A/N many thanks to my beta reader/editor, goclimbatree / Ann


Chapter 32

The family remained at Pemberley for another fortnight after the birth, long enough for the new family to settle into some sort of routine. An additional nurse was hired for the nursery, but the twins remained in the nursery adjacent to the mistress's chambers for now, and Elizabeth and Darcy remained determined to provide much of their care. The duty of feeding the children was shared with the wet nurse from the village, although Elizabeth preferred to feed her children as much as she could by herself. With twins, this proved a more difficult task than she had anticipated.

Although it was not considered fashionable for women of the first circles to nurse their own children, Elizabeth was adamant that she wanted this experience with her children. A wet nurse from the village was brought in to assist Elizabeth with the feedings while the twins were very young to ensure they were adequately fed and Elizabeth was able to rest and recover.

However, the couple was still exhausted, a condition that was to be expected as new parents to not just one but two healthy babies. And so far, all were healthy, which pleased everyone greatly, as there were many dangers to children, and both parents knew it was too common for children not to survive to adulthood. They chose not to let this thought consume them and did all they could to ensure their children were well cared for, and Darcy ensured the same for his wife. The next few months continued to be a challenge as William and Roseanne continued to grow while the new parents attempted to adjust and become more comfortable in their roles. Eventually, they both learned to rely more on the nursery maid and wet nurse to assist them. This was difficult, particularly for Elizabeth, who had wanted to be engaged in the rearing of their children. One day, not long after the children had been christened and Elizabeth churched, Darcy had nearly demanded that Elizabeth allow the servants to fulfil their roles and aid her. That afternoon, he had found her in tears over some minor issue and, recognizing that his wife was exhausted, insisted that she rest. After her nap, he pulled her into his arms in their sitting room.

"Dearest, I know that you want to take an active role with our children; however, you are running yourself ragged," he said. "You cannot continue this way, as you are trying to remain in control as the mistress of the estate while also nursing two children almost exclusively. We are paying both a wet nurse and a nursery maid who have nothing to do because you will not allow them to do what they were hired to do. They are there to aid us, not to take over, but Elizabeth, you must let them."

"I do not want someone else to raise my child," she replied heatedly.

He sighed deeply and continued to attempt to reason with her. "But you would not be allowing someone else to raise your children, Elizabeth," he said. "You need to find a balance, to find time for yourself, and for me, along with fulfilling your roles as mother and mistress of this estate. You cannot do it all, and you need to allow others to help you."

Elizabeth turned to him with tears in her eyes. "I am exhausted, William," she admitted. "I cannot seem to keep up with all that needs to be done, and I am constantly forgetting things. I almost feel as I did in the last few months of pregnancy; my mind is so foggy."

"You are too tired, dearest," Darcy said reassuringly. "Do you know how quickly you fell asleep this afternoon? Nearly as soon as your head found its pillow. Our children were fine as you slept, and the nursemaid had something to do. I propose you allow our servants to do their job for the rest of this evening so we might dine together in our sitting room. We have spent little time alone in the weeks since the children were born, and I would love an evening with just you. The wet nurse can handle the feedings tonight, and tomorrow, we will find a way that allows you to do what is required of you while not exhausting yourself to do it. Have you not taught Kitty and Georgiana what they need to know to manage the estate? Could they not help in some ways?"

Elizabeth considered her husband's words. "I have neglected you as well, have I not? I am so sorry, William." She began to cry again.

"No, Elizabeth, I did not intend to make you feel bad for anything. We have both been tired, but you are attempting to do too much, my dear. I simply want you to begin to take some time for yourself and to allow those we have hired to assist you to do their jobs," Darcy insisted. "If you continue as you are, I worry you will make yourself ill, and we cannot have that, dearest."

Elizabeth sighed. "We will dine in here tonight, William, and then I will strive not to wake in the night to tend to the children, allowing Maggie to do what she was hired to do. I do need to feed the children soon, though, or I will ache from being too full. Can you please see if one or both are hungry now so that I might feed them?"

He nodded, understanding her discomfort. "I might assist with that as well if you would like," he replied salaciously, looking at her with the rakish smile she had not seen in some time.

She grinned. "That would be something new," she replied, surprised when he shook his head. She lifted an inquiring eyebrow at him.

"We made love a day or two before you gave birth, do you remember?" At her nod, he continued. "You fed me then, although I did not speak of it, and I found I quite enjoyed the taste. It was sweet." He licked his lips, and she coloured.

