Chapter XI: "The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men"

"Man is the only kind of varmint that sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it." - John Steinbeck


He'd never be able to describe it properly.

For the briefest of moments he had been hurtling through the void, a sightless, black pit of nothingness that positively howled with silence, before landing on his back roughly.

Naruto had seen, experienced, what happened but there appeared to be a disconnect between what his eyes saw and what his brain will allow his mouth to speak.

Haku's bloodline might allow her to combine wind and water chakra, but her mirror jutsu was allowing her to do something else entirely. Instantaneous teleportation was a dangerous thing and Naruto had a custom kunai back in Konoha to prove it.

But whatever Haku did wasn't quite instantaneous.

Near, too near for Naruto's liking, but not actually teleporting. More interesting, however, was the fact that Haku did not need a seal matrix and an anchor to summon herself.

Naruto knew it happened. He knew he was traveling even if he wasn't capable of comprehending how he was traveling. The jinchuuriki didn't have the specifics worked out yet, but whatever Haku was doing, it involved tearing open a door in the fabric of their reality and walking through a hallway he never wanted to find himself in again.

No, Haku was much too dangerous to be left alive. There were two things Naruto did understand about the place-he-did-not-understand. The first was that he did not belong there, despite the overwhelming… urge to remain there. It was certainly the closest he had ever felt to Sithis.

The second point of certainty was that Naruto had not found himself alone in wherever it was that Haku had forced him through. There were… others meandering through that hallway of the unknown and if Haku could open a door, that meant there was a chance some of them could use it as well.

It was that thought that truly frightened Naruto and cemented his resolve to separate Haku's head from her shoulders.

The nails that had ripped out of his toes when he made to lunge at her didn't help his sentiments toward the kunoichi much, either.

Regardless, it was a dangerous jutsu that he would have to learn to counter with his newfound abilities. That thought drew Naruto back to his current situation, sprawled out on his back in the clearing Haku had found him meditating in with the strength of the Kyuubi's chakra rapidly fading as his body was wracked by the pain of his not-yet-healed injuries.

"Full circle, it seems," Naruto thought as the Kyuubi chuckled.

"Worry not about the Void, your old gods won't wrest you from me before our business is concluded," the demon assured him as its chakra forced the three senbon in his chest out, leaving three small holes gently weeping blood. "Their kind is known to abandon their followers at a whim."

"And you won't?" Naruto couldn't help but ask has his body bled for his new god.

He felt Kyuubi grin somehow. "No. I won't be abandoning you until I've gotten what I want and my plans are concluded– I require more from my subjects than their inevitable death."

Naruto had nothing to say to that and contented himself with allowing his body to continue its demonic process of repairing itself without bothering to numb any of the pain.

"Pain is temporary. Will you care about such trivialities when you tear your tormentor asunder and kill everything she has?"

"The thought is comforting," Naruto admitted, "But the pain is now," he concluded, not bothering to correct his prone form.

"And what of the three needles in your heart that should have killed you?" the demon snorted. "What are they, if not miraculous, as you continue to live and breathe with nothing but my power tethering you to this world." Naruto got the impression the fox was shaking its head. "Learn some perspective."

"…I honestly thought you would be dead–"

"—I missed you, too—"

"—until I heard the explosion."

"—Sasuke." Naruto sighed in relief. "Do you think you could help me back to base?"

"I suppose that would depend…" Sasuke pondered as he approached.

"…on…?"

"Whether you've been compromised by your captor or captors." The Uchiha answered, stopping at a respectful four feet.

You could never be too sure, after all. Even if you were just a shadow clone. It wouldn't do to take an enemy straight to their base of operations. It was bad form and those types of things tended to stand out on your record.

Naruto managed to roll his eyes—just barely—before rolling his head to face his teammate. "What about my appearance makes you think I told my new friend anything she wanted to hear?"

"Point." Sasuke conceded, eyeing Naruto's mangled hand. It would potentially be career-ending if left untreated. Even stranger was the chakra flooding the wound. "A girl, you say?"

