OK. This is a chapter just for me - sorry. I really like the Grissom/Nick father/son angle. I never really knew why Grissom was so hostile towards Nick in the early episodes. Anyway, despite being completely selfish, I do hope there are others who read it who enjoy this angle as well.

CHAPTER 23

It was a fitful night of sleep for Grissom. Several times he had heard noises and had got up and checked on Nick. Each time, however, he had found him in the same position - sprawled on his stomach, head buried in soft pillows and covers heaped over him. Very faint snores kept Grissom content that all was well.

It was nearly four o'clock when Grissom was roused from his light slumber by yet another sound. Only this time when he woke enough to register his surroundings, he saw a light on in the kitchen. It was the sound of a kettle boiling that had woken him. In the weak light from the cut in kitchen, he heard movement and saw Nick perch himself on a stool at the breakfast bar, a steaming mug wrapped in his hands.

Grissom pushed himself to his feet, grimacing at the twinge of his back, and made his way out to his colleague.

Nick looked up from his mug and gave Grissom an embarrassed half smile.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Grissom asked.

Nick shook his head and ducked it to look at the bench.

Grissom glanced at him and frowned slightly before turning to pour himself a mug of coffee. A bad idea for sleep, he thought dimly but, he didn't think it would matter much - he had a feeling sleep would be just as illusive as it had been for the previous few hours.

"Sorry 'bout wakin' you." Nick mumbled.

Grissom stirred his coffee and came to take a seat on the stool next to him.

"Don't be sorry." he said, "I don't think I was really asleep anyway."

"Yeah. Sorry you got stuck sleepin' over tonight. I'd'a been OK to stay by myself ya know." Nick said.

Grissom looked sideways at him but Nick continued to stare at the mug clenched tightly in his hands.

"Stop apologising, Nick." he said simply. "It's OK."

Nick shook his head slightly from side to side.

"Everyone keeps sayin' that it's OK. I'm not OK, Gris. I don't know what OK is anymore."
He brought two fingers up to dig into his eye sockets. He looked exhausted. As bad as Grissom felt, he knew he had nothing on Nick.

Grissom studied him for several moments in silence - watched as he ground his fingers into his eyes. He didn't need platitudes. He didn't need empty words dangling in the air. He needed hope and guidance.

"Do you trust me, Nick?" he asked quietly.

Nick stopped rubbing his eyes and dropped his hands down onto the counter. He looked at Grissom in confusion.

"Huh?" he asked in surprise.

Grissom caught his stare and asked again.

"Do you trust me?"

Nick gave a slight shrug - bewildered by the question.

"Yeah," he answered, "Of course."

Grissom kept the eye contact.

"OK." he said slowly, picking his words carefully, "Trust me now, Nick. More than ever, trust me now. You will be OK. You may not feel OK at the moment but I give you my word that you will be OK. I will make sure of it. Catherine will make sure of it. Warrick will make sure of it. You don't have to go through this on your own. When you don't feel OK you need to talk to us. Let us help you."

Nick frowned slightly and broke the eye contact, dropping his gaze back down to the counter top.

"I know that's difficult for you, Nick. I know you don't like asking for help but..."
"I don't want to be a victim." Nick said suddenly, cutting off Grissom mid sentence.

Grissom frowned and listened as Nick continued.

"I'm sick of feeling weak, Gris. I'm sick of people treating me like I'm going to break. I'm sick of the sympathetic stares. I'm sick of giving them reasons to do all that. I want my old life back, Gris. I want to be me again." His voice became louder and more passionate as he spoke.

Grissom nodded and wrapped his hands around the mug of cooling coffee. There was silence between them for several long seconds while both digested Nick's comments.

"For the record, Nick, no-one thinks you're weak."

Nick gave him a sideways glance - scepticism clear on his face.

"Grissom. C'mon. I've seen people staring at me. I've heard them talking about me."

"Have you ever heard any of them call you weak? If people are staring at you, Nick, it isn't out of pity. It's awe. It's respect that you could survive an experience like that and still function. I've heard people talk too, Nick. I've heard people questioning how and if they would have the mental fortitude to survive what you survived. Yes, it's pushed you to the limit. Yes, it's been more difficult than anything you've had to face before. Yes, it's changed all of us. But you survived. And if you survived that 24 hours by yourself, then you can survive anything - especially with the help of your friends. We're all proud of you, Nick. I'm prouder than I can put into words. And you justify that pride every day. Every day you get out of bed and face the world...you justify that pride."

Grissom finished his spiel and raised his eyebrows at Nick in a silent challenge for him to argue. Nick didn't argue though. Instead he gave a ghost of a smile and looked at his mug of coffee, swirling the remains of the now cold coffee and sculling it in one swig.

Grissom smiled and sipped his drink.

"I've got to restart my counselling sessions today." Nick said, a new confidence already evident in his voice.

Grissom nodded.
"Catherine is going to take you to the appointment." said Grissom. "I'll stay over again tomorrow night then we'll play it by ear."

Nick nodded, resigned to the lack of independence. Truth be known, he found it almost a relief not to have to think about the basics. At least for a while.

Grissom took another couple of sips of his barely warm coffee and, grimacing at the taste, got up and tossed the remains down the drain.

Nick stood as well and rinsed his mug out before leaving it to drain. He tried to yawn discreetly but failed.

Grissom smiled again and slapped him gently on the back.

"I'm going to try and get another hour or two of sleep." he said glancing at his watch. "Why don't you see if you can get back to sleep too, Nick."
Nick rubbed his eyes tiredly again and nodded. Despite the early morning caffeine hit, he could still barely keep his eyes open.

"Night, Gris. And thanks again."

"Anytime, Nick. Sleep well."

Broken record alert. Please review. Please.