A/N: I want to apologize in advanced for this one-shot. I am a very naughty little SasuNaru fan and this idea plagued me for a long time. It's filled in innuendos that you all could have done without, I'm sure. I just hope you enjoy it, or at least get a laugh out of it. At least it's not depressing and emo, right?
One-Shot #60
Disturbing Conversations
Sasuke watched the orange blur wisp through the trees from his place hiding in the tree. There were a million reasons why wearing an orange jumpsuit did not work on stealth missions, like they, obviously, didn't blend in with the natural environment. Unless, of course, the entire environment was an orange tree. Shaking his head at the moron he had the unfortunate luck to be teamed up with, Sasuke jumped out of his hiding place and went to tackle the moron and make him stay still. Easier said than done, but it wasn't impossible.
Naruto was a few meters ahead of him, since he was easy to see and all. Sasuke swept down and pulled the teenager behind a tree, forcing him to his knees.
"You're an idiot, Naruto. Stay still or we'll be caught."
"Get off of me, bastard!" Naruto hissed, shoving Sasuke off of him, roughly. "You're the one tackling me."
"Shut up, idiot!" Sasuke growled, putting his hand over Naruto's mouth, who instantly poked his tongue out and licked Sasuke's palm. The Uchiha snatched his hand away and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Why the hell would you do that?"
Shaking his head at the unfamiliar taste on his tongue, Naruto smacked his lips. "What is on your hand, Sasuke?"
"Probably sap from the tree, idiot." Sasuke said, looking at his hand. The place where Naruto's tongue touched his hand was smeared, the dirt clearly visible on his pale skin. "What's it taste like?"
"Not like sap." Naruto was still smacking his lips and making loud sounds with his tongue. "Not a bad taste, though. Something else there, like vanilla."
"There are no vanilla bean trees around here."
"Well, taste it, then, Sasuke." Naruto said, forcing Sasuke's hand into its owner's mouth. "See?" He asked as Sasuke gagged on the appendage being forcefully shoved in his mouth.
Sasuke struggled for a while until the taste finally hit his taste buds. He stared at the 'dirt' on his hand in mild amusement, it did taste like vanilla. "I have no idea what it is, Naruto."
Sasuke looked at his other hand, which was resting, previously, on the tree, and noticed the same type of 'dirt' was on that hand, too. He stood up to investigate the tree and felt Naruto grabbing the other hand.
"What are you doing, Naruto?"
"It's all over this hand. Let me lick it off!"
"You're disgusting!" Sasuke said, disgusted. He didn't, however, move his hand.
"And you're dirty. Just let me eat it."
When the bandits, who they were supposed to be hiding from, caught up to the two teenagers, they caught a conversation they probably shouldn't have.
"Naruto, if you're going to suck on it, don't use your teeth!"
"It tastes really good, though, Sasuke. What's it made of?"
"I dunno. Whatever's inside, I guess."
"Is it safe for me to swallow?"
"I guess. Hasn't hurt you yet, has it?"
Then, after a pause, Sasuke yelped. "Damn it, Naruto! I said no teeth!"
"Well, if you'd hold still, this would go quicker!"
No one would have suspected Sasuke had actually allowed Naruto to lick his hand clean of the 'dirt' or that he'd let him actually suck it off his fingers, but the Uchiha always was one for cleanliness.
At least the bandits let them alone and they finished the mission successfully.
Even I'm not sure what to make of this one. As I said, sorry about this in advance...
