Hoo boy. Eight years. It's… uh…been a while. Long story short I recently reread all of my stories on here on a whim and then felt a strong compulsion to complete what I started in terms of my Dragon Age story, "Strange Laughter," and that guilt has also carried over to this story. You can also thank user Karmen Sandiego for walking this out of touch gamer into how to mod the Mass Effect 3 ending into something bearable so that I could finally replay the games after all these years. Obviously, the sting of the original ending is still there in my memory, but the modding went a long way towards easing that wound.

I played the Legendary Edition and it's sort of funny to play after eight years because I had never experienced any of the DLC from the third game. Some of it I liked a great deal, like the Citadel DLC. Other things I was less impressed by (looking at you, Leviathan – started off strong and ended in a whimper). But I was also amused to see what I serendipitously got "right" canonically. I think someone mentioned to me a long time ago that the apartment on the Citadel that I have Shepard and Liara move into at the very end of "Never Again," was described as quite similar to Anderson's apartment from the Citadel DLC. Actually playing the DLC myself, I realized how true that was, although my apartment was one level instead of two. And then, of course, other small details like Liara preferring tea to coffee, Grunt basically being Shepard's teenage son, and Samara and Thane being friends. But there were plenty of things I got "wrong" like, well, Javik existing. Oh well, not retconning it now, and I don't really care about Javik anyway (his dialogue was interesting, but I feel like Bioware really left a lot on the table considering an actual prothean was there for us to talk to).

Anyway, long story short again, this story originally came to an unceremonious halt because I got bogged down in trying to make something work that just wasn't going to work. The difficulty of this particular story has always been treading that fine line of inserting new and meaningful content into the story without stepping on the toes of anything that happens come ME2 and beyond. That means my hands are tied in terms of where I can have them go, what I can have them do, and how far I can progress any of the characters' relationships. What I originally wanted to do involved a deep dive into a legal issue that I think is interesting (what happened to Benezia's estate, i.e various property and possessions), but, in reality, is probably not that interesting to anyone else but me. This misguided desire of mine got out of control and just opened so many cans of worms that the whole chapter became untenable. But oh baby, this chapter had it all; we're talking the definition of treason, we're talking slayer statutes, we're talking shady executrixes. I'm kidding of course (not about the content, that stuff is true, but I am joking that any of it was something desirable).

So, here we are, eight years later, on a mission to complete this story. The last two chapters are already written (they have been for a long time), I just need a bridge to get to them. And the solution has turned out to be rather simple. We're doing Bring Down the Sky. It fits just as nicely into this period of time as the hunt for Saren, and I have always really liked it. Especially for Sophia Shepard. It's a storyline that is basically made for her and a real bitter pill to swallow. It's the quintessential juxtaposition between her desire to view herself as a protector of the weak and her desire for revenge. Also, in reviewing these stories, I realized that Liara had never seen Shepard's darker side firsthand, and that needs to be rectified. I've taken plenty of liberties with the source material for various reasons, but primarily to fix what are glaring plot holes in my mind. For example, Shepard isn't going to interact with Kate Bowman because realistically Shepard would have been like, "Put Balak on the phone. I want to speak with him. I want him to know I'm coming for him." There's really no need for the secrecy, or for Kate's brother to die, not with Sophia anyway.

This chapter is incredibly long by the way. I should go ahead and give you that heads up. But we have a lot of ground to cover. We have to, sadly, say goodbye to Zeke, but I wanted to have just a bit more time with him before he goes. I thought about splitting this chapter, but I ultimately didn't know where I would make the cut and I am pretty married to the through line in this chapter and it makes more sense to me to have one cohesive narrative.

And that's that. The one obstacle keeping me from finishing this story is gone, so we are full steam ahead. I know this was a rather lengthy author's note, but hey, it's been eight years. We had a lot to catch up on. Welcome back.

~.~.~.~.~

The Devil's Party

Liara sat at the mess hall table with one hand wrapped around a warm mug of tea and the other holding a data pad. It was still "early" by the Normandy's timetable. Out in space, where there was no star to rise or fall on the horizon, time was a largely superficial, but necessary, creation. The crew still needed to know when their shifts started and ended, when to eat, and when to sleep; therefore, everyone aboard followed the same set hours and organized their schedules according to their respective shifts. Liara knew that the Normandy followed the same hours as the human seat of government back on their home world of Earth, despite the fact that many of the humans aboard the ship, including its commanding officer, had never stepped foot on the planet. It was strange to think that Liara's own "day" was starting simply because Earth's star was beginning to peek over the hills of some city billions of light years away that she would probably never see with her own eyes.

It was early enough that the majority of the crew was still trying to steal as much sleep as possible before waking for their shifts. The crew on the late shift were at their posts, and therefore Liara had the mess to herself for the time being. Shepard's days began early and ended late, and Liara had adapted to the commander's schedule a long time ago. It had become their routine to share the quiet morning hours together back in the days when they were hunting Saren. It was simply convenient to continue that schedule not only because it afforded them some alone time, but also because it made it easier for Liara to come and go from the captain's quarters without the crew noticing.

Like most mornings, Liara was reading a peer reviewed paper regarding the protheans. Lately, however, Liara had found herself less interested in what her peers had to say regarding the ancient civilization. After what she had seen and heard over the last several months, and what she now knew about the protheans' ultimate fate, their scholarly conjectures and speculation seemed hollow and trite. She should probably write her own paper about what they had discovered, but the task seemed unbelievably daunting. Liara doubted anyone would believe her and she also didn't know where to begin. She hadn't come across the discoveries in the usual, careful, scientific way. Her findings were wrapped up in things that were too deeply personal to objectively separate out at this point – her anxiety over the Reaper threat, her grief over the fate of her mother, the fear and excitement of serving aboard the Normandy with such an eclectic collection of people, and her feelings about Shepard. For now, at least, academics needed to take a back seat to more pressing concerns.

"Dr. T'soni. Good morning." The sudden greeting made Liara jump slightly as it pulled her out of her thoughts. She wasn't used to people other than Shepard speaking to her this early in the morning. She looked up from the data pad to see Zeke walking by with a smile and a wink before helping himself to coffee from the dispenser.

"Oh, Commander DeJesus. Good morning. I am afraid you startled me a bit."

"Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to sneak up on you. And please, call me Zeke." With a mug in hand, he headed back over to the table and took a seat across from Liara. "Didn't peg you for an early riser. Honestly, I expected to find Shep. I know the hours she keeps." He leaned back in the chair and took a long drink from the mug before sighing contentedly. "Damn, but do I miss a hot cup of coffee when I'm out in the field. Even this crap that passes for coffee on Alliance ships." Placing his mug back down, he eyed Liara's tea and added, "Smart woman. I see you know better than to start meddling with this particular human drink. We don't like to spread word around the rest of the galaxy, but it's more addictive than red sand and far less fun." Despite his words, Zeke smiled broadly and took another long sip.

