Bonus chapter

Somewhere on a different earth in the mulitverse

Cave Johnson picked up his small recording device, cleared his voice and pressed the record button. ''Hello investors. Cave Johnson here, CEO of Aperture Science...''

He fell silent. For once he didn't know what to say. Normally he could talk for hours, he could manage to make the slightest bit of good news in a moment of complete disaster look like it was the unlimited hope for a solution. Talk around the problem, clean it a little bit, make it sound less worse than it was or make it sound so much more and better than it was. That was his strength. The power of his voice and a good speech combined with the talent of improvisation and maybe a little bit of luck and good belief of people, he had brought Aperture to the top, brought himself to the top.

Well... almost the top. Those damned Black Mesa pests were still on the world's number one. Yeah, by stealing other's inventions and after that stomping them to the ground with the soles of the shoes that Aperture created! If those stupid Black Mesa scientists would've just bought his stupid portal gun everything would've been fine. He would've bought that stupid company, kicked everyone of them out and renamed it under the Aperture brand.

Blaperture Mesa.

It was a great idea, the best idea! Even the name itself showed the glory of his victory. They would be number one. But noooo, those idiots couldn't 'make a purchase in the middle of an emergency'. Ha, an emergency. They should have seen all the problems Aperture had caused. Compared to that their problems were nothing more than crumbles in a fat guy's shirt. And Aperture had managed. They had solved all their problems... well, most of them at least. They still had that asbestos issue which had caused 13 percent of his employees to be temporarily unable to work. They just coughed up some blood every now and then, that doesn't mean you can't work! And absolutely not calling in sick with excuse a doctor's advice to stay home with prepayment and all!

But the point still stands. Aperture would've been number one if it hadn't been for those idiots. But maybe he had just chosen the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, the government was more than busy with containing the failed experiment at Black Mesa by killing everybody associated with the project. Serves them right, the thieves.

But now... he had nothing. Everything was going downhill. There wasn't even the slightest form of good news to be found in the mess Aperture Science found itself in. Cave snapped out of the moment where he had dazed of into thought and was quickly reminded that he was recording. Not knowing how to continue he quickly glanced over at the monitor on his desk, hoping to find a certain topic to talk about.

The screen displayed a list of all the latest purchases and Cave read the first thing on top of the list out loud. ''Llamas.''

Good enough.

''They're proud. Majestic. Cheap on the black market.'' He continued. He looked back at the screen, reading the rest of the information. ''And Aperture just bought twenty thousand of them, due to an accounting error.''

Wait what? ''Oh god. Caroline?''

There was no answer.

''Caroline?!''

A knock on his door. Cave opened it, only to find a white llama had been slamming it's head against it. It looked up at the CEO with a relaxed expression while it was slowly chewing on something. Dumbfounded Cave looked up, only to see the hallways were filled with llamas in all shapes and sizes. White, brown, black, rainbow, beige coloured, curly fur everywhere.

He stood there for a whole three seconds when suddenly Cave Johnson felt something pulling at his clothing. The llama from before had started to chew on his tie. Frustrated, he pulled the piece of clothing out of the animal's mouth, only to end up ripping the end off of it which the thing happily continued chewing on.

Cave pushed the white llama aside and walked past it. He had to push through thick layers of curly fur to get to the other side of the hall. He looked out the window to see the whole place was littered with llamas. Some scientists tried to fight back with their clipboards and use their chairs as shields. But they all suffered from getting a part of their clothing eaten. One black coloured llama had been dressed up in a lab coat by the little children from the day-care and was pushing over a card of chemicals which splattered onto the ground. There was a monitor on the wall that showed another llama in an orange jumped suit in the test chambers where it had found a nice spot on top of an companion cube where it was eating the papers with the test results.

''What in the name of Science happened here?'' Cave asked in disbelief.

''The package delivery arrived today.''

Cave turned around to see the same white llama standing behind him, staring him in the eye with a drugged out expression. He was seriously considering if he'd gone insane when he thought it had been that llama to say that when he noticed one of the scientists somewhere between the giant pack of the animals.

One brown llama had found a nice spot on top of the poor guy who was now buried under a fluffy llama butt. ''Hello mister Johnson.'' He wheezed as he could barely breath.

''Greg, what is going on here?'' Cave tried his best to sound calm but that was quite difficult when the white one had started chewing on his tie again.

''As I told you sir, the package delivery arrived today. We just... didn't expect it to be fifty trucks filled with twenty thousand of these pack camels.''

The brown llama suddenly had a very angered expression and spit in Greg's face. How dared that lower species to call him something so insulting? The llama was pleased at the horrified look on the human's face and it turned its nose up in a cocky manner. He went back to sit on top of his human chair like a proper lad.

Cave sighed, rubbing his eyes with two fingers. ''And whose idea was it to make this purchase exactly?''

''I don't know sir. They placed a new guy into the package department a few days ago. I think his name was Wheatley or something.'' Greg answered, a clot of llama salvia dripping down his hair.

''Alright. Go fire him.''

''Um... I'm not about that, sir. I just distribute the job applications.''

''Then give that guy a new job.''

''Alright.'' Greg reached out a clipboard and a pen from somewhere in his pockets from under the llama's butt. ''It seems like he has been given all the possible jobs before. Except for the artificial intelligence human trails uploading for the GLaDOS project. Should I sign him up for that, sir?''

''Sure. Good thinking Greg.'' Cave said as he turned around to return to his office.

Greg gave him a salute. ''Always, sir. Thank you, sir... ow'' He groaned painfully as the llama adjusted the way he was sitting on top of the man.

Just as Cave was about to open the door to his office he noticed the white llama which stared back at him. ''Greg, have you seen Caroline anywhere?''

''Um no I haven't seen her, sir.''

''Alright then, you'll be my new assistant. Come on in.'' The CEO opened the door and the llama walked inside, immediately taking a proud dumb on the floor to bargain its territory. ''That's going off your salary.''

''Mister Johnson?'' Greg called after him.

''What is it?''

''What do we need to do with all these alpacas?'' The brown llama gave him that angered look again. He quickly corrected himself. ''I-I mean llamas. All these llamas.''

''Just put them up for testing or something. I honestly don't care. Just take care of this mess.''

''Will do mister Johnson.''

And now we have Portal 2 with llamas.

The end


Now obviously this is not to be taking seriously. But I watched the Portal musical again a few days ago and then I found a draw of Cave Johnson buried under a pile of llamas and well, then I had to write this. Since this is also based on the musical I decided to put this together with this one-shot. Also llamas are such proper lads. I want one as a pet now.