"Yeah… near our age, year or two older. Chuunin-ish strength." Naruto rattled off. "Kekkei genkai, too. She made ice natured chakra and could use it to…"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as his teammate struggled to find the proper words.

"It wasn't quite instantaneous teleportation but it was damn close, Sasuke." Naruto finished.

"Hn?" Sasuke asked, now devoting his full attention to his teammate– the chakra had confirmed Naruto's identity. That and no one healed quite like Naruto did. His red chakra quite literally knit his flesh and moved his bones.

"Oh, yeah," Naruto confirmed as Sasuke gingerly helped the jinchuuriki to his feet, "she's gonna have to die for sure. My professional pride notwithstanding, jutsu like that can't be allowed to just carry on in the hands of our enemies– time to finish what Kiri started, mrmhmm."

Sasuke grinned as he and Naruto set out for Tazuna's house. "So it would seem. Though it's okay to acknowledge that it's strictly for personal reasons related to your bruised ego, Naruto, we don't have to pretend to be blood-purist bigots."

"Ah, Sasuke," Naruto coughed, wounds still tender, "but then where would the fun in that be?"

xxxXXXxxx

Sakura was not having fun.

Her life was rapidly spiraling out of her control and submitting to the will of some malicious force that saw a simple, C-ranked escort mission devolve into a life-and-death battle with a nuke-nin known for excessive brutality and treason, before throwing grease on itself and igniting into some guerilla conflict with locals and gangs backed by a very rich man.

Her first mission outside the forests of Konoha and she was already fighting for her life against people ridiculously stronger than her thirteen-year-old self.

And that didn't even account for the things she'd seen. The things she'd done.

The things she didn't think of because to do so was to invite a madness that simultaneously terrified her and explained a thing or two that drunk-Anko had told her.

These things that now made her think of Naruto. Her little-shit-of-a-teammate that knew more about these matters than he ever had any right to Because he had too much chakra to know what to do with. Because that meant he could make shadow clones. Like Sasuke could. And Kakashi-sensei. Because Life was bullshit.

All she needed now was her period and for the cramps to-

"What are you doing?"

Sakura looked up from her hands to see Inari staring at her as she contemplated her career choice on Tsunami's couch. "Wha?"

The boy looked at her funny. "I asked you what you're doing."

"I'm keeping watch," she replied honestly, not seeing any reason to lie to the kid.

"Didn't look like it," he accused. "I snuck up on you."

"I'm not worried about you," Sakura replied, narrowing her eyes, "I'm worried about other shinobi. Besides," she continued, walking the boy to the threshold he had been waiting in before approaching her, "see that little piece of paper there?" Sakura pointed to a seal she had placed earlier. "Whenever I want, I just mold some chakra, and it will explode like a stick of dynamite…"

The boy paled. He knew of ninjas and their tricks, but the idea of something like that so close to where he slept troubled him deeply. "W-what!?"

"Yup," Sakura nodded matter-of-factly. "Anyone I don't like walks through that hallway and they're gonna go 'boom' real quick." She looked at the boy seriously. "Do I like you, Inari-chan?"

"…y-yes?" the boy managed weakly, none too sure of himself.

"Great!" the kunoichi smiled brightly. "Don't give me any reason to change my mind and I'm sure all our future interactions will be amicable!"

"Uh…"

"Oh! That's grown-up talk for 'pleasant,' Inari-chan," Sakura explained.

O-okay, then…" the boy muttered uncomfortably. "Can I go now, Sakura-san?"

"Only if by 'go' you mean go straight to bed," Sakura answered before leaning in for good measure. "Because if you go anywhere else and make me have to come find you—and find you I will—you will beg for Gatou to save you, Inari-chan."

And with that sage wisdom, Sakura watched the little boy depart, hoofing it as fast as his little legs would propel him.

Sakura waited until she heard Inari's door open and shut before sitting back down on the couch and returning her thoughts to Naruto. He may have wanderlust and a propensity to buck authority, but going AWOL was not like Naruto.