Liara watched him curiously. He was the only other N7 marine she had met besides Shepard, and he had known the commander at the beginning of her military career. She couldn't help but compare them in her mind, wondering if by studying him she would learn more about Shepard. Liara knew that he was attractive by human standards. She had seen the looks the majority of the human crew had given him, women and men, and how they had been immediately deferential and friendly towards him. She also understood that he was charismatic, and drew people to him the way that Shepard did. However, Zeke's presence filled a room in a different way. He exuded confidence in an almost ostentatious way, intentionally drawing eyes to him and reveling in that admiration. Shepard was different. She was aware of the eyes drawn in her direction, but they were simply a factor to be managed; they didn't fuel her in the same way. Her purpose came from within and radiated outward, carving out a sphere of influence around her. If the two commanders were standing together in a room, Zeke's presence would fill the room and demand attention, but Shepard's presence would stand separate and apart, untouched by him or anyone else. And ultimately, Liara knew that Shepard's aura was the stronger of the two, capable of grabbing anyone by the collar, even Zeke, and dragging them in the wake of her determination and ambition.

"So, have you seen your illustrious commander around by any chance?" Zeke continued.

"She –" Liara had to bite her tongue. She had been about to answer that Shepard was taking a shower, but realized that it would seem suspicious for her to know that. At best, she would come across as a creepy stalker who was far too interested in the commander's personal schedule. At worst, Zeke might suspect that Liara knew Shepard's schedule and kept the same hours as the commander for reasons extremely frowned upon by the Alliance. Recovering quickly, she amended, "She normally comes to the mess hall shortly after I arrive in the mornings. I have only been here for around ten minutes, so I am sure she will be here shortly."

He hummed his acknowledgment, downed the last of his coffee, and then rose to refill the cup. When he sat back down, he flashed Liara his usual, charming grin, and said, "So, are you going to ask me?"

Liara flushed, suddenly self-conscious of the way she had been studying him and also caught off guard by his directness. "Ask you what?"

He shook his head with amusement. "Everyone always wants to know. Did you know she was going to do such great things? Was she the top of the class? What's she really like?" He didn't specify who "she" was, but he didn't have to. Liara was speechless, unsure how to respond, but he didn't wait for an answer. "I knew she was special, but I honestly didn't think she'd live long enough to do anything like this. She was too hotheaded and too focused on her own personal shit. The only reason she joined the Alliance was to fight batarians and protect colonies like the one she grew up in. I don't know what changed, but it seems like her focus is broader now. As for ranking, she wasn't first in the class. Melief was. Shepard was second. And what she's really like… well, you probably know her better than me now." He paused and studied Liara's face as he took another sip. "Shep has always been hard to pin down. On the one hand, you can't help but like her. She's dependable, she's open minded, selfless to the point where it's goddamn infuriating." He shook his head, chuckling to himself – no doubt thinking of a time when Shepard had done something brave but stupid; Liara could think of plenty examples of her own. But then the smile faltered, and he frowned. "But on the other hand… well, you just know that if you stick around her too long you're going to get burned. Wherever she's going… mortals can't follow."

The sudden seriousness of his tone sent a shiver down Liara's spine. His words seemed to echo the Consort's so closely that it was unnerving. Despite her best efforts to forget what Sha'ira had said, the other asari's warning was still fresh in Liara's mind. She is like a flame. Intense, dangerous, comforting, and yet, ultimately, temporary. But the shadows she casts are long. And even if her light fades, her shadow will linger. And you may find yourself under her influence longer than you ever anticipated.

Liara didn't know what she could say in response to Zeke's dire prediction. Luckily, the commander did not seem to need an active conversation partner. His demeanor shifted back to his normal, jovial tone, and he said, "But I will say that this command has been good for her. I spoke with a lot of the crew last night and the woman they described is a much happier person than the Shep I knew. I don't know what it is, but it seems like this ship and this crew are giving her something she was missing before."

Without thinking, Liara blurted out, "Stability." She didn't know why that was the first word that came to mind, but as she processed what she had said, she knew that it had been true. Zeke gave her a questioning look, so she explained. "Did you know that Shepard owns almost nothing? Everything was lost on Mindoir. And more than just the material things that should have been hers, she lost her family and her home. Since then, she goes where the Alliance tells her to go alongside the people the Alliance tells her to go with. But this crew… many of us are not here because the Alliance told us to be here. We are here because of Shepard. And the fact that it is our choice means that we are truly her crew. We are something that she can keep returning back to."

Zeke nodded his understanding, a light of mirth in his eyes. "No wonder people say the asari are wise. You probably know Shep better than she knows herself. You two must be rather close if she told you about Mindoir and all that." Liara was determined not to avert her gaze or otherwise look called out by his comment. It didn't mean that he suspected the truth about their relationship, only that he recognized that their friendship was more than surface-level. There was nothing wrong or suspicious about that. After all, Zeke clearly knew these things about the commander as well. Zeke continued, "I could never quite put my finger on it before, but you're probably right. Shep never lacked for friendship, but there was always this sense of… well, loneliness, I guess. I'm glad that someone else is looking out for her for a change."

As he said that, Liara caught sight of Shepard rounding the corner near the elevator, dressed in her casual fatigues, hair pulled back in its usual tight, military style bun, the picture of the professional officer. Zeke followed Liara's gaze and then smiled. "Ah, speak of the devil."

Shepard smiled back and raised her hand in a casual wave before heading over to the dispenser to grab her own cup of coffee. As she did, Liara looked back to Zeke with curiosity. "Devil. My translator did not have a word for it that I would understand. What does it mean?"

"The devil is from an old Earth religion. He's this supernatural being that is responsible for all the bad things that happen in the world."

"Oh," Liara answered, perplexed. "Did humans worship him?"

Zeke laughed. "No, I wouldn't say we worshipped him. Kind of the opposite. He was…" Zeke trailed off, trying to find the words. Shepard approached with her coffee and took the seat next to Liara. As she did, he said, "I don't know. How would you describe the devil, Shep?"

Shepard had been able to hear that portion of their conversation, so wasn't surprised by the question. "He came out of a monotheistic religion and was one of the main god's servants before being cast out. He then became this entity that people could blame everything evil on. Which was convenient because instead of blaming ourselves for our failings, we could just blame the devil for leading us down the wrong path."

"I see," Liara said. "But then why did Commander DeJesus – Zeke – refer to you as this devil?"

Shepard laughed and Zeke seemed a bit embarrassed by the accusation. The dark-haired woman shook her head and said, "It's just a human expression. It isn't actually an insult like it sounds. It just means you were talking about someone before they showed up. But not necessarily in a bad way; it's more of a teasing kind of thing. I don't know why we still say it. Just one of those many things we keep saying even though we've forgotten what it means."

Zeke let out an amused exhale through his nose and drummed his fingers on the table. "Maybe it's like you said, people used to blame the devil for everything because it was easy to pin the blame on something that couldn't contradict you, and when you talk about someone who isn't around, you can put whatever you want on them without contradiction. So, maybe you are like the poor old devil, Shep: we can put the weight of our expectations and blame on you, and you just have to shoulder it."

Shepard laughed again, this time seeming really amused. Liara noticed the sudden spark of excitement and interest in her eyes. "I never figured you for a fan of the Romance era of literature, Zeke. You sound like one of the Devil's Party. And you show this devil too much sympathy."

Zeke sighed loudly, rolled his eyes, and made a sound of disgust. "That's what I get for trying to be clever. I knew you'd like how poetic that sounded, but I didn't realize I was going to stumble across some kind of literature thing. Please spare me a lecture on whatever asinine theory or ancient nonsense I accidentally made reference to."

Shepard didn't appear offended by his clear disinterest in her hobby. She simply smiled, shook her head, and asked, "So, what did I miss? What impossible burdens were being placed on my fragile, human shoulders?"

