AN:
Hello guys! I'm in Germany, so I won't be able to do my quasi-daily updates. Sorry about that! So, I'm changing the ratings to M because of the impending violence and the slightly hotter scenes :p
So… I would like to thank the following reviewers for making my vacation better!
Emmy1512 for writing the longest review so far and for always providing me with words of encouragement!
AnEverFixedMark for loving the chapter and so much more!
WiccanEmo13 for returning!
Thanks to everybody who reviewed and I hope that you're going to enjoy this chapter. It's quite long even for my own standards ;)
Read and review!!
Chapter 3
His last words still rung clearly and hauntingly in my ears: "Your blood entices me". I shivered again, leaning against a tree in the cool summer air. I had no more tears to cry out nor did I feel the need to cry. I had gone numb and indifferent to the world outside. Every proof of the love Edward and I had shared, were gone and have disappeared from the face of Earth. The only thing that bound us together was my blood. It was scary beyond words. As the force of the wind intensified, shivers ran down my spine.
"You should get back into your tent" Ephraim said as he approached me, carrying a batch of newly-caught fish. I smiled at him, I really appreciated his concern, but I didn't like the fact that other people felt the need to take care of me or protect me. It was not in my nature to be cared for. This made me think about the relationship my Mum and I shared. The only odd thing was that I had always been the mother in the relationship. I think that it was because she had me so early that she hadn't exactly made the transition from young to adulthood.
I guess that I needed space, a break from my prematurely forced-upon adulthood. And that space was Forks, Washington. Should I keep looking back in the past, searching something that may be lost forever? How that thought pained me.
"Are you still there?" a voice broke my chain of thoughts. I looked up to find a worried Ephraim. Apparently I had totally zoned out on him. I gave him an apologising look and he looked less worried.
"Sorry about it... Just took a trip down memory lane" I said, smiling kind of embarrassed. He smiled a compassionate smile. Now I understood where Jacob had his eyes from. They possessed the same warmth and compassion. Ephraim wasn't bad himself, he was definitely a son of the Earth. Nature had toughened him up and made him the man he was today – or years ago, I don't know. This whole situation was kind of confusing.
"Did you enjoy your trip then?" he asked while preparing a fish on a stick, near the fire. I scrutinised every single movement he made. I liked the way he handled the fish – He showed each element of nature the needed respect, he handled everything so delicately. He caught me staring at him, but decided to wave it off. He smiled a smile of his own and continued preparing the food. I was amused of my own fascination. I noticed every little detail.
"I'm not usually one who lingers in the past..." I said, truthfully. I believed that the past should stay in the past and make room for the future. But if Edward was going to be a part of my past, I wouldn't allow it. He was my now, my future and my forever. He would always be. The memory back when James was hunting me was still clearly imprinted in my mind. I was sitting in the car with Jasper and Alice, ready to leave the state. I leaned out of the car window, lingering in the presence of Edward. He placed his strong arms on the car window frame, his eminent muscles clearly seen through his skin-tight shirt, rippled with every movement he made.
"You are my life now..." he would say in his deep, but yet haunting voice. His golden topaz eyes would smoulder in my wake, as if they could convey the feelings, which he felt for me. I remembered his pained expression as we drove away, leaving him behind me. The same pained expression when he found me in the ballet studio, when it was almost too late. The same pained and tortured expression as he sucked the venom out of my blood.
"When we taste the blood... A frenzy begins" he said as he hugged his knees to his chest. He was talking about a week point, defending and shielding himself. All I could do was to sit and stare. That was the first time he had opened so much up to me, baring his soul for my human, innocent eyes.
"If you are not one to linger in the past, then it might be best to get out of it. Leave the past" he said with the voice of a wise man, although he was so young. Maybe he was my age, I couldn't be sure.
"Sometimes you find yourself stuck in the past" I answered sadly, perfectly well-aware of my own situation. I was stuck here and I had no idea of how to get back or if it was even possible. I couldn't live without Edward. That was one thing I was certain about.
