A/N: Day 4/ Monday still.

Chapter 39: Insincere


Time passes until it's time for most bunnies to come home. Nick and I go home and I have to find James and actually apologize to him. That's what Nick decides and that's what I must do apparently. My family and the order both see Nick as the one that's correct. I have to fake an apology, it really shouldn't matter because James forgives me regardless.

All of this is just a waste of time compared to my ultimate plan for the world. A plan to craft a paradise. All of them even agreed it was a good idea, so why are we lingering on things that don't matter? Let's get this over with. James should be home right about now. We stumble upon James just before he arrives home.

I greet him. "Hello, James. I never had the chance to apologize for yesterday to you personally." I grumble under my breath. "That should satisfy him." Nick shocks me. "What have I done wrong this time?"

Nick says, "You have to be sincere. Not, just because I asked you to."

Nick thinks is so easy faking sincerity, what does he know? "It's not that easy."

"Have you forgotten how we first met and how I hustled you into giving me money for a popsicle? You're going to have to try a lot harder than you are now."

"Why do you care so much if I apologize?"

James decides to chime in, "I'm still here you know. Judy, I forgive you. It's okay, you don't have to apologize. We are family." James doesn't seem afraid of me at all anymore. No longer struggling to fight his instincts.

Nick says, "That might be enough for you, but it's not for me. Judy has to apologize it's only right and she will get shocked until I am satisfied."

I've had enough of this. My wings flare up in anger. "You can't be serious, Nick. You are over the line in your demands. James already forgives me. That should be enough for you!" He is over the line. I have my rights too in this union. Now, it's my turn to shock him! To note my displeasure.

I slowly reach for the remote and press it. Nick is silent and doesn't say anything. I give him plenty of time to object. I place my hand on the remote getting ready to press it. I am seeking his approval even though I am right.

Nick doesn't object which gives me confidence. I shock him. That's when everything went wrong. I just pressed it for four seconds and after that he tackles me to the ground. His claws are out and he scratches me in the same place Gideon once did. He haughtily remarks, "Learn your place!" I place my hand over my blood-stained cheek. I can't believe he actually did it.

I ran away but how does one run from oneself? Nick is a part of me yet he is not. I can sense him when he's close and when he's far away. Why did he scratch me? It was so unexpected. I shall avoid him the best I can.

The Prime intercepts me. He says, "That's enough, Judy. Enough running away from your problems."

I ask, "What right do you have in deciding what I can or can't do?"

"Have you forgotten what we are? Nick is your partner bonded to you for life whether you like it or not. We have tremendous power at the cost of constantly struggling to embrace our desires. You know what he wants. You know why he does what he does. He called me to tell me that you were out of control once again but he didn't want to shock you." How dare he insinuate that I am the one out of control?

"I disagree with his actions." I let my grievances be known.

The Prime doesn't take a side in this conflict of ours for once even though he agreed with Nick earlier. "That is certainly your right. Make him understand."

"But he does not." Nick doesn't understand me.

"Have you tried?" Of course, I have tried.

I tap my foot on the ground in annoyance. "He knows what I want but he doesn't care."

"Do you care about what he wants?" The Prime absquatulates and gives me much to think about.

After a while, I can feel Nick approaching me and I decide not to run away anymore. It's time to confront him and tell him what I want. We are together and he needs to respect my will. I see him tapping into the power of desire. His wings are out. I ask, "Nick, are you okay?"

He doesn't seem to notice me at all even though I am in his sights. I could use the remote to bring him under control as he moves closer and closer but I do not. He tackles me to the ground once more and I can see a primal hunger in his eyes. I can feel what he wants and I do not object. He savagely claims me then and there.

After a few minutes, we are forcibly attached. He licks my face clean of blood. I am drawn out of this paradise by a curious sibling. He asks, "Is that how we're supposed to get superpowers from foxes?" I look at my surroundings, we are right in front of the house. I didn't notice my surroundings as I ran away from Nick. There's tons of siblings watching us curiously.

Nick seems to be finally aware of his actions. He says, "I am not going to apologize for what I did earlier. I am right."

I ask, "Why do all this then?"

"Because it feels like I've hurt a part of myself." He asks another question, "Why didn't you stop me?"

Why? Why didn't I stop him? I think what I respond with is the truth but I am uncertain. "Because I wanted this."

"Now, that we can't move apart. We might as well talk."

Yes, I do have to fight for what I want. I say, "You don't care for what I want at all. It's simply what you want me to me."

"I want what's best for you."

"Do you? or do you want what you think is best for me."

A sibling interrupts our conversation. He says, "Take notes everyone. This is how it's supposed to be." Just what have we done?

Nick finally replies, "Do you know what I want?"

Do I? I should, shouldn't I? We do share a bond. The Prime asked me the same question earlier. Now, Nick is doing the same. What does he want? I've sensed his emotions back in the Coven when we were still new to all this. I suppose, I haven't focused upon the link ever since then. What does he want? Would I know the answer? Through the link, I sensed concern, regret, despair. He's concerned for me but I can't… fully understand what he wants. I reply, "I don't really know. You are concerned about me. You regret your actions earlier, you feel despair." It's the truth. I ask, "What do you think I want?"

He doesn't immediately reply either. I just wait for his answer to my question. Every minute of silence is agonizing. He says, "I feel you want the best for everyone." That's the truth. He understands, why does he disapprove? "You are also going about this entirely wrong."

"You understand but disapprove. What about me and what I want?"

Nick cries before answering my question. I look deep into his eyes and see despair. "I want the old you back."

"I don't think I can return to how I was. How can we forget all our experiences? Is changing so bad? You've changed compared to the first time I met you."

"I want you to care for others again. I thought you'd be better ever since yesterday but at the slightest thought about your plan everything ceases to matter. I'm sorry I reminded you of it yesterday when things were going along so well. I was careless and didn't think before I spoke."

"Should I just give up on my plan? Does the entire system not even matter?"

"I did promise to support you. I don't want you to focus on it above all else. It takes animals willing to give up everything they have in order to embrace a future you envision. This bunny attached to me is not one that I would want to decide all the rules. You wanted to create a paradise because you found Zootopia flawed. Who will write the rules for this paradise? You? Someone else? How would it be different? Would we even agree on what the rules are?"

I don't know. I reply, "Aren't the rules that I pick and decide the best?"

"Are they? I currently disagree on how you behave right now. What makes you think the rules you want to enforce down to the very specifics will be suitable or even good for the majority?"

A first sign of doubt in my mind occurs. "What do I know about building a city?"

"To be honest, not much. It takes planning, it takes work. I won't allow you to delve right back into that."

"Should I just give up?"

"No, it's something that you want, you should pursue it. The order supports you, I support you. You don't have to do this alone. Trust in others."

Snapping us out of our conversation. I realize nearly all my siblings are watching us and eagerly taking notes. A sibling asks, "Are you two going to kiss? I don't think this is like any of the videos I've watched." Our heads turn towards the voice. A female tan rabbit of about ten years old. Her name is Quinn. She's currently wearing apparently, a shirt depicting a fox kissing a rabbit. I guess the order has more impact than I cared to notice.

Oh right, we can finally physically separate ourselves. We get up and I realize we're both naked. Nick says, "It's okay, right? They're just your family."

I reply, "We shouldn't have done it right in front of my house. Everyone saw us, this is going to be a disaster."

We go inside and hear an argument. Bonnie says, "Stop it, Stu we shouldn't interfere."

Stu replies, "It wasn't even consensual, we both saw how she was helpless."

"She could fend for herself. You know how much she cares for him."

"But he's a fox and she's a rabbit."

"We already know they mated without our consent previously."

"They're going about it right in front of the house and everyone is watching taking notes."

"It'll be fine, Stu. She needs this. They both do."

We finally decide to make ourselves known. Stu asks, "Judy are you okay?"

I reply with confidence. "Yes, more than ever now."

Bonnie gloats, "See? I told you! It would all be fine."

We go to take a shower and put on clothing. Surely, all the madness of today will be forgotten. After we are presentable. Bonnie asks, "Can I speak to Nick alone?"

I am intrigued. I allow it. "Sure."

Nick leaves my side and goes to talk to Bonnie.

Stu and I chat. He asks, "So, how's it been Judy?"

I reply, "Frustrating. I feel like I know what I'm doing one minute and totally lost the next. I think I know what I want yet I don't."

Stu gets right to the point. "Why did Nick scratch you?"

I sigh. "We had an argument. I shocked him and he scratched me in return. The same place Gideon did… then I ran away."

"We saw all that happen right in front of us. Bonnie forbade me from interfering."

"I'm okay, dad. You don't have to worry."

Nick comes back with Bonnie entirely flustered. Nick says, "Judy, your mom is insane. Does this run in the family?"

Bonnie says, "What? I simply asked him if he had any tips on how rabbits should interact with foxes."

I shout, "WHAT? You actually asked that?"

"All this mess, you've created has led to a lot of questions. Ones kits want answers for."

We are doomed. We are absolutely doomed. There's no need to worry about the future. We won't survive today.


A/N: On to family conflicts!