I'm Right Here by Rose Haze

Disclaimer I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

Author's Note: Ah, so much to say…. First of all, I just got back from vacation. Well it was sort of a vacation. I totally didn't know I was going away until the day before we left…. Let me start at the beginning. My step-brother had a cancerous tumor removed over a year ago. A few weeks ago he started having the same symptoms again (he passed out for no reason, and this is what happened before his first tumor was found and also he was weak and exhausted all. the. time.), and it looked like he might have another tumor. He didn't, but they had to run all these tests so he was constantly in the hospital. I touched on this in my last a/n. Recently, we found out that he's tumor-free, and apparently he's just under a lot of stress. He was asked to be a part of a survey group for cancer survivors under the age of eighteen, which took place in Washington. So we went to Washington (and New York!). And now I am back!

Something else I want to add, is that this chapter might seem sort of… out of place. Yeeeah uh, some people weren't crazy about me going on vacation all spur of the moment-y. So there was a fight. And I wanted to write about it. Then I decided to kill two birds with one stone, and just play around with it and fit it into this chapter. But it'll work for the story, I promise.

One more thing: in the review, Chocoluvr suggested that I bring up organ donation since it was a part of chapter 22. I thought it was a great idea, because it can save lives. Information on organ donation can be found at organdonor dot gov. And if you have a state id or a drivers liscence lots of other forms of identification, you can say that you are an organ donor on your card in case anything happens to you. And that is my PSA for the day :)

I'm not making any sense. But in my defense, I definitely just experienced a nine hour car ride where I was sitting next to a hyperactive eleven year old and in front of a "stressed out" fourteen year old. I think this was the longest A/N I've ever left. I should end it like… now.

Chapter 23

Fights, Tears, and Broken Signs

And sweetest in the gale is heard/ And sore must be the storm/ That could abash the little bird/ That kept so many warm –Emily Dickenson

"Mom! Mom!" Zack shouted as he burst into the waiting room.

Carey stood up out of her seat, alarmed, "What's wrong?" she asked, grabbing him by the shoulders as he ran up to her, "Is it Cody?"
He paused to catch his breath, and Kurt and Samantha gathered around them.
"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, reiterating Carey's question.

"We can't let Cody die," Zack said, "He—"

"We don't want to let Cody die," Carey said pointedly, "But he's not living like this, Zack. Don't you see that?"

"But he will!" he cried desperately, "I know he will. I was sitting with him and he gave me a sign. He's still in there."

Kurt and Carey exchanged glances. Carey nodded.

"Zack, why don't you come with me for awhile?"

Zack glared at his parents accusingly, "You just want me out of the way so you can take Cody off life support!"

"You are being so unreasonable, Zackary!" Carey snapped, "We haven't decided what we're going to do yet, but I would never go behind your back and do that. You know that—you're acting childish right now."

Zack's expression changed immediately. His face seemed to sag. His eyes were wet with unshed tears and his lips quivered and turned down, "Promise you won't do anything bad to him?"

Carey sighed and touched Zack's cheek, "I promise."

He nodded then turned to his father. Together, they walked out of the waiting room.

Carey felt a strange sensation as she watched them go. It was a vaguely familiar feeling. A bittersweet one; more sweet than bitter. She remembered how crazy Zack and Cody had been about Kurt before the divorce. Zack was especially close to him. Carey's stomach hurt. She realized that she should not have been so selfish after the divorce. She should have thought about Zack and Cody and their relationship with Kurt before she filed for full custody.

'I did think about that though,' she thought sadly, 'I knew it would turn the boys against him eventually...' Carey bit her lip. She had been angry while the divorce process went on—so angry. Kurt hurt him when he left, and she wanted revenge. She wanted to hurt him just as much as he hurt her. So she took his children away from him.

'He could have fought for them though!' argued a small voice in the back of her head, 'He never tried to get custody of the twins! He practically gave them away!'

She sat down. She wondered if that had been Kurt's way of being the adult in the situation. He didn't succumb to her immature games. If that were the case, she was thankful. Many children of divorce became emotionally scarred. But not Zack or Cody. The divorce was relatively civil, and both boys had been happy growing up—for the most part anyways.

Samantha sat down next to Carey and handed her a cup of coffee, "Thinking about Cody?" she asked.

Carey graciously accepted the coffee and shook her head, "I'm thinking about Zack actually," she said, "Zack and Kurt."

Samantha nodded. She stirred her coffee with her small straw, "Kurt's a great guy," she said, not looking Carey in the eyes.

Carey sat her coffee down on the table. Suddenly she did not want it anymore, "He can be," she paused, "Did he ever talk about us?"

"Who?" Samantha asked, "You and the boys?"

