A/N: Removing POV tags from earlier chapters.

Chapter 35: Losing faith


I am sentenced to prison because of Cataclysm's actions. He lied and now we share a cell. I have never actually followed up on what happens to the criminals I put away. My job was a cop and nothing more. I followed orders (most of the time) me and Nick were a rather effective team. Now, I'm in prison with Cataclysm.

We took part in the daily routines. They consisted of barely edible food – thankfully, we don't need to eat any. Then work at reshaping rocks. It's rather exhausting. Chained together and working in the sun. Aside from that, they allowed us some degrees of freedom. The collars prevent fights and prevent aggression. To witness first-hand what happens to those who convicted minor offenses to see them changed into something that they were not.

How could I carry on with my job? How could I carry on doing what I'm doing when I'm witnessing the results first-hand? This is justice but only for one. Justice for the victim. No one cares what happened to the accused or to the ones that get caught.

Throughout my days in Everlight and the mountain. I have done things I never thought that I would do. To be put in the same prison as ones who have committed minor offenses in the past shakes me to my core. I don't know what the Prime's intentions were in allowing me to get arrested but things cannot stay the same once I am free.

On the official level, I am in here for the murder of Nick Wilde and arson. Cataclysm is charged with arson alone. I do not know how long we will be staying here. The pig guards are brutal towards others, they left us alone. Maybe, because of fear. This is supposed to be a 'happy' prison. I wonder if it's because everyone's scared into compliance. Torture, beatings, unnecessary discipline is what I have witnessed. Cataclysm is wishing to be back at Azure's side. Imagine that and these things aren't even inflicted upon him.

The background of these prisoners and their tales of why they were sent here in the first place is heart-wrenching. I've never cared much for the other side to begin with but now being sentenced to live among them I begin to understand. Zootopia is not perfect far from it. Many animals slip through the cracks.

This is nothing like the sanctum or the coven where everyone was united with a common purpose a desire to help each other. Maybe, it's the hostile environment there that made it happen. Murder, kidnapping, once I thought were unforgivable crimes but how does it compare to my past actions? I've kidnapped to feed Nick. I've also executed others solely because of my own judgement. Judge, jury and executioner all in one.

To hear tales of murders and kidnappers and other criminals, to hear their justifications for their actions. Given, what I've experienced in Everlight. I think I would probably set some of them free when considering the initial cause. Animals here aren't reformed, the intent is for them to serve their sentence. What happens after that? They commit even more crimes it seems out of necessity rather than a true desire.

Cataclysm and I know the secrets of desire's embrace. Maybe, it's because what I know I can do. I don't want to settle for anything less than perfection. One cannot change the past one can only look forwards towards the future. Is it hypocritical that I wished death upon the savages? yet now I feel empathy for the criminals in Zootopia.

Does justice even matter? If we only look forwards to try to make the world a better place. Like the deal, we've given to the animals that inhabited in the mountain. All our crimes were forgiven, under Zootopia's laws we would be sentenced to life in prison. If only the future matters, what should be the punishment for the ones who commit a crime? I don't know but I know it shouldn't be this. I've personally sent away a few for minor offenses to see them warped into these animals is painful.

Under my own version of justice, I would gladly set several of them free. I would gladly kill several of them. For some, I think they're beyond redemption. Others, do not deserve to be here at all. Imprisonment just creates a problem for someone else to handle.

My relationship with Cataclysm became amicable when the realities of our surroundings set in. We are members of the order first and foremost. I might be in this because of him yet we both understand each other more than anyone here ever will. We have both gone through the rite and earned our marks. Cataclysm marks me with his scent to deter others from harassing me. Cataclysm projects an aura of fear towards them. Most of them don't but a few wouldn't be deterred. I was the one responsible for putting several of these animals away, some grudges can be held for a long time.

A week passes. At the end of yet another exhausting day, the guard has a phone call just for me. I'm surprised they allow phone calls here. No one has come to visit me. I wonder how much of a secret all of this is. The guard gives me the phone. The Prime is calling me for some reason. He asks, "Bogo is asking me if I should spread us out to help other cities. What is your opinion?"