He pulled her face to his for a slow, lingering kiss that made Elizabeth desire more. She hesitated. "I … I am uncertain if I am ready to continue," she told him.

Darcy continued to kiss her. "I just needed to kiss you, dearest. I will not press for anything you do not want. Although, I will help you ease your pain tonight or any other time you may need my assistance." They kissed for several more minutes before he felt her milk let down and soak her dress. She coloured deeply, but he merely laughed. "Come, my darling wife, let us find our children so you might feed them and relieve the pressure so that we might enjoy our dinner together."

Following that conversation, Elizabeth did find a way to accept the aid of the servants hired for that task. Georgiana and Kitty, under the watchful eye of Elizabeth, Mrs Reynolds, and Mrs Anneseley, took on additional tasks to aid the mistress of the estate, learning much in the process. The girls took on finalizing plans for the annual harvest celebration for the tenants and staff of Pemberley, which Elizabeth had begun planning, but of necessity, had been delayed due to the birth of the twins. This event, her first as mistress of the estate, was significant to all who lived at or depended upon Pemberley, and they had readily accepted the delay. It was scheduled for the third week in October, and Georgiana and Kitty were assigned to finish preparing the baskets for the tenants, to arrange for the games for the children, and to oversee the arrangements for the dance. Elizabeth had already handled most of these arrangements in the last month of her pregnancy, but overseeing all that needed to be done had become too much, along with all the ordinary tasks.

With this additional assistance, the Harvest Celebration went off incredibly well, and despite Elizabeth thinking it was far less than she would have liked, it was still the best celebration in recent memory. Darcy had continued in this tradition since taking over, but the celebration had been subdued without a mistress. Nevertheless, many of the tenants had been very pleased to see the master looking obviously happy with his wife, and the twins had accompanied their parents for a brief time during the afternoon, allowing the tenants to see the new heir and his sister.

In addition to congratulating the new parents, many of the women had brought little gifts, trinkets really, and these were received gladly from the master and mistress. They seemed to understand how vital these two children were to those who lived on and earned their livelihood from the estate. Darcy's annual speech thanked everyone for yet another exceptional year and alluded to the future that slept in the manor house. The gifts from Pemberley were well received, and the tenants danced much later as they celebrated along with the master and his beautiful new wife.

Once the Harvest Celebration was done, the family turned their attention toward Christmas, when they would once again host a number of visitors. The two other newly-wedded couples, the Bingleys and the Fitzwilliams, would join them, as would the Matlocks and the Gardiners. Mary would accompany the Gardiners, leaving Mr and Mrs Bennet both at Longbourn, neither of whom had been invited to spend the holiday with them. Elizabeth and Kitty debated asking Lydia to join them, as neither had seen her in more than a year, although both received frequent letters from her and were almost certain that her behaviour and attitude were significantly improved. This was largely due to an incident she had related to Kitty.

15 November 1812

Kitty,

I believe I finally understand why I was sent to school. As you know, I have not made many friends here, which I have complained about often enough, yet I have come to realise that this was due to my own attitude and behaviour. I have been determined to 'inflict my misery' on those who were here with me, or at least that is what a girl named Jessica told me. At first, I was rather offended, but as she continued to explain all that was wrong with me and my attitude, I came to wonder if she was correct.

However, all of this came after an event that had nearly shaken me to my core and pointed out just how wrong my behaviour was. Another girl, strangely enough, named Mary, arrived at the school in July, and she felt the same as I did about all the ridiculous rules and the constant focus on 'proper behaviour.' We mocked the other girls, and please do not be angry at me, but we even snuck out one afternoon to visit a militia encampment a few miles away to flirt with the officers. We were nearly caught, and I was sufficiently afraid not to try again. However, that did not stop Mary from attempting it, and she was caught this time and punished. The headmistress notified her family, and they were set to come to pick her up but were delayed for some reason. Before they could arrive, Mary snuck out one more time, and this time, she intended to elope with a captain. I know this because she left me a note explaining her plans, and as soon as I discovered it, I told the headmistress as I considered what Lizzy and Jane would tell me to do.

A hue and cry was sent up, and Mary was tracked down. The captain did not intend to marry or take her to Gretna Green but merely to take what she so readily offered. He told those who found her that his only intention was 'to take what she was offering' and called us both light skirts. I have never been so mortified. They questioned him about how he knew me since he called me by name when he saw me, and I had to confess that I had snuck out once before. I was punished, and they wrote Papa a letter, although they did not tell him to come and pick me up since 'I had seen the error of my ways and not done it a second time, as Mary had.