I couldn't tell Ephraim that I had travelled in time. For one thing, he wouldn't believe me and finally, I had no proof as they were all gone.
"Have you ever been to La Push beach?" he asked, and I had no idea what to answer. I decided to tell the truth.
"Yes, I was there with a couple of friends" I said, reminiscing about the time. I had just made friends with Jacob, his grandson and had almost befriended Edward, who at the time had appeared so intimidating. How everything had changed. We ended up making out in my bed a couple of days later; when he pulled away he wore the same pained expression. Then it dawned on me. I was the reason for the pained expression. Was it possible for a vampire to have worry lines?
"Here, have some fish" he offered and handed me a stick. I took it and sniffed to it. I liked the smell of food roasted over a fire. There was something earth-bound to it and it was strangely natural to me.
"If you had a son, what would his name be?" I asked him to start a conversation. "Ryan... But Billy also sounds good" he laughed and munched on his fish.
"I like Billy" I answered honestly. I liked the name and the person himself.
"And I would order him to have a girl. I would love to have a granddaughter" he said. I almost choked on my fish of laughter.
"What should he name her?" I asked, desperately curious.
"Miriam" he said with a dreamy expression.
"And if he has a boy as well?" I asked, trying to lead him on.
"Well... I've never thought about that. Jacob. Jacob Black sounds good" he said. Everything would have been so different if Jacob was a girl.
I laughed for myself, I could definitely not imagine Jacob – sorry Miriam and I play with Barbie dolls. I mean... Come on he had long hair enough...
"Why are you smirking like that?" his voice brought me back to reality.
"Oh, sorry – I got lost in my own chain of thoughts... again" I mumbled to myself.
He placed his hand on my forehead, like if he wanted to check my temperature.
"What's wrong?" I asked, curiously.
"Just to check if you had a fever... I've noticed that you tend to space out on me – Either I'm very boring or you are ill" he said.
"You know... I don't feel that well" I answered truthfully.
"I'll get you some medicating herbs and they'll knock you out for a while" he suggested, which sounded good enough to me.
"Yeah, I'll might need that" I welcomed his suggestion, I had never been so exhausted before, but neither had I been exposed to so much in such short amount of time. He patted my shoulder and got up to prepare my dose of herbs. I took in the surroundings, imprinting them in my mind. I went back to my tent to get some much-needed rest. The lack of sleep was clearly shining through and I hoped that the knock-out herbs would be ready soon, or I would quickly become a pain in the derriere. However, I found that sleeping was almost an impossible task. I always combined sleeping with Edward. Ever since Edward and I formed our bond, there hadn't been a day where I haven't slept in his cold, yet comforting embrace. How soothing it was and the security it gave me, like nothing could harm me, as long as Edward was there.
Now he wasn't.
I entered the tent and sat at the entrance. I eyed the pile of blankets warily, wishing that Edward was with me. I still hadn't gotten over the hostility that dominated his eyes. I placed myself on pile of softness and lied on my side. I couldn't close my eyes; they simply refused to close, much to my dismay. I needed him so badly.
"Bella? I have your herbs here" a girl named Laura peeked through the opening of the tent. I turned to acknowledge her presence. I nodded my thanks and she left the tent as quickly as she had appeared.
I eyed the cup warily, not enjoying the creepy looking green substance. I took nevertheless a sip and immediately regretted my action. But my state of fatigue beckoned me to finish the vile and disgusting drink. I pinched my nose as I downed the cup in one go. I slightly cringed and wanted to throw the drink up, but I never got the chance to deepen my thought as I became more and more drowsy. I felt my eyes grow heavier and everything became slurred. I sighed, collapsing onto the pile of softness.