Enraged. He lets me be arrested then cares enough to ask me for this opinion? What kind of a game is he playing at? "Why do you care what I think? You let me get arrested. You lied to the police and for what?"

"To silence Bellwether. I predicted that upon your first encounter with her, you'd be able to test the antidote to desire's embrace on her and tell me of its results."

"YOU IDIOT! I'm not even sure where Bellwether is. I'm definitely not in the same prison as her." My collar shocks me during this statement. I try to calm down.

"There's more than one prison? I thought it all referred to the same location."

"And you set all of this in motion without consulting me first? What the hell? GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Another shock, I suppose it's more of a minor deterrent at this point even though it's painful.

It is rare but the Prime finally concedes he made an error. "It seems I have made an error. What is your will? Should we help the other cities? I will also try to get you out and Cataclysm as well. It seem more than one of us have misunderstood how things work in your world. Azure is rather sorry for her actions."

Given, what I have seen in the first here. I suppose I'm changed from my experiences. "Is it wrong? I feel like Zootopia is flawed and not the utopia I thought I knew. Upon my release, I desire something greater. Back in the sanctum and the coven we made the rules and enforced them at will. I'm not sure if I like the existing system of imprisonment in Zootopia. Creation of a new city would require money, to that I would say. No, do not solve everything all at once or maybe even not at all. All this current system does is create more problems. I can't justifiably send anyone else into it. Surely, they won't permit you to kill everyone causing the current problems. They didn't allow me for the brief time I was set free in Zootopia."

"By your will, we won't attempt to solve the problems of other cities for now. It's rather interesting you find Zootopia flawed. There's more than once, sentences I would wish to enact have been disallowed by the local laws. I will try to get both of you freed."

I tell Cataclysm that we're potentially getting freed soon. He is overjoyed and extremely thankful that Azure might not be torturing him upon his return. Cataclysm asks when we're alone. Point blank, "Do you want to have sex?"

What? That wasn't the reaction I expected at all. I reply, "What made you ask that? Why?"

Seeing my reaction. He tries to explain himself, "It's a time for celebration. Why not mate with each other to mark the occasion?"

I'm surprised by this. "You know the laws that the Prime has set. Aren't you worried?"

"Not at all. The only possible way for us to have offspring is if we're both under the influence of desire's embrace. About the initial pair you've seen executed, that sheep consorted with her own species and proved rather ineffective at their respective tasks." I guess that explains more than a few things about the lack of hybrids in Zootopia. He continues, "I've already marked you as my own. Why not let me claim you as well? You didn't really object back then."

"I don't want that to."

He lets the matter drop in a sense, "Such a shame, maybe you'll come around in the future." He makes another remark, "After being alive for a long time you should try everything at least once."

He used the name of my favorite song in a sentence. Try everything. It hits a soft spot for me, "Maybe, one day in the future but not now. How long have you been alive?"

He remarks, "It's been over five centuries."

"But you certainly don't look like you've been alive for five centuries."

"Indeed, every time we're reborn, we are reformed at the same age we've initially taken the rite. Back in the mountain we fought for our place. Given, our experiences here, you certainly can't say for sure that this is better."

"Indeed, I can't. It should change, this place is wrong on so many levels."

"Should we set everything on fire when we get the chance then? Join me in destruction."

"I've been thinking, maybe instead of me trying to make the world a better place. I should instead make a better place for the world."

"Explain."

"Back in the sanctum and the coven you've given me the task of integrating them and I acted as judge jury and executioner all in one. I'm thinking of the creation of a new place for us all. A new city where paradise can truly be found."

"A noble goal, you have my support. We should settle for nothing less than perfection. The world may be flawed but it doesn't have to remain so."

We stayed in the same cell for the week, this is the first time I sleep with him in the same bed. Feeling his fur against mine.

The next day in the morning, the guard comes to get me. Another phone call from the Prime. He says, "I have tried to get you freed but they won't believe me. They are convinced now I am lying and that Nick is actually dead."

I ask, "So am I stuck here?"

"Not at all, once he returns both of you can be set free. I am intentionally not freeing Cataclysm so that he can keep you company. It is also Azure's will."

"How long would it take?"

