I've neglected Harry and Pansy a bit. They will be in the next chapter.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Chapter 21: Fear Of Falling
Rashida laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling of her four poster bed. She waved her finger around, emitting tiny balls of light like lightning bugs and watched as they made patterns in the air. Her mind was heavy and had been heavy ever since she opened up to Hermione on Christmas.
*FLASHBACK CHRISTMAS PARTY*
Hermione and Rashida found an empty parlor room. From the way it was decorated, it seemed to be one of Narcissa's.
They sat down on the soft sofa, a fire stared out of nowhere. This must have been the room's way of making them comfortable.
"Now, what's wrong?" asked Hermione.
"What I tell you can't leave this room." stated Rashida. "I may tell Blaise myself, I don't know, but right now, this stays between us."
"Of course." said Hermione, situating herself to face Rashida and give her undivided attention.
Rashida breathed in. "I've knew a Blaise Zabini type. His name was Nafume, and he was in a year above me. He was so handsome. He kept his hair short, he was tall, his skin was like the night, and his eyes were hazel. I used to get lost in them every time I would stare. I had developed a crush on him my first year. We had became friends. I thought that over time, the crush would fade, and that we would just be friends. I was wrong."
Rashida took in another breath, as if she was preparing herself for something. "My fifth year came. All of a sudden, he would flirt with me. Called me his pragtige. Meaning his beautiful. He would walk around holding my hand, he would eat with me, take long walks around school with me. And then one night, he took me to his room. He kissed me. My first kiss. Next thing I know, we really get into it and we both end up naked. And, I gave him all of me."
Hermione gasped. "Rashida..."
"I had went to sleep with him holding me. I had woken up back in my bed. I didn't understand what happened at the time, but later on when I went to talk to him, he acted so cold. As if he didn't want anything to do with me. Come to find out, he only wanted one thing from me. And like a dumbass I gave it to him. I thought he would love me."
Rashida looked tired after telling her story. Tired, and hurt. Hermione placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry that you went through that. You didn't deserve it." said Hermione.
"You sure about that?" asked Rashida. "I willingly gave my heart, mind, and body to him and he used it. I didn't even stop there. We had sex three more times because I thought I could persuade him to fall in love with me like I did him. Finally, he told me that everything was just sex and that he didn't love me. He didn't even like me in that way. Blaise is just like him. He wants one thing from me and then once he gets it, he will throw me away."
"But what if you really did help him? What if he really changed?" asked Hermione.
Rashida shook her head. "I can't give him that chance. Even though over the holiday, I got to see a better side of him, and even though he seems to be changing. I can't allow him to do that to me. I refuse to be hurt like that again."
*END FLASHBACK*
Rashida laid there, watching the lights twinkle as they flew, holding on the the pendant of Blaise's necklace. She was starting to hate the fact that he was on her mind so much.
She was happy that Blaise was starting to seem like he was changing. She didn't see him flirting with other girls as she did when she first arrived, he wasn't acting like a prat to her, and he seemed as if he wanted to be genuine. However, that bloody bet was always a lingering thought in Rashida''s mind.
She could tell that some of his behavior was real, but what if the rest of it was all for to sake of the bet? Especially the necklace. Somara's words and meaning for the necklace was lovely, but it didn't necessarily mean that he meant what she was saying. He might had just wanted to see it on her. Or maybe, it was his slick way of showing ownership. She put that thought out of her mind. Blaise was a lot of things, but he wasn't controlling. She had to give him that.
She didn't want to like him. She didn't want to care at all. However, the more time they spent around each other, the more good she would see in him.
Maybe she should put an end to this whole charade. She thought about telling him that she knew all about the bet, and that she wasn't going to take his shenanigans anymore. That would be the wise thing to do, but would it completely be the right thing?
Especially since knowing her, she probably wouldn't want to be around him anymore because of it.
She decided to go and talk to him. Open up to him about some things and see if he could deal, or what he would say. Maybe, just maybe, he had a change of heart. A true change.
Ten minutes later, she found herself at Slytherin dungeons. She didn't know the password, as it had changed in the week that they had gotten back, and Pansy had yet to tell her and Ginny. She leaned against the wall, deciding to wait to see who would come and let her in.
