A/N Grr.. I'm mad at this chapter too. It took a twist a didn't intend and isn't as long as I had hoped. Also, I have come down with a severe case of SLS (Summer lazy syndrome) and will probably update once weekly. Meant to bring this up last chapter, but RR Lyrae drew some fanart for this story- I'm not sure if the link is still up on her (I don't mean to offend you if you're a man) profile- but it's an awesome little piece that features Sweeney, Toby and some zombies. Big public THANKS luv :)
38
James stared at Sweeney, trying to exactly understand what was being asked. The barber stared straight back at him, not even blinking.
"You….didn't notice?" He finally asked.
Sweeney turned his head away once more, looking irritated.
"Someone was in love with you, and you didn't notice?"
"I had a wife! A daughter!"
The volume and anger in the other man's voice took James by surprise, and he found himself backing up.
"Why would I care to look at other women?"
James held back a scoff. "She said you were comfortable friends, you didn't see anything then? Were you so oblivious?"
"I don't need to answer any of this." Sweeney ground out.
"Then why am I even talking to you?"
Sweeney fell into silence, debating on whether or not he really wanted to hear the rest of what James had to say. Yes, he did, but was it worth divulging the full extent of his ignorance as Benjamin? He drew a steady breath, hoping to clear away his anger and draw on his old memories. "I suppose we were close. I considered us friends; we were both married, we were both happy! At least," he scowled at the ceiling once more. "I thought she was." His words were more evasive then explanatory, though it seemed to present the same message. No- he had absolutely no idea.
"She wasn't unhappy," James defended Eleanor quickly. "Not until you were taken, anyway." He took a cautious step back towards the barber, trying to clear his uneasiness. The apothecary did not want to admit he was afraid of the barber. "Eleanor told me about how she had to hide everything, couldn't let her emotions show. Lucy had broken down completely, leaving Johanna's care to her. Her husband was diseased and didn't care much about the tenant problems. For months she took care of a hysterical woman, a baby, her gluttonous husband and a shop! She told me she hadn't cried since the night you were taken away."
A strange feeling worked its way up from Sweeney's gut, and he fought against everything to choke it back down. After all, there was no cause for him to feel guilty. He had done absolutely nothing wrong, in such a case he should have been pitied too. But of course, he was no longer that man to be pitied. His throat burned and ached, but the barber refused to succumb to the emotion that had built up inside him.
"After she told me everything she tried to leave." James was tempted to omit this part of his beginnings with Eleanor, but figured presenting Sweeney with everything might actually jar the man from his ridiculous façade. Eleanor was in love with the barber, she had admitted it, so the sooner Sweeney was forced to accept his own feelings the better. There was significantly more to them than landlady and tenant if she was willing to cover up his crimes. "I'm still not sure why I did it. I just kissed her like it was the most normal thing to do. Of course afterwards I was utterly afraid she would think I was taking advantage of her, and tried to do everything so she understood I didn't mean to. Not that it mattered…it become clear to me she definitely didn't think I was. Albert's medicine was switched the next week and he died shortly after." A partial laugh escaped his lips. "Half of me was afraid she would find out I killed him, the other half said she already knew."
How could someone not care if their spouse died? At that moment Sweeney could have almost laughed. His ridiculous Barker qualities were seeping through. It was quite possible for someone not to care when their spouse died, not everyone was married because of love. He had never before noticed anything unpleasant between Albert and Nellie, but he had never really noticed anything to begin with.
A partial snarl appeared on his face as his eyes began to sting. She was in love with you. A little voice in his head taunted. You didn't see it, you didn't notice. And you still don't care.
"We become closer and much more open with one another afterwards… of course the public was one to notice too. Not that they didn't already think I was shagging her and stealing all of her money." An amused smile flickered onto his face and James found himself almost forgetting Sweeney was in the room. "They were rather far off, but rumors do tend to get twisted around quite a bit." His happiness began to fade slightly when the rumors he had been living with for the past months came to mind. Ever since Eleanor's business boomed anyone who came into his shop was muttering 'something between them two, mark my words' 'sneaky fellow- seems normal for her to be with him'. James recalled nearly throwing a pair of old crones from his shop for calling Eleanor a whore.
"Is that the end of your sad little tale?'
It took the apothecary a minute to realize the voice was Sweeney's. He cautiously peered at the man's face, almost afraid of finding what he thought he heard.
Sweeney's jaw was clenched tightly shut as he attempted to fight off the few tears escaping him. Oblivious to the stunned man next to him, all the barber heard was the chant in the back of his head.
I care, I do… I actually care.