"It depends on how long it takes for him to find the desire to live. From other pairs, your first death manifests in his perceived reality. It depends on how long it takes for him to realize it is fake and not reality." The phone conversation was over.

His version of the afterlife is with a fake version of me somewhere. Should I feel jealous? I returned to the cell and talked to Cataclysm. "So, what was your first death or second death like? The Prime tells me that Nick is struggling against a fake version of myself."

Cataclysm replies, "Azure was wonderful during that time. Her harsh ministrations upon my body but never harsh enough for me to complain. She did whatever she wanted to me but it was pleasurable all the same. It was perfection in ever form, in every desire. Everything was perfect. It's a sharp difference from my first death. I would have stayed in it too had she not came for me herself and shattered the illusion.

My first experience was one of doubt, of fear, that I had let someone down. It didn't really take that long to break out of it.

On your third death, it becomes far easier to break out because you get a sense of déjà vu that all of this is fake. The first reunion with your partner in the afterlife is the hardest and most difficult."

My heart shatters at hearing that. "So, Nick is enjoying time with a perfect version of myself, falling under her charms."

"We can mate if you want. Maybe, that would give you satisfaction? You know what he's likely experiencing now."

I just cry. "Oh Nick, I need you. I need you to save me from this place. Please come soon." I said in an open prayer.

Today's activities are just the same, eat, 'work" by breaking rocks and then going back to sleep. Cataclysm tries to goad me into mating with him again. I don't know why he keeps trying. At least he doesn't force himself on me. Would I be able to fight him off if he did? Speaking of forced intercourse, I have witnessed several instances of this happening.

I don't know how I should feel about him right now, he protects me in this place yet he was the reason I was sent here in the first place. Should I be happy? That he's here with me? The Prime could have set him free but chose not to. Should I be angry with him? Without him, I think I would have gotten injured by at least a few animals or worse. The guards here are ineffective. The collars are supposed to deter aggression but it's rather surprising of what someone can do even while being shocked. At least the collars are crafted well enough such that animals don't need emergency care after being shocked.

It's a surprise really, during our stay here. There's no trace of nighthowlers. Nothing, we can use to incinerate this place to ash. Aside from two phone calls from the Prime there's no one to contact us. I haven't heard from Chief Bogo at all since being sent here. I wonder why? Do they not care about me anymore? At the end of the day, I confide my fears to Cataclysm.

He responds, "They care for us. Due to all the myths surrounding us, what can they do?" Indeed, myths, legends. What does the media say about us now? What's the official reason for my arrest? So many questions that I cannot answer.

The next day at lunch I made a vow to a few animals, I have witnessed too much brutality in this place, too much injustice. When I am released, I would see how I could go about setting them free. This didn't really go well with everyone that heard it, a riot broke out and we made ourselves scarce.

Through the confusion, I lost sight of Cataclysm and a cheetah seems interested in forcibly mating with me. I am cornered and trapped. Cataclysm arrives in time and brutally injures the cheetah and no one dares to strike us. His collar activates during it but he continues through the pain. I wonder what would have happened if he wasn't there. That feline got sent to medical care only after the riot subsided. The riot fades away naturally instead of the guards doing anything useful. Cataclysm again flirts with me before bed and I reject him again.

A day of inspection comes. Everyone acts like this is the best place on earth. Everyone behaves. Nothing is found. There is no dissent at all everything dysfunctional is simply hidden. I dared not to speak the truth, what would happen if I did? The inspector is simply someone they allow among them rather than someone capable of bringing order if they didn't cooperate. This place is hell with the illusion of heaven. The inspector leaves and the brutality resumes.

That night Cataclysm flirts with me again, he says, "You know what Nick is doing right now, give in. Try it, you might enjoy it."

I reply, "But..." I couldn't really form an adequate response.

"You know this system better than I, how long do you think we will be here if Nick doesn't come?"

Indeed, how long would we be here? "A few years?"

"Time, is nothing for us immortals. You should really give it a chance."

How can he be suggesting this so easily? "How many times have you done something that wasn't with Azure?"

"More than once, less than Frostfang. It's enjoyable, you should explore a bit." Gee, that doesn't really paint a clear picture. Frostfang's the fox that openly asked me if I wanted sex. The same gender nonetheless. What are my own preferences?