"Yes."

"Sometimes," she answered tentatively, "He uh—got a lot of bills from you. And, well he told me a little bit about the twins. I know he wished he saw more of them.

"Well," Carey said crisply as she stood up, "I'm going to sit with Cody. I'll see you in a little while."

Samantha stood up, "Carey we should talk."

"I don't think so," Carey answered levelly, "You're here for Kurt. You don't need to try to get on my good side. I couldn't care less who she chooses to be with."

"I don't believe you," Samantha said in a soft voice. She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

"I know you don't like me, and I don't blame you. I've never liked any of the girls that my ex-boyfriends dated after me."

"Husband," Carey corrected her, "Kurt was my ex-husband. That's a bit more complicated than you being jealous of the girls your boyfriends chased after in high school. When was that? Last year?"

Samantha put her hands on her hips, "That's really low, Carey." She said, "I'm not that much younger than you and you know that "

Carey rolled her eyes, "You're what—twenty five?"

"Twenty-four," Samantha muttered.

Carey laughed bitterly, "That's great. You're the combined ages of Zack and Cody. And Kurt says he wants them to be a part of your lives."

"We both do."

"You're in over your head," Carey said, "You can't be a parent to teenagers. You practically still are a teenager!"

"I don't have to listen to this," Samantha said. She walked away.

Carey went to Cody's room. She thought about Samantha as she closed the door. She didn't mean to fight with her. But as she had with Zack, she took her frustrations out on her. She couldn't help but dislike the girl. As Samantha had implied, Carey would not have liked any woman that Kurt dated. But Samantha had been getting to her ever since she arrived. First she was the one who Zack opened up to, and then she stopped the fight between Carey's father and Kurt. Those were two things that Carey felt that she should have been able to do herself.

She sat down next to Cody's bed and ran her fingers through his golden hair, "What would you think if you saw the way I've been acting?" she asked him.

She gave his lifeless hand a squeeze, "I want Zack to be right about you," she whispered, "I want you to get through this. Then everything will be good again."

­­­­­---------

Kurt and Zack walked out of the hospital and sat in the courtyard outside. A blush crept across Zack's cheeks. This was where he and Maddie sat the night before—the place where she kissed him. 'On the cheek,' he reminded himself.

Being there with his father made him feel sort of weird.

"I want to talk to you," Kurt said, "about Cody."

And just like that, all thoughts of Maddie were flushed from his mind.

"You love Cody, don't you?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah," Zack said, "he is my twin brother."

Kurt looked at him, "Why do you love him?"

"Because he's my brother," Zack said, "and because we have fun together. We help each other." Zack felt a sharp pain in the back of his throat.

'A lump in my throat,' Zack thought silently, reciting the familiar phrase, 'Doesn't feel like a 'lump'. It feels more like a hole—a hole that won't close.'

"He's always there for me," Zack finished, trying hard not to cry.

Kurt gave his shoulder a squeeze, "What else," he pressed.

"I don't know," Zack answered thickly, "It's just—he understands me. He accepts me even when he doesn't agree with me. And he's like one of the only people who cares about me."

Kurt put his arm around him, "A lot of people care about you, Zack."

"How would you know?" Zack spat, "You're never here!"

"I know. I'm so sorry. But I'll do better. I'll be a better father. If you'll let me," he paused, "I wanted to talk to you about Cody. Not argue."

"Cody's a good person," Zack whispered, "Those are the reasons why I love him and miss him."

Kurt nodded, "Right, Zack. You love Cody's soul." He pointed to the hospital, "You don't love what's lying in that in that hospital bed. It's just a body—an empty shell."

"No," Zack said, standing up, "No, Cody's still there! He's going to wake up! He can hear me! He gave me a sign!" Tears were streaming down his cheeks, "He's still alive!"

Kurt placed his hands on Zack's shoulders and looked into his crying eyes, "Cody's not alive, Zack. His body's alive, but that's it."

"No," Zack said again, sobbing. He pushed Kurt away, "Get off of me!" he cried.

He punched his father in the chest, but he did not seem to feel it. He just held onto Zack as he struggled to break free.

Zack clawed blindly at his father than collapsed in a fit of tears. It was like the day before with his mother. He struggled, than eventually gave in.

Kurt scooped him up. Zack lightly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and cried into his neck. He knew he was too old to be carried, but he didn't care.

"He's still alive," he whispered again, this time with less confidence than he ever put into his own words.

Kurt embraced his son, wishing he could protect him from all the hurt he was feeling.

"No," he said gently, "Zack, he's gone."

To Be Continued…

A/N Yeah, I really have more to say… well actually… please review!

Up next: Chapter Twenty Four Brothers