Shepard didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that they were discussing her before she arrived, but Liara still felt the need to assure her that they had not been gossiping behind her back. "Zeke was just telling me a bit more about your history together, Shepard."

Zeke hid a smile behind his mug and muttered, "I didn't know Shep and I had history."

Liara didn't understand his amusement, although she suspected that the phrase she had used held some other double-meaning to humans. Ever since joining the Normandy, she had been amazed at how many words or expressions seemed to hold other layers of meaning for humans. Their conversations always seemed fraught with implications and subtext.

Shepard cut her eyes at Zeke before turning her attention back to Liara. "Well, whatever he told you, I am going to preemptively say was lies."

"You know I don't lie to women," Zeke protested. "Especially not beautiful women."

"Yeah, right. Beautiful women are the people you lie to the most." Under the table, Shepard squeezed Liara's knee. The asari tried to hide her smile in response, but failed. It didn't matter though; the moment was light and cheerful, and her smile was not out of place. Liara decided that she liked Zeke, and she had enjoyed their unexpected morning chat. Despite the misgivings he had unwittingly brought Shepard the day before, Liara could also see that he brought joy too. It was clear that Shepard felt comfortable around him, and he acted differently with her than people normally did. He certainly wasn't in awe of her the way most people were, but he cared on a personal level. Liara knew that he hadn't lied to her. She suspected that he had sensed immediately that Liara cared about Shepard too – even if he didn't know the extent – and had imparted to her what he thought she needed to know in order to care for Shepard on his behalf. Shepard was always the one looking out for other people – protecting them, helping them, saving them. It was unthinkable to consider that Shepard might need anyone to look out for her. But Zeke knew the truth, and he had recognized that Liara did too.

As the three of them continued to sit and chat before the rest of the ship stirred to life, Zeke caught Liara's eye at one point and fixed her with a meaningful look. Shepard was laughing about a joke he had made and didn't notice the look: a brief, private moment between them in which they understood one another perfectly. She understood that he was asking her to protect Shepard. He was asking her to protect this lighter, happier person Shepard had become, and to not let her shoulder all the evil in the galaxy in the way they both knew she would if given the chance. Liara hoped he understood by the look she gave him that she would do all that she could.

~.~.~.~.~

Zeke stuck out his hand and grinned. "Thanks for the lift, Shep."

They shook hands and Shepard said, "I'm glad I happened to be in the neighborhood."

The two marines stood outside the Normandy, in one of the many docking bays on Arcturus Station. Shepard couldn't even count the number of times she'd stepped foot onto the massive space station; as the operational seat of the Alliance, she'd come and gone from the port on numerous missions. While the Normandy felt like the closest thing to home for Shepard, Arcturus Station felt like the house of a close relative. She didn't quite belong there, but she was always welcome. As usual, the docking bay was a bustle of activity: people coming and going, restocking ships, repairing damage, constructing new vessels. Arcturus served as the human version of the Citadel: the sentinel guarding the gateways to humanity.

Shepard glanced at the Alliance rep standing nearby, waiting patiently for the two N7s to finish their goodbyes. As soon as they were done, the rep would whisk Zeke away for a debriefing before doling out a new assignment. No rest for the wicked, Shepard thought. But the rep wasn't alone. They'd attracted a number of onlookers – soldiers stopping mid-task to gawk in their direction.

Zeke apparently noticed them too because he said, "You draw quite a crowd, Shep." Shaking his head, he added, "First human spectre and Savior of the Citadel. Damn. That's gonna be hard to beat. Competing with you always was a bitch. I'll have to think of something really over the top to do."

Shepard couldn't help rolling her eyes. "Not everything has to be a competition, you know."

Zeke chuckled. "You only say that because you're winning." He clapped her on the shoulder and nodded his head. "Anyway, it really was good to see you again. You have a good group of people with you. Take care, Shep."

She nodded and smiled in return. "Same to you, Zeke."

Picking up his bag of equipment, Zeke turned and walked over to the Alliance rep. Shepard watched them salute one another and walk off. All the while, her heart felt heavy as she knew deep down that it was the last time she'd see Zeke again. It was a premonition she dared not voice, but it sat in her chest like a heavy stone.

Before he was out of sight, one of the onlookers made his way towards Shepard, snapping a crisp salute. Shepard returned the salute as she turned to face him, although she couldn't smother the surprise that rose to her face. A quick glance at the gold bar on his uniform marked him as an ensign, a junior officer.

"Commander Shepard," the young man said, "Ensign Carson. Fifth Fleet. Arcturus Command Center. I've been sent to tell you that Admiral Hackett would like a word. And to bring you to his office."

"Meet in person?" Shepard wondered aloud. She'd spoken to the admiral many times, but had never met him face to face.

The man gestured towards a nearby hallway that led further into the station. "If you would follow me, Commander." They walked along silently, stopping a few times to pass through security checkpoints. Only after several quiet minutes did Ensign Carson venture to say more. "It's an honor to meet you, Commander," he said, glancing back at her.

Shepard never knew how to respond to that sort of thing. She often felt at a disadvantage when meeting new people as they often knew a great deal about her whereas she knew nothing about them. The commander fell back on her usual response. "That's nice of you to say."

"I had friends stationed on Eden Prime and… well… well, I'm glad they've been avenged, Ma'am."

"I'm glad I was able to stop Saren," Shepard replied quietly. "I hope that I never have to see another Eden Prime."

They'd come to the end of a long hallway and Carson knocked on the door before adding loudly, "Commander Shepard to see you, Sir." The door slid open, and Carson gestured for Shepard to step inside. She nodded to him and walked forward, letting the doors close automatically behind her. In front of her was a large office with screens on just about every wall, their displays showing only various entry pads for codes. No doubt Admiral Hackett could use the terminals to access the information of any segment of his fleet at will, but that information wasn't for prying eyes. In the center of the room was an old-fashioned wooden desk. A man sat signing some papers, but he looked up at Shepard's entry. He had pale eyes and white hair underneath his admiral's cap. His mustache and beard were both closely cropped and well groomed. He would have looked almost grandfatherly if it weren't for his worn face and a scar that ran down his left cheek.

Shepard halted in front of his desk and executed a crisp salute. Admiral Hackett rose to his feet, saluted back, and added in his deep, gravelly voice, "At ease, Commander."

Shepard relaxed slightly, placing her arms behind her back, but it was hard to be comfortable in his presence. Although they had spoken many times via a commlink aboard the Normandy, Shepard did not fool herself into thinking that they were now dear friends. Whatever favors she had done, or titles or honors she had accumulated, Admiral Hackett still held power over her future; they were far from equals.

"I heard your ship would be docking today and thought that I should take the opportunity to express my thanks to the Savior of the Citadel in person," Hackett said.

"I'm proud to have served, Sir," Shepard replied.

Hackett nodded. "You've done great work for the Alliance, Commander. And I don't just mean stopping Saren. You've always done what is asked of you. I won't forget that. I look after my good soldiers."

Shepard wasn't sure what he meant by that last bit. Maybe he was hinting at a promotion? Maybe some other reward? Those sorts of things didn't matter too much to Shepard, but his gratitude was nice all the same. "Thank you, Sir."

Hackett rested both hands on his desk and leaned forward with a sigh. "I just wish the Council was treating you better. My sources tell me that you've been sent to hunt geth. You save their asses and they send you on cleanup duty? It isn't right."