I accuse him, "Do you offer yourself to anyone then?"

"Lesser animals aren't worthy. Only members of the order."

"And if I keep refusing, are you going to take me by force?"

"Never, we are one big family after all. I would never force myself upon you. I'm simply trying to broaden your horizons and waiting for you to give consent."

At least that is reassuring. We sleep together now. I suppose, we could probably commit suicide to be free but then what of the political fallout. I suppose that's the reason we haven't. This experience though not the Prime's intention has changed me.

The next day, another fight breaks out. Cataclysm saves me again. He refused medical treatment and flirted with me again. I suppose, it's a realization of how fragile the situation is or of what he went through to protect me. I can see scratches and bitemarks on his body from the wolf he saved me from. Maybe, its jealously at what Nick is experiencing, maybe it's accepting his request that I should try everything. On that day, I finally consented. What's the harm? It's only once. I haven't seen Nick for more than a week now.

In the morning, I wake up alongside him again. I felt rage at him. I say, "It's your fault. You did this."

He simply remarks, "When are you going to take responsibility for your own actions?" I noticed all his wounds are gone.

"How are you not wounded? You were pretty beaten up before. You played with my emotions."

"Desire's embrace lets us heal at an accelerated pace. Last night was wonderful, wasn't it?"

"You fought to save me, refused medical treatment then flirted with me. Why?"

"I never said those wounds were life threatening. You just assumed they were serious. Regardless, you've finally consented, how was it? Did you like it?"

Did I like it? I suppose but it's like a guilty pleasure and it feels so wrong. "I'm not sure."

"We can always mate again in the near future if you need further confirmation of your feelings."

I quickly shoot down that idea, "No! Once was enough."

"From your tone, you seem rather quick to deny me. That's okay, though. We all have our secrets."

"How long do I have to stay in here?"

"This is your world, not mine. If you don't know the answer, why would I? I'll protect you just the same. We are in this together. I suppose, it is my fault that you ended up in here in the first place."

The next few days were awkward, Cataclysm protects me throughout the day and we participate in the prison's activities. No contact from the outside world, no one has come to rescue us. I have seen enough here, enough to lose faith in Zootopia.

As usual, guards beat prisoners up but leave us alone. I suppose I should be thankful that no one dares to attack us. I think that's mostly due to Cataclysm's presence though. When are we going to be released?

At the end of the next week, Nick finally comes for me and Cataclysm. We are both released and set free. I've been in prison for just three weeks but the things I've seen won't leave me. I know the system is flawed and with that I can't in good conscience continue enforcing laws that perpetuate the system.

I informed Bogo of all the misconduct present within that prison only for him to say that there's nothing he could do. He thought that one of the better prisons. That wasn't good enough for me but I understood.

We finally arrive in Bunnyburrow again, I suppose the populace has integrated fairly well and there's been no major incidents. Nick and I arrive at my home again. Nick and I finally have a conversation heart to heart. Nick tells me of his time apart from me including that one time with Jennifer. I told him of my time apart from him including what happened with Cataclysm. To be reunited with him at least after being apart for so long. I missed him so much. We spent the entire night making up for lost time in a secluded room.

Apparently, one of the hybrids again has found a way to recreate the remotes and collars that we use. That's how Nick got his.

I told the Prime of my ambition and of what I went through because of his misguided plan. I forgive him, I suppose. It helps that he also publicly apologized or rather admitted his mistakes in front of the order alone.

I've learned of what the media portrays us as now, Howlerborne. The ones with the abilities to wield the power of the nighthowlers. It's rather fitting. It's far better than the old name of Savage Hunters. Howlerborne we shall be.

The other members of the order have expressed personal grievances of their clashes or hesitance to obey local laws. Combined with my own misgivings of Zootopia's justice system. A plan was agreed upon by all of us.

Zootopia needs us more than we need Zootopia. We will forge our own path. We will eventually bring peace to Zootopia but as it stands now, any action taken simply perpetuates others. I am a being of desire. I desire to change the world. To create a paradise, to lead by example.

I give up on making the world a better place. I will instead make a better place for the world.


A/N: Change of plans. Time skip turns out to be a bad idea. Going to directly continue this story.