Vir Cotto stared into his drink, his hearts sinking more with each passing minute. He didn't know why he was so upset about this – it was, after all, such a small thing. But then again, wasn't it the little things in life that made it truly good?
For several months now, he and Lennier had been meeting regularly – sometimes even daily – at a bar in the Zocalo, to drink and to talk. Of course, Lennier couldn't drink alcohol, but the idea was the same. On their busiest days, when their worlds were falling apart, their meetings could be as short as a minute – just long enough to know that they were not the only ones who felt like they were drowning in their troubles. But on other days, they spent longer, talking and listening, and appreciating one another's friendly companionship. It was, Vir thought, a rather nice arrangement. And now that Vir had been recalled from Minbar back to Babylon 5 for an extended period of time, he had really been looking forward to – and in need of – their regular ritual.
He had first met Lennier at this very bar, in fact, not long after Lennier had first come aboard the station. Vir had, as was his custom, been sitting drinking at the bar when he'd happened to glance to his right and seen the young Minbari, whom he vaguely recognized as Delenn's new aide, sitting by himself at a two-person table in the corner, looking out into the crowded establishment. He wasn't doing anything that Vir could tell – not drinking, not talking to anyone. He did not appear to be scanning the crowd, either, as though waiting for someone. He was just…sitting there.
Vir had no idea what the Minbari was doing, but in Vir's mind, anyone sitting alone at a bar might very likely be lonely. After all, Vir sat alone in bars all the time, and most of the time he was lonely. So he picked up his drink and took it over to the little table.
"Hi," he began. He wasn't really sure how else to begin. The Minbari blinked and looked up at him. Vir thought that it was a bit odd in that he in no way looked surprised – it was almost as though he had been expecting him to come over.
"Hello," the Minbari replied, his face bereft of expression besides perhaps mild curiosity.
"I saw you sitting alone…and I was sitting alone…so I was wondering if you wanted to sit together? Unless you're busy, of course," said Vir quickly. The little Minbari certainly didn't look busy, but it was entirely possible he was in the middle of some intricate ritual that Vir had just ruined. Of course that would be just his luck – a potential new friend and the first thing he did was offend him.
"I would like that very much." The Minbari did not seem offended – he even smiled a little - and Vir breathed an internal sigh of relief. He placed his drink on the table and sat down in the chair across from the Minbari.
"I'm Vir Cotto, diplomatic attaché to Ambassador Londo Mollari of the Centauri Republic," he said. Despite all of the difficulties that came with his job, he did rather enjoy introducing himself with his full title. It made him feel important, but he quickly realized that maybe a potential friendship required a little less formality. So he added, "You can call me Vir. You're Ambassador Delenn's new aide, right?"
The Minbari nodded. "I am Lennier, of the Third Fane of Chudomo." He cupped one hand inside the other, touched the tips of this thumbs together, and bowed. Vir was a bit flattered. He had, of course, seen Minbari make this gesture before – he knew it to be a sign of respect. But he had never had one bow to him before. He wasn't sure if he should bow back or not, but while he was contemplating this, enough time went by that it would have been awkward to do so. So he just sat there looking slightly giddy, which wasn't really any less awkward.
"Can I ask what you're doing?" he said, wanting to move the conversation along but also genuinely curious.
"I am observing," said Lennier simply.
"Ah." Vir tried to make it sound like he understood, but then he realized that it was still very clear that he did not. "Sorry, I'm not sure I follow. Observing…what?"
"The people," replied Lennier. When Vir still looked confused, he continued. "Before I came to Babylon 5, I spent my whole life – or at least all of it that I can remember – in a temple on Minbar. It was a wonderful experience, and I learned so much. But it did not exactly allow me to…venture out and experience new things. And now that I am here, I have suddenly found myself surrounded by so many different races and cultures. I have read about many of them, but now that I am here amongst them, I find that I am not as prepared to interact with them as I thought I was. So I am observing them, and trying to learn."
"That's really neat," said Vir, and he meant it. Even though the Minbari's endeavor seemed a bit strange to him, Vir could see that Lennier was very eager to learn, and he admired that. And since in Vir's line of work it was so often better not to learn certain things, he was almost jealous, but not in a bad way. "Would you like a drink while you observe?"
"Oh." Lennier blinked. "No thank you."
So he wasn't comfortable enough to drink around Vir. Vir couldn't help but feel a little bit disheartened by this. Lennier must have picked up on this, because he quickly elaborated.
"I appreciate the offer. It's just that Minbari cannot drink alcohol."
Couldn't drink alcohol? How terrible. What must their lives be like? Vir couldn't imagine. He found himself unable to hold his curiosity at bay.