This development was not good. It meant that he was either incapacitated, captured, or dead. None of which were good for a shinobi's quality of life and Sakura was most certain that Zabuza Momochi was not known for his hospitality.

Sakura's career had taken quite a turn.

Though her missing teammate at least had Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei looking for him. If he was near, Sakura was confident those two would track him down.

So there was that, the girl surmised lamely.

It really was a shit situation to be in. All because their client lied and her male teammates wanted to measure their dicks.

"Fuck–"

Sakura went silent. There was a noise at the door…

…and a coded knock to announce it was Sasuke, each member of Team 7 assigned with a different cadence to help identify henge'd shinobi.

The kunoichi sighed in relief.

"Sakura, get a chair and a wet rag…" Sasuke began without preamble as he entered, Naruto slung halfway on his right shoulder. "He doesn't have anything life threatening, just some pain in his extremities."

"Hey!" Naruto protested as Sasuke lowered him into the chair Sakura pulled out from the dinner table.

Sasuke sighed. "…and he's dirty. With the possibility for–"

"—I was tortured, you prick!—"

Sasuke smiled to himself. "–psychological scarring and/or post-traumatic stress disorder."

"She fucking nailed my toes to the floor, man!" Naruto practically screeched. "That psychotic bitch knew she couldn't break me so she tried to take away my perfect feet and beautiful hands!"

Sakura frowned. "Enough, Sasuke. I've got a wet rag, be useful and bring me a bowl of warm water and an empty bowl," she instructed, beginning to clean Naruto's face.

Oddly enough, all the blood appeared to be old, and the cuts didn't seem to match the amount of blood she was removing.

"Hn." Sasuke offered, turning to complete his task.

"What happened, Naruto?" Sakura asked as she continued to inspect her teammate's head and face.

"Got tortured until I escaped, no biggie…" he answered, rather enjoying the feeling of Sakura pressing the warm towel to his face.

The genuine concern shining in her ever-expressive green eyes bolstered this feeling and together, with the Kyuubi's power, was almost enough to make the pain worth it.

"Almost…"

"You left out the part where you got captured, Naruto," Sasuke added as he returned with the extra supplies. "And that's not even getting into the fact that you never told me just how it was you escaped." The Genin studied Sakura with his Sharingan as Naruto squawked in protest. "That I did as you asked before dispelling myself to inform the others is a sign of our unbreakable friendship," he deadpanned thoughtfully.

"Was there even a point to that, asshole?" Naruto groused while Sakura tossed the used rag and grabbed a fresh one.

"Yes," the Uchiha answered promptly. "Now, Sakura must listen to the same story twice. I will only have to hear it once. You must tell it twice, that will irk you."

"You cock."

"But, most importantly, Naruto," Sasuke continued his Sharingan now surveying the team's jinchuuriki, "this will limit your time to lie and bend the truth around what I know and the others don't know. Sakura having to hear it twice will mean you have to stick to one story…"

Naruto glared petulantly as the kage bunshin dispelled in a poof of chakra smoke.

"…well that was awkward…" Sakura managed when she finally finished her work on Naruto's head– which was in surprisingly good condition. "Anything you need to tell me?"

"I was in pretty rough shape when Sasuke found me," Naruto began before pausing with a grimace. "We have any salve that will numb locally?" He asked, pointing towards his toes.

Sakura gasped. "O-oh… no, I don't have anything that advanced– Kakashi-sensei might, though." Internally she resolved to correct that foolish oversight. "For now I can dress… them…"

The kunoichi trailed off, eyes going wide because she had to be hallucinating right now. It had to be hallucinations because human flesh, even if it was slow going, did not knit back together the way she was seeing…

"Naruto…"

"Yeah…?" The blonde looked up.

"…are you healing yourself right now?" She asked.

"…fuck." The jinchuuriki looked up. "Yeah, like with Zabuza, remember? The Uzumaki clan is comprised of a long line of healers, Sakura-chan…"

"I– really!?"

