Angstytalesrx, LuvReading, and Pandaseagle, Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter. Pandaseagle, hopefully some of your questions are ordered this chapter. A few are going to take a little longer to be answered. ;) But I promise eventually you'll have all your curiosity satisfied!
Chapter 17
Ellie rolled over in bed, then grunted at the muscle in her side that pulled. She pressed a hand against the muscle, her fingers resting on the growing baby beneath.
She finished rolling onto her back and stared at the ceiling of Ezra's guest room.
The sheets on the bed were silk. Luxuriously smooth. Not the same kind of comfort as the worn flannel sheets on her bed at home.
At her home that was most likely destroyed.
Despair started threading its way through her chest.
Ellie took a sharp breath to stop it. She had replayed all the pictures of the flames and smoke on the top levels of her building through her mind for most of the night. But she reminded herself again of what Ezra said. That didn't mean her unit had been affected.
She grit her teeth determinedly. She wouldn't assume the worse. She would even assume the best. Until she knew otherwise, she would assume that her apartment was fine.
Decisively, she pushed the covers back, momentarily mourning the loss of the warmth and luxury. But immediately shoving aside the discomfort and returning to her vow to keep a positive outlook. She was going to be happy, dammit.
Ellie quickly made the bed. She smoothed the spread. She went to the door and opened it, looking for Ezra. She padded out to the kitchen. He wasn't there.
She didn't want to disturb him. Or start opening his fridge and being too presumptuous. But maybe she should make him breakfast, thank him for letting her crash in his guest room.
She had barely started debating with herself when the lock started turning on the front door.
Oh no. Did Ezra have a girlfriend? Someone who would be coming over in the morning? Home from a night shift? Just because Ezra hadn't mentioned a significant other it didn't mean there wasn't one.
Ellie couldn't have felt more like an intrusive presence if she tried. She debated going back to the guest room, but the thought of running and hiding seemed…well, appealing actually. But awkward.
She didn't make a move fast enough, because the door opened and Ezra came in, bags in one hand, cardboard tray of drinks in his other.
"Oh, it's you," Ellie said with relief. She came forward to take the drink carrier from him while he tried to get his keys from the lock.
"You were expecting someone else?" Ezra asked, a wry twist to his lips.
Ellie set the drinks on the counter. "A girlfriend maybe? Secret wife?"
"I'm afraid it's just me," Ezra said benignly. He opened the bags and started laying out plastic silverware and Styrofoam containers of bacon, eggs, pancakes.
"Siblings?" Ellie asked, perching on one of the stools at the counter. She wondered about this man. All she knew about him was that he owned a bar. And he was nice.
Really, really nice.
"Just me," Ezra said again. "Syrup?" he asked, going to his refrigerator and pulling out a glass jar of pure maple syrup.
"Parents? Cousins? A cat?" Ellie pressed.
Ezra slid a plate toward her and motioned for her to help herself. Ellie ignored the food and folded her arms on the counter, leaning forward. Her fingers picked at the sleeves of the borrowed shirt she wore and she consciously made an effort to stop them. She wasn't going to worry about her apartment. She would assume it was fine and focus on Ezra. Ezra and pancakes.
"I have a maternal figure," Ezra said.
"A…mom?" Ellie asked.
"Of sorts," Ezra answered. The expression on his face was so studiously even that it was its own glaring sign of the tension underneath.
Ellie didn't press for more information. Instead she took the drink Ezra handed to her.
"It's decaf," Ezra said. "I wasn't sure…"
"Perfect," Ellie said. She took a sip.
"I know you have to get over to the bar today, but I was hoping you could drop me at my apartment first."
Ezra's look of concern rattled her determination to assume the best, but only for a moment. Ellie pasted on a smile she told herself she believed. "I'm sure they'll let me in there now that they took care of the upstairs units. I can get some clean clothes before my appointment."
