May 13, Wednesday
OMG! Today has got to be the WORST day EVER! :( :( :(
I'm NOT even exaggerating!
First off, TODAY IS THE DAYS OF FINALS which honestly is not as bad as what I'm ACTUALLY talking about, BUT STILL!
What happened today, PLUS THE STRESS OF THE FINALS WASN'T very GOOD for me!
So let's just start at the beginning, when I finished the finals...
I turned in my finals, extremely curious about how my grades would turn out tomorrow, [WHICH BTW IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL, SQUEEEEE!] when I noticed something was odd about Brandon. I don't want to say he's hiding something... but whatever is wrong includes him in the mix... and maybe even me!
But I tried not to focus much on that. I knew it would only add more stress in my life, and I was only interested in relaxing and staying calm until my grades came in. I pulled out my phone out of my backpack, took out my pink sparkly headphones, and turned on my favorite tunes. I laid my head on the desk, all the while staring at the clock on the wall, hoping that time could speed up so I could head to lunch and chill with all my friends:
Chloe, Zoey, Brandon, and Greg of course!
But... unfortunately time DID NOT seem to speed up, and I was getting tired. Eventually, soothing music burst into my headphones. The melody was smooth like butter, giving it a flavor of sleepiness. I couldn't help myself, the song was so tender, so calming, so I softly lay my head down, hoping just to relax, but ended up taking a short nap.
The nap didn't last long, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, startled a bit. It was Brandon! I still had my headphones on, and I saw Brandon mouth some words. I quickly took off my headphones. "Sorry, what were you saying?" I asked him.
Brandon shut his mouth. His gaze left mine and his pupils flung in all different directions of the classroom. I could tell something was up. He was acting super nervous. He took a deep breath and finally regained composure, looking back into my eyes he said, "I need to talk to you about the Summer Dance..."
Outside I nodded, but inside I was SCREAMING with joy! Maybe Brandon was going to ask me out! However, his facial expression and his attitude in general didn't seem very ecstatic. I wasn't quite sure what to expect.
"I'll probably need to talk to you outside the classroom, in private. This is pretty serious." He murmured, still audible.
The inside of me stopped smiling, and my stomach did thousands of flip-flops. I gritted my teeth into a fake smile. I put down my phone and headphones, pushing in my chair, and headed out the door with Brandon. Before exiting, I noticed Chloe and Zoey watch me leave. Their eyes sparkled, like they could sense Brandon was going to do something amazing for me. I only wished I could have that feeling too...
Brandon shut the classroom door. He shoved his hands in his pockets and merely stared at the granite floor, following the dust that lay on the musky areas of the floor. I glared at him, crossing my arms, waiting impatiently for him to say something.
"Ummmm... Brandon? What's the big deal?" I broke the silence.
He looked up at me with anxious eyes. "Look, Nikki..." He started, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand, a nervous habit of his. "I don't really know how to tell you this... and I know you'll most likely be angry, but, yesterday when you decided to bring the group over to CupCakery for a study-session, it was really fun! I loved hanging out with you, like I always do. Then... MacKenzie barged in... and I didn't tell you this, or any of the rest of the gang this, because I knew it would really hurt you and bring tension to your friendship with everyone, but... MacKenzie DID ask me to the Summer Dance... and I accepted."
My mouth fell open in shock. He WHAT?! I thought, angrily to myself. All these Middle School years I've been crushing on Brandon, getting to know him, hanging out with him, appreciating him, and all for this? So that some tramp like MacKenzie could go to Summer Dance with him and ruin my life further?
"I know this is difficult to take in...-" Brandon began his little guilty-trip monologue again, but I wouldn't let him.
"Difficult? Difficult! It's WORSE than just that BRANDON!" I hissed, tears developing in my eyes. "I thought we might've been something, like an actual couple, a couple that everyone knew was together and SUPPORTED. But now you're going out with MACKENZIE! She hates my guts Brandon!"
Brandon's expression changed. Instead of nervousness, he brought his hand forward, trying to touch me and calm me down. I merely pushed it away.
"Nikki, please, don't be upset! You don't understand...-"
"You don't understand me!" I retorted.
Brandon gritted his teeth, petrified I would interrupt him like that. "Well than I guess we're even, aren't we?" He shouted.
I glared at him for a while, my once narrowed eyebrows soften with sorrow. The tears were on the edge of slipping down my cheeks, and I couldn't cry in front of Brandon. My nose became red, and my eyes turned a light pink. I turned around, madly rushing away from Brandon, heading to the nearest restroom. I swung the door open, not caring if anyone was in one of the stalls, and thankfully the restrooms were empty. I ran up to one of the sinks, sniffling, staring at my reflection in the mirrors.
I looked a mess. My dirty-blonde hair stuck straight up in random positions, my face looked red with a mixture of anguish and animosity. I turned on the faucet, washing my face, trying desperately to calm down and not look like a total wreck like I did right then and there. I took out my pigtails as well, taking some water and rubbed it through my weird hair, hoping it would flatten. It didn't work.
I felt like crying all over again as flashbacks of the horrible thing MacKenzie's done to me flooded through my mind. I wiped my eyes roughly, but couldn't stop crying. I eventually decided to hide in the janitor's closet. It was the only place I could take a breather and think through things again.
And this is where the story leads me... right here to me writing in this stupid diary. This meaningless diary filled with all my emotions and love I used to hold for Brandon. Re-reading all those moments make me want to scream all over again; I can't though. My throat hurts, and it feels like I can't swallow correctly. Maybe I can hide out here for the rest of the day, there wouldn't be any difference.
I just want a ginormous black hole to swallow me up, so I won't have to go to this stupid school with stupid Brandon and see stupid MacKenzie and neither read this stupid diary again.
:(