"Yeah, Uzumaki bloodline, look it up sometime…"

"Wait, you're a descendant of that Uzumaki Clan? From Whirlpool!?" the girl demanded. "How have we never had this talk before now?"

"Look, Sakura-chan," Naruto's kage bunshin interrupted– startling the girl who had forgotten it was still there, "I'm sure you have plenty of secrets, too. But, if we're being honest, those are all personal matters better discussed at Ahitoba's…"

"Yeah, what clone-san said, Sakura-chan," the real Naruto piped in. "We can talk about my awesomeness later, when thoughts of torture aren't still fresh in my head."

Sakura grunted. "Fine. But we will take a great time getting to know each other, Naruto-kun. You're far too conservative with what you let the rest of us in on for my tastes…"

"A character flaw I will be sure to work on…" the Genin trailed off, finally succumbing to his exhaustion.

"…"

"Anything you want to work on with me, Sakura-chan?" the clone asked helpfully.

"…"

It had the audacity to waggle its eyebrows at her.

"Anything," it mouthed.

The lone kunoichi of Team 7 hurled a kunai at the thing and was satisfied to hear a dull "thunk" as the weapon imbedded itself in the wall behind a cloud of smoke.

She frowned and looked to the now-snoring Naruto.

He had weaseled out of telling her his story.

xxxXXXxxx

"I still almost can't believe I let you convince me to do this, Zabuza-senpai…" she admitted, feeling rather awkward. "I don't think it was right for you, an adult I trust implicitly, to prey on the emotions of a child. A child who was enjoying her retirement…"

Zabuza sighed as Wave Country began to creep into their view. "Being a nuke-nin in hiding isn't being retired." He grunted, ready to be off the boat they had secured passage in. "And you're not a child anymore, not after the things I've seen you do…"

"But I'm only seventeen~" the girl stressed as if doing so explained everything. "I'm still a child even if I did kill people the way the hungry devour meals, senpai. Realizing it was all for nothing because our government is some puppet organization run by a mad man who is most likely a puppet himself…" She pouted dramatically. "I'm allowed to grieve and contemplate my existence in this world, Zabuza-senpai, and humbly admit that I didn't know half of what I thought I knew."

"Still not a kid. Can't kill kids and still be a kid, doesn't work that way," Zabuza skillfully retorted. "And one day, if you're lucky and don't let your skills go to shit, you might be old enough to understand that all you're doing is running away from your problems, girly. You get older and you'll realize that wasn't ever going to solve shit."

She was shocked! Where had that come from!? She… she wasn't running, that was preposterous and–

Her eyes were burning and soon that first, traitorous tear rolled down her cheek only to herald the coming of quite a few more.

She looked at Zabuza, hurt and her lip trembling. "I'm trying my best, Zabuza-senpai… no one told me I would enjoy killing so much and no one ever told me what a truly terrible thing that is." The girl gave a watery sigh as more tears flowed. "I was only twelve when I joined the Swordsmen, and not one of you told me I was going to be used and discarded. I didn't know I was gonna have to be a psycho's plaything, sent out like a rabid dog to burn his empire plot by plot."

Ugh. "You think I'm being mean, but I'm not, kid. You're just learning so much about yourself and who you thought you wanted to be right now that you couldn't hope to see the big picture– introspection is dangerous like that," Zabuza explained as he eyed the coast. He kept to himself that Haku seemed to have a similar problem. "But that's why you have me, and the other swordsmen. We're all older enough to understand, kiddo."

"U-understand what?" She asked, wiping her nose with her baggy sleeve. "How can just a few years change so much?"

"That holding those two swords means something," Zabuza answered, pointing to the Kiba. "Yours and mine didn't do anything different when they each chose us. And once we picked them up, we sealed the deal. There's greatness in us that these lumps of metal believe could add to their glory, Ameyuri. These blades are meant to be wielded in the crucible of change, not rust, idle, as we try to find ourselves and our purpose." The former Jounin placed both hands on the small girl's shoulders. "You and I have a purpose, we chose it ourselves and it deigned to choose us back. Stop running."

