Daria Ravenclaw: The Legend of Sporting Joe
Chapter 15: Picture Show Two
DISCLAIMER: The world of Harry Potter was created by JK Rowling and is the property of JK Rowling, Wizarding World and Warner Brothers. I don't own it. Daria was created by Glen Eichler. Beavis and Butthead was created by Mike Judge. I don't own them either, but I do lay claim to my original characters.
This story was written for my amusement, not for profit. If you are enjoying it, please write and post a positive review.
ADVISORY: Foul language. Being at close quarters with either (or both) of the two idiots does not promote polite conversation or genteel language.
Daria Ravenclaw: The Legend of Sporting Joe*Daria Ravenclaw: The Legend of Sporting Joe*Daria Ravenclaw: The Legend of Sporting Joe
To her horror, the blond-haired boy with the big head turned to her and said "Hi, I'm Beavis."
"Julia," Julia replied in her coldest voice. "Charmed." She hoped the idiot would take the hint.
"You here for the cowboy movie?" said Beavis. "This is gonna be so cool. There are going to be guns and horses and cowboys and stuff."
Damnation, the idiot wasn't taking the hint. "We'll see," she replied coldly.
"Hey, you a foreigner or something?" said Beavis.
"None of your business," Julia replied.
"You like movies?" said Beavis. "Are you like a movie-going chick? Movie-going chicks are hot."
She wanted to hex him. Would to God that the Statutes of Secrecy were no longer in effect, thought Julia. She'd hex the little git back to Merlin's time.
"I'm going to show good breeding," Julia said with clenched teeth. . "I'm going to ask you to be quiet."
"Breeding. Is that like what they do when they put cows with a bull?" said Beavis. "Like are we going to see them do it?"
"Stow it," Julia replied testily.
"Stow it where?" said Beavis. "Under the chair?"
Help came from an unexpected quarter. The man sitting on the other side of Beavis cuffed him on the back of his head and said "Shut up."
Maybe he'll leave me alone, Julia thought hopefully.
The git left her alone for all of five minutes, then started up again when the projectionist started playing Spanish-language previews and advertisements.
"Uh, like why are all the ads in Spanish?" said Beavis.
"Because this is Spanish Sunday," Julia said shortly. She began to wonder if coming here was such a good idea after all.
"Do you speak Spanish?" said Beavis.
"No," Julia replied.
The lights came up again instead of staying dim for the main feature. Julia decided that it was time to go. She stood up and started edging her way towards the aisleway, then learned to her horror that her path was blocked by a trio of long-legged boys wearing denims and what had to cowboy boots. Two of them had been chatting with each other while the third seemed to have dozed off.
"Could you move, please?" she said.
One of the boys looked at her and grinned, saying "No speak English." He had blond hair and a light complexion.
"Bollocks," said Julia. "I heard you two a moment ago. You lot speak English."
"What'cha goin' to do about it, girlie?" said one of the boys.
Julia felt her temper rising, along with her magic. That frightened her. I can't let loose on these berks, she thought. I have to hold it. She turned around and began to head to the aisle on the other side. Maybe I can get out the other way, she thought. To her horror, that way was blocked, too. Not by thuggish boys but by a frail-looking elderly woman with crutches and an extremely obese woman sitting next to her.
Bloody hell, I'm trapped, she thought. Defeated, she turned around and headed back to her seat.
As she edged back towards her seat she was able to get a better look at the couple who'd brought the cursed git to the movies. The woman was about her mother's age but without the looks and had tattoos on her arm while the man had a leather vest but looked like he carried two stone around his waist.
She wondered if someone had taken her seat while she was gone or if the git had spilled something on it. With her luck that was likely to happen. She was relieved to see that her seat was still vacant. She felt the seat cushions: they were still dry. The idea of soiling them hadn't occurred to him. Give him time, said a voice in her head. He'll think of it. She sat back down, silently cursing her luck.
The lights dimmed again and the main feature began. To Julia's surprised relief, the movie's sound track wasn't in Spanish but in English, although it had Spanish subtitles. The movie itself was titled The Oxbow Incident. Julia hadn't heard of it, but then her mother had mostly starred in British television, not in American cowboy movies.
The movie's theme music excited the boy at first, then he started moping as the theme music's melody changed. By the time the two cowboys rode into the dry, dusty town, he'd almost calmed down.
"This is so lame!" he said, disappointed that the first scene didn't have any gun fights.
The git's spirits picked up when one actor punched the other, then went back into sulking. He continued to sulk for most of the rest of the movie, picking up only when one of the posse members was shot by a man on a stage coach, then subsiding again when it turned out not to cause a gunfight. The git had a lot of comments, irritating not only Julia but some of the other movie-goers. By the time the stagecoach rumbled off, Julia had learned a new phrase: "¡Callate!". She resolved to ask Daria or the Aldrete sisters what it meant.