Ezra's concerned furrow deepened. The cup in Ellie's hand crinkled under her steel grip. She let go of it and rubbed at her fingers, trying to work out the tension she told herself she didn't feel.
"The fire…" Ezra started.
"Was probably nowhere near my unit," Ellie interrupted. "My apartment is fine." She said it with enough determination to make it true that Ezra frowned at the force she spoke with. "I'm going to get dressed," she said. "Do you mind bringing me over this morning?"
Ezra nodded, no easing of the look of concern pulling at his face.
Ellie nodded, like everything was settled. Her apartment was fine, she would get dropped off there before she got ready to take the bus to her appointment and check on her baby who was also fine. She would call Buck from the comfort of her apartment tonight. Chris would talk to her on the video call without that hunted look in his eyes.
Everything would be fine.
Because she didn't know what she would do if it wasn't.
#
"It ain't happenin', Chris." Buck hated to even say the words. Not only because he didn't want it to be true, but because he knew it wasn't going to be good for Chris. Anyone could see the man was falling apart in front of their eyes. He just happened to be damn good at burying the broken pieces far enough down that no one would see how bad it actually was.
Chris didn't answer Buck. He kept his stony gaze fixed on the ground in front of them. Buck looked up at the blue sky overhead. His combat boots shifted over loose rocks as he adjusted his seat in the lawn chair parked next to their barracks. The same sky as the one over Denver. But he wouldn't be in Denver any time soon to see it from there.
"The writing's on the wall," Buck continued. He knew he wasn't saying anything Chris didn't know. But he wanted to be sure when the words were actually spoken, Chris didn't have anyone around to see his reaction. "We've been here almost six months."
Chris still didn't move. His dark gaze was incongruous with the lawn chair that looked like it belonged stateside for a backyard barbecue.
"We ain't goin' home in three weeks," Buck said. He didn't try to soften the announcement or couch it in gentler terms. He just stated it plainly.
"Sounds like the higher ups are thinkin' it'll be another two or three months before we get things cleaned up here," Buck continued, telling Chris all the things they both already knew.
Still no movement from his friend.
"I suppose they'll make it official sometime this week. Extend our deployment. Just hate to tell Ellie that." Buck's voice dropped. He wasn't saying that part for Chris' benefit. It was just a painful truth that slipped out.
Chris finally moved. Just his jaw, twitching, at first, but then he turned his head and looked at Buck. His green eyes were hard.
"Ain't no cleaning this up no matter how long we're here," he stated starkly. Then he rose from his chair and stalked off.
Buck's shoulders rose and fell with a heavy sigh.
Chris reacted better to him stating the plain facts than he had expected. But that didn't mean it was a good reaction.
He glanced at his watch. Almost late enough for him to head back into the barracks and call it a night. He'd talk to Ellie first thing in the morning. Let her know she was on her own just a little longer.
#
Ezra parked his car closer to the utilitarian apartment complex than he had been able to the night before.
In the bright light of day, there were no fire trucks or police cars. No smoke, no sirens, no spray of water attacking flames.
Just a silent brick building, planted at the edge of a parking lot, cordoned off with yellow tape.
Ellie didn't falter at the sight of the tape. Or the top several floors with missing windows and charred, smoked stained bricks around every window. She got out of Ezra's car and walked toward the yellow tape without hesitation.
Ezra had listened to her make plans about how to help the residents of the upper floors once she got into her own apartment while they drove from his new home. He hadn't been able to temper her determined optimism. But even as she had made aggressively hopeful plans, he had watched her fingers clench and unclench, her feet shift nervously across the floor mats, her bottom lip get worried between her teeth if she stopped talking.
"You can't get in here."
A police officer stopped Ellie at the yellow tape.
Ezra picked up his pace to catch up to her, his arm brushing hers when he got to her side.
"It's ok," Ellie told the officer. "My apartment wasn't damaged. It's that one, right there."