Ameyuri Ringo was silent for a good while after hearing that. Is that what awaited her in the waning years of her twenties? At least Zabuza-senpai seemed confident and assured, she'd gladly settle for that at this point in her life.

But what if he was right?

What if she really was supposed to be a shinobi, an impactful one at that. She looked down to the two swords hanging off her hips. They did enhance her already impressive abilities with chakra. With them, molding lightning chakra was as easy as breathing. The lightning practically sang to her in ecstasy each time she unleashed it.

Nothing Ameyuri Ringo could do would ever change her past. She'll always have the screams of the numerous dead walking behind her until she finally collapses and joins them. But, maybe, just maybe, she can make the rest of her life mean something for her own sake. She was free from obligations to a village, lord, or Daimyo. Though she had always been somewhat sickly as a child, ever since wielding the Kiba her health has been enviable. Being on her own did allow her to decompress and acknowledge the bad things that had indeed happened to her.

Even the bad things that she had done…

"Though," Zabuza continued after a few moments of respectful silence, "I have to ask how you managed to grow your teeth back… that's a powerful hijutsu to reverse, kid."

"I didn't like looking at them, every time I was near a mirror I became a manic wreck," Ameyuri admitted quietly. "I had to give up quite a lot to find a way to reverse the Mizukage's jutsu…"

"How?" Zabuza inquired.

"Orochimaru of The Sannin. He reverse engineered the jutsu after I paid him…" the kunoichi shuddered and her companion knew it had nothing to do with the breeze. "I still don't know if seeing what I saw was worth it, just for my vanity…"

Zabuza whistled lowly. "Damn, Ameyuri, you must have been desperate. What did he ask for in return?"

The girl flinched.

"…oh."

"What!?" Ameyuri blushed despite her indignance. "N-no, not that, Zabuza-senpai! I'm not some whore!" she insisted. "But that never stopped his caresses from lingering or his gaze from devouring me. No, he wanted to study my illness in relation to one of his underlings."

"Is that so?" Konoha made strange and eccentric nuke-nin. "Orochimaru was always considered odd in the older circles. Even more so than the pervert and the giant-titted kunoichi."

Ameyuri nodded in agreement. "It was a Kaguya, you know– the boy that was sick. Maybe a year or two younger than myself. The only difference is his body is almost completely decimated from the disease. I'd rather die than be bedridden like that."

"I thought the Mizukage got all of the Kaguya…" Zabuza trailed off, recalling a long-forgotten night. He had only known Haku for a year or so… "I think I know who you're talking about. Haku and I may have had a run-in with them before."

"I wouldn't be surprised, just as I wouldn't be surprised to find more Kaguya bastards running around the elemental nations. Their propensity for rape was well-known," Ameyuri acknowledged, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "After this is all said and done, I might make training to kill Orochimaru my top priority."

"Glad to see it was all worth it, then."

"It wasn't." She admitted bitterly. "He also had me fetch him other shinobi test subjects, more than I'm comfortable admitting to, but…" the girl paused before looking to Zabuza, blush painted on her cheeks, "do you think Haku-chan will like them?"

Zabuza laughed heartily and genuinely for the first time in a while. "I'm sure she will, ha ha ha! I was wondering why you were doing this– never pegged you for a romantic poonhound, Ameyuri-chan…"

"Shut up!" Ameyuri demanded. "And that's not why I'm doing this, you gigantic ass. I'm doing this because you and I go back far enough that we're family. I was nothing before I joined The Swordsmen, just a girl too young to be of any real use…" The kunoichi met Zabuza's eyes determinedly. "But with you all, the moment I picked up the Kiba, I belonged. I'd do anything for any of you."

Unbeknownst to his companion, Zabuza grinned under his bandages. Loyalty was always a fine quality in a person, more so a shinobi. Sometimes things were bigger than villagers or even countries. Sometimes right was right, and it sure as hell wasn't always easy.

The two enjoyed a companionable silence, both of their thoughts now on their intertwined futures instead of their melancholic pasts.