"Why not?"
"It causes us to have terrible reactions. Even one sip can lead to homicidal rages and uncontrollable psychotic impulses."
Vir squinted at him, wondering for a moment if Lennier was having him on. But then he remembered that Londo had told him once that Minbari never lied – they rarely told the whole truth, but they didn't lie. And Lennier had probably the most honest expression of anyone he'd ever met – not that he had much to compare it to, dealing mostly with other Centauri.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Drinking alcohol is very important in my culture. It's difficult to imagine not being able to do it."
Lennier's brown eyes brightened suddenly. "I'd love to learn more about your culture. I mean, I'd love to learn more about any culture. All the cultures. But I don't know too much about the Centauri."
Vir suspected that the enthusiastic, book-smart little Minbari knew more than he was letting on, but his eagerness got to Vir, and he smiled.
"What do you want to know?"
"Well, as a priest…or former priest, I suppose, I am particularly interested in religion. Is it true that the Centauri have forty-nine gods in your pantheon?"
"Yes! Or at least…I think…" Vir paused and counted on his fingers. Lennier looked very confused. "Sorry. It's just that our emperors are often elevated to godhood, and then de-elevated, and then back again. I think the pantheon changes on a daily basis." Now that he said it out loud, Vir thought the belief system of the Centauri must sound a little ridiculous to someone else, but Lennier nodded in understanding.
"I see. That's fascinating!" There was absolutely no trace of sarcasm in his voice. Vir doubted he was actually capable of such a thing. So Vir told him about the Great Maker, and many of the other early gods. Lennier looked positively enthralled the entire time. His excitement and enthusiasm were infectious, and Vir found he genuinely enjoyed talking to him. But as much as he liked to talk, he got tired after about the fifteenth deity.
"Maybe we'll save the rest for another time?" he asked. Lennier looked slightly disheartened, but replied all the same,
"Yes, of course. Thank you for all of the information. It was been most interesting."
Vir took a sip of his drink. "So…what about you? You said you were raised in a temple? That's really neat. I'd love to hear about your life."
Lennier lit up for a moment, but suddenly he seemed to wilt, sadness veiling his bright eyes.
"What is it?" asked Vir. He had known Lennier all of an hour, but seeing that look on his face broke his heart.
"You…you don't want to hear about me. My life isn't very interesting." Lennier stared at the table, looking defeated.
"Why do you say that?"
"I have been…reliably informed."
Suddenly, Vir felt angry. He didn't know who had told Lennier he was boring, but Vir, who was not a violent person, wanted to strangle them.
"Well, I am very interested. Your life certainly sounds different from mine – I'll bet it's a great story."
Lennier finally looked up from the table, met Vir's eyes, and smiled gratefully. And then he told his story – how he had lived in the temple since before he could remember, of his studies (mathematics, history, linguistics, and self defense, amongst others), of what his life had been like before he had come to Babylon 5. Vir could see where one might potentially find the story boring – there was a lot to it – but only if one were heartless and cruel. Anyone who looked could see what a passionate person Lennier was – the way his eyes lit up as he spoke, the way his voice rose just the tiniest bit in volume when he got to the parts that excited him the most - and that in itself was entertainment enough for Vir. Lennier was so eager to share the things he cared about with others, and Vir, for one, felt honored to have been chosen to hear about them.
"Thank you," said Lennier when he had finished at long last. "For listening. I…tend to get a bit overexcited when I talk about things I enjoy. Most people just pretend to listen. But you really did."
"Well," said Vir, "the way I see it, if someone shares their story or something they're interested in, they're entrusting you with a little piece of themselves. That deserves a good listen, don't you think?"
Lennier smiled warmly and nodded. "I do." He glanced at the clock on the wall. "I ought to be getting back. Delenn will probably be wondering where I am."
"And Londo might actually have noticed I'm gone," chuckled Vir. "We should do this again soon – talk like this, I mean. It was fun."
"I agree," replied Lennier earnestly. He stood up and bowed once more to Vir, who felt pleasantly flustered all over again, before leaving. And Vir had been happy that day, because he had just had the feeling that he had just experienced the start of a really good friendship.
And it has been, thought Vir now. Or at least so far. Due to the busyness of their respective schedules and the immense stress they and everyone close to them had been under as of late, the past few weeks he and Lennier had been meeting daily but extremely briefly, only exchanging a few sentences. It was unfortunate that they had not had the time to really talk recently, as they both enjoyed that very much. But at least their brief meetings allowed them to know they were not alone in this big, scary universe.