The officer didn't glance to where Ellie pointed and Ezra didn't want to watch her determined hopefulness get crushed by the officer. It was almost like watching a puppy get kicked.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, no one's getting in anywhere in the building until it's been cleared as structurally sound."
"I'll just pop in really fast. In and out. No one will know I'm here." Her smile had moved from forced to brittle.
"I'm very sorry," the uniformed man spoke again, and Ezra thought he looked more sorry that he had to deal with Ellie than he was about her damaged apartment. "No one can get in there."
"But—" Ellie started, cracks in her façade starting to break.
"Even if it was sound, every unit has water damage. And soot. The fire spread to every floor."
Another crack as her smile turned to confusion, then annoyance, before settling into desperation. "I really need to get my things. And live there," she added. "I need somewhere to—to—I'm having a baby and my brother is in Syria. So is Chris…"
Ezra wrapped an arm around her, not sure her knees weren't about to buckle under her. Her face was whiter than the snow on the ground.
"It's ok," Ezra said. "Let's go back home and figure it out."
Ellie's gray eyes stared at the building. "This is home."
Ezra applied the slightest pressure to his hold on her, relieved when she gave in and took a step away from the yellow tape. "It is. It was my home, too," Ezra thought briefly to when he Ellie had been nothing more than the friendly neighbor downstairs. He avoided looking at the upstairs units that were clearly destroyed—including the one that had been his. "But I have my new place now. We should go back there and come up with a plan." Or just at least get Ellie off the street. He had no plan, but it sounded good and Ellie looked like she needed to know someone had things under control. Even if Ezra felt more helpless than he ever had in his life.
"A plan…" More color drained from Ellie's face. "My plan was to go home."
"And we will," Ezra promised. "Just right now, that would be my home."
Ellie nodded woodenly.
Ezra guided her back to his car.
He tried not to see the way her hands shook.
"It's probably fine," she said under her breath.
Ezra didn't argue with her. He didn't take candy from small children or kick puppies.
#
"Ok," Ellie said. She brushed her light hair back from her face. She took a deep breath.
She had made it through the day. Ezra had brought her to her appointment, waiting in the parking lot while she attended her prenatal check. He had even asked if she had an ultrasound picture when she returned to the car.
Looking at the little person on the ultrasound screen had been what had brought her back to the present. To reality. To what mattered. Her baby was safe. Growing healthy. She had a roof over her head for tonight at least.
She had taken the picture from her purse and handed it to Ezra. He had studied it, the ghost of a smile taking over the heavy concern that had shadowed his face since they had driven up to the burning apartment building the day before.
"Everything is…progressing well?" Ezra had asked formally.
His lack of vocabulary over a pregnancy had been a small light of humor in the dark day. Ellie had even felt herself smiling, more from that overwhelming gratitude for a healthy baby in the midst of everything else than from actual happiness. But it had felt good for a moment. "The baby is growing right on track," she said.
It wasn't until Ezra had brought her back to his apartment and asked if she would be ok if he went to open the bar that she had even thought of Ezra's business. That she had realized he had closed it for the better part of the day to take her to her appointment.
She had assured him she would be fine, even tried to insist on going to work with him, but he had told her he would feel better if she tried to rest.
Ellie hadn't rested. She had paced. She had tried calling some of her neighbors to see if they knew anything about the damage. She had bought two baby outfits online when despair started to set in, firmly focusing on the tiny little pattern of bows and arrows on the fabric.
She had made it through the day and now was supposed to be video calling Buck. She took another deep breath. "You can do this," she whispered to herself. She couldn't let Buck worry about her. Not when a distraction for him could mean the difference between life and death for him.
Another breath. Another.
"Ellie?" Ezra's face came into view and he bent down in front of where she sat on his couch.
Just breathe. A breath, nice and easy.
"Are you hyperventilating?" Ezra asked.
Maybe not so nice and easy. She tried to slow her next breath.