"We're here…" Zabuza said, finally breaking the silence, as the boat lurched to a stop. "I know you're a bit confused, but what do you say we kill some leaf-nin, rob a billionaire, before stealing a country and giving it back to its people just because we can?"

"Really?" Ameyuri asked, surprised, even hopeful.

"Sure," Zabuza replied easily, already picking out a couple of Gatou's ronin, "it'll be good practice for when we make it back to Mizu no Kuni. Plus, I'm sure Haku has missed you…"

Ameyuri couldn't stop the tiny smile tugging at her lips as she stepped off the boat behind her old friend.

It was good to be back. Fighting the good fight and hopefully fucking Haku-chan.

xxxXXXxxx

"Now that everyone is up to speed on what happened to Naruto as well as the known abilities of Zabuza's accomplice, I think it is safe to assume that our enemies will be returning with reinforcements of the shinobi variety," Kakashi began, his three students listening attentively as Tsunami made breakfast. "If I was a gambling man, I'd put my money on another Jounin-level fighter. Too many nuke-nin in one spot attracts hunter-nin like rotting meat does flies."

"So quality, not quantity."

"Correct, Sasuke. Zabuza can't afford for his former village to get involved, the price on his head is too lucrative. He knows that if Gatou causes too much ruckus, he and his friend will quickly have more than they can handle on their plates." Kakashi acknowledged. "But the same can be said for myself. Cloud keeps forces close enough to monitor the area as a deterrent against Kiri– the whole thing goes back to a treaty between the Daimyo of Lightning Country and the Shodai Raikage put in place because no one ever really managed to reclaim the ruins Uzushio…"

Kakashi blinked. He had been rambling.

"…long story short, I don't want to draw too much attention to myself because then I would have to get serious with some cloud-scum." The Jounin summarized with a lazy wave of his hand. "That would be very bad for Nami's landscape and quality of life."

"So…" Naruto began uncertainly, "we need to keep things simple and quiet. Guerilla tactics until we can lure them into a final confrontation? Preferably an ambush?"

"That seems to be the most logical route, Naruto. Though I'd like to keep civilian casualties down to a minimum, if possible…" Kakashi agreed.

"We would certainly appreciate that, Kakashi-san!" Tsunami chimed in from her place at the stovetop. "We've suffered enough already…"

"No promises, Tsunami-san," the Jounin quickly added, causing the woman to frown, "but we'll try our best. Certainly your family will be alright."

"So then what's the plan, Sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Simple. Naruto, you will oversee intel." Kakashi instructed. "Start making clones and planting them around the village. The closer to Gatou's people, the better."

"Ten-four!" Naruto saluted.

"I'll be sending word to the Hokage for back up, just in case. All that we'll be making off Gatou will easily cover the added cost, and I'd rather be safe than sorry. A second team will let us wrap this up much quicker." Team 7's sensei added before running through seals very familiar to Naruto. "Kuchiyose no jutsu."

"Yo, Kakashi. Sup?"

"OhmyGodit'ssocute!" Sakura squealed rushing forward.

Their guest raised a paw. "Let's stop that trolley right there, toots."

"Wha–?" the kunoichi offered intelligently.

"You don't fucking know me and I don't know you. You smell like the blonde and the quiet one, so gods only know what you all get up to when you're rubbing over each other like gerbils," the dog replied, eyeing the forward girl distastefully.

Sakura's mouth was agape. Kakashi raised a brow.

"But you bleed every month and they smell it, even if they don't know it so that I could forgive," the pug continued, nonchalantly adjusting his headband.

Sakura was mortified. Sasuke turned a Sharingan eye to regard the summon.

Kakashi giggled.

"Want to know why I really don't trust you, though? It's because I can smell snake in you," the dog growled menacingly. "I know them, fought them. And you might know their beta summoner, but I've met the Alpha. Don't ever forget that that's only one degree of separation."

Sakura swallowed.

"But, if you're good, I'll let you feel the little pads under my paws and maybe even pet me. Pakkun-samma has never had a problem slaying pussy and crushing puss, but that doesn't mean I just play and roll over for anything strange that comes my way." The small creature turned to his summoner. "Now what did you need, Kakashi?"