The previous day, Vir had waited at the bar at their prearranged time. But for the first time ever, Lennier had not come.
That wasn't strictly true. They had both missed meetings. It was to be expected – so many last-minute emergencies needed to be dealt with when you were a diplomatic attaché on Babylon 5. But they always messaged if they knew they were not going to be able to make it. Yesterday there had been no message. But there had been no Lennier, either. And today, it was looking as though the same thing were going to be true. Vir could not help but wonder what he had done wrong. But his whole family had decided they wanted nothing to do with him – why shouldn't his friend decide the same thing? He took a long drink from his glass and sighed sadly.
"Honestly, if all you are going to do is sit at a bar and act depressed, I don't see why I bother to give you breaks at all."
Vir jumped at the all too familiar, heavily accented voice behind him.
"Londo! I didn't see you there."
"Yes, well, that's understandable. You seemed quite busy being dejected." Londo lowered himself into the empty chair next to Vir – the chair Lennier was supposed to be sitting in.
"The usual," he said to the bartender. Vir was fairly certain Londo had a "usual" at every bar on the station. Vir stared into his own drink, not even really feeling like drinking it anymore.
"What's wrong with you, anyway?" Londo asked, nodding to the bartender as his pinkish-purple concoction of choice was placed in front of him and taking a long swig of it, downing nearly half in the first drink. "You look, as the humans say, like you have lost your best friend."
Vir winced. "That might not be too far off track."
Londo raised one voluminous eyebrow as he lifted his drink to his lips again, but in more of a sip than a swig this time. "Do tell."
Vir sighed. He had never told Londo about his meetings with Lennier. They were his own business, and Londo had no reason to know. It was nice to have at least some things in his life that he kept private from his bombastic employer, who often had too much time on his hands and tended to meddle in things other people would prefer he kept out of. But what harm could it do at this point, really? So he told Londo about his and Lennier's little ritual, and how this was the second day in a row Lennier hadn't come, and Vir hadn't heard from him. He half expected Londo to laugh at his obvious insecurities – after all, there were many other possible explanations for Lennier's absence besides Vir having committed some unknown offense. But to Vir's surprise, Londo's expression darkened as Vir told his story.
"What?" Vir asked, not even trying not to sound annoyed. He had been uncomfortable with this situation before Londo had walked in. And now Londo sat there looking like he had some sort of terrible knowledge pertaining to Vir's situation, despite not having known anything about it thirty seconds prior.
Londo did not react to Vir's irked tone, which sealed Vir's worry all the more firmly.
"Ah, Vir," sighed Londo, staring into the ironically cheery tones of his mostly-finished drink. "It isn't you."
"How do you know?" Vir all but snapped. Londo held up a hand, and Vir backed off, letting him finish talking.
"I was talking with Mr. Garibaldi just now." He jerked a thumb in the general direction behind him, indicating that the conversation had taken place in the bar just before he'd stumbled across Vir. "He says he heard from Captain Sheridan that poor Lennier has been taken quite ill."
"Ill?" echoed Vir softly, his perception of the situation suddenly doing a full one hundred-eighty degree turn. His desolation turning to concern, he stammered, "is…is it serious?"
"Yes, it's very serious," replied Londo gravely. "Apparently the poor thing is in Medlab fighting for his life, and Delenn has not left his side the entire time. It really is a shame – he is a bit strange, that Lennier, but he is a good person. I must say I am rather fond of him."
Vir did not even bother to mention that Lennier had, in fact, saved Londo's life not three months prior and nearly died in the process, and that because of this "fond" was maybe not a sufficient term. He was too busy fighting down the sudden disquieting of his drink within his stomach. It couldn't be true, could it? Londo was quite prone to exaggeration. And Lennier was strong, though he might not look it. He probably just had a bad case of the Drazian flu, and Londo was just trying to keep Vir on his toes. That must be it. But all the same, Vir suddenly had the overwhelming urge to go to Medlab and see if his friend was indeed there.
"I…I have to go. I'll see you later." Vir left his unfinished drink on the bar and left without looking back at Londo. When he reached Medlab, Doctor Franklin was just coming out of his office. The doctor looked exhausted, which Vir thought could not be a good sign. He looked up, seemingly vaguely surprised to see Vir.
"Vir. Is there something I can do for you?"
When had his throat gotten so dry? Vir swallowed, but his words came out sounding raspy anyway.
"Is…is Lennier here?"
Franklin's shoulders sagged. "Yeah. He is." He pointed at a nearby room. Both of Vir's hearts sank to his shoes when he saw the label "ICU" on the door.
"Thanks," he whispered.
