It was not at all indicative of a man with nefarious intentions. Contrary to what you wanted to believe, he'd only shown concern and attentiveness towards you since your fall.
The realization caused a heavy feeling to settle in the pit of your stomach.
The fear you developed as a result of the fall had all but taken a life of its own. Every so often, those feelings would swoop in and overwhelm you until you could get a hold of yourself. Those moments were always hard to grapple with, especially with you being left alone to deal with them. Given the cycle of disassociation But that pain and anxiety was the only thing preserving your sanity. Until recently, he'd been the entire source of your anxiety and worries but things had shifted.
Not only that but you noticed that he was more eager to be around you more than usual. The two of you regularly continued the pastime of eating breakfast and dinner together but it was almost as if your accident gave him more reason to be around you. Frankly, that was the last thing you wanted.
You've already spent too much time trapped in this strange place with even stranger people who were capable of extraordinary things.
A soft rapt on the closed bathroom door interrupted your troubled train of thought.
"My Queen?" Rion's hushed voice could be heard from the other side.
Rion had also been very attentive to your needs. She'd been very concerned about your well-being. The young woman had attempted to gently coax you to leave the bedroom many times but you wouldn't budge, instead choosing to stay in the room where you didn't stand a chance of being hurt further.
You slowly opened the door to see the handmaiden waiting with her hands clasped together.
"If it is alright with you, I wonder if you'd allow me to accompany you on a walk outside of the palace. The physician suggested some physical exercise to help with recovery."
The young woman had been trying to convince you to leave the bedroom for days and hadn't truly expected to cajole from your safe haven after so many failed attempts.
She knew how much you hated the title but that hadn't stopped her from using it to address you.
"It's very nice out…I thought that perhaps you might enjoy the outside air when the mood suits you."
For the first time, you actually considered the suggestion. You hadn't seen or been anywhere remotely resembling outside for a while now. Outside meant your chances of running into the wrong person were significantly lower.
"Okay." You sighed dejectedly, shrugging your shoulders in an upward motion.
Her brows arched upwards in surprise, jaw going slack at your unexpected response. She obviously wasn't expecting you to agree.
She nodded once before moving to retrieve your shoes while you watched her with no hint of interest.
This marked the very first time you'd actually been outside the gigantic fortress and it looked impossibly larger from the outside as if that was even possible. With the main dome shaped building surrounded by other buildings and towers.
Looking out into the vast landscape of the white desert, you weren't able to focus on one specific thing. Given that there wasn't much to look outside of the massive structure itself, which basically confirmed your theory that there was nothing but sand for miles around. There were no large or small bodies of water, no other buildings or forests leading you to believe that this was a separate dimension from the one you came from.
There was only a small patio-like area that had been assembled just for you with an overhead awning that provided sufficient shade from the beaming sunlight. You stepped out from the shade, immediately feeling the calming warmth of light dancing on your skin.
Standing directly in the line of sunlight, you get an actual sense of how bright it is without looking directly into it - it almost seemed artificial.
Rion made a buoyant remark about how beautiful a day it was and you didn't even make an effort to humor any conversation with the other woman about the outside scenery. Even with her being right, you just didn't have it in you to contribute to any dialogue. Choosing instead to focus your attention elsewhere.
For a brief moment, you close your eyes and luxuriate in the feeling for a few seconds, basking in the tranquility of the moment. In all sincerity, you're well aware that tranquility has been hard to come by given the circumstances.
Opening your eyes once more, you were just about to take a step forward when something materialized in front of you, purposefully blocking the path you sought to walk. Aside from barely having time to react, you stood unblinking trying to process what was happening.
You jerked your head back to look up, eyes widening in alarm and the imposing figure turned out to be a man.
"Nnoitra!" The alarmed exclamation from Rion told you that she not only knew the man but she also had reason to fear him.
All the muscles in your jaw suddenly became tense as your teeth clattered together from shock.
You gawked up at him in shock as he lowered his frightening countenance.
The man was impossibly tall, easily over seven feet, his lanky body towering over you like a mountain. With how tall he appeared to be, he essentially blocked out most of the sun and casted a large shadow over your frame. You don't think you've ever seen anyone with such remarkable height in real life.
But that wasn't all. The wide smile revealing large teeth was what really gave you pause. That and the eyepatch covering his left eye, leaving a single lecherous, snake-like eye narrowed directly onto you. Practically everything about this man was unsettling.
A subtle stable of anxiety began radiating deep in the pit of your stomach. The once pleasant air was now rife with tension.
The first thing he did was bent over you to get a better look. "Well, what do we have here?"
It's when he makes that statement that you take notice of how long his tongue was. And from what you can see the muscle had the number five tattooed into it.
"You sneak out of the cage to explore?"