Shepard held her tongue. While she certainly shared his frustration, she knew better than to complain. After all, she served two masters now: the Alliance and the Council. Bad mouthing one in front of the other could only lead to trouble.

"The upside," Hackett went on, "is that I don't feel guilty asking you to take on a special assignment for the Alliance. I always felt guilty asking before – hunting Saren was important work. But now, I'm sure you could use the distraction."

"A special assignment, Sir?"

"Got a target I need you to hit and figure out what the hell is going on. Intel is a bit spotty. There's an asteroid that is being moved into orbit around Terra Nova. They want to mine it out and then turn it into a space station. But obviously moving something like that into orbit is risky. And, of course, they've lost communication with the team that was moving the big rock. I doubt I have to explain the implications of this to you. I need you to get to the bottom of this quickly and quietly."

"You can count on the Normandy, Sir."

~.~.~.~.~

"We're going to do things a little differently this time around," Shepard said. Her main ground team was assembled in the conference room aboard the Normandy and the commander had just finished relaying the assignment from Admiral Hackett. After speaking with the admiral, Shepard had rushed back to the Normandy and ordered Joker to plot the course to Terra Nova. She'd sensed some disappointment from the Alliance crew, as they no doubt wanted to spend a few extra hours on Arcturus Station, but there was no time to waste. Shepard seriously doubted that the lost communication with the asteroid team would turn out to just be a technical malfunction. She had no idea what they would find when they touched down on the asteroid, but she knew it wouldn't be good.

"Hackett is hopeful that sending us in will turn out to be overkill, but at this time we are going to assume the worst. That means we are assuming the ground team is dead, there's nothing stopping the asteroid's flight course towards the colony, and there will be hostiles trying to stop us." Shepard brought up a topographic display of the asteroid's surface and highlighted the three fusion torches. "Intel says there are three torches that are controlling the flight path. Priority one will be to shut those torches down and buy us some time to figure out what's going on and how to change the flight path. Time is of the essence, so we need to be efficient. Therefore, we're going to split into three teams and hit the torches simultaneously."

She saw the sudden confusion that went through her team. Other than working with Captain Kirrahe on Virmire, they had little experience conducting joint operations with multiple teams. In addition, despite having learned to work well together during their time hunting Saren, everyone still viewed Shepard as the lynchpin of any operation.

"Wrex, Liara, and Tali will come with me to hit the central torch," Shepard continued, highlighting the objective on the map. Meanwhile, Ashley and Garrus will each lead teams of six marines to hit the other two torches. I've put together teams for each of you with a good mix of abilities and experience. I'll forward you those files and my notes after this meeting."

Ashley and Garrus looked at one another, each with an expression of disbelief. Then, Ashley said, "Commander, you can't be serious. I –"

Shepard raised a hand to stop her and quickly interjected. "If you have any concerns about your teams, we can discuss it in private." She made sure by her tone to shut down any protest or further attempt to argue. Shepard had known that they would be surprised, but she didn't want them to undermine their command in front of others. "I can't express enough that speed is key to this mission. Without good intel, we'll be playing catch up from the moment we land. Even so, speed doesn't trump good judgment. A lot of lives are at stake here. Everyone is dismissed for now other than Garrus and Ashley."

Everyone else filtered out of the room quickly to prep for the mission. Garrus and Ashley remained seated, exchanging nervous glances between themselves and Shepard. When they were alone, Ashley immediately blurted out, "Are you insane, Commander?"

Shepard crossed her arms and shot Ashley a look of warning; although she gave her team a lot of leeway, she still expected the Alliance crew to adhere to proper chain of command and decorum. She would let the borderline insubordinate comment go, but her expression cautioned that there would not be another outburst.

"I, uh, also have some concerns," Garrus put in.

Shepard sighed. "Alright, Williams, let's hear you first."

"I can't lead a team, Ma'am. I led the 212, but that was just a security detail. I'm not even an officer. Nobody is going to want to follow me."

Shepard shook her head. "Being an officer doesn't make people want to follow you. It's your job as a leader to make people want to follow you, and you do that by showing them you aren't asking them to do anything you wouldn't do yourself. This crew knows and respects you, Williams. And now you're going to step up and be the leader they need you to be."

The commander did not mention that she had also put Ashley's name forward for a commission, hoping to start her down the officer's path. It would take time for the bureaucratic machine of the Alliance to decide on the promotion, and she didn't want to get Ashley's hopes up. Shepard had reviewed the other woman's file well enough to understand that the Williams Curse was strong, and even the commander's influence might not be enough to break it. But Shepard had recognized the toll that her family's tainted name had taken on the chief. Despite Ashley's spirit and defiance, a part of her feared that she didn't measure up. So, regardless of what the Alliance did, Shepard wasn't going to let a good soldier get stuck in mediocrity.

"But why us?" Ashley asked.

At that, Shepard smiled wryly and shrugged. "Who else? Wrex is great, but I would only let him lead a team if I didn't particularly care if anyone else came back. And I'm pretty sure both Liara and Tali would kill me before they agreed to lead anyone. That leaves the two of you as the least murderous options I have."

"I don't know if I can do this, Commander."

"You can and you will." Shepard's tone was firm, but not unkind. "Believe me Williams when I say that if there was any doubt in my mind about whether you could do this, you wouldn't be. Millions of lives are at stake. This isn't me being sentimental or giving you a 'shot.' I expect you both to deliver and if I didn't expect that, you can bet I would have come up with a different plan. I am not gambling with people's lives."

Ashley still looked concerned, but ultimately placated. The commander knew that she needed to hear that this wasn't some misguided bout of favoritism. She needed to know that Shepard expected perfection; and she knew the commander well enough to know that Shepard was telling the truth. If there was anything Shepard had learned from leading people, it was that they often rose to meet your expectations as long as those expectations were clear.

Shepard turned to Garrus. "Any other concerns?"

"I'm a turian, Shepard. This is a human crew and an Alliance mission. Don't you think putting me in command of a human team would be… problematic?"

"Humans have a saying, 'It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.' The fact of the matter is, I'm currently operating in a gray area. My spectre status is what lets me have a joint Alliance and non-Alliance crew. And while this is a mission for the Alliance, I'm not aware of any regulation that says I can't utilize my crew how I see fit. This is all new, so there's no rules about whether I have to keep my spectre resources separate from my Alliance ones. And until someone tells me otherwise, I'm not going to do anything other than what I think is best for the mission."

His mandibles twitched and he eyed her with an inscrutable expression. Shepard still found turians hard to read at times due to the hard lines of their faces which were so foreign from humans. The human eye was so evolved to pick up subtle contractions of the muscles in the face that a turian's lack of skin left the eye unsure what to observe. Then he said, "Understood, commander. I won't let you down."

Shepard was surprised, but didn't let it show on her face. She had expected a bit more pushback from him, similar to Ashley. But it seemed his only real concern had been whether Shepard would get in trouble for her actions. That problem dealt with, he was prepared to step up and do as she asked.

Uncrossing her arms, Shepard said, "It won't take long for us to arrive. Make sure you look over the files on your teams that I send to you, and don't hesitate to come to me with any questions. Dismissed."