It can't be that bad. It just can't be, he kept telling himself as he approached the door, but the look on the doctor's face had made it even harder to convince himself of this all the time. And then he stood at the door, left open to allow Franklin and the nurses quick access to the room, and realized just how wrong he had been. Lennier wasn't just ill – he seemed to be unconscious, his breathing fast and shallow. Delenn sat at his side, just as Londo had said. Her back was facing Vir, but he could tell that she was holding Lennier's hand in one of her own and stroking his cheek slowly with the backs of the fingers of the other. She was saying something, so softly that Vir could scarcely hear it, and because of the low volume it took him several seconds to recognize that it was in a language he did not understand.
Adronato. He was unsure from where the word came within his thoughts. Lennier must have mentioned it during one of their conversations. He had heard it spoken before, in bits and pieces by various Minbari on the station. The syllables had always sounded harsh and clipped to him, but as Delenn murmured them so gently to the stricken Lennier, her voice trembling almost imperceptibly, they seemed fluid, almost musical. It was lovely to listen to, even though Vir had no idea what she was saying.
But Lennier did not respond. He just lay there, whiter than a freshly pressed shirt, and so still. It wasn't right. Hadn't they just sat at the bar together, talking about current events and their ambassadors and making each other smile despite the never-quite-ending stresses of their lives? This couldn't be happening. It couldn't.
But it is. The reality caught up with Vir suddenly, and he tried and failed to stifle a little sob. Delenn raised her head at the sound and glanced over her shoulder, Lennier's hand still in her own. She looked a little surprised to see Vir, but that surprise was tempered by a combination of affection, exhaustion, and an almost overwhelming worry. Vir opened his mouth to speak, to ask one of a million questions he had, the most pressing of which being will he be all right? Please tell me he'll be all right. But Delenn lifted a finger to her lips. Then she turned back around and with the greatest of care rested Lennier's hand back on the bed and briefly touched her lips to his forehead, the tenderness and emotion in the gestures making Vir wish all the more that Lennier were awake. Even though Lennier had never admitted to it, Vir knew he craved Delenn's affection more than anything in the world. Surely this would make him feel better.
Delenn stood, took Vir's arm, and urged him out of the little room. Then, much to Vir's surprise, she embraced him. Vir hugged her back, unsure of what to do, but recognizing that the both of them probably needed a hug right about then.
"I am sorry to have ushered you out of the room like that," she said, her voice a bit scratchy, as though she hadn't been drinking quite enough water. "Lennier needs to rest as much as he can. I am not sure if he can hear us, but it seems best to provide a quiet environment for him all the same."
Vir stared past her through the window, unable to take his eyes off of his friend. He could see the vitals monitor Lennier was hooked up to. Vir did not know much of anything about medicine, but even he knew that the temperature on the screen was much, much too high. And lying there, Lennier looked inches away from death, as though each breath could be his last.
That last thought came before Vir could stop it. He'd been trying so hard not to think about the possibility of Lennier dying, because he didn't think he could handle it. But there it was.
"Vir?" Delenn's muted inquiry was accompanied by her soft hand on his arm. He turned to face her finally, but the image of his friend lying in the hospital bed stayed with him even when he wasn't looking at him.
"Londo wasn't exaggerating," he whispered. His entire body suddenly felt as though it were drooping – from the highest points of his crest down to the tips of his toes.
"What do you mean?" Puzzlement pushed its way past the worry etched on Delenn's face.
"I…I thought for sure he was exaggerating. He does it so much, you know? I just thought he was keeping me on my toes – he doesn't always do that in the nicest way. But he was right. About all of it." He broke off because his voice had started to shake. Understanding dawned on Delenn's face and she squeezed his arm.
"Oh, Vir," she whispered. Her gray eyes were dull with pain and the kind of exhaustion that only the constant onslaught of worry for the life of someone you care about can bring. "I am afraid it is every bit as bad as you might have heard. Lennier is truly very ill."
She told him what the doctor had said – that Lennier had an infection in his bloodstream, and that the doctor did not yet know what had caused it. That Lennier had been in and out of consciousness for the past day and a half, the brief times he was awake marred by confusion brought on by his terribly high fever. Her voice trembled when she told Vir of Lennier's uncertain prognosis, news which made Vir need to fight the urge to be sick right there on the hospital floor.
"Doctor Franklin will find something," he said, when he had managed to get his roiling stomach under control. "He'll figure out what's gone wrong and find a way to fix it. He has to." There was simply no way this could play out otherwise. He was in denial of the truth – he knew that. But he had to allow his brain time to adjust, or he'd be no use to anyone.