"Head to Konoha and request a second team from the Hokage, if you don't mind, Pakkun." Kakashi requested, trying not to laugh at the look on Sakura's face. "Anyone but Gai, really."

"No problem," the tiny dog nodded before turning to leave. Pakkun paused in the doorway, looking back at Sakura one last time and shaking his head sadly. "Want better for yourself, kid."

And then he was gone with only the soft click of his nails trailing in his wake.

"And Tazuna-san!" Kakashi called, startling the old man who had been watching the talking dog humiliate the girl. "I need one of your men, someone you trust to oversee things in your absence."

"Well, there's Jiro, he's young but has a brain that many of the workers lack…"

As Kakashi and Tazuna ironed out some finer details, the three Genin of Team 7 continued to watch the doorway Pakkun had left through.

Naruto's eyes met Sasuke's.

"…did Sakura just get curbed by a dog?"

xxxXXXxxx

"I would advise all of you to be on high alert, lest you be caught unawares by the Konoha shinobi," Haku advised to the present ronin. Gatou's "elites" if the fat man was to be believed. "Patrol in numbers and keep your off-the-clock activities discreet. These shinobi have little regard for whether you are acting as a civilian or enforcer. To be caught unarmed is to invite death."

"And what would you have us do, then, sweetheart?" One of the older ronin asked from behind his cigarette.

Haku wrinkled her nose. "Be more security than police force," she suggested firmly. "I'm sure everyone of you has enjoyed terrorizing the people of this island but the time has come for you lot to earn your pay. These ninja will kill you in the blink of an eye– you must stall them long enough for either my associates or myself to intervene. We will handle the shinobi, you all must secure Gatou's liquid assets."

"Fair enough," the old man grunted. "That it for now."

"Yes," Haku sighed as the ronin began to file out. "Do try to help the others keep the bulk of our forces in line."

The man nodded and followed his companions, leaving Haku alone in the warehouse she'd used to gather the captains at Gatou's compound.

Zabuza should be returning soon with a plan to lure out the Konoha-nin and hopefully some help, too.

"Haku-sama."

The kunoichi turned to find Zori and Waraji approaching her. She nodded for Waraji to continue.

"We have finished the transportation of all the recovered product and important documents from the assassinations." The ronin reported. "An itemized list of all that was recovered and all that is missing has been submitted to Gatou."

"I'll want a copy as well, best to know if the Konoha shinobi are looking for anything in particular." Haku instructed. "Is there anything else?"

"Hai, Haku-sama. And, no–"

"Actually, Haku-sama," Zori interrupted with an easy going grin, "I was wondering if you're free tonight? I was hoping to show you a good time…"

Haku couldn't help herself, she burst out laughing. "Ho ho ho ho, Zori-kun! That was adorable," she smiled, "but I'm afraid it will take more than empty words and loser-charm to bed me, I'm not your sister, you know."

Zori was speechless. "What… what the fuck–"

"People talk and people don't forget," Haku admonished, much to Waraji's delight. "And my associates and I have made sure to do our research, it's prudent in our line of work. Now consider your response carefully because you will be at a horrible disadvantage in the coming conflicts if I have to break one or both of your arms…"

That gave the upset ronin pause. He may be furious but tangling with a shinobi was not conducive to living a long life. That was certainly prudent in Zori's line of work.

His sense of self preservation kicked in and Zori settled for glaring at the kunoichi before turning round and leaving, a laughing Waraji trailing behind him.

"I love watching you take charge all middle management like, Haku-chan…"

Said kunoichi turned around to find a familiar head of red hair and an even more familiar face.

"Ameyuri-chan? You're who Zabuza-sama enlisted?"

"Who else?" Ameyuri posed as she closed the distance between the two kunoichi. "You sad sacks needed saving so, naturally, I had to intervene."

"I thought you retired?"

"I always have time to hack down tree-huggers, Haku-chan, even if I am in the midst of finding myself– whatever that even means."