~.~.~.~.~

Liara had to admit it felt almost good to be back out in the field again. The couple of weeks hunting geth resistance had proven rather uneventful. Although it was nice to have more free time to spend with the rest of the crew, it was a sudden change from the frantic energy they had shared while hunting Saren. The rush of adrenaline as they touched down on the asteroid, ready for anything, was a nice switch back to the familiar.

It also helped that Liara generally felt safe when she was with the commander. She knew it was probably a foolish bit of wishful thinking on her part, but it always felt as if nothing could truly go wrong as long as Shepard was around. It always seemed like the other woman was in control of the battlefield. She moved calmly and with precision, always one step ahead of the enemy. Shepard was skilled in both biotics and technical skills, and therefore nothing ever seemed to catch her off guard. Although Liara knew that she was a more powerful biotic than Shepard, the commander was endlessly resourceful and creative about how she used her abilities. And on top of that, Shepard showed tremendous skill with a long-range rifle. Liara couldn't help but marvel at the surgical precision of her shots.

Because of all this, Liara never doubted that Shepard would see them through any situation they found themselves in. It also didn't hurt to have a hulking krogan to hide behind if things got particularly unpleasant.

Their first hurdle once they landed on the asteroid was picking their way through a minefield. Fortunately, Tali and Shepard's tech skills made avoiding the mines a breeze. As they had approached the fusion torch, they had been ambushed by a handful of enemies, but they hadn't posed much of a challenge. It wasn't clear who these men were. They hadn't had any unique markings on their spacesuits and certainly hadn't tried to negotiate. All Liara could tell at this point was that they were human-shaped and had seemed to be expecting them.

Once they entered the airlock, they stopped for a moment to remove their space helmets and take a breath. "Anyone get a good look at those pyjaks out there?" Wrex asked as he set his helmet down on a bench by the door.

"No," Tali answered. "They seemed like mercenaries, but I don't see why mercenaries would want to crash an asteroid into a colony."

Liara nodded her agreement. "True. Whoever they are, they probably have some sort of political or ideological motivation driving them."

Liara looked to Shepard for her input, but the commander was staring at the door on the other side of the room. With her helmet off, Liara could see the scowl pulling down at the corners of Shepard's lips and her deeply furrowed brow. A sudden wave of foreboding hit Liara all at once and she felt that something terrifying was about to happen. She had never seen Shepard this tense before. She seemed like a compressed coil about to snap.

Before Liara could say anything, Shepard strode over to the door and practically punched the lock. The other three were stunned for a second, as normally Shepard would have had them take up positions by the door so that they would be prepared for whatever was on the other side. They quickly ran over as the door opened, trying to regain their footing. As the door slid open, Liara saw two batarian men standing over the corpse of a human man. One had his boot on the dead man's back as a varren at their feet tore into the man's arm. Liara watched in horror as the varren shook its head violently, causing the arm to twist and snap unnaturally as the creature attempted to tear it off the body. The batarians raised their eyes at the sudden arrival of the newcomers, their mouths open in surprise, clearly caught mid conversation.

"Batarians." It was a low, almost guttural growl, and, at first, Liara hadn't even recognized that Shepard had been the one to say it. But before she could fully register the scene in front of her, Liara saw the commander surge with biotic energy, her whole body wreathed in blue lightning. Shepard tossed a singularity field at the enemy as easily as Liara could do it, and then before anyone had time to react, the commander was running towards the three enemies who had been yanked off their feet by the sudden distortion of gravity. Shepard's right hand glowed brightly as she slammed it against the chest of the nearest batarian at a slight downward angle. At one moment his chest was there and then it just concaved inward with a sickening snap, and his whole body met the floor with a meaty thud. Where his chest had been was now a red, gaping hole. The other two were propelled violently outside the singularity and crashed into the wall, their bodies scraping down the side to come to rest like ragdolls. Shepard stared down at her handiwork, not even breathing heavy from the effort.

Liara stood completely dumbstruck, unsure what she had just witnessed. She had never seen Shepard use either of those abilities and had never seen her use her biotics at short range. The commander almost exclusively used her biotics to move enemies into certain positions or throw them off balance. This was a far cry from Shepard's usual surgical approach to a fight.

Before she could make sense of anything though, shouting erupted as more men ran out from adjoining rooms. Instinctually, Liara threw up her own singularity to halt the men nearest to their position. She regretted that decision immediately as Shepard wasted no time repeating her trick with the warp with similar bloody results.

"Now we're talking!" Wrex shouted as he charged forward and tackled a man just as he came down a flight of stairs. Liara watched as Shepard and Wrex made very short and bloody work of the remaining enemies. Shepard never even drew her gun; she seemed intent on using her own hands and getting as close to the enemy as possible. Wrex appeared inspired by this sudden change in the commander and the two left a pile of extremely broken bodies.

Liara looked at Tali and saw her own horrified expression reflected back on the other woman's mask. Despite not being able to see Tali's face, Liara suspected that the reflection was not far off from the truth.

"Keelah, what is happening?" Tali whispered, as if she were afraid that if the other two heard her, they might turn their rage back towards them.

"I have no idea," Liara answered. But as soon as she said it, she realized that wasn't entirely true. Shepard had told Liara about her hatred towards batarians for what had happened to her family on Mindoir. She had stated that she felt like she lost control when confronted with batarians and that the line between right and wrong became murky. Although they had encountered batarians before, they were generally part of a larger group of hired guns. This was different. This was a group that appeared to be entirely comprised of batarians and who were targeting a human colony for mass slaughter. The stark parallel to Mindoir seemed suddenly obvious. Still, when Shepard had told Liara about her hatred, she hadn't imagined this. She wasn't sure what she had thought Shepard meant by losing control, but she hadn't thought it would be so visceral.

Before Liara could tell Tali any of this, Wrex shouted back at them, "Are the two of you just going to watch the show?"

The two women shared another concerned glance before coming over to join Wrex and Shepard. The commander was already moving towards the stairs. She seemed calmer and was no longer surrounded by her biotics, but she still wasn't the Commander Shepard that Liara knew. The feeling of safety was gone, replaced by uncertainty and fear. This Commander Shepard had already proven herself to be unpredictable and reckless, using powers that Liara had not even known she possessed. She also seemed uninterested in teamwork or strategy.

They followed Shepard upstairs to the control center for the fusion torch. The commander wasted no time accessing the controls and shutting it down. Now that she was closer to the commander and could see more than her back, Liara realized that the entire front of Shepard's armor was splattered with blood and droplets of red were flecked across her cheeks.

Shepard put a bloody hand to her ear and said, "Vakarian, Williams, we've shut down our fusion torch. Encountered batarian resistance force. What's your status?"

Liara could hear the radio in her own ear as Ashley responded, "My team's also met resistance. We're dealing with it now. Nothing we can't handle. Also, a woman contacted me when we were closer to a radio tower. She said she was one of the engineers. They're being held at the main facility. I think we're going to have a hostage situation, Commander."

"Garrus here. We ran into a welcome party too, but we're finishing them off now. I'll have this torch shut down soon. We found an engineer alive over here. If we can take back control of the main facility, he can reprogram the torches to steer the asteroid away from the colony."

"Understood," Shepard responded. "Vakarian, protect the civilian and wait for my all clear to approach the main facility. Williams, I want your team to make a sweep of the area for any other pockets of resistance. I don't need anyone sneaking up behind us. My team will hit the main facility and deal with the terrorists." The other two confirmed and the radio went silent again.