"I hope you are right, Vir," murmured Delenn, wringing her hands absently. "Forgive me, I did not know how close the two of you were – I would have let you know of this yesterday. I knew you spent time together occasionally, but it appears I underestimated the strength of your friendship. Lennier does not talk much of his personal life to me, though I wish he would."
"I…I would imagine his focus is always on you when he's working," said Vir. He doubted Lennier would like for him to be discussing anything about his relationship with Delenn with anyone, especially not Delenn herself. But he needed to talk, and to think about Lennier in some form other than his current one.
"Yes, very much so. His attention never wavers." Delenn smiled sadly. "I am afraid I take him for granted sometimes – he is always there when I need him, ready to serve or to be my companion, whichever I may need. He is such a constant in my life that I fear I too often forget to tell him how important he is to me. How much I need him."
She stared through the window at Lennier, her bottom lip trembling.
"He knows," whispered Vir, almost before he knew what he was saying. Delenn turned to face him, eyes searching his face with a cautious yet desperate hope.
"I mean..." Vir continued, a little louder this time, "it might be nice to hear it sometimes, but he knows. All he wants is to make you happy. If you're happy, he's happy. And maybe now, knowing that him getting better will make you happy, he'll do it. Get better, I mean." He was starting to ramble, and he knew that when that happened it was best if he stopped talking. But he would have stopped anyway, because Delenn suddenly threw her arms around him.
"Oh Vir," she whispered. "If only that were all it took. But thank you, all the same." She stepped back. "Would you like to speak to him? I do not know if he is aware of what is happening around him, but in Minbari culture we believe that providing comfort to the ailing is of the highest benefit, both to those who hurt and those who comfort. So, I have been sitting with him, hoping that my voice and my touch will somehow reach him, wherever he is."
Vir nodded. "I would. Thank you, Delenn." He turned toward the door, but when she made no move to follow him, undoubtedly wishing to give them privacy, he turned back. "You…you should come too. I mean, I hope it'll be nice for him to hear from me, but you're the one whose presence matters the most to him. If anyone can get through to him, it's you."
Delenn's eyes shown with tears and gratefulness, but she said not a word as she followed him into Lennier's hospital room. They each took a chair, one on either side of the bed. Delenn resumed holding Lennier's right hand, this time running her thumb repeatedly over his knuckles. She was completely focused on Lennier, so Vir felt as though he was almost alone with his friend.
As Vir looked at Lennier, so surreally still and pale in that bed, as though he were made of wax, he felt his throat go dry. It felt like someone had forced him to eat spoo that hadn't been aged properly. He swallowed hard, but it did little good, and so his words came out a hoarse whisper.
"Hey, Lennier." His friend did not respond, not even a blink. He had expected this, but he felt disappointed all the same, as though he'd been hoping against hope that his voice would have some kind of magical healing effect. It had been far too much to hope for, of course. "It's me, Vir. I've missed you these past couple of days. Sitting in the bar just isn't the same if you're not around to talk to. But it's okay – you take your time and get good and strong again. I'll be fine. And when you're better, you can tell me all about every single one of the rituals you ever learned in temple. I know you've always wanted to, but you've held back because you think I'd be bored. But I'll listen, really and truly. I'm sure it'll be fascinating. I mean that." He drew a shaky breath, his hold over his own emotions slipping dangerously. "But you have to get better, okay Lennier? Please get better. Because if you don't…I'll miss you a lot. A whole lot. I can't imagine not having you around."
Vir felt tears welling up in his eyes, and in an effort to hold them in he bit his bottom lip so hard that his sharp canines very nearly pierced through it. He felt a hand on his arm and for a moment his hearts jumped in excitement. But then he looked down to see that Lennier was as still as ever. The hand was, of course, Delenn's. He could see her eyes shining even through the blurriness in his own.
"I…I should be getting back to Londo," he said, standing and scrubbing furiously at his eyes with the heels of his hands.
"Yes, of course," whispered Delenn. "Thank you for coming, Vir. I am sure it means very much to Lennier, to know how much you care."
He nodded, inhaling deeply, willing the air to flow past the tightening he felt in his throat. "Will you...will you let me know…?"
Delenn nodded, and Vir left, saying "bye" softly, almost as an afterthought, so distracted was he by the thoughts rolling around inside his head. As he walked slowly back to Londo's quarters, it was as though he noticed nothing of his surroundings, did not take note of a single thing that was happening around him.
He felt distant for the rest of the day. Londo noticed, he knew. But for once, he was merciful, and did not comment. Vir was grateful. But it still took a very long time for him to fall asleep that night.