"Breathe with me," Ezra said firmly. "In…" he took an exaggerated breath through his nose and Ellie mirrored it. Ezra held it and Ellie followed suit. With a relaxed lowering of his shoulders, Ezra let out his breath slowly. Ellie matched his pace.
"In…" Ezra said again.
Ellie kept the slower pace of breathing with him. The tightness in her chest eased. The shaking in her hands slowed.
"Are you sure you're feeling up to talking to your brother?" Ezra asked.
"He'll worry if I don't," Ellie said. Besides, she never knew when he might be outside the wire for days or weeks and this would be her last time to talk to him until he got to base.
The phone in her hand lit up with the sound of an incoming call.
Ellie sucked in a breath, decidedly less controlled than the ones she had breathed with Ezra and blew it out. She answered the call.
Ezra stood and Ellie clutched at his sleeve instinctively.
He gave her a questioning look, but he sat down on the couch next to her.
"Hey, Elle-belle!" Buck said.
His familiar face unraveled so much of the tension in Ellie's stomach she nearly sank forward.
"Buck," she said, unable to hold back a tremulous smile.
"It's good to see…who are you?" Buck demanded.
Ellie looked from Buck's face on the phone to the small square showing her video. Ezra was clearly visible alongside her.
"You remember Ezra," Ellie said easily. "He was with me in the hospital."
Buck didn't say anything immediately. Ellie's stomach tightened again when Chris came into the frame. He didn't say anything.
"Chris," she said.
"Where are you?" Buck asked. "That ain't your apartment."
Ellie looked around her as if she was only just realizing where she was. "I'm at Ezra's."
Buck's eyes narrowed. "Kind of late ain't it? What is it, after midnight your time?"
"It's fine, I don't have to drive home. I'm staying here tonight," Ellie reassured him.
Buck's eyes narrowed further and Vin's face came into the frame. Ellie could see all eyes fixed in the direction of Ezra. Josiah edged into the screen.
"You're staying with him—"
Whatever Buck had been about to say was cut off by the sound of a tone on their end.
Immediately the men straightened, their attention going to whatever was happening on their side.
"We gotta go," Buck said. He shot one more look at Ezra. "Love you Ellie. Be careful."
Ellie had no idea what Buck had meant by those parting words, but the connection went dead.
"Well I think you put your brother's mind at ease," Ezra said drily.
"What?" Ellie asked, her mind still on the short-lived call with Buck.
"Nothing," Ezra said. "I take it you still haven't told him about your condition."
Ellie's hand went to her stomach idly. "Not yet."
Ezra leaned back on the couch, clearly at ease with any and all lies she may decide to tell. "Do you plan to tell him when he comes home?"
"I…yeah?" Ellie said, not sounding convincing.
Ezra nodded as if that uncertainty was completely normal. "I have ample closet space," he said. "If you need to stow the baby somewhere when your brother comes to visit."
Ellie started to argue that she would tell Buck eventually, but then Ezra's words registered. "You think I'll be staying here when Buck comes home?"
Ezra hesitated. "If you need to." He sounded unsure, shifting slightly. Ellie couldn't remember ever seeing him anything less than sure. "I'm sure your home will be habitable by then. I'm just—I would like to extend the invitation—you're welcome here as long as you need."
After losing her home and who knew how many of her possessions, trying to put Buck at ease, seeing Chris, lying to Buck and Chris by pretending everything was fine…the last 48 hours had been miserable if she were to tell herself the truth. And Ezra's invitation was like seeing her baby on the ultrasound. A bright spot of hope. Of comfort. One thing that was taken care of and easy.
"Thank you," she said sincerely. She moved toward Ezra, intending to embrace him and squeeze him with everything she had, but he deftly stood, moving out of range.
"Yes, well. It will make our carpooling to work much simpler," he said, clearing his throat. "You should get some rest."
Ellie nodded, but she couldn't stop the tears that burned at the back of her eyes when she looked at this man who was so intent on not letting her appreciate him.
"Good night," he said formally.
"Good night, Ezra," she said warmly.
#