Shepard turned, clearly intending to head straight for their objective. Tali shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot before saying, "So, um, are we going to talk about…" She trailed off, unsure what to call the uncharacteristically violent display they had just witnessed.

"About what?" Shepard snapped. All three were taken aback by the fierceness of her tone. Of all the crew, it was well known that the commander was the most informal and gentle when it came to Tali. Their bond was much closer to a younger and older sibling pair than to a military chain of command. Tali could say things to the commander or address her in ways that would be viewed as insubordinate by anyone else. "If killing slavers upsets you, you can go wait on the ship."

"No – I didn't mean…" Tali trailed off helplessly again.

Shepard ignored her discomfort and headed towards the door. Wrex quickly followed, perhaps the only one not uncomfortable with this other side of Shepard. Liara placed a hand on Tali's shoulder and forced a comforting smile.

"It will be ok," she whispered, although she had no idea if that was true. She knew there was no point confronting Shepard now. Even without her current mood, the commander did not tolerate defiance out in the field. She had told Liara before that arguing in the field got people killed, and she had seen it before and vowed to never let it happen again. Still, although Liara had no intention of arguing with the commander, she held herself and Tali back from following Shepard and Wrex by several paces. Something in her gut told her that things were going to get worse before they got better.

~.~.~.~.~

As Shepard rounded the corner of the stairwell, she came to a halt as she spotted multiple batarians standing on the far side of the room with two snapping varren on leashes. She immediately took in every detail: their number, their stances, the weapons they carried, how they had arranged themselves in a neat little line.

The batarian in the center held up a hand and said, "Hold it right there. This doesn't have to end in bloodshed." Shepard took a few steps forward, hand going instinctually to the pistol at her hip. Before she reached it, he raised his assault rifle and his voice and added, "Don't come any closer. We can do this the hard way… or we can end this peacefully."

Shepard lowered her hand, but also sneered at him, "I've got nothing to say to a batarian terrorist."

He glanced at the companion next to him, clearly wondering whether it would have been smarter to just ambush her. "Look, I'm just doing my job here. Hijacking this rock wasn't my idea. I signed on to make a little profit. A quick slave grab. Nothing more."

Letting out a rough, mocking laugh, Shepard said, "Oh, is that all you meant to do? Enslave innocent people and kill anyone else who wouldn't be taken alive? Aren't you noble."

He let out an exasperated huff. No doubt he thought she would be more open to avoiding violence. Some part of him still clung to that hope because he said, "I'm just following orders here. If it were up to me, we'd have already left."

"Oh, it's not up to you," Shepard said menacingly. She slowly began cracking each knuckle on her right hand with her thumb. She didn't want to raise her hands, not yet. "It's not even up to your boss anymore. Your dumb ass came right to me, so now it's my decision." She grinned with evil intent. "And you're not going anywhere."

With a nearly effortless swipe of her hand, Shepard lifted the metal crate to the right of the line of batarians and tossed it straight across their row. Because Shepard had lowered the mass of the crate in order lift it, the first several batarians were knocked to the ground, their weapons sliding on the floor, but were otherwise uninjured. But she released her biotics on the crate by the time it reached the last batarian, and he was hit with the full force of it. It knocked him down and then landed on his lower half, the full ton object completely crushing him and shearing him in two. His scream filled the air and was joined by the sudden panicked shouts of his former comrades. And all at once, hell broke loose.

The varren, which were now freed from their masters' grips, charged at Shepard and Wrex. As the closest one neared Shepard, she swung her right leg in a low arc to catch it on its side. At the moment that her leg made contact with the beast, Shepard biotically altered the mass of her leg into the equivalent of a neutron star. It was only for the briefest moment, right at the point of impact, but that was all it took. Force equals mass times acceleration, and the mass of a star multiplied by the acceleration of an athletic kick equaled an astronomical force. The varren exploded into a red mist. Various chunks that hadn't immediately disintegrated flew across the room. Pieces of guts stuck to Shepard's shoulder, but she brushed them off.

Shepard heard a yelp of surprise and alarm from behind her, but she was much more interested in the terror that filled the eyes of the batarians who were still scrambling to get to their feet. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the other varren lunge at Wrex, who caught it by the throat and slammed it into the ground, creating a small crater.

Shepard reveled in her power: she had full and complete mastery over her biotics, the ability to manipulate the very fabric of space. She hadn't felt it in so long, not since the Blitz, and she had told herself she wouldn't let herself go that far again. Normally, she was conservative with her abilities, and she even found them hard to reach at times. Often her biotics just felt like another tool in her belt rather than an extension of herself. But at the moment, she felt like she was nothing but her biotics; nothing was beyond her grasp.

As a result, even though she had never done it before, she knew that she could manipulate the mass around her to reach her target at lightning speed. Without really thinking about it, she pushed off with her feet while simultaneously dropping her own mass. She accelerated towards the lead batarian just as he got to his feet with his gun in hand. She continued to move past him, or rather, through him, using a barrier to brace herself for the impact at such a high speed. To the naked eye it would have appeared that the commander just vanished from one spot and then reappeared where the batarian had been standing while he ricocheted backwards and slammed into the wall like a shotgun blast. The force that hit him would have been the equivalent of a train.

She heard Wrex open fire with his shotgun, catching another batarian square in the chest. Then the krogan used his own biotics to lift the two remaining batarians off the ground. While Wrex used one of them for shooting practice, Shepard grabbed the ankle of the other as it passed by her head and yanked down hard. His body moved like a whip, slamming into the ground with a bounce in a neat wavelike pattern. With the help of her biotics, Shepard lifted him over her head again and slammed him down on the other side. She could both feel and hear the way his body gave way to the impact, turning into a bag of meat and bones.

Dropping the dead man's ankle, Shepard glanced around to see if anyone was still alive. She saw the lead batarian crumpled against the wall, and, at first, he looked completely limp, but then she noticed the sharp rise and fall of his chest as he took a wheezing breath. Stalking over to him, Shepard knelt down and clocked him in the face, non-biotically; she wanted to feel it. She struck him again, this time with her non-dominant fist, and it felt good.

"Shepard!" Liara shouted from somewhere behind her. "You do not have to –"

Shepard wasn't interested though. She raised the batarian's head. Only one of his eyes was still present or capable of opening, but she made it look at her. "Mindoir sends its regards," she spat. Then she punched him again, this time with the aid of biotics, and felt his skull crack and splinter beneath her fist.

She rose back to her feet and surveyed the room. It was the perfect picture of destruction, and Shepard savored a moment of satisfaction as her fighting instincts faded. However, as her mind cleared, her biotics vanished, and she felt suddenly weak. Her knees buckled and she stumbled, struggling to stay upright. In a moment, Liara was there, placing Shepard's arm around her shoulder and holding her up. Her blue eyes were filled with worry and fear. It felt like Shepard had just done a triathlon. The energy was completely sucked out of her.

"Hah!" she heard Wrex exclaim from nearby. "That was a good fight." Holstering his gun with a grin, he added, "Why don't we do that more often, Shepard?"

"Because it is reckless and dangerous," Liara retorted. Shepard was surprised by the heat in her voice.

"Yeah, for other people," Wrex replied dryly.