"Where is Zabuza-sama?" Haku asked as Ameyuri embraced her.

"He's discussing more plans with this Gatou." The red head explained. "I don't care for that man, I'll be happy when everything he owns is ours and he lies dead in his own shit and blood."

Haku whistled. "That bad?"

"He called me a cunt, Haku-chan. As if I wouldn't shunshin right up to him, put the Kiba to his fat neck, and make him piss himself," Ameyuri replied heatedly. "Rich he may be, he would do well to not forget himself in the presence of shinobi."

"It's a lesson he seems to be struggling with," Haku mused. "Do you have any information as to what Zabuza-sama intends in regards to our next course of action?"

"I do~" Ameyuri purred as she shouldered up to Haku, making the younger girl blush at the proximity. "You and I are going to scout their little architectural marvel before we deign to strike. We'll poke at their defenses and see what we see, Haku-chan."

"A sound strategy," Haku assented, "and they certainly won't be expecting someone they've never seen before."

"Even if they were, I doubt they'd be expecting another Swordsman of the Mist," Ameyuri pointed out before grinning darkly. "Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated."

Haku giggled. "You're ridiculous, Ameyuri-chan. This is serious shinobi business, remember?"

"I've always believed that work-time should also be fun-time– it's probably why I keep coming back to this job, Haku-chan." The older kunoichi hooked her arm through her companion's. "Now tell me where I can find food, I'm starving!"

xxxXXXxxx

"Fuck this, I don't want to do it, Naruto."

"Goddamn it, Jiro!" Naruto growled as he snatched the joint from Tazuna's appointed representative. "You already took the weed and I already 'convinced' Tazuna to lay off the drug tests—all of which are technically frowned upon—resulting in me telling my team that we can make this work!"

"Yeah, but that was before you started telling me details, Naruto!" Jiro shot back, reaching for the joint. "Give that back, it was my weed!"

"So you're accepting the terms, Jiro? You don't get the rewards if you don't put in the work!"

"Man, you sold this shit as a promotion and an opportunity to advance my station by potentially apprenticing under Tazuna-san. You didn't start mentioning me getting mutilated until after we had started hashing out what you wanted."

"All you have to do is oversee my clones as they do all the grunt work, Jiro," Naruto pointed out. "I'm the one they'll want to kill. Besides, we're not there to fight, only to try and lure our enemies into exposing themselves. We're even going to have clones disguised as my teammates to draw them away from you."

"What if the big guy with the sword shows up" Jiro asked suspiciously.

"My orders are to extract you. I'm not there to fight anyone. There will be enough to cover our escape and study any tricks or foes might have up their sleeves." Naruto held out the joint to Jiro. "And I'll even through in a full month's pay on top of everything else if you just shut the fuck up and come with me already. We've spent two days getting all of this ready, Jiro. Time to nut up and take one for the team."

Jiro swallowed nervously and took the joint. "If I die, will you tell my girlfriend that I love her?"

"Sure," Naruto agreed. "And I'll even stop Sasuke from fucking her after your funeral," the blonde offered as he began to lead Jiro towards the bridge.

"W-what!?"

"The guy's a bastard, he fucks mothers, sisters, wives, and widows." Naruto lamented before hengeing into one of the 'workers' awaiting them at the bridge. "Now let's put our game faces on and focus on the task ahead, eh?"

"Y-yeah…" Jiro nodded.

Naruto smiled as he watched one of his clones escort Jiro to the bridge where the rest of his clones were already busy setting up for the day's work. The blonde moved from the tree he occupied to get a better vantage point, pausing along the way.

He looked up.

Not a cloud in the sky and only a healthy breeze to mask the sounds of his movement.

He smiled.

It was time to put two day's worth of planning into effect.


The experiment continues. Hopefully shorter chapters will mean shorter waits. And, yes, there was a two-day time skip between the last two scenes that will be partially shown in the next chapter, mostly Konoha stuff. Thanks for reading and being patient with all the plot points that are still in their infancy.