CHAPTER 10

Nick sat in the passenger seat of his SUV and looked at the front door of his town house. He smiled with happiness at finally getting home. He thought of how he had run out of the front door a week earlier, running late for his shift, never considering for a second how different his life would be by the time he finally got home again.

It had not even crossed his mind that, by the time he walked through the front door again, his life would be forever changed, his parents would have been living in his house without him, and he would have come closer to death than he had ever been before.

If he had have known what was ahead of him, what would he have done differently, he wondered.

Well, for one, he would have cleaned up a bit. He remembered dropping his gym clothes on the floor of the bathroom as he grabbed a quick shower, and how he had figured he would throw them in the clothes basket when he got home after his shift. He hadn't even had time to do that before he ran out the door.

He would have made his bed, too. He had always been pretty negligent when it had come to bedmaking - even as a kid.

None of that mattered, however, once he walked inside.

His Mom had been busy cooking and cleaning. Magazines and newspapers had been tied in neat bundles. Rubbish had been taken out and collected. Benches wiped, towels laundered, bedding changed and fresh sheets waiting for him.

Nick settled himself on the couch and enjoyed the motherly pampering. A mug of coffee, a homemade sandwich for lunch and the TVs remote control and he was all set for the afternoon.

Animal Planet and History Channel filled in until mid afternoon when Warrick arrived. He enjoyed Warricks visits. Of all his friends, Warrick was the only one he could be himself with. He didn't have to talk about what had happened or justify himself. His friend accepted his mood swings, anxiety attacks, tears and nightmares without comment - a hand on his shoulder or a hand ruffling his short hair was the only acknowledgement of behaviour which was out of the ordinary for Nick.

Nick told Warrick of Grissoms visit the previous day and how he had shown him the photos and talked him through the evidence. Warrick listened without comment. He had known that Grissom was debriefing Nick and that it would involve details and photos. He was surprised Nick was speaking about it.

When he was done talking, the two men sat quietly for several long moments. Warrick listened to the quiet productivity of Nicks Mom working away in the kitchen. He heard cooking trays being moved around and the hum of the oven as it preheated. He heard the sounds of industrious baking.

And then he heard his best friends voice, barely above a whisper, say "I want to meet Gordan's daughter."

Warrick's head swung to the side so quickly he felt it crick. He glared at Nick with a mixture of raw concern and anger.

He wasn't angry at him, of course. He was angry at how one sonofabitch could come along and kick Nicks knees out from under him, make his life a complete train wreck and then blow himself up. A part of him was pissed that Nick would never get the chance to confront Gordan in court and make him accountable for his actions. Most of him, however, was beyond relieved that Nick could restart his life without ever having to worry about Gordan effecting his life again.

To hear Nick saying he wanted to meet Gordans daughter scared the hell out of Warrick. He worried Nick would never be able to let go as long as long as she was around.

His head was shaking from side to side before he even started debating the point with Nick.

"Let it go, man. You don't owe her anythin' "

Nick hung his head and focused on his hands which were clenching and unclenching in his lap.

"I wanna meet her, 'Rick"

"Jesus, Nicky!! Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I'm not a kid, 'Rick. I can look after myself."

"Nick!!" Warrick paused and took a couple of steadying breaths - he hadn't meant to sound so condescending. "I'm sorry, man. I know that. I just...I dont want you to feel you have to do this...she's nothin' to do with any of this. She's nothin' to do with you."

"I'm not doing this for her, 'Rick. I'm doing this for me. I need to see her."

Warrick gazed at his friend, deeply concerned. Deeply protective of him.

He reached out and grabbed Nicks wrist, holding it tight.

Nick frowned slightly and looked up, the force of Warricks grasp and the intensity of his gaze conveyed his feelings more than his words. He didn't want Nick to have to go through any more pain, any more fear, any more Gordan related misery.

"Don't do this, man." he said simply.

Nick shook his head and dropped his gaze back to his lap momentarily before lifting it once more and meeting his friends eyes.

"I'm gonna see her." he said quietly. Dropping his hands to the couch, Nick pushed up ad shuffled down the hallway to his room, closing the door firmly. Discussion closed.

Warrick hung his head in defeat and cursed the bullheadedness of the Texan. He took a deep breath and raised his head, scrubbing his face with his hands. He was exhausted.

"He's determined to go." Jillian Stokes' quiet voice startled Warrick - he had almost forgotten that she was there. She appeared from the kitchen and came to sit on the lounge next to him.
"I've tried to talk him out of it as well." she said. "He's adament that he's going to meet her. He feels he needs to do it for closure." Jillian turned to look at Warrick, her hands clasped in her lap. "I dont want him to have to go through any more stress. He's just so headstrong."

Warrick chuckled and smiled at Nicks mom.
"Its what helped him survive." he said simply.

Jillian Stokes watched from the open front door as Warricks car pulled out of Nicks drive and headed off down the street. Closing the door she paused briefly before heading down the corridor to Nicks room. She opened the door slowly and looked into the darkened room at the apparently sleeping form of her son on the bed. He was curled up on his left side, facing the wall, a pillow hugged tightly to his chest - too tightly for someone peacefully asleep.

Jillian frowned to herself and went to sit on the side of the bed, his back to her.
She reached out and started stroking his hair softly.

"Warricks gone." she said softly.

Nick nodded slightly but did not answer.

"He's concerned about you, Nick. We're all concerned about you."
Still, Nick offered no response.

Jillian saw the arms around the pillow tighten more.

She continued to stroke his hair.

Finally a whispered, tense reply - "I can take care of myself."

Jillian sighed.

"I know you can, my darling. You've been taking care of yourself for years. We all just love you. We want to protect you. And, if you need to do this - if you really feel you need to do this - we'll support you all the way. We'll always be here for you when you need us."

Nicks body visibly relaxed at the words.

"Thanks, Mom" he whispered.

Jillian smiled and leant down to lay a gentle kiss on the side of Nick head.

"You're welcome, sweatheart. Now try and get some sleep. I'll wake you for dinner."

Nick closed his eyes again and felt a weight lift from his shoulders. He was going to do it. He was going to meet the person whose predicament had triggered all of this, and had already planned what he was going to say to her.

He was taking control.

He was ending it.

He was going to get his life back.

As always, I'm not really sure where I'll end up with this...but we'll wait and see. I was just always really frustrated that they finished the episode so abruptly just when it was getting really, really good! What happened in between going off in the ambulance and visiting Kelly Gordan in jail and how did Nick get it in his head he needed to see her. OK, so maybe I haven't really answered the last part of that. Sorry about that.