But Liara shook her head. "No, Wrex. What Shepard was doing… if her timing had been off by even a second, she would have torn her leg off or crushed her own body." Liara was right, of course. As the most capable biotic amongst them, she had no doubt recognized exactly what Shepard had been doing and understood how dangerous it truly was. Manipulating the mass of one's own body could have fatal results. When Shepard had kicked the varren, if she had misjudged her timing and altered the mass of her leg even a millisecond too early or held on too long, the attempt at moving a leg with the mass of a star would have resulted in just ripping the appendage right off. Each time Shepard had altered her mass, particularly to increase the mass to obscene levels, she had run the risk of losing a limb and probably death. The margin for error was generally so large that most biotics knew better than to try. "Not to mention the amount of energy the body uses to create those levels of mass effect fields is staggering," Liara added.

"I'm fine," Shepard insisted, trying to stand on her own again, but feeling her legs still wobble from the effort.

"You are not fine, Shepard," Liara answered with exasperation. She looked around the room before settling on a short shipping container. She dragged Shepard over and lowered her down. As she pulled away, Shepard saw that her armor was suddenly covered in blood where their bodies had touched. "Sit," she ordered. Shepard gave a somewhat dopey smile. Her head was swimming from the sudden exhaustion, and she couldn't help but think, I love it when you're bossy, Liara.

The asari reached into one of the utility pouches around her waist and took out an energy bar before handing it to Shepard. The commander took it without question and tore into it, trying to restore some of the energy she had used up in the attack. The four of them sat or stood in awkward silence for a while. Shepard was keenly aware of Liara's eyes on her, could see the questions, the worry, the fear. She knew that Liara wouldn't voice any of it in front of the others, but a bit of shame was beginning to creep its way into the commander's mind. This was a side of herself that she had tried to bury after the Blitz. She wished the hate had just died alongside Melief and the recruits she couldn't save. But it didn't die. It just lay dormant, waiting for an opportunity to take over once more. And now Liara had seen it. There was no putting that cat back in the bag.

But another part of her was annoyed. After all, she'd been honest with Liara about her need for revenge. In fact, Zeke had made mention of her temper and her destructive use of biotics off-hand. Liara could hardly claim this was a surprise or that Shepard had lied about it. Although, admittedly, seeing Shepard's rage firsthand was probably quite different than hearing about it.

She finished the bar Liara had given her and fished out her own energy bar from her gear. It was fairly standard for biotics to carry some type of supplement to counteract the energy toll that biotics took. As Shepard started in on the second bar, she could feel a little bit of her fatigue lifting. She would sleep like a log later, but at least for now she could complete the mission.

Swallowing the last few bites, Shepard rose to her feet, feeling more steady. "Alright, let's move out. We've got a colony to save."

~.~.~.~.~

"You humans. You're almost more trouble than you're worth."

The batarian walked slowly down the steps while flanked by two guards. He stopped halfway and stared down at the commander. His vibrant green skin made him rather unique amongst his kind, but otherwise he looked similar to his terrorist friends. Shepard glanced quickly around the room, looking for any sign of snipers or other hidden foes. There didn't appear to be any, which meant his back was likely against the wall. Cornered animals were unpredictable and dangerous.

"And who the fuck are you supposed to be?" she asked.

"My name is Balak. And I know who you are. The Scourge of the Skyllian Blitz: the Alliance lapdog, Shepard."

Shepard hadn't heard that title before, but she also didn't make a habit of speaking with extremists. "Well, then you know there's only one way this ends, Balak. With your head on a spike."

The batarian raised his fist to show that he held a detonator switch. "I don't think so. I'm leaving this asteroid. I kept some hostages around just in case. They're in a room with a bomb, and if you try to stop me, I'll detonate the charges and they all die."

Shepard bared her teeth at him, disgusted by his cowardice. Inwardly, she also berated herself for her own tactical blunder. Ash had warned her that this might turn into a hostage situation. That was why she knew he wasn't bluffing. But Shepard should have approached the main facility differently. She should have found a way to locate and secure the hostages first. Instead, she'd allowed him to keep that leverage because she was so focused on getting to him as quickly as possible. Her mind still wasn't clear from earlier and she'd let her anger cloud her judgment.

But even knowing that her rage was a liability, it was nearly impossible to ignore. Her heart pounded in her chest and her muscles tensed, ready for the fight. Every fiber of her being wanted to tear into Balak and rip him limb from limb. It was scum like him that had attacked Mindoir and countless other human colonies. He may have even been there, or at Elysium. No doubt he had participated in his share of raids. He'd killed and tortured and enslaved hundreds if not thousands of people. And now he intended to wipe millions of people from the galaxy in a world ending cataclysm. If she let him go, he would just do more of it. More killing, more enslaving, more putting people's lives in danger.

I can do it, she thought to herself, eyeing the detonator in his hand. I can kill him before he presses the button. It was possible. If she biotically charged at him the way she had the other batarian, he wouldn't have a chance to react. But even the force from the previous attack hadn't killed the other man outright. He'd been able to hang on for a little while, even if he ultimately would have died without Shepard's help. If the same happened again, it would give Balak plenty of time to get his revenge.

But she couldn't stand the thought of him getting away. Not when he was right there, taunting her. She also knew that he wouldn't hesitate to kill the hostages. The two halves of her warred within her. The two reasons she'd joined the Alliance: to get revenge and to protect those who needed her. Revenge had been the undeniable driving force in the beginning. At eighteen years old the loss of her family, her entire world, had still been too raw. It had consumed her thoughts – a vast ocean with no discernible depth. Over time, she had managed to ice over that ocean so that she could generally stay above it, but it always remained, waiting for a crack to expose the cold water below.

To maintain the ice, Shepard told herself that her desires were more noble. She told herself that she wanted to be the protector that she had prayed for in those darkest hours. She wanted others to have the choice that she felt was taken from her: to choose their own paths and live in peace. In the beginning, that part of herself had been a necessary lie. It was the thing that kept her from plunging into the darkness lurking just beneath the surface. She had aspired to the good because it was how she wanted to see herself. And over time, by acting in service of that aspiration, it had become more and more of who she was. The ice over the ocean grew thicker, more secure, as she took the evils of the world upon herself and used her strength to shield others.

But Balak and his men threatened to shatter that ice. They threatened to tempt Shepard away from the person she had become, back to the vengeful spirit she had once been. And the temptation was strong. She didn't know if she could resist.

All of these thoughts raced through Shepard's head in a matter of seconds. She stood glaring at Balak and blue lightning danced around the fingers of her right hand before slowly climbing up her forearm like ivy on a wall. Then, suddenly, she heard a voice next to her say, "You have a choice, Shepard." She glanced at Liara. The other woman's blue eyes were staring at her intently, pleading with her.

But it didn't feel like a choice. It felt like she was battling an irresistible power that would always win in the end. She couldn't help but think about their conversation that morning about the devil; a supernatural entity that produced the evil in people's hearts. And yet, it was just a convenient cover for the evil that was already there. In reality, Shepard herself was the devil, and if she made the choice to slip beneath the ocean's waves, she would have no one but herself to blame.

Taking a deep breath, Shepard forced her body to release its tension. The biotic energy that had been snaking up her arm vanished. "You'll live today, Balak. But you better run far, and you better find a good place to hide, because if I ever find you, I'll make sure you die screaming."

Balak seemed unimpressed. He clearly had no idea just how close he'd come to the brink. "Tough words. But don't even think about following me today. If I think for a second that you're up to something, I will blow those humans into pieces."