My dreams weren't less confusing than my reality, though. I saw Jacob dancing and prancing around, you know, like those Gummy Bears on Disney. His hair drawn back into a ponytail and then my dream proceeded to us playing with Barbie dolls. Apparently we wanted to apply makeup onto each other. I started out giving Jacob a hideous pink eye shadow, while muttering something about the colour complemented his skin tone. What the heck did I know about that? First of all, I used no makeup whatsoever. I felt no need for the usage of said things. Furthermore, I couldn't picture Jacob wearing pink makeup – the mere thought was utterly disturbing, but then Jacob extending one finger to my face, gently grazing my right cheek. The touch, however, wasn't the usual warm touch – it was cool, almost icily. It was familiar but I couldn't place a finger on this peculiar, yet familiar sensation. I tossed and turned in my sleep, shaking my head slightly to make the odd sensation disappear.
An unfamiliar gasp made me stir in my sleep and I fought to reopen my eyes. It was a bit blurry at first, but I knew that there was somebody else in my tent. The finger that previously grazed my cheek, moved down to the nape of my neck, caressing it. I leaned into the touch, yearning for more. But the iciness of the finger brought me back to reality, harshly and I quickly sat up. It was the break of dawn and the outline of a figure slowly made himself more visible to me. Black haunting eyes met mine. I reached out to him, almost wanting to cry. He moved away from my shaking hand.
"Don't go, Edward" I whispered hoarsely. He was about to disappear again, but the mention of his name made him pause. He slowly turned around, acting as if I was threatening him.
"How do you know my name?" he asked, warily and almost frightened.
"I..." I paused, I had no idea of what to say, how to explain my situation.
"I know more about you than you think" I whispered as response.
"If that is so, how could you know more about me than I think, than I know about you?" he asked me confused, yet mildly curious.
"You know my name, but I don't even know yours" he asked, almost frustrated. I was about to move closer to him, but then I realised something vital. He hadn't learned how to control his bloodlust. His black eyes, revealing his thirst, were evidence enough.
He sniffed the air around us, and I knew that my scent was so alluring to him and so eminent. I ventured one crawl closer to him.
I took his cold hand and placed it on my chest, right above my heart.
"My name is Bella" I whispered, and seconds passed by until almost in the blink of an eye, I was on my back and he was hovering above me. His breath washed over the nape of my neck. I gasped out in surprise, shock and horror. There was nothing stopping him from draining my body. His mouth neared my neck and the beat of my frightened heart speeded up hastily, knowing that the end might be near.
"Please, Edward, don't..." I whispered pleadingly, tears threatening to escape the confines of my eyes. He paused and slowly pulled away. He placed his face mere inches away from my own. His eyes were still dangerously black, but his thirst seemed slightly under control. Maybe Carlisle had taught him something by now.
"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, clearly in anguish.
"What am I doing to you?" I asked, surprisingly calm and composed. His eyes narrowed dangerously, but all I could focus on was his sweet lips. I was so tempted to kiss him, throw my arms around him, pulling him into a warm embrace, melting into him and forgetting about the world outside.
"Your blood..." he whispered, his eyes growing dangerously intense, eyeing me. My breathing picked up again and I slowly pulled away backwards.
"It sings to me..." he continued and crawled closer to me. Each time I moved away, he moved closer. His advancement was frightening, yet arousing. The way his breath made shivers run down my spine, when he was so close to my neck, my pulse, my life.
"I can't read your mind" he whispered, frustrated again. "You're like a closed book to me" he said. Those words were so familiar.
"I shouldn't even be here" Edward hissed hastily and exited the tent. I hurried, following him before he could disappear again. I knew that he could run fast and I couldn't have that. I jumped and threw myself at him, landing on his rock hard, solid back. He hissed out, if it was in pain or annoyance, I didn't know. He tried to wriggle me off, I refused to let go. He turned around with a furious growl.
"Let go now, or I'll kill you" he hissed, maliciously. Normally I would have cringed and let go, but this was Edward. My love. However, I was forced to let go as he gripped my upper arms roughly with his vice grip. I gasped out in pure pain.
"Edward, you're hurting me" I cried out and he immediately stopped and eyed my expression with widened eyes. He slowly let go of me and rested his arms by his sides, but he didn't leave.
"Why is it that you can control me?" he asked in his perfectly velvet, smooth voice.