The posse eventually cornered three suspects without a gun fight. The posse members started talking about the law and justice. Julia never found out how the movie turned out, whether the three suspects, whose case looked increasingly dodgy, were hanged or let go. The film stopped playing, the lights came up, and a large, burly man walked over to the end of her row and told the yobs at the end of her row to get up and leave.
At some other time and place Julia might have remained seated to watch the rest of the film, but not with the git seated next to her. Her first action after seeing the long-legged boys walked out of the auditorium was to give a sigh of relief. Finally, I can get out of here, she thought.
-(((O-O)))—
She rose from her seat, edging her down the pathway that had just been cleared with the yobs being sent off.
She wondered whether she should walk straight back to her hotel, then changed her mind. First things first, she decided. She left the auditorium and went to the concession stand, which was being run by something called Buddy's Burgers. The girl working the concession stand told her that the loo was on the second floor. She hoped that it would be clean: judging by the condition of the theater, she doubted it. I think I can hold it until I get back to the hotel, she told herself, then climbed the stairs.
She opened the door and miracle of miracles, the girl's room was clean. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear someone had used magic, she told herself. After taking care of nature, washing up, then combing her hair, she felt ready to walk to the Settles. She opened the door to leave and to her horror, there was the git she'd sat next to in the theater, surrounded by a trio of local yobbos. If they weren't the same ones who'd been made to leave earlier, they had the same attitude. Two of the boys laid hands on the git and were clearly getting ready to toss him into a janitor's closet. She smirked and listened as the git protested.
"Hey! Leave me alone! Let me go!" he shouted.
I'll just pass on by like the Levite in the parable, she thought.
Such was not to be. Just after two of the yobbos shoved the git into the closet and blocked his escape with a rolling dust bin, the third yob grabbed her wrist, the said "Let's get him a girlfriend!" and shoved her into the closet after him. Then they slammed the door behind her.
Julia's first reaction was to start pounding on the door. "Let me out!" she shrieked.
The only response she got was the sound of the yobbos' laughter as they walked away.
"You shite-eating wankers!" she raged.
There was no response. Then things got worse.
"Uh, like do you want to do something?" said the git.
Bloody hell, she thought, I'm not only trapped in a closet, but I'm trapped with this git, she thought as she felt her anger and despair rising.
"NO!" she cried. "STAY THE BLOODY FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
It was too dark to see, but she could sense the git traying to work his way around the rolling dust bin.
"FUCK OFF!" she shouted and began to feel her magic rise around her. She began to edge away from him.
The git's response was more of his moronic laughter. She put her foot into something that felt like a metal bucket and hastily extracted it. The git continued to edge towards her.
"This is cool," said the git, forgetting that he'd had no choice about being tossed into the closet.
Julia's magic had now reached the point where the dim streak of light under the door flickered.
"STAY AWAY!" she said, then felt a bolt of blue light fly from her hand. She heard the sound of something crashing from the shelving.
Gods above, what have I done, she thought, feeling panic arise.
"That was cool!" said the git.
Whatever I've done I either missed or he's as immune as a bloody troll, she thought.
She banged on the door again with her fist. "Let me out!" she cried.
She heard the sound of footsteps. Dear Gods, I don't want to stay in here, she thought.
"Hold on, Missy! I'll get it" said a male voice that sounding reassuringly adult. She heard the rattle of keys, then the door opened.
The door opened and Julia threw her arms around her rescuer, who turned out to be an older man dressed in a muggle-style short-sleeved shirt and dark trousers.
"What happened?" said her rescuer.
"Three boys," said Julia. "They tossed him in the closet," she said, gesturing at the git, "then they threw me in after him."
The janitor turned the light on and Julia got a glimpse of what she'd done while she'd tried to keep the git at bay. She'd blown a hole in the closet wall and shelving. A blasting curse, she wondered.
The git had wandered off to get a drink from the water fountain. He then headed for the staircase and started walking down.
"You all right?" said the janitor.
"I will be, I think," said Julia.
"Take a deep breath and pull yourself together," the janitor said reassuringly.
He looked at the damaged closet, cast a look around the area, and then to Julia's surprise, he pulled out a wand. He pointed his wand at the damaged closet and said "Reparo!". Julia watched him goggle-eyed as the closet wall and shelves began to repair themselves.
"You must be one of the people from out of town," said the janitor.
"Yes, I'm from" Julia began. She glanced at the head of the stairs. The git was nowhere in sight.
"You don't need to say it," said the janitor.
"What about the boy?" said Julia.
"That kid is about as immune to most spells as a troll," said the janitor. "Nobody knows why."
"Is he a?" Julia said.
"No," the janitor replied. "Thank God."
Julia gave a sigh of relief.
"Can you do any wandless magic?" said the Janitor.
"Not really," said Julia. "I've tried to perform a couple of charms without a wand but it's really difficult."
"But you can do it," said the Janitor.
"Yes," said Julia.
"Good," said the janitor. "You might want to work on doing the Alohomora spell without a wand. You'll find it right handy."
"I'll do that," Julia said wonderingly.
Left the auditorium and we
Author's notes:
¡Callate! New World Spanish for "Shut up!".
