Author's Note: "Jack" is the Joker. I thought given the nature of what this is, a script would be easier to write than my usual format. The brackets [] are to help illustrate their tones of voice better. I know some of the timelines between Begins and TDK are fucked up, just ignore that. Disclaimer: Some quotes contained herein are property of those who created the clips featured in the YouTube video "Crane's Trippin Balls". Go watch it. It's awesome^^.
The following conversation between Harvey "Two-Face" Dent and Dr. Jonathan "Scarecrow" Crane was covertly recorded on August 19, 2009:
Crane: So you know my buddy, Jack? Well, he came over earlier today and he was all like [deepens voice, speech is slow] "I got this acid, man, you should do it" and I was all like "Okay, I'll do it." So I did it. . .'cause I trust Jack, you know. . .and by the time I got to the courtroom for the hearing of a potential patient, I was. . .I was trippin' some major Joker balls, man. . .And anyways after the hearing that Dawes woman comes up to me and she's all like, "I don't like the way you treat your patients" and I was like, "Fuck off, BITCH" - and then she Tasered me! It was. . .pretty awesome. And. . .that brings us to now.
Dent: I love it when other people get burned - then for a moment I can stop wondering why it's always me.
Crane: What?
Dent: Nothing, nothing. Just try and relax.
Crane: Can do, man. Can do. . .I'm going to be honest with you, Harv - on the road back there I just saw Jack in a nurse's outfit. . .with a miniskirt. . .and a big, fluffy poodle for a face.
Dent: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Crane.
Crane: Oh my god, those legs. . .
Dent: You are such a fag, you know that, Crane?
Crane: [cheerful] Straight as a rainbow and damn proud of it! But I was talking about the poodle's legs. Not Jack's. But both sets are really. . .hairy. . .I think I need to masturbate. . .[seemingly out of nowhere] What's really weird is seeing you drive this minivan.
Dent: Yeah, well, it's my mom's.
Crane: Oh my god, Harv, did you see that?!
Dent: What?!
Crane: You just ran over a small bus! It was a really small bus, and you just ran over it!
Dent: I didn't see it.
Crane: Man, if only Jack were here, he could've pointed it out to you. He likes to stalk me a lot, you know. [chuckles] Hell, he's probably taping our conversation right n - Fuck. FUCK!
THE END
That poor poodle. But Jonny's not into animals. It's the poodle's fault that it's Joker's face. And no I do not like body hair.