Papa wrote back and told them they were stuck with me regardless and to punish me in the way they saw fit. He wrote a similar letter to me, telling me not to embarrass him more than I already had and that if I intended to misbehave, I ought to find someone who would actually take me to Gretna Green so he could be done with me. He said with Jane and Lizzy married so well, the actions of one silly girl would not impact the rest and that Mama would be taken care of by them no matter what happened.

I have always known that Papa cared little about his daughters, myself in particular, but this only made it that much more clear. Kitty, could you please ask Elizabeth to let me come to Pemberley for Christmas? I know many girls stay here year-round, as I have this last year, but I would like to see my family again. I realise I have not always acted as I should, but I would like to see my family again. Mary was sent away to live with someone she did not know since her family could not allow her to return home, as her eloping had become too well known. There was also concern about the possible consequences of her actions since she was found in an inn with the captain alone after three or four days. The headmistress sat me down and talked to me about these consequences – illnesses or a child – and quite frankly, these terrified me. Please ask Lizzy for me. I want to see my sisters again. I have written to all of them to apologise, and to Maria Lucas as well, since I was a terrible example to her.

Your penitent sisters,

Lydia

Upon receiving such a letter, Kitty immediately took it to her elder sister, who was sitting in the nursery feeding Roseanne. "Lizzy, have you received a letter from Lydia lately?"

Elizabeth nodded. "A few days ago. She begs an invite to Pemberley for Christmas, which I must own; I had already been considering. I would like for her to meet her niece and nephew, and her letters have become more positive later. In this one, she actually apologised to me for her previous behaviour. I hope this to be sincere."

"I believe it is," Kitty replied. "Read the letter she sent me." Elizabeth did as asked, reading it carefully once before reading it a second time, clearly upset.

"I am uncertain who to be angrier with, this girl Mary, the captain, or Papa," Elizabeth replied after several long minutes. "Clearly, this Mary girl was taught just as poorly as Lydia was, and the captain took advantage of her brazenness. However, I am completely taken aback by Papa's response. Perhaps he meant it sardonically as he usually does, but to put that into writing … I am astounded." Elizabeth sat there for a moment, considering. "Might I keep this? I would like to show it to William and discuss it with him before we decide if we intend to invite her."

At Kitty's nod, Elizabeth stood, handing her daughter to Kitty. She took the letter and went directly to William's study.

"William, you should read this letter from Lydia," she said immediately upon entering the room. He did so, his expression steadily growing stormy. Finally, he stood and marched to the window, took several deep breaths, and then returned.

"Every time I think your father cannot do worse by his daughters, he manages to surprise me by doing something even more foolish. I do not understand the man at all," he stated.

"When Mary arrives," Elizabeth began, her voice filled with determination, "I will try my utmost to persuade her to stay. It has become apparent from the letters she has sent us that Papa, in an astonishing act of negligence, has relinquished all responsibility for the estate. He has abandoned all pretence of advising or managing, leaving Mary solely in charge. His correspondence with you, my dear husband, has ceased altogether, leading me to wonder if something more dire than mere neglect is amiss."

Elizabeth's tone shifted, tinged with a hint of disappointment. "For a fleeting moment last autumn, I dared to believe that Papa would finally prioritize his family's welfare. But alas, within a matter of months, his interest waned completely. Now, it falls upon us to do what he refuses to—ensure that my sisters have a chance at some semblance of a meaningful life. If Lydia accompanies Mary to our home, together we can provide the support and guidance he fails to provide."

Worry laced Elizabeth's words as she voiced her concerns. "I fear for Mary's well-being if she remains in that environment. The weight of the estate's responsibilities, combined with Papa's abandonment, places an immense burden upon her shoulders.."

"I do as well," he replied. "She still has the companion, Mrs Higgins, there with her, but she is nearly entirely on her own without her mother or father interested in improving her situation. Perhaps if she were to marry, she and her husband could take charge of Longbourn together, but I worry for her in that situation."

Elizabeth's eyes took on a teasing glint. "Do you intend to matchmake my sister, William?"

He flushed. "No, but you must admit, it would solve several problems."

"You are right, William, but Mary has always said she did not wish to marry," Elizabeth replied, no longer teasing. "It would also provide some companionship for her, and she might be happier with someone to love and love her in return. Someone local would be good for her, perhaps one of the Lucases?"

"Now you are matchmaking, dearest," William replied dryly. "Let us speak to Mary first and see what she desires before we make plans to marry her off."