Shepard watched Balak and his cronies slowly back out of the room. Once they were out of sight, she said "We need to find the hostages and make sure that bomb is disarmed." She turned, ready to accomplish the task at hand, and caught Liara's eye. The asari looked immensely relieved. But Shepard didn't feel anything. It didn't feel like a victory. It felt like she was merely delaying another encounter with that ocean of darkness. In truth, all Shepard felt was tired.

~.~.~.~.~

Shepard stared at herself in the bathroom mirror aboard the Normandy and hardly recognized herself. Her face was a mask of dark red mixed with all the dirt and ash that had clung to the blood when it was still wet. Now the blood was dry and cracking on her skin. More dried clumps of blood and other bits of gore clung to her hair. She'd already stripped out of her armor, and she could see that everything below the neck was normal; there wasn't a scratch on her other than her old scars. She realized what she must have looked like to Balak and to the engineers, not to mention her team. Like something straight out of hell.

Stepping into the shower, Shepard watched the water turn a bright red at her feet before circling down the drain. She scrubbed her face hard, trying to get rid of the evidence of her rampage. Then she washed her hair multiple times. She kept washing until the water turned from red to pink to clear. Once she felt clean, Shepard dried off and changed into a fresh set of Alliance fatigues. She pulled her hair back into its usual, perfect military style bun. She looked as she always did. The ideal picture of Alliance professionalism.

As she exited the bathroom and headed for the elevator, Shepard began trying to organize her remaining tasks. She needed to report to Admiral Hackett; she needed to write a formal report; she needed to replenish the calories she had used up; and she needed to sleep. She also knew that she would have to speak with Liara, and she was dreading that conversation.

When Shepard entered her room, she wasn't surprised to find Liara already waiting for her. The asari was pacing but stopped when she arrived. Shepard watched Liara, feeling tense and waiting for the questions she knew would come. For a while they just looked at one another until Liara surprised her by gesturing towards the table where a plate of food was waiting. "Go ahead and eat. I know you must be starving."

Shepard blinked. She'd been sure that Liara was going to immediately confront her about her violent and reckless behavior. But her first concern appeared to be the commander's wellbeing. It was strange to acknowledge that someone was putting her first in that way. She couldn't remember the last time someone had. Even she had prioritized reporting to Hackett and the Alliance over her own physical needs.

She sat at the table and gratefully dug into the food. It wasn't anything special. A simple, Alliance MRE consisting of rehydrated pasta, steamed vegetables, a bread roll, and a fortified pastry. Liara had obviously opted for a carb heavy meal to replenish the calories Shepard had burned in her overuse of biotics. It was bland, but Shepard honestly didn't care.

Liara sat down across from her and watched her with a worried expression. As the most experienced biotic aboard the ship, Liara understood perfectly just how bone-headedly stupid Shepard had been back on that asteroid. Biotics were not made equal – not by a longshot. Although one's skills could be honed over time, biotic potential was immutable. One's biotic power was generally capped at a certain threshold and reaching past that threshold was simply asking to die. It wasn't like muscle strength, in that if you tried to lift a weight that was too heavy you simply wouldn't be able to. If you tried to use your biotics in a way that was above your level, whatever you were trying to do would probably happen, but your body wouldn't survive the attempt. At best, you would rip a limb off due to lack of precision and control. At worst, you'd fry your own brain trying to channel power that it couldn't process.

Shepard was a decent biotic by human standards, which meant she was fairly second-rate by asari standards. She doubted many asari would even attempt what she had done by manipulating her own mass in obscene ways. It just wasn't worth the risk and one of the advantages of biotics was that you could avoid close proximity with an enemy. Everything Liara would have witnessed up until now would have told her that Shepard was not capable of what she had done. And yet she had done it, multiple times.

It didn't take long for Shepard to finish the meal, and when she was done, she tried to cut some of the tension by saying, "So, how much trouble am I in?"

That got a small chuckle out of Liara, and the asari leaned back in her chair with a soft sigh. "You are not in trouble, Shepard. I just – I do not know what to think."

They were both quiet again for a while, and then Shepard said, "I had hoped you would never see that side of me. It's not something I'm proud of."

Liara still looked like she was at a loss for words. Finally, she said, "It seemed like you were a completely different person."

Shepard wished she could reassure Liara that that person wasn't her. Not the true her. But she didn't know if that was accurate. It was some piece of her. "I can't explain it. Something just comes over me and I feel like I'm back there, and it's just happened, and if I don't stop it, it's just going to keep happening again." She didn't specify where "there" was or what "it" was, but she knew that she didn't have to. Liara knew about Mindoir. She knew that the scars from those memories ran deep. And Liara was more than smart enough to put the pieces together on her own. "I feel like I have to stop them or they'll just take it all away again. And as for the biotics… I swear that I haven't secretly been hiding my true potential this whole time. When I'm in that state something just clicks in my head and, all of a sudden, I just know how to do those things. I'm honestly not even thinking about it. I just do it because, in my mind, the alternative is everything I care about is destroyed."

Liara studied her for a while, her blue eyes searching the commander's face as she absorbed her words. Then, she took in a deep breath, nodded, and said, "Ok." She began to rise from her chair, her body language clearly signaling that the conversation was over, and Shepard gaped at her in surprise.

"Ok? That's it? You're completely fine with it? No consequences?"

Liara tilted her head. "Consequences? For what?"

"I don't know," Shepard huffed in exasperation. "For scaring you. For putting myself and everyone else in danger." She was keenly aware of how absurd it was that she was the one arguing in favor of Liara being more upset. But she had been dreading this conversation since she had reboarded the ship. "I was afraid that – I don't know – this might be a deal breaker for you."

Now it was Liara's turn to look completely shocked. "That is not –" she stammered, struggling to find words. "No. It does not change how I feel about you."

"But why?" Shepard blurted out. She knew she shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but she couldn't understand why Liara wasn't more concerned.

Liara came over and knelt down beside the chair and took Shepard's hands in hers. "Listen to me. I know you. I know that your favorite thing to do is take all the evil in this galaxy and put it on yourself. It is the reason you never back down when the odds seem stacked against you. It is why you saw what Saren was planning and instead of saying it was not your problem, you fought him fiercely. In those ways, it is a very admirable quality, and it makes you who you are." Liara paused, then said, "But it also means that you think every negative thing that happens is somehow a personal failure on your part. You never give yourself the understanding that you give to others."

"I almost let him kill those people. I was so close to sacrificing them just so that I could get the satisfaction of killing Balak. Because there's something in me that would rather choose violence."

"But you did not let him kill those people," Liara replied. "You are stronger than you think. What happened to your family left you with scars that, quite frankly, I cannot pretend to understand because I did not experience it. But I can imagine that if I had experienced what you had, I would probably feel the same. You do not need my forgiveness. And to the extent you need my understanding, you have it. You need to forgive yourself."

"Liara, I –" Shepard choked on her words, unsure how to voice the sudden thoughts and emotions racing through her mind. Liara always seemed to know what to say to completely disarm her. Instead, Shepard pushed the chair back so that she could kneel on the floor with Liara and wrap her arms around her. She kissed Liara, knowing that any words she had were inadequate. Placing one hand around Shepard's waist and the other at the back of her neck, Liara kissed her back. In that moment, Shepard tried to convey the words in her heart that she didn't yet know how to say. But she told herself that there would be time to find the words. For now, all she wanted was to hold Liara and never let her go.