You didn't provide him an answer, too frozen in shock to think. Perhaps if you didn't engage with him, the interaction would be cut drastically short.
Titling his head to the side, he examined you much closer, the predatory expression along his features making you extremely uncomfortable. "Now that I got a better look at cha, you make for a pretty toy, probably why he's kept you locked up all this time."
Your mouth tightened into a stubborn line - it wouldn't do to show him that he'd gotten a rise out of you. The crude remark sent a shrill of anger through you and you could instantly feel your mood darkening.
"But I've heard about you. Aizen must not have trained all that well if you're running around the palace as free as a goddamn bird."
The longer he spoke, the more you could feel rage stacking, fists clenching at your sides. There wasn't any way he thought he would get away with saying some of the most vile, perverse things to you and you weren't going to run off at the mouth.
"The last time I checked I'm a human not a fucking bird. I'm a person and I can go anywhere I wanna go." You angrily retorted, glowering up at him with barely concealed vexation.
"You ain't a person. You're a pet that's looking for a way back home."
You stiffened at the cruelly spoken words, cheeks inflamed with indignation.
"You don't know a damn thing about me." You said, continuing to flay him with a heated glare.
Perhaps even more infuriating, the man appeared bothered by being the source of your ire, in fact he seemed to revel in it. "Of course I do. I know all about little sneaky shits like you."
"Wanna know why you haven't found your way home yet? Because there isn't one. You're pretty much stuck here forever."
While you don't exactly know what this man's endgame was approaching you like in this manner, you know it didn't consist of good intentions. So far he'd done nothing but attempt to intimidate you. For that reason only, you wouldn't believe a single word he had to say.
"It doesn't matter what you say. I'm going to find a way out of here. And there's nothing you or him can do about that." You hiss, trying to keep your voice deceptively calm.
That single eye bore into yours more critically. "Is that so?"
"Yeah it is…so go kick fucking roc-"
Heavy arresting pressure wrapped around your throat and you found yourself being lifted right off your feet. With a single gaunt hand, he lifted your diminutive frame like you weighed less than a feather, leaning in dangerously close to your face.
"Nnoitra! She is Lord Aizen's intended. You cannot -"
"Shut up woman and quit your damn whining." he snarled to the young handmaiden.
Your hands shot to his wrist, trying to pry his hand away to no avail.
Immediately, you know why you ended up in such a precarious situation.
How dare you have the gall to mouth off to him when he came at you first totally provoked?
In your mind, the man's reaction was both unreasonable and completely nonsensical. Given how he approached you and the degrading way in which he clearly regarded you, he had no right to assault you for how you responded to his actions. Especially when he'd shamelessly exhibited the type of disgusting person he was.
"You've got quite the fucking mouth on ya." He snarled in your face, a harsh voice brimming with displeasure.
He was squeezing underneath your jaw hard enough to nearly make it open just to relieve the heavy pressure. "I have something that can plug a mouthy hole right up. Just keep that in mind."
He continued to hold you for a few weighted moments, as if he were actually considering going through with his horrifying suggestion. It had become difficult to pull in any oxygen and you were too focused on trying not to die from strangulation to express any fear at the prospect.
Just when you think you might pass out, the man drops you to the ground unceremoniously and promptly disappears within the blink of an eye.
You were left utterly stunned and completely disoriented.
Rion immediately comes to your aid. "My lady are you alright?"
You couldn't even answer her - all you could hear were the stranger's harsh words cruelly echoing in your mind. Your expression was oddly composed for someone who felt as though they were having a panic attack.
Almost jumping reflexively at the woman's hands coming settle over your back in an attempt to comfort you. You remained unnaturally still, trying to draw in air from your crumpled place on the ground. Straight away, you take into account how off your breathing was and that your heart was beating rapidly within your ribcage. Your heart was beating unsteadily to the point where it felt like something was clamped tightly around your neck making it difficult to breathe in air.
Never once had it occurred to you that you might be in the middle of having a nervous breakdown but this had to be something eerily close.
Your entire frame went rigid with horror and the sense of feeling trapped more than before. As it stood, you couldn't afford any more doubt being sewn into your subconscious. The man had just maliciously beaten the notion right back into you, crushing the little hope of returning back to the life you'd been snatched from. You weren't foolish or naïve for holding onto that small glimmer of hope were you? It couldn't all be meaningless.
Regardless, he had no right to torment you for it. His words had grated on your already fragile vulnerability and steadily decreasing confidence that you would make it out somehow. More than ever, you struggled with the inability to accept it as actual reality.
Rion attempted to help you up but you felt as if couldn't move. By now, none of your limbs had the strength nor the capacity to hold you upwards.
Struggling to pull yourself together, you attempted to force your legs to hold you up before you ultimately collapsed. The very last thing you registered was Rion's panicked screech of concern as you plunged into a world of darkness.
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