"Because you and I belong together" I whispered in my tiniest voice, well-knowing that he was perfectly able to hear me. He didn't move, nor did he utter a word. He only scrutinised my face, my movements as he took in my last words.
"How could you possibly know that?" he hissed out. I needed to wisely consider my next words.
"Because I know so... You may not see it yet" I muttered and crawled closer to him. He sat there, still, stiff as stone and eyed me warily as I neared him.
"You know I could kill you" he said, his wall of defense was till up and there was no sign of its downfall anytime soon.
"You've had loads of chances, yet you haven't done the deed"
"Yet." He said and his lips turned into a malicious smirk. As if he was actually considering killing me this moment. I felt the need to shrink away from his intense gaze, yet I also felt the need to kiss him, again. I was in a daze and I felt too compelled to him for my own good. His eyes moved longingly to my neck as mine moved to his sweet lips. How easy it would be just to give in to him and let him take me, but everything would be different – I would be gone. How sweet it would be just to let him have a bite – just a bite. Testing the water.
I had unconsciously crawled closer to him, and I found myself mere inches away from him. He had allowed it. As I crawled closer, I realised that he had not changed at all. The same brooding expression grazed his facial features. The frown, the pursed lips and the all-revealing eyes were the things defining my Edward.
"You know it's not safe for me... for you in particular to be having a conversation. I'm on the enemy's land. I'm talking to you... If I do kill you now, that would cause quite the upheaval" he whispered and moved one finger across the pulsing vein grazing my neck.
"But you are far too... I don't know. I usually never find myself lacking words" he muttered and focused on my eyes this time. They were black – bottomless pits of nothingness. His state of hunger frightened me.
"You are a curious case" he finished.
"Enlighten me."
As he was about to open his mouth, he immediately directed his attention toward a newcomer. One I hadn't noticed and I panicked. If Edward was caught on Quileute lands, there would be consequences and this would worsen the circumstances. He quickly rose to his feet and I got up as well. He grasped some of my hair, held them up to his nose and took a deep breath and then disappeared.
I gasped by his sudden disappearance, he had again left me without glancing back. The thought of him leaving me was too painful. I gazed longingly at the spot he had previously occupied, half-wishing that he would return but on the other hand I wanted him to stay away for his own sake – and his family's sake. I grasped my head and inwardly screamed, letting out all my frustrations and anger.
"Bella, why are you out here?" a familiar voice brought me out of my frustration. I looked up and saw this small girl, Laura. I looked around and noticed that my surroundings had turned brighter. I looked up in the sky and it revealed the promise of another day as the sun was rising in my wake.
"I just... needed some fresh air" I whispered gently as I directed my gaze toward her. She was a petite and frail-looking girl. She was probably at the age of nine which I thought of as a tender age. I liked her – she had a sparkle of mischief in her hazel, young and innocent eyes. She reminded me of myself when I was at her age. I just hoped that she wouldn't have to be forced to grow up too soon.
"Laura, come here please" I beckoned her closer to me, as I slowly sat down on the leaf clad ground. She clumsily made her way over to me, slightly stumbling over invisible obstacles. Again, she reminded me of myself. After much effort, she reached my arms. She sat in my lap and I wrapped my arms around her.
"Is there something wrong, Bells?" she asked me as she gazed up at my face. I sent her a reassuring smile and shook my head. I sighed; this was somewhat peaceful and nice. I liked the fact that she was using my nickname. Only Charlie and Jake called me Bells, and her usage of the name didn't bother me at all. I, however, wouldn't like it that much if Edward one day called me Bells. That would make me sound smaller and younger, almost childish, only worsening and adding to our age difference. Okay, so what? My boyfriend was several decades my senior, but his looks would never change.
"Why are you up this early?"
"I always get up this early. I like watching the sunrise" she said as she appreciatively glanced at the rising sun. I followed her gaze and rested my chin on the top of her head. She was so young, yet her words wore a trace of maturity and she had learned to appreciate what many took for granted. She was like Ephraim a child of nature.
AN:
Thanks for reading! Make my vacation better and leave some feedback and a review
Lots of love from Anne
