I'm going on a mission.
For anyone that has no idea what that means, I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is encouraged for all young men to serve a two year mission spreading the gospel, I'm not going to do that here. Not only would many people not listen but that also goes against my personal belief of how to spread my beliefs, so let me tie this in to point of this fic before I lose your attention.
I have had to fight for this.
For two years, I had a severe porn/masturbation addiction. Hell, I still kind of do. I don't care about your personal experience or opinion on this. for me this was a destructive influence that I very much regret having ever having in my life. While I have been able to get some good out of it, deeper knowledge of myself as a human being, a willingness to look at things that I used to consider horrifc in a more positive light, and also an understanding of the romantic/sexual relationships I want in my life, overall I view the entire debacle to be destructive and overall a not positve influence in my life. I have gone to therapy and also specialized groups for this, and while I overall believe myself over it, I don't think I will ever truly be over this shit.
I will not be allowed to go on my mission if I have done this sort of thing for three months beforehand.
This is important to me, not only have I been told from childhood that this is something that I should do and something I would enjoy doing, but I have also thought and prayed about this, and have come to the conclusion that not only am I obligated to do this as a member of the LDS church, but I also want to do this, and I know that I will come out the better for it.
I wonder who else had to fight for something that they wanted, overcoming trials and tribulations in addition to having to overcome a personal character flaw.
Hopefully I don't have to spell it out.
Thinking back one, and re-reading Berserk, I think, in some strange way, I can be glad that I don't ever have to face the challenges that Guts did, and also grateful that the scribblings of a Japanese man from the other side of the planet showed me that it doesn't matter what I'm facing, that I can overcome it, even if it hurts, especially if it hurts.
Thank you Kentaro Miura sensei, for showing me how to live.
This is a bit more ranty of a chapter, and a bit more personal, my apologies if you were turned off by it. My thanks for reading this far.