After 20 minutes, she was about to head back to Gryffindor, when Draco and Blaise came around the corner. She tried not to look too excited to see him.
"Shida? What brings you to my neck of the woods?" asked Blaise, surprised that she even knew where Slytherin was. Draco gave a smirk, but waved his hand at her.
"I needed to have a word with you actually. Can we talk your room maybe?"
Blaise was a bit shocked that she would want to come to his room, but he quickly got over it.
"Sure." he said. "You mind mate?"
Draco shook his head. "Not at all. I need to find my Gryff myself."
"I heard you two got together finally." said Rashida cheerfully. "Congrats."
"Thanks. I finally found someone that deserves me." joked Draco. "See you two later."
As Draco walked off, Blaise gave the door the password (king cobra) and led her to him and Draco's dorm.
Rashida looked around and found herself fascinated that their window looked out into the lake. "This is really cool." she said.
"The dungeons are underwater, so we see a lot swimming around." said Blaise, pointing over to a sofa they had transfigured from one of the extra beds they had after they got Crabbe and Goyle kicked out of their dorm room. Rashida sat down and Blaise sat beside her. She didn't know why her skin suddenly got goosebumps, as it wasn't cold.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
Rashida froze. Suddenly all the confidence that she had before he asked that question went out the window and was now swimming with the grindylows.
Blaise noticed her hesitation and decided that this was a good time to take charge. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Maybe you can think to say it while I'm talking? Because I do have something to tell you."
"Oh...okay shoot."
Blaise inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Okay, here goes. You infuriate me to no end."
"Ooooookay..."
"You're complicated, you're audacious, you're boorish, and you're always quick to scold me." finished Blaise.
Rashida smirked. "Is today reverse compliment day or something?"
Blaise laughed. "And then you're also that right there. Funny, smart, intelligent, understanding, and beautiful." he said touching Rashida's cheek. She felt her skin heat up from the contact.
"Blaise, I-"
"Let me finish because if I don't, I'll lose my nerve." said Blaise. Rashida nodded for him to continue.
"I've never encountered a girl like you, Shida. Someone that doesn't tolerate my antics, someone who puts me in my place. You've helped me to think that maybe there is how for me to find the right person for me and actually hold onto her, and treat her like she should be treated."
Rashida smiled. Maybe she really had gotten through to him. Truly she should make this a program and charge for her services. A delightful tune started playing in her head.
"And lately, I've been thinking that maybe that right person is you." said Blaise.
The record scratched. Her eyes grew big. She found her hands being held by him, not knowing how that happened.
"I'm...sorry?" Rashida managed to croak out.
"You're making this harder than it should be, as usual."
"I'm not...it's not that I'm trying to, I just didn't expect this."
Blaise looked at Rashida curiously. "Really? How could you not? Minus Pansy, Gin, and Granger, you're really the only girl I talk to." said Blaise. "You're the only one that really knows me. I could never open up to anyone like I have you. I trust you."
Rashida couldn't help but smile at that. He actually trusted her. No one outside of family had ever said that to her, not even Nafume.
"What I'm trying to ask is would you be my girlfriend? My first, real, girlfriend?"
Rashida felt a rush of emotions flood over her at the question. She wanted to run away, far away, to disappear and stay that way so he would never be able to find her.
She also wanted to embrace him. To hold him and allow him to hold her. This felt different than she had thought it would if the moment ever presented itself.
"I don't know what to say." whispered Rashida.
"Yes would be a wonderful word to say." said Blaise." Of course, you're not obligated to say it at all. I won't force you. I would understand it if you said no."
Did she really want to say no? Maybe she could...
"Girlfriend is such a boring title." said Rashida, smiling from ear to ear. "I'd much prefer your reason to exist, the air that you breathe, your muse."
Blaise laughs triumphantly. "You're so full of yourself." he said, hugging Rashida tightly to him.
'Maybe this will be different. Yes, this will very well be different.' she thought as she allowed Blaise to continue hugging her.
Blaise grinned. Though it did feel good to call Rashida his girlfriend, he couldn't help but think about how next time she graced his room with her presence, she would be naked in his bed.
