"Babe, use your words please. I have no idea what's going on, I need you to talk to me." Arizona tried pleading again. But was getting nowhere. Eliza was majorly shut down. She just wouldn't talk. Arizona wasn't even sure Eliza really knew what was going on or if she was just mumbling to herself.
"Can you at least tell me if you took any of these?" Arizona asked pointing to the empty pill containers next to them both, hoping to get a little bit of information from her girlfriend. Still nothing was forthcoming from Eliza. Arizona was at a complete loss, she didn't know how to help her girlfriend and she was running out of ways to try and get her to open up.
Arizona slowly lifted Eliza's chin with one finger so that their eyes were level. Leaning in, the blonde placed a gentle kiss on Eliza's lips before pulling back. Just waiting.
Without saying a word, Eliza reached for the whiskey she had nearby, putting the bottle straight to her mouth and taking a couple of long swigs. Arizona just looked on, she thought about taking the bottle from her, but considering her options, decided she would let it go for the moment. She desperately wanted Eliza to talk to her. Maybe she would open up.
A few minutes later Eliza looked Arizona straight in the face, for the first time since the blonde had arrived. She still didn't say anything however. Arizona was just glad that at least her girlfriend seemed to know and acknowledge she was there now.
"You know, you taste like booze and fags Eliza. It's not very charming." Arizona said half joking, half serious. She was still trying to get Eliza to talk, about anything at all. She would just be happy to get any words from her girlfriend at this point. Anything that wasn't her being told to go away, anything to gauge how her girlfriend was feeling or why she was feeling this way.
"Mmmmm" Eliza finally acknowledged what Arizona had said. Nothing else, but a noise, something to let Arizona know she was hearing her.
"Babe, did you take any of these tablets?" Arizona asked again, hoping that this time Eliza would answer her.
Eliza looked at the empty tablet packages, before looking back at Arizona briefly, then down at the bathroom floor. A few moments of silence passed before either woman even moved. Arizona just watching Eliza. Eventually Eliza looked back up at her girlfriend before speaking.
"Not today." Was all she said, a simple statement that somehow helped Arizona relax a tiny little bit.
"When?" Arizona asked gently taking one of Eliza's hands in hers.
"I don't know, a few days ago." Eliza stuttered. Before taking another swig of her drink. Placing the bottle down she reached for the packet of cigarettes. Pulling one from the packet and sparking it up she offered it to Arizona.
"Really?" Arizona gave her a confused look. "After everything you said recently, you're offering me a cigarette?"
Eliza just shrugged as Arizona took it and Eliza lit another for herself.
"Why Eliza? Why try to do that to yourself? To me?" Arizona was getting upset, she couldn't believe her girlfriend would do that.
"You'd be better off." Eliza stated bluntly. Causing Arizona's eye to well up at the thought of her girlfriend having completely given up.
"You're wrong you know. I would be devastated Eliza. I'm completely in love with you. Please don't do that to me, ever." Arizona said through tears. Gripping Eliza's hand tightly. Eliza said nothing. A silence falling over both women, the only noise, Arizona's soft crying.
Suddenly Eliza turned to Arizona and asked "Where's Sofia?"
"She's at Meredith's house. She wanted me to make sure you were ok." Arizona stated wiping her tears away, deciding it was best not to let her extremely fragile girlfriend know her 6 year old had found her upset earlier.
"Oh." Eliza responded.
The two women sat in silence. Both lost in their own thoughts. Eliza just seemed defeated and lost where as Arizona was worried and upset. Neither woman knew what to do. Eliza wanted to confide in Arizona but she just didn't know how. She didn't know how to tell this amazing woman that she had been responsible for something completely unforgivable.
"Eliza, I want to help you. Whatever it is, I'm here." Arizona hated seeing how desperately depressed her girlfriend was feeling. Especially when she didn't know why. She knew and understood that Eliza had recently lost her mother but Arizona could tell something else was also bothering her. Something more serious.
"I can't. Arizona I can't." Eliza said, reaching for the whiskey bottle again. The more she thought about it, the more she drank.
"Babe, let me have the bottle, please." Arizona asked, deciding that now was a good time to try and stop her girlfriend pouring more down her neck.
Eliza made no move to hand over the bottle, so Arizona carefully reached to take the now nearly empty bottle from Eliza's hand. Holding the bottle gently Arizona moved it away from Eliza's grip, which was loose. She was giving it up without a fight, that Arizona was grateful for. She didn't want to fight with her girlfriend.
"I love you Eliza, whatever this is, we will make it better." Arizona said now that she had taken the alcohol from Eliza.
"You can't make this better Arizona. No one can. I did this, I have to live with it." Eliza said, shocking the blonde. The was the most her girlfriend had said since she came into the bathroom.
"Make what better?" Arizona chanced her luck again. Maybe Eliza was getting ready to open up to her. Arizona was scared to push too much, she didn't want her girlfriend shutting down again.
"You can't fix me. You can't make me better. I wish to God you could, but you can't." Eliza was now crying again. The pain was too much for Eliza to bear. "I killed someone